Resisting Gag Orders Good

Scene: Wedding Rehearsal Dinner
Younger Brother
Don’t talk politics.
Do It All Dad
I’m not even talking to you.
Only you can make me regret getting you an original Nintendo for your wedding gift with a Tecmo Bowl game minutes after the fact.

Scene: Wedding Rehearsal Dinner
Baby Boomer Dad
Don’t talk politics.
Do It All Dad
So you’re trying to censor me, Peter Fonda mourner you?
Let’s agree, I won’t send you a signed copy of Do It All Dad Does Jokes as a peace offering then man.

Most symbolic moment at my younger brother’s wedding.

Brother walks down the steps with my parents, arms interlocked. I’m a healthy distance behind with my great Aunt before I hear. Bro, back up and give us space because I’m closer to mom and dad, I win.

Most annoying moment at my younger brother’s wedding was the Bride instructing me to take a time out from playing with my kids to watch my mother sloppy slow dance with my brother like he was the prom king she never molested with her body moving.

Observationl humor about my younger brother’s wedding.

My parents don’t care about rubbing their blatant favoritism of my younger brother in my face from his Bar Mitzvah party onward. It’s like they’re double daring me to prove who the real star is.

INT. RESTAURANT
Wedding Guest
What’s your secret?
Why are your kids so behaved?
Do It All Dad
I unravel the mysterious source of their infinite wonderfullness in my debut parnting book Controlling My Kids With Comedy, A Love Story. For 9.99 you can find out.

Wedding Scene:
Ashley Judd refusing to watch Harvey Weinstein shower himself in his suite at the Four Seasons is a form of rape.
Yeah, it’s totally equivalent to pinned, non fantaized about, borderline suffocating, pinned down pentration.

Accepting how hard I bombed at my younger brother’s wedding.

The bride and groom were making out the whole time I was bombing away.

My parents hated my comedic aspirations already.

Kids got rave reviews. Was a big hit at the party before I got political.

Scene: After I bomb hard at my younger brother’s wedding.

Wedding Guest
You enjoy being inappropriate?

Do It All Dad
I don’t like to bomb. But I don’t like to play it safe or care to charm the Squad’s linguistic mishap sympathizers one bit either.

Scene: After my Dad tried to bully me into wrapping up my set after bombing hard at my brothers wedding with no microphone.

Dad, you really suck sometimes. But I should be thrilled because you called my children beautiful at my brothers wedding.

EXT. WEDDING
HONEY
Michael is a stay at home dad.
Do It All Dad
My dad prefers the expression sheltered bum. He doesn’t know I wrote 2 books this year. Neither does my mother. Younger brother doesn’t care because he’s a fake news friend.

My performance at my brother’s wedding was a total debacle. Making an alt right joke in relation to Jim Carrey and me referring to a potential love triangle between the bride, her mother and myself on my brothers wedding night was declared inappropriate.

EXT. WEDDING
Boomer Dad
Are you looking after the kids?
Do It All Dad
You don’t leave me with much choice, do you? But yes, I’m relishing their company in your absence as usual, that’s correct.

Michael Kornbluth

Mueller, Mueller, Mueller

Has Baby Face Omar downplayed the death of Amy Winehouse as something happened to a hypnotic, beehive horn hiding, Benjamin loving devil woman who exploited the great Palestinian song book for all it’s worth?

What’s going to be the big reveal from the Mueller hearing? He only parts his hair with good old fashioned elbow grease?

Don Cheadle calls Trump the most frightening man on the planet. Why do I get the impression Samuel L. Jackson would deliver that line in a more dramatic, convincing fashion? That’s right, Tarantino hasn’t written shit for you because you lack gravitas.

Omar calls for abortion access for Illegal Aliens. My brain needs to re-compute that sentence.

I don’t think Illegal Aliens are coming to America for the red carpet Planned Parenthood treatment because they’re tired of telling Hector to pull out already.

The squad fears violent attacks against them. Obama did call ISIS the JV squad but the comparison ends there. Knowing they encourage ANTIFA to terrorize MAGA country at large.

Mayor Pete insists white nationalism is the most deadly form of terrorism in the USA.

What about the unmasking of Hondurans standing up to MS13 by the NY Times because they’re still with her for some reason. Care to comment, Children of the Corn?

Impeachment first, prison next. Sure, and the Knicks off season was a resounding success. Stop ruining the allure of me ever wanting to work in Hollywood, moron resistors, every single one of you. You’re all off the list.

Corey Booker wants to punch Trump because the President writes punchier material than he does.

It disgusts me to see Schumer and the blond bitch feeding off the good will from 911 1st responder’s knowing they support sanctuary cities, which put men in blue at most risk. Neither has done dick to demonize the cop hating mayor in charge now either.

Scene: Podcast Interview
Host
What’s your favorite quote?
Do It All Dad
I’ll quote the great Rabbi Mendel Schneerson, “Think good and it will be good. It won’t help Baby Face Omar impeach Trump. Or help her impose Sharia law in America but I digress.

INT. FOOT DOCTOR
Do It All Dad
If you want to learn who fails the friendship litmus test. Write 2 books in 2 years, looking after 3 kids with zero help from grandparents and you’ll learn how much they suck real quick.

Larry Charles, Seinfeld writer alum, Entourage also, encourages the Left to arm themselves, against who?

MS-13 extras on the Fox Lot for a remake of American Me?

Mueller takes the stand.

Ted Cruz: Mueller, how did Trump obstruct justice again? He didn’t fire you. You got a gag order on Roger Stone. He didn’t sue Buzz Feed for defamation for the Euro Trash golden shower tale. Still waiting, Mueller, Mueller, Mueller.

Michael Kornbluth

Hot For Son In Law’s Brother

My parents are so selfish, they pushed for my family of 5 to move next to them in Arizona for east coast heat wave weather stretched out to 4 months a year. And had no plans to up the AC to drown out Uni Brow Maddow whenever we visit.

My love for the Knicks has been reduced to bemused, preverse scorn. Now, I’m aroused at MJ wrecking the Allan Houston, not every shot was so pretty Knicks on YouTube in 1997.

Giving my wife grief on purpose via text.
I’m not rubbing it in. But none of the kids are sun burnt from yesterday nor have they made any reference to their skin catching fire yet.

Planned Wedding Party speech for my younger brother.

My brother’s mother-in-law Honey, compelled my mother to pretend all the wonderful emotive superlatives Honey showered in my honor were an extension of her own sincere feelings about me.

This is me freaking out locals at the pool as I smash my 2 year old son’s knees into water after hoisting him up high in air, again and again.

Breaking baby.

More convincing pump fake.

Baby Samuel headbutts the sky.

Typhoon alert part 2.

INT. POOL
English Kid
Your baby looks like a girl.
Do It All Dad
Yes, my son without make up is hotter than David Bowie minus being overtly glitzy creepy.
And Eddie Izzard is gross, make up on or off, Piers Morgan included on or off the Telly.
There’s nothing worse than the Kindle kid take away scream.

I thought Kelly Osbourne made entitled bitchery sink to new deplorable lows on Fashion Police.

My mom in Tahoe warping reality again over the phone.

In Tahoe, I always think of our time here with you and Natalia.

Before you disinvited us 2 kids later because my stay at home dad of shame didn’t warrant a family retreat.

Diversity is our strength. Like Michelle Obama invited Joan Rivers to the White House for Sponge Cake to break her Yom Kippur fast, she hulk scowl please.

Diversity isn’t always great because me marrying a gentile, resulted in my unhuggable cunt mother in law force feeding communion wafers down my Jew blood infused kids behind my back, which isn’t kosher in our book Michelle.

INT. HOME
Do It All Dad
I always get. Your daughter looks like your twin. I reply. Yeah, once, I grossed out my daughter and said, “My DNA is all over your face.”

Younger brother’s future in-laws laugh long time.

EXT. BARBEQUE
Brother’s Future Father In Law
I respect your tenacity.
Do It All Dad
Your mom admitting in a letter she’ll never show an interest in your writing career propels your love of joke slinging into ridiculous speed.

INT. HOME
Honey
This Pixar movie had this sensual love making scene on a beach in Cuba.
Do It All Dad
Saying adios to Burt Lancaster’s hairy spine was a welcome relief.

Honey laughs long time.

INT. HOME
Brother’s Future Mother-In-Law
Move the flowers out of the way, so I can stare Michel’s handsome face.
Do It All Dad
My younger brother isn’t dealing well with me being your dream celebrity lay in the making Honey.

INT. HOME
Wife
The kids are sun burnt to a crisp.
Do It All Dad
Their skin is being burnt alive as we speak despite me using lotion twice. But you nit pick because you hate I how entertained and bonded with your 3 kids during a heat wave without you.

INT. LAKE CLUB POOL
Old School Cool Jew
There’s ways to prevent unwanted pregnancies.
Do It All Dad
I never mastered the art of the pump fake. All my dad taught me was a half formed hook shoot.

Old School Cool Jew laughs long time.

Michael Kornbluth

American Squad Bashing=Calm Feeling

Does Baby Face Omar text Obama for what Toni Morrison or Maya Angelo quote to use next? Yeah, I don’t see Norah Ephron making Obama’s final cut either. Take a hike Susan Rice. Living in the Big Easy doesn’t make you black enough.

The impromptu send her back chant was hilarious. Some patriots did something about expressing their hatred of baby face Omar, no big deal mang.

Baby Face Omar calls for economic sanctions against Israel while comparing the Jewish homeland to Nazi Germany. Can someone show this bitch Schindler’s List already?
She’s like Obama’s subconscious teleprompter come to life.

INT. Doctors
Nurse
Lactaid pills won’t work on your daughter.
Do It All Dad
After 2 decades of cocaine abuse, my brother now blames his stomach issues on Land O Lakes. Failing to reign in his redneck hick side has nothing to do with it.

My younger brother being passive aggressive. Barbeque is a good idea, you should let Jane’s dad grill. Just like I should let you in my house after you tainted our old couch with a used condom to prove your scumbag marks?

The resistance can call Trump supporters Nazi’s 24/7, celebrate ANTIFA for attacking ICE buildings and Marines. But Trump and his supporters are the violent, hateful side, because they told Obama’s dream love child to f off, sounds fair to me.

When Trump won, I prayed for them to build a wall around the strip clubs in Montreal. So Lena Dunham wouldn’t scare away all the clientele. Are you telling me the bouncers in Montreal wouldn’t be tempted to send hipster rollage back?

My wife ruining everything again.
But you’ve already done a gazillion podcasts. I was talking about promoting my books on other people’s podcasts with bigger reaches like How Dad Made A Porno without tapping his wife for inspiration.

INT. DOCTOR’S OFFICE
DOCTOR
The #SendHerBack chant was disturbing.
DO IT ALL DAD
Why, is Baby Face Omar insisting Jared Kushner whipped the audience into a frenzy by using his mind control, Jedi Jew tricks?

Mayor Pete calls Trump supporters committed racists. Because chanting Omar go home, whose a Muslim Brotherhood infiltration wet dream come true means Trump voters hate all Muslims, even the moderate ones who condemn Terrorists acts for a change.

Memo to Donny Deutsch:
Just because you’re a dog lover, I can think of more creative ways to express your affection for them than insisting the Bomb Squad are good boys for dehumanizing the Holocaust for social justice cred points on Twitter.

If Trump voters are no different than white supremacists. Then, why don’t any pledge their allegiance to ANTIFA? Yeah, black dudes and Hispanics aren’t in ANTIFA dude. Plus, white anarchists aren’t playing street ball in Sanctuary Cities either.

If all Trump supporters are committed racists, then why don’t you hear go back home to Kenya chants erupt at Trump rallies? That’s right, we can’t prove that because all his records are sealed and nobody on record met Mr. Charisma at Columbia, my bad.

Our allies believe we’re outright racists now according to Alec Baldwin. Israel named a community in the Golan Heights after President Trump. The Brits jail truthers of Muslim grooming rape gangs, Germany is Germany and France is fucked. So what difference does it make?

INT. HOME
Wife
Forgot to tell you but I’m having lunch with Liz at her favorite restaurant in Chappaqua.
Do It All Dad
Don’t puke up your shrimp cocktail if Cankles waddles in.

Do It All Dad fakes barfing.
2 year old son laughs long time.

Memo to Dan Le Batard:
Jemele Hill called your President a Klansman. Baby Face Omar refuses to condemn Al Qaeda. Trump passed prison reform. Jim Brown got his back. You’re a mush brained, overrated, witless, Muslim Brotherhood endorsing hack.

Memo to Dan Le Betard Part 2:

President Trump has instigated a racial division in this country? No, Obama, academia, rape wood & ESPN hack blowhards did. Showcase any glimmers of cutting wit or new idea formation and I’ll give a shit about your opinion mang.

INT. BOOKSTORE
Worker
How are you?
Do It All Dad
Annoyed at random Grandmothers on the street vocally expressing their stupefied bemusement at how happy my 2 year old boy is compared to their sour puss seed.

INT. HOME
Wife
Forgot to tell you but I’m having lunch with Liz at her favorite restaurant in Chappaqua.
Do It All Dad
Give my best to Huma Licker Breath. Tell her tough shit about Lolita Express Stein being denied bail.

INT. HOME
Wife
Forgot to tell you but I’m having lunch with Liz at her favorite restaurant in Chappaqua.
Do It All Dad
Dining in Hillary Hammer Time Cankles country is less appetizing than Omar modeling in a Head and Shoulders commercial.

Send her back is actually a pro Jew chant, which I don’t see Baby Face Omar being pleased with anymore than her colleague AOC singing Beastie Boys at Karaoke by mistake.

INT. BAGEL SHOP-NY
DO IT ALL DAD
Baby Face Omar jokes are no go areas in bagel shops now? Good work though letting the Jew hater runt divide, conquer and occupy our alleged last safe space sanctuary to put as at ease.

Michael Kornbluth

 

Fake News Happy For Me

Fake news is an expression now. Actually, it’s a fact based, truth enshrouded reality.

Ban ICE. Because caring about Homeland Security was so weapons of mass destruction years.

Friendly reminder, Baby Face Omar described 911 as “something happened.” Like it was a forgettable Edward Albee play off Broadway.

I hear they’re doing a remake of Three’s Company based on the bomb squad Freshman congressman called, Allah’s Avenging Angels. Because they’re are all virgins I’m assuming, except for AOC cranked up on high grade coke in college.

I’m happy for you means I’m all out of manufactured pleasantness in your honor.

I’m happy for you means your dad’s shoulders collapse in shame when you hug your dad for a reason.

I’m happy for you means you lucky, unworthy, spoiled piece of shit.

I’m happy for you means mom and dad are making your younger brother feel like the unintended, unwanted defect again.

I’m happy for you means your dad is fake news Bob Dylan deep.

I’m happy for you means you’re an idiot for thinking our relationship is a shining example of love supreme.

I’m happy for you means you fail the friendship litmus test.

I’m happy for you means they don’t think you deserve anything that’s jealous inducing for them.

I’m happy for you means not really.

I’m happy for you means your mom is rudderless without Snoopy giving you less generic lip service.

David Crosby, you know Garfield in the yard, having to follow Neil Young used to be so hard. Thinks Trump has no restraint. But Trump’s never drank, smoke or did coke when it was free liver spots. Baby Boomer arrogance never dies because of you.

What does USA captain Megan Rapino tell a lesbian Trump supporter at the Cubby Hole bar in the West Village?

I wouldn’t lick Ivanka clean with toilet water from detention camps if Michelle Obama was guaranteed victory in 2020.

Trump stokes white nationalism.
Was the Klan under their sheets depressed for 8 years when Obama was president? Do Popes normalize pedophilia decade after decade? Still, make Nazi Germany great again wasn’t his campaign slogan Judd Apatow.

All the media has done for 3 years is divide. How is this division problem Trump’s fault exactly? Did he write a golden shower fantasy tale to give Obama loyalists the right to spy on his campaign for opposition, German porn research?

Hillary on Megan Rapinoe as Secretary of State.

What difference does it make? I’m getting booed at Billy Joel shows at the Garden. At least backstage Stevie Nicks flirts with me and says “Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies.”

It’s hard to feel like a distinguished self-published author on Amazon knowing that Jeff Bezos profits from books such as The Jew as World Parasite. But I’m sure you’re new main squeeze loves you for your unbiased dirt rag Jeff.

Trump haters love to anoint themselves as the more respectful party yet they’re the ones who’ve ruined the old world charm of the NBA, NFL, Hollywood, rock & roll and all forms of gatherings with friends and family for 3 years straight.

Do I think everyone should be created equal? No, I don’t, especially anyone who thinks ANTIFA is on the side of right. Because you want white boys on crystal meth cracking Trump supporters heads on your behalf, you dumb ass crackers.

My parents are fake news hippies because they’ve lived in Arizona for 8 years as self-satisfied, smug east coast retirees, Bob Dylan evangelists and not once been to the Grand Canyon. Drinking warm chard before it cools is strike 2 against you mom, no offense. Instructing the DJ to stop playing the Star Spangled Banner by Jimi Hendrix at my wedding to close out the night during my wedding party in a beautiful sculpture garden outside of Woodstock is strike three against you Dad.

INT. Car
Wife
When you were in Vegas I got the kids in bed early every night.
Do It All Dad
But your parents were here for 2 out of those 3 nights. And your mom’s boring by English banker on holiday standards.

INT.KOHLS
Worker
At weddings you’re supposed to sit on the side of immediate family.
Do It All Dad
So my mom and dad seating themselves on the bride’s side means they only care about family separation for illegal aliens.

Michael Kornbluth

Vegas HBO Special Dreaming

I think it’s great you’re still doing comedy at your age means they don’t like funny Jews for real.

You’d rather have W as President over Trump? I don’t see Trump freeze up after learning the World Trade Center was hit because he felt like a sucker puppet pawn bitch of the deep state, you deplorable east coast townie hick.

Seinfeld just auctioned off some Porsches for charity. I hope half of those proceeds went to Larry’s kids. Can I get a holla? For some A list, yenta breath dumpage, Challah.

New Yorkers are having less babies than ever, especially in Brooklyn. Fat hipsters are pulling out early from meat sweats.

INT. Jet Blue

Model

On Adderall I feel like I can do everything.

Do It All Dad

Then why haven’t you tried to make me cum with ferocious eye fucking intensity like Jenna Jameson with your cloths on yet? Focus and crank up the dosage already.

INT. HIPSTER BAR-VAN NUYS, CA

Do It All Dad

You don’t see a Pear Saison every day. And this one doesn’t taste like sour vase water either.

INT. PALAZZO-VEGAS

Marc Cuban walks solo in my direction on the casino floor.

Do It All Dad

Congrats on snagging KP for a box of Cotton Candy Cuban. Uni will fly again.

Marc Cuban laughs long time.

Aerosmith in Vegas was perfection. Sweet Emotion, Rag Doll, Chip Away At The Stone, Rag Doll, Toys In The Attic, Dream On of course, even Angel on the piano for a bit. And Joe Perry made Slash sound heavily formulaic in comparison.

Similar to seeing any Dead show or Roger Waters at the MSG doing the Wall before becoming Linda Sarsour’s go to fluffer to secrete slimier, hate spewage on CNN. It was impossible not to sing the entirety of lyrics for most of the Aeorsmith songs in Vegas baby.

My old LA bud invites our Marquee bottle service waitress to see Aerosmith which makes my presence feel depreciated like Hillary, the 1st time Bill brought home Paula Jones after giving a speech on saving the Aardvarks.

I screened a random sliz my friend invited to see Aerosmith at the last sec. Big Aerosmith fan huh? Whose six pack woud you rather do bumps on Perry or Tyler? She says. Hard choice. I say. Fine you pass. At least, you didn’t say Meatloaf.

I saw Allan Houston at the Wynn in town for the NBA summer league. Dolan must have given him tenure because he looked chiller than Eddie Griffin in his trailer on 420 sipping banana Daiquiri’s on the set of Deuce Bigalow 2.

INT. JFK BAR

Random Girl

My father would love your podcast. He’s retired in Fort Myers, Florida and bored out of his mind.

Do It All Dad

My podcasts are more frequent and tad less self-referential than Trump rallies.

Old bud annoying me again. Reminding me why he stayed out my life as long as he did.

So pumped you got on stage. I need to grow a pair again.

No, you need to get better at writing jokes and detecting passive aggressive, cloaked backhanded compliments.

Actually, I did more than just go on stage and bare my best gems from the past 3 years. I actually scored laughs and freedom of speech celebrating coolness cred from real deal hippy Dead Head musician hippies man.

22 U.N countries condemn China for its Muslim concentration camps. AOC wasn’t invited for the grand tour. I don’t think Amir has the balls to ask for Halal only meals. And I still don’t think the Chinese give a shit about proper teeth care. Most of the communist leaders of China look better with air masks on than off.

Apple co-founder urges all to delete their Facebook account because Facebook sold your private info to Cambridge Analytica. God forbid, the Trump campaign use that info to garget ads based on Toby Keith playlists likes and shares.

INT. JET BLUE

Model

Are you a Trump supporter?

Do It All Dad

Yes, but you’ve enjoyed my playful banter such as me insisting my wife drove my neck into your Volley Ball strong hands by never offering me a ride to the airport.

INT. BAR-JFK

Do It All Dad

Why didn’t the bartender think I was with you scrumptious sisters? He didn’t ask for my drink order because I’m white privilege incarnate, whose always been 1st in line for everything.

Scrumptious sisters laugh long time.

Bill Maher ripped Bill Clinton for visiting Lolita Island 22 times in the past.

Bill’s production company is called Kid Love Productions.

He has to care about the kids. It’s his company’s mission statement of proclamation for Christ sake.

Least sexiest sentence in the English language.
Twitter’s algorithm’s are preventing Bill Mitchell’s tweets from being read.

You mean the ones about how Jeff Sessions was a White Walker instead of being an overrated hick?

A stay at home dad from Kansas was invited to the White House for a conservative summit. But only accepted the invite if his identity was concealed because he feared retaliation from his family.

ANTIFA’s in Kansas now? We’re so screwed, Toto.

Delete your Facebook account. Doesn’t your privacy matter to you anymore Yes, that’s why I defriended my parents on Facebook. Not that I post on Facebook anymore but it’s my intention to block them from a front row seats of their grandchildren playing without them that counts.

Whenever I see Ben Shapiro trending on Twitter, I want to puke up uncooked Matzo meal. Did Ben not get invited to the White House for Trump’s conservative Social Media summit? Because the Jewish Tucker minus the preppy ties is overkill.

I hate the expression Conservative Social Media Personalities. None of them have one. Bill Mitchell couldn’t score a dandruff commercial in 86. Candace Owens is very factual. She’s a more colorful alternative to Charlie Kirk but not really.

 

Conservative social media personalities were invited to the White House today to discuss big tech censorship. Are they allowed to admit how much more sophisticated and funnier they felt about themselves after reading Milo’s rushed, laugh free, fake news deep book?

I hate indifferent Roulette spinners in Vegas.

I’m obviously losing only on my kids birthdays again and again.

I’d welcome any negative spin over the humorless mute act.

Look like your kids were born under unlucky signs.

INT. JET BLUE

PILOT

The door turns into a raft.

Do It All Dad

I picked the right day, to quit collecting Marlboro miles.

I hate woman who think they can just grab your bottle of Grey Goose. Which your friend drops 3 grand on for bottle service at the club, just for the alleged, turn on of his crew being in sniffing distance of such classy, fine tail.

Waiting on line at Starbucks is like waiting on burn out pretension in a cup. After you’ve assumed control of your speed addiction, money and time at home using Nespresso pods and a French Press instead.

Best compliment in Vegas.

When you do your HBO special in Vegas.

Now, that’s a compliment, a very giving one, from a one time divorced, Jewish realtor from the valley no less. I’ll take it. Love you back to dude.

 

Michael Kornbluth

American Pie Beauties

I’ve got 3 kids. I’ve aged well I know, since my TV debut on the reality TV show Blind Date. All I got out of the show a was free meal and herpes.

INT. BARNES AND NOBLE
Do It All Dad
They made the Mueller Report into a book? Like Chinese Democracy by Axl Rose, he took forever to write it. Plus, both releases ended in blue balls for Rob Reiner.

Me summarizing the Declaration of Independence for my kids.

It was America’s more stately way of telling Mother England to choke on a scone. Insisting Thomas Jefferson wasn’t staying loyal to the Queen or into mole infested fever. Moving forward, America would only pledge Greek fraternities on US college campuses for easier access to high grade American Pie.

Michelle Obama is doing films for Netflix now? What’s her 1st project, a Tina Turner film remake about herself retitled, What’s Talent Got To Do With It?

If a Baby Boomer lifts a finger, it’s liking a pic of their grandchildren on Facebook. Or my mother in law using Emoji’s to overcompensate for her colorless personality on top of being a retarded emotional expressionist.

INT. HOME
Wife
I’m just exhausted.
Do It All Dad
I thought you were just depressed at how much fun the 3 kids and I had today without you. Funnier dad happier babies. Our fuss free kids for the most part are living proof of it.

Michael Kornbluth

Busting British Balls

The U.S is just OK New York Times?

Actually, it’s horrific knowing scumbag propagandist dirt rags like the NY Times receive a Pulitzer for reporting on Harvey Hair Clumps Weinstein 2 decades after the fact. You’re less than shit, not America baby, USA, USA.

Kal Penn’s Sunnyside may be NBC’s best hope for the fall in 2019. Will Delbasio make affordable housing in Sunnyside available for ANTIFA? Does he provide immunity from aggravated assault by issuing a stand down, restraining order against the NYPD?

Facebook is reconsidering nudity. I thought James L Brooks was in desperate need of attention.

What did woman attending Gwyenth Paltrow’s wellness summit, think they’d get out of it? Vaginal health tips, such as refraining from bare backing with Ben Affleck, free samples of Guava Goop Mist for funky snatches in need of a rejuvenated expungement. What’s the advertising slogan for Guava Goop Mist? Your air of superiority awaits you.

My new move now whenever I score a laugh from my children in front of my stuck up English mother in law, is to impersonate me drinking imaginary tea. My father in law wore a Man City shirt to our house for the 4th last year, so he can fuck his hurt feelings to.

Memo to Piers Morgan:
Alex Morgan’s celebration was distasteful?
Did she act out tea bagging an albino stiff? Who made Larry King come off as a mesmerizing pair of suspenders with good posture for a change.

 

Google doesn’t manipulate search results? I google my name and a lawyer humorist receives top billing over me. I’ve written 2 books, for TV twice, done 220 blogs 114 podcasts, 17 articles on GMP. 5000 plus contacts on LinkedIN. But he’s more popular. Got it.

I named my son Arthur Morrison Kornbluth just so my dad can say. Morrison isn’t Jewish. Yeah, but it creates a flow to Kornbluth. Plus, Brooks as a middle name would’ve given my son the permission to be a Jewish pussy.

INT. HOME
Wife shows me a hiking pic.
Wife
Told you my new work hippie nurse friend was hot.
Do It All Dad
Her arms are jacked from either hiking or giving plenty hand jobs to her husband to take the edge off bad coke. Pretty sure, Hunter’s expenditures on hookers and strippers proves he can afford the good stuff.

Michael Kornbluth

Lena Dunham Country

Colin Kaepernick talked Nike out of releasing their Betsy Ross flag sneakers because the flag for him is connected to slavery despite him getting a million dollar sneaker endorsement deal for never having to lace up his Nike cleats on the gridiron ever again. Not that any NFL team owner was ever trying to force a meeting with Kaepernick in the first place. Nor do I recall any NFL owner ever insisting Kaepernick work for free as an intern for CNN as Linda Sarsour’s go to fluffer.

Another reason Obama ruined everything. We can’t celebrate Independence Day weekend to the fullest, knowing Nike bowed to Colin Kaepernick’s demand to pull their Betsy Ross themed shoe because they confused him for Obama with talent many ions ago.

How did Colin Kapernick amass enough leverage within the Nike corporation to cock block their new line of Betsy Ross sneakers? Is he on the board of directors now, a co-producer on anything Obama does for Netflix, threaten to out MJ as a Republican?

At what point does the CEO Nike decide? Fuck the Betsy Ross flag sneaker. Kaepernick connects the flag with slavery. And he’s

Generation Z’s answer to Cornell West. He’s only half black, so he has a bigger race card part to play.

What’s the new Nike campaign these days? Pledge your allegiance to ANTIFA. Just do what Soros wants. Knee Uncle Sam in the nuts, again and again.

Collin Kaepernick talked Nike out of releasing their Betsy Ross flag sneakers. Because bi-racial adopted NFL busts connect the flag with slavery despite being paid the biggest, unemployment check in NFL history.

This is James Dolan blaming AOC on scaring away Durant from Manhattan. She scared Amazon from Queens. Also, can we start blaming New York City’s loser, repellent culture on De Blasio instead of me for a change? I don’t incite race wars against cops. Charles Oakley doesn’t count.

Why did Durant choose to play in Lena Dunham country over Midtown East? Because Herald Square by the Garden is considered cheesy, old and decrepit like op-ed writers for the NY Times. Plus, it offers the cheapest, least sexy office spaces available for IT staffing agencies on a shoe string budget.

Memo to Stephen A. Now you pine for KP? Only when pipe cleaner arm bolted for Brooklyn to become the NBA’s voice for the millennial mouseketeer generation. Has Jay Z paid crack baby reparations yet? Lena Dunham country is so coy, hot right now.

Durant chose Lena Dunham country over the Madison Square Garden because Ed Burn’s cameo in Entourage didn’t inspire him the way Uni pulling the trigger from way downtown like a Japanese Anime cartoon come to life did.

Michael Kornbluth

Nikki Sixx’s Snowflake Side

Stop calling nationalist a loaded word. The N bomb is a loaded word. ANTIFA lives matter, is an oxymoron.

How does an ANTIFA Terrorist in Portland, Oregon celebrate Mother’s Day? Take out the trash for once. Meaning, move out of the house for good.

INT. HOME
DO It All Dad
A gay journalist was beat up by ANTIFA in Portland yesterday.
Wife
I don’t want to hear it.
Do It All Dad
But you love Portland. Too bad, it’s no longer Bill Walton’s Portland babe.

Happy Triggering Day Advice:
Ivanka this, Ivanka that, Ivanka 2024.
1st Jewish, female American President bitches. Let’s see what feckless, tolerant cunts you are now.

An actor in the new Star Wars says, limited job offers for Muslim actors increases the odds in them becoming terrorists. So ANTIFA would go away, if only Ari Gold could score them a SAG card for yelling Nazi in unison for that elusive film credit?

Nikki Sixx now identifies with being a snowflake, based on the Republican use of the word to describe resistor twitter twats. He threw Axl around like a rag doll according to Circus Magazine back in the day.

Michael Kornbluth