Horsing Around With Hinduism

Inspired dialogue exchange for a pilot about a Talking Palomino horse I’m developing.

Do It All Dad

No more handouts.

Talking Horse

It’s not a handout if you didn’t ask for it. And I’m just giving you a tip on a horse who’s a sure thing in Santa Anita, alright.

Another inspired dialogue exchange for a pilot about a Talking Palomino horse I’m developing.

Do It All Dad

No more fun. My addiction to fun hasn’t been a profitable one yet.

Talking Horse

Just get off Adderall already. Focusing more your on your slimy ego is bad.

Daughter presents her friend ad to her 3rd Grade Teacher but makes the ad for her father instead of herself. Ad reads. New friend needed for my Daddy. Interests include writing, getting laughs, talking about ex-girlfriends and yelling at mommy. Teacher replies. I can recommend a good Equine Therapist to work on his anger control issues.

INT. HOME

Daughter

You always get angry at people if they demonize Trump Dada. We live in horse country, get a job at a horse farm to work on your ego control issues. They call it Equine Therapy. Write a about book about, Horsing Around With Hinduism. It’s money in the bank, daddy. Will buy our own horse farm with enough land for your Larry Bird basketball court Dada. You’ll never have to seek out a new family friendly venue for us to enjoy each other in public again.

INT. Horse Stall

Talking Horse

Write me a lead in All The Sensitive Horses. Will shoot in India. There you can’t get arrested for calling Valerie Jarrett Obama’s live in Arabian horse whisperer. Aren’t you also taking Yoga more seriously now? Well, enough stalling. Based on your all over the pace body language, I can tell your Chakras as a whole are more clogged than your freshman one hitter.

Do It All Dad

Write a hit horse movie for Bollywood, where hate speech police aren’t out to get me. I do need to pick a new race to win. Dice, John Stewart, all changed their Jewy sounding names for greater mass market appeal. But you can’t beat that billion dollar plus Hindu market baby. I’m coming out as a born again Hindu, end of story, oh. Do It All Dad Does Bollywood has a nice ring to it also.

Michael Kornbluth

Linked To CNN and Homemakers

Scene: Text exchange with an old work bud. Taking your kid to a Phish show could wear him out. It’s nothing a can of CBD Seltzer to the head can’t solve. It had the opposite impact on my son in Vermont. Just like daddy, he gets extra talky on it.

Daughter’s new friend ad for daddy posted in Town and Country. New friend needed for Daddy. Interests include writing, reading, complaining about Mama, getting laughs and buying more vinyl rock records we don’t have room for according to Mama.

They should rename Coffee With Comedians to we didn’t join Second City to do funny Improv off the cuff for a reason.

INT. HOME

Son

Have you sent your book to Trump yet?

Do It All Dad

Yeah, I’m hoping he decides to give Do It All Dad Does Jokes a book plug on Twitter, so Michael Savage feels like an asshole for never responding to my A plus material.

Giving an 8 year old lent Library books is the most insensitive gift ever. Her library isn’t even local to us. Plus, you strip gift giving of all fun for a kid whenever there’s an expected return of arrival. It’s like a recess pass for books.

INT. HOME

Wife

Why do the kids want to do chores all of a sudden?

Do It All Dad

Because according to you a rampant rodent problem is on the horizon whenever I make a late night snack. And they don’t want daddy to start yelling at you again.

INT. Pizzeria-Carmel, NY

Do It All Dad

Who gives a shit about the Dodgers? Fernando Valenzuela was exciting ages ago. Oh, you were just answering my question about who the Yankees were going to play in the World Series, my bad.

LinkedIn says I’d be in the top 10 percent if I applied for a job at CNN. Yeah, I’d rather be indexed under homemaker on their worldwide resume database. At least homemakers, don’t sling servings of poisonous shit soup for a living.

Michael Kornbluth