Perfect Wedding Anniversary Message

INT. DECICCO’S

Older Black Woman

I never had kids but I want one now because of you.

Do It All Dad

Baby Arthur is Planned Parenthood’s worst dream come true.

 

INT. DECICCO’S

Random Grandma

He’s so gorgeous. When you grow up, you’ll have 3 girlfriend’s at a time.

Do It All Dad

If James Woods had this kid’s hair and face, his estimates wouldn’t be so conservative.

INT. Harvest Moon

Farm Worker

How was the Emmy’s?

Biz Dude Good.

Do It All Dad

It took plenty of balls producing a hostless show. Colbert didn’t want to try being funny again with Sean Spicer as his go to straight man to work off of? Trump landslide 2020 bitches.

INT. Library

Librarian

Your library card is blocked.

Do It All Dad

Roseanne Barr blocked me on Twitter for sending funnier jokes than she produces. Which made her mad with jealousy. Because she’s the one with a coffee plantation in Hawaii, not me.

 

INT. Kitchen

Do It All Dad

(V.O)

Paul the Apostle in the New Testament says, “If a man will not work, he will not eat.” What if paid work in Corporate America outside of selling life insurance éludes me like my wife listening to my podcast, 124 épisodes later Paul?

 

INT. Kitchen

Do It All Dad

(V.O)

Paul the Apostle in the New Testament says, “If a man will not work, he will not eat.” Lucky for me, I’m Jewish and incorporated. And I could write off my flowering of  joke gems on Twitter for the past 3 years as a hefty charitable donation.

 

INT. Home

Do It All Dad

(V.O)

Country star Charlie Daniels says he would’ve  quit the road if his only son ever asked him. I wonder if his book editor said, “Cut the horseshit Charlie? I’m not Jerry Falwell, you can be a straight shooter with me.”

INT. Home

Do It All Dad

(V.O) Charlie Daniels says he would’ve quit the road if his only son ever asked him. I would. But Charlie Daniels never raised 3 kids at once from home for any extended period of time ever.  3 kids, who offer more divine powered joy than fiddling with his fiddle ever did.

Wedding Anniversary’s are a grâce period from vocalizing your annoyance at your significant other, especially when your daughter creates a card with a Beaver on it saying, I’d chip my tooth for you. And your son draws a card with 5 puzzle pieces saying, we fit together.

 

Wedding Anniversary’s are for biting your tongue. Especially, when your daughter creates an Anniversary card with a Beaver on it saying, “I’d chip my tooth for you.” I don’t call Female Flash my infinitely sweeter, far funnier twin for mere mere comedic,  exaggeration folks.

 

INT. Home

Mother In Law

Trump better get impeached.

Do It All Dad

Hunter Biden was banging his dead brother’s wife until Obama don’t told him to cut it out. Adding,”Banging your dead brothers wife regularly isn’t even in kosher in Bill Maher’s book.

Perfect Wedding Anniversary message in this age of Trump Bad, Me Good. We both agree, you’re amazing and that’s the most important thing that matters.

Michael Kornbluth

 

Run Greta Run

Imagine a pay per view debate between Trump and Greta?

Fracking reduces our carbon emissions Greta.

Greta replies. Neil Young is full of shit now?

Trump responds.

He doesn’t take showers to reduce his carbon footprint. That’s something you share in common babe

We must teach our children the reality of climate change? Alright, protect your kids sanity by never exposing them to the NY Times, CNN and BuzzFeed. And they won’t act like snowflakes in permanent meltdown mode after Trump wins by a patriot made landslide in 2020.

Greta should protest the banning of Gummy Bears in Sweden because they’re not Halal. I think that’s a scarier development than Denmark allowing refugees to cover up the little Mermaid’s statue in a Burka because it offends their super intolerant conservative tastes.

People are suffering, mass extinction is here. Your Swedish ancestors chose to be the TD Bank for Nazi Germany. The world’s most convenient bank to freeze Jewish bank accounts, hide stolen art work and purchase stolen gold tooth fillings from the money grubbing Jew.

I don’t care about Greta Thunberg being indoctrinated. I care about fake news still trying to take down a duly elected President, trying to crush the will of the people because their hero Obama turned out to be a gun running, power crazed, Iran empowering bust.

Rolling Stone insists anyone who makes fun of Obama’s other biracial half, dream child from Sweden, believes in nothing. If that’s your best take away after all the Russia, Kavanaugh, MAGA country bullshit. Then you’re the real dumb shit deplorable nut job dude.

Greta Thunberg out did Trump at what again? Instilling the UN with more unearned, toxic smugness than the NY Times on election night before Huma Licker Breath got beat despite getting the debate questions in advance because she never sounded rehearsed enough.

What is Greta Thunberg protesting again? Oh, yeah, alleged inaction against climate change. Just because Trump pulled out of the Paris Climate Agreement and has no plan to ditch his Gulfstream for a Yak to reduce his carbon footprint only to impress AOC and the Dalai Lama.

The most annoying thing about Greta Thunberg is Hollywood’s embrace of her over the top theatrical, fear mongering . Only to justify their pathetic, pushing of non-stop lies, used to frame Trump supporters as morally deficient for the past 2 and half years.

Greta Thunberg scolds world leaders on their inaction to fight climate change? How about scolding Hollywood eco-warrior hypocrisy ? Every time a movie star settles for doing blow through a cut off, non-recyclable straw, knowing actors never carry their paper on them because they’re used to always getting all their party favors for free.

Rolling Stone compares Greta’s protest to fight climate change with DEFCON 5, panic attack ready intensity to black kids who marched in Alabama to protest segregation. Yeah, being called hack nicknames by Laura Ingraham is just like being torn to pieces by attack dogs.

Where does Rolling Stone get the balls to compare Greta Thunberg’s protest against scientists too school reaction to climate change panic to kids who fought in the Ghetto Warsaw Uprising? Protest your great grandparents inaction against Nazi banking profiteering babe.

Imagine a pay per view debate between Trump and Greta for round 2?

Greenhouse gases are avoided by the use of Nuclear Power Greta.

Greta replies.

Is that your turnaround plan for North Korea Donald?

Trump replies.

Ivanka’s daughter is much smarter than you. Do you freak out in Mandarin also babe? Stay away from Crystal Meth, it made the Nazi’s think they could take over all of Europe. Do you mind recycling my Diet Coke for me? Knowing you’re in such a rush to save Obama’s hot air legacy of being a zero free scandal emitting President. Iran has been on their best behavior lately. Blowing through the 150 billion Obama gifted them in exchange for a promised time out from their nuclear stress tests must have done the trick, after my White House ordered imposed financial sanctions on Iran. Don’t you think, Run Greta Run?

Michael Kornbluth