Aiming To Please

What does Liz Cheney see in the mirror every morning?

Megan Rapinoe’s main squeeze at the Enchantment Under The Sea Dance?

Imagine Liz Cheney hitting on Meghan Rapinoe backstage at the ESPYs.

“So, if you’re not doing anything this Saturday, Meghan.”

“Would you be my date at the Enchant Under The Sea Dance?”

“I’ll lick you clean till your hair turns grey.”

Meghan replies, “Is that because you’ll take forever to find my clit because your sense of direction and piss poor aim takes after your father? He never learned to shoot so well, Rhino Be Good. So why don’t you duck walk your fat ass out of my face dumpy.”

Aiming to please, Challah. Thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth

Platypus Puss Attack

What’s more despicable, going on a J Date with Al Franken or supporting the candidacy of Liz Cheney for anything besides HR Manager for Halliburton? She doesn’t even bother checking references.

“Are you cool with the US military taking out Pablo Escobar? So, Hunter can smoke crack freely without any drug enforcement collusion like he’s auditioning for the white privileged version of New Jack City? Yes, my younger brother makes Hunter come off as a slacker underachiever in comparison. Alrighty then. You start on Monday. The Taliban is in the market for some new escape pods for Kwanza. I voted for Trump twice. Get the fuck out of my office. Office, your chained to a vending machine out of Baby Ruths in a boiler room below Dante’s Inferno, below Penn Station. Get out. Fine, I’ll move to the Ukraine and get a job for a sports energy drink company that will pay me 52 grand a week to push borscht as the new Kombucha.”

But seriously, why would Al Franken throw his support behind Liz Cheney? Does he sell Spanx now for a living? Did Rebel Wilson tell him to piss off after he tried to squeeze her for a selfie in front of Jamba Juice? Rebel snaps. “You’re not Instagraming shit Al. The Alt Right will think I’m playing Liz Cheney in Oliver Stone’s new flick for Newsmax, The Day Democracy Died. Plus, the only reason pussy grabbing eludes you is because you’re only 4 foot 2. I mean what kind of self-respecting Jew supports Biden after he lied about visiting The Tree of Life Synagogue in Pittsburgh? The Rabbi vehemently denied ever meeting Mr. Groper there ever. He even went on record stating, “Do you think I hang out much at Ben & Jerry’s these days?  Rocky Road To Peace will create peace in no time. Newsflash United Nations, when Hamas terrorists in charge launch 5000 rockets into Israel’s backyard. Don’t expect an edible gift basket in return, with a thank you note written in Farsi, with all the hardened pineapple tops chucked into the Dead Sea.  Platypus Cheney could use all the tough love she could get, before resuming her job as the HR Manager for Halliburton next Monday.”

Platypus Puss Attack, Challah. Thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth