The Day My 1st Love Died

With KP gone, Manhattan is yesterday’s news.

PT Barnum is rolling in his grave knowing Dolan gave away his magical Latvian unicorn with a million dollar, high voltage smile to a billionaire nerd who refuses to splurge on a good hair stylist for peanuts on the dollar.

When can I start blaming Deblasio for New York City’s losing culture? NYPD turned their backs on garlic breath . It was just a matter of time before a Trump supporting Uni did the same.

All NBA talking head pundits are idiots for defending the decision to dump KP because his brother agents rubbed the Knicks front office the wrong way, coming off like Russian Gangsters in 25th Hour. KP is Dirk and Ralph Sampson on MDMA morons.

If KP wins an NBA Championship for the Dallas Mavericks. He could run for President and Cuban can be his VP. The FBI can forge his birth certificate and make it look less like a futzed with PDF file this time. Millennials won’t be fooled again.


Was a 42 years old fan. After watching what ESPN has descended to, propping up fake news intellectuals like fake news Fro. Or watching CNN disgrace itself by becoming lead leak, liar and chief. Your opinions on what’s best means less than Michael Rapaport.

KP’s brothers, were difficult to deal with. I’m sure CNN was offering them job offers as White House Correspondents, left and right.

I’m going to donate my son’s KP jersey to Good Will. Illegal Aliens won’t know the difference.

Fake News friends from High School still think they’re smarter than Trump for predicting Hillary Hammer Time Cankles would win. KP is gone. Louie is sticking to his out of control jerk off material around here. Time to abort my family of 5 down south now.

From a Gen X perspective, KP was Adonis Creed, our own trans Amazon woman on the moon. Who identified himself as the Alpha Uni among the sly, self-stylized, gunner slasher new order. Now, we’re left with Anime porn on Tumbler for money shot creation.

Trading KP for cap space is a joke. It’s like Ari Gold replacing Vincent on Aqua Man with Chad Lowe because he has to pay for all of Turtle’s broken glass bongs, using Fuji water only, in their own stretched trailer on the Warner lot out of pocket.

How did the become Coach Fizdale’s team? What are his major turnaround success stories under his belt again? Getting out of Lebron’s way after plowing through Eric Spoelstra on the sidelines in Miami doesn’t count.


KP made it clear he didn’t want to stay. That doesn’t take the sting out getting nothing for him in return. The Knicks had leverage, why bother reporting about using him as trade bait for unibrow at all? God forbid Stephen A pine for what could’ve have been.

Today I feel ridiculous like a 42 year old Calogero from Bronx Tale in my hoody. After Sonny tells him Micky Mantle doesn’t pay his dads rent. So why care about Mick’s latest stat line in the NY Post? Can’t regain my loving feeling, it’s going, going, gone.

I don’t know what’s more infuriating, some hack writer from Deadspin writing about New Yorker’s delusions of grandeur or Marc Cuban robbing us of our Latvian odyssey in the making, at the 1st ice roadblock bath ahead.

This is Stephen A. Smith off the record on the KP trade: It doesn’t take much to be a Latvian legend. At least Melo won a National Championship at Syracuse. What did hello Uni ever win? Besides white nationalists hearts, cloaked in Armani ties at the Garden.


You love the Knicks more than me.


They were my 1st love, an arranged marriage my dad forced on me. Now, I’ll never have a ring to show for it. In this towering ice world of commerce and street ball courts, KP was our last hope.

Worst part about trading KP is lack of faith in Uni flying high again. Fizdale still thinks Black Lives Matter is a great idea, so how smart can he be? Belittling European bigs has become his claim to fame. My age of innocence is 100% dead.

I can’t believe the Knicks traded KP for anyone but Anthony Davis. I’m seriously considering divorcing my wife to get a talk radio job in Dallas because KP is what remained of my love for the and it’s really hard to let Uni fly away.

The End


Michael Kornbluth