My Son Is Going To Trade School

I hate run-on sentence critics. It’s not my fault your slow and can’t keep up with my gender fluid flow.

Critical Race Theory is bullshit. Guaranteed money in the NBA, regardless of injury, is so oppressive.

The Muslim Sisterhood in congress don’t have an issue amplifying their voices in America either Jack.

Howard Beal was killed in the movie Network over lousy ratings. CNN’s worst nightmare come true.

British accents are unwelcome intrusive like Boris Johnson’s wife staring in my general direction.

Does Triple AAA offer ANTIFA roadblock assistance because the Proud Boys will do it free of charge?

Night screams mean you care about living. Or else you wouldn’t be afraid of dying before making it.

New York will come back, but everybody has left, except Free Palestine protestors and The Halal Guys.

Forcing kids to wear muzzles is wrong. Boris Johnson’s wife at the G-7 summit, not so much.

Jill Biden is a tacky, small town ho. Biden wears her panty hose when he can’t find his mask.

Masks are the new condoms only because I can’t cum in my wife wearing one either. 

99 percent of people survive COVID yet Fuck Face Fauci, AKA, Dr. Gnocchi pushed endless lockdowns and triple masking of our kids while acting as if COVID depresses your immune system more than entry into the Dallas Buyers Club.

Hydroxychloroquine can increase your survival rate by 200 percent. What’s up with that study Doc?

Still, Dr. Fauci used his power to block the use of it. He’s Dr. Kevorkian in reverse.

Biden is donating thousands of free COVID vaccines to Africa like a poor man’s Bill Gates who can’t code for shit either.

Sanctuary cities is encouraged lawlessness on crack.

1 kid only means, your diaphragm is for walls after all.

I’m against unlimited immigration because I’m not a proud member of the rapist enablement party.

If calling Baby Face Omar, a Jihad loving runt cunt, makes me alt-right, then I’m alright with that.

Where were you when Fox stopped counting the ballots? Thanking God JFK didn’t die for nothing. Yeah, me to.

IBM made technology to identify Jews for Nazis. Watson Supercomputer says, “No Sherlock.”

My mom texts me Happy Father’s Day on the wrong day. Her happiness for me knows no bounds.

Boris Johnson’s wife, woof, woof needs water breaks, not my son 2 minutes into basketball practice.

My wife wants me to get COVID to say, “You should’ve worn a mask going down on MAGA mom.”

Trump Won signs at MLB is my new favorite America pastime, after telling Lebron to go woke himself.

The Mueller Report court hearing proved what again? Mueller parts his hair with gritty, elbow grease.

Did Drago pop out of your voting booth and demand, “Vote Trump or I’ll break you.”

When the Statue of Liberty went dark. I bet DeBalsio forgot to pay the Con Ed Bill on time again.

I hate the term helping others unless you’re applying for a job that says help wanted.

Maintaining relationships is overrated among those who think Mr. Groper won by a hair alone.

My son is going to trade school to become a landscape artist. Because NYC will have to start from Ground Zero at this rate. Or he could become a furniture designer within his own private studio and avoid charges of sexual harassment because he’ll design his own state of the art safe space for jerking off. Or he could become programmer and work remote unlike those software engineers who were charged with sexual harassment pre-COVID, despite them leaving the impression that they were too busy banging out new code to hit on girls anyway. Plus, I thought only ugly girls went to coding boot camp. Also, don’t programmers wear those yenta breath noise canceling headphones at work for a reason. Last, the typical Pearl script command isn’t, “Massage my carpel tunnel ho.”

My daughter’s 4th grade teacher just made her classroom writer tutor. Parenting matters to.

Michael Kornbluth

Worshiping NPR Gospel Is Dangerous

Doctors telling us to not wear mask is dangerous.  So, is wrecking the economy in attempt to get pedo Joe nominated by any means necessary, you feckless, fake news moralists cunts, of the most despicable order.

But most people don’t know if they have Covid, so you have to wear a mask or else you’ll be branded as an alt-right, science spurning deplorable, who doesn’t do cartwheels over the wide spread celebration of third term abortions on demand because the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Model just thought she was being brave by letting it all hang out like Lena Dunham looking like she swallowed a village of hunchback hobbits from Hipsterville USA.

Michael Kornbluth

Google Can’t Handle The Truth

Google CEO Sundar Pichai says, “Google faces intense competition all time.” But Yahoo isn’t the new gunslinger in town anymore and Bing can’t match Google’s bling. Fuck, even Ask Jeeves failed to get much search love during the remains of its day.

But seriously America, if Google doesn’t futz with search results because they were caught on a red mike stating, they’d do everything in their power to make sure Hillary Hammer Time Cankles part 2 never happened. Then why is harder to find positive mentions of still your President Trump on Google, than it is to find a film blogger on Rotten Tomatoes who called the Irishman, “Underrated?”

Being a journeyman IT agency recruiter, Google CEO Sundar Pichai sounds like the typical H1-B candidate I’d hang up on 2 seconds into the call after they’d call me about a Java Developer ad on Dice.com. After my second child was born and had to resume my IT headhunting career for Robert Half after scoring my TV writing break with Vh1 and Vh1 Classic prior that year, my father in law, whose a successful SAP consultant refers me a candidate who was an H1-B, so you know he cares about hooking up his son in law because this candidate required subtitles in order to be understood. I would’ve had an easier time penning a Bollywood musical than a making a placement fee on fake news Silicon Alley millionaire.

Michael Kornbluth