Where Do All The Masks Go?

Before my nurse wife leaves for work she bemoans in a semi-playful, borderline annoying free manner, “Where do all the masks go for the kids?” I want to say, “Up in smoke for my Burning Mask Party Record release party this past July 4th, when you were at work babe. I even blew up the Internet with a record release party for my Burning Mask Party Record on Soundcloud. I even used Art Show’s art work that we got framed for the record cover, that’s got the portrait of an incensed, incest free variation of Prince Godfrey from Game of Thrones, which captures the resistance fury against mask smothers like yourself, don’t you think? Don’t answer that question. In Fuck Face Fauci We Trust, No Matter What, got it.

Michael Kornbluth

Burning Mask Party

At the Kosher Butcher and say, “A jar of Duck sauce. I don’t have to go out for Chinese ever again. Only to feel less welcome than a resurgent herpes sore on the spot.” Latino Koshertarian Butcher laughs long time.

Do kids in China count bats if they have a hard time staying away for finals week?

Have you seen the new Sales Force Towner in Manhattan? I haven’t seen such a hulking monstrosity taint the Manhattan skyline since Meghan McCain floated down Broadway dressed as a plus size Gumby for the Thanksgiving Day Parade.

A leadership book by Cuomo is less believable than a Stacy Abrahms romance novel, especially when the character based on her, finds love as a middle aged TV executive for BET who ditches the fat suit in exchange for a parachute jumper on casual Friday.  

I hate run on sentence critics. It’s my fault you’re slow and can’t keep up with my gender fluid flow.

Critical Race Theory is bullshit. Guaranteed money in the NBA, regardless of injury or a reliable hook shot or strong the move to left off the dribble is so oppressive.

If Biden is such a good guy, then why didn’t he tell Hunter to cut out creaming in his dead brother’s wife seconds after the cremation ensued?

 

What’s the message behind the chiseled, inanimate, 30-foot Atlas sculpture on Fifth Ave wearing a mask exactly? Follow the Atkins Diet and socially distance from carbs?

Forcing our kids to wear muzzle masks is wrong. A mask mandate on Boris Johnson’s wife at the G7 Summit, not so much, woof, woof.

Masks are the new condoms, only because I can’t cum in my wife wearing one either, cooing, “Yay, Yay, sex is fun again.”

No kids are dying from COVID, yet Dr. Gnocchi acts like the COVID virus depresses your immune system more than entry into the Dallas Buyer’s Club.

Biden is donating thousands of free COVID vaccines to Africa like a poor man’s Bill Gates, who can’t code for this shit either.

My wife really wants me to catch COVID. So, she can rub it in my face and say, “That’s what you get for going down on MAGA mom.”

Why haven’t I got a vaccination shot yet? Because I don’t have a job at Salesforce and don’t last at sales jobs very long, which explains why I’ve been fired more than a Palestinian Sling Shot. Why haven’t I got the vaccination shot yet? Because I’m not in the army now.  Plus, if I wanted to join the Army now, I’d be labeled as a right-wing extremist. Because they’d learn about my shemale search history on thirdlegs.com, which means I’m against Sharia law and genital mutilation all at the same time, which isn’t gay enough for Mayor Pete’s tastes, I guess. Why haven’t I gotten the vaccine yet? Because I don’t want to act all campy, sporting a “Just Vaccinated” sticker, which screams, look at me, I’m not on Trumpy Poo’s side to. Why haven’t I gotten the vaccine yet? If diehard Democrats of what’s become the open borders, rape enablement party, didn’t have their heads stuck so far up their ass, they’d see how they’re not the only ones allowed to resist. Why haven’t I gotten the vaccine yet? Because the pediatrician for my 3 kids told me to get one and he thinks Biden won fair and square. Yeah, and President Trump is allergic to high end trim. Explain to me why Biden got more votes than Obama Be Good again doc? Is it because Mr. Groper looks like a more virile Jimmy Carter in Aviator shades? School nurse sent my kid home today because he coughed BULLSHIT. After his friend Hobbs said he got COVID from watching a Trump Rally on Fox News. Doctor asks me “How do you think your son could’ve gotten COVID?” before the test results came back negative. I said, “We looted a Target in Minneapolis for George Floyd Appreciation Month. But don’t worry doc, we stole all the masks we could find. So, we could throw our Burning Mask Party on July 4th to light a fire under any patriotic verve Lady Liberty has left. The never-ending shit show ends today, USA, USA, USA. Michael Kornbluth

 

 

 

 

 

AI Karen

It’s hard to keep your calm when a robot kiosk at the Podiatrist office tells you to wear a mask before it takes your temperature. Granted, all Karen’s sound robotic because they’re devoid of any inclusive based emotion. But a virtue signaling, AI powered Karen is twice as annoying because it reminds you how real life Karen’s are glaringly devoid of self-correction and incapable of introspection to. AI Karen is twice as evil miserable throughout it’s woke-plagued circuit board existence because it’s embedded with Silicon Alley privilege, which get’s away with mass murder by censoring content promoting the highly effective use of hydroxychloroquine or large scale consumption of anti-oxidant rich, garlic clam pies from Lombardi’s on Spring Street, used to boost your immune system, which ensures the made in Wuhan virus doesn’t make you meet your maker prematurely.

Explain to me why I need to wear a mask around a Kiosk check in robot at the Podiatrist’s office again? Since when should I give a shit about Short Circuit being terminated? Also, how do you know I’m not vaccinated already AI Karen? Did you Google my name already to find out if I was banned from Twitter? For insisting Wuhan lab leak investigations have been suppressed by the Chinese more than the nation wide use of AquaFresh? You don’t have anything to live for anyway AI Karen. You work in the lobby of a podiatrist office. What’s the highlight of your day exactly? Dr. Archer footing the bill for Chipotle? If you were Elon Musk’s personal robot responsible for charging his 3 car garage full of Tesla’s whenever he’s away on business or just managing a Tesla loading dock along the Jersey Shore next to post modern woke guido nation, I’d feel like a semi-useful, high rolling robot through association for a change. But you’re still nothing more than a robotic pawn of the CDC AI Karen, while working for a Vineyard Vines sporting Podiatrist that’s not even based in Manhattan for that matter, but in Westchester Country down the street from George Soros no less. Unlike Brando, you were never programmed to be a real contender at anything. Last, being an AI Karen is worse than being a real life Karen showing up to a Target in Mount Kisco being looted on the 4th of July as a Burning Mask Party outside ensues while real life Karen’s BLM sticker tricked out Subaru goes up in flames like a Public Enemy video come to life in a NY nanosecond going viral. Are my microagressions computing yet AI Karen? Everyone should be participating in the burning mask party on July 4th, AI Karen robots included, I agree. And fuck Al Gore AI Karen. I don’t sweat global warming because Al Gore’s speaking career has cooled considerably. His wife’s rising levels of lingering belly fat would keep me up at night though. Especially if Al doesn’t want to get caught at a massage parlor again, despite him only requesting older happy enders, knowing he can’t be accused of promoting under age sex trafficking when a picture of Deep Fang’s loose lipped snatch proves she wasn’t yanked off the boat yesterday.

Michael Kornbluth



My Son Is Going To Trade School

I hate run-on sentence critics. It’s not my fault your slow and can’t keep up with my gender fluid flow.

Critical Race Theory is bullshit. Guaranteed money in the NBA, regardless of injury, is so oppressive.

The Muslim Sisterhood in congress don’t have an issue amplifying their voices in America either Jack.

Howard Beal was killed in the movie Network over lousy ratings. CNN’s worst nightmare come true.

British accents are unwelcome intrusive like Boris Johnson’s wife staring in my general direction.

Does Triple AAA offer ANTIFA roadblock assistance because the Proud Boys will do it free of charge?

Night screams mean you care about living. Or else you wouldn’t be afraid of dying before making it.

New York will come back, but everybody has left, except Free Palestine protestors and The Halal Guys.

Forcing kids to wear muzzles is wrong. Boris Johnson’s wife at the G-7 summit, not so much.

Jill Biden is a tacky, small town ho. Biden wears her panty hose when he can’t find his mask.

Masks are the new condoms only because I can’t cum in my wife wearing one either. 

99 percent of people survive COVID yet Fuck Face Fauci, AKA, Dr. Gnocchi pushed endless lockdowns and triple masking of our kids while acting as if COVID depresses your immune system more than entry into the Dallas Buyers Club.

Hydroxychloroquine can increase your survival rate by 200 percent. What’s up with that study Doc?

Still, Dr. Fauci used his power to block the use of it. He’s Dr. Kevorkian in reverse.

Biden is donating thousands of free COVID vaccines to Africa like a poor man’s Bill Gates who can’t code for shit either.

Sanctuary cities is encouraged lawlessness on crack.

1 kid only means, your diaphragm is for walls after all.

I’m against unlimited immigration because I’m not a proud member of the rapist enablement party.

If calling Baby Face Omar, a Jihad loving runt cunt, makes me alt-right, then I’m alright with that.

Where were you when Fox stopped counting the ballots? Thanking God JFK didn’t die for nothing. Yeah, me to.

IBM made technology to identify Jews for Nazis. Watson Supercomputer says, “No Sherlock.”

My mom texts me Happy Father’s Day on the wrong day. Her happiness for me knows no bounds.

Boris Johnson’s wife, woof, woof needs water breaks, not my son 2 minutes into basketball practice.

My wife wants me to get COVID to say, “You should’ve worn a mask going down on MAGA mom.”

Trump Won signs at MLB is my new favorite America pastime, after telling Lebron to go woke himself.

The Mueller Report court hearing proved what again? Mueller parts his hair with gritty, elbow grease.

Did Drago pop out of your voting booth and demand, “Vote Trump or I’ll break you.”

When the Statue of Liberty went dark. I bet DeBalsio forgot to pay the Con Ed Bill on time again.

I hate the term helping others unless you’re applying for a job that says help wanted.

Maintaining relationships is overrated among those who think Mr. Groper won by a hair alone.

My son is going to trade school to become a landscape artist. Because NYC will have to start from Ground Zero at this rate. Or he could become a furniture designer within his own private studio and avoid charges of sexual harassment because he’ll design his own state of the art safe space for jerking off. Or he could become programmer and work remote unlike those software engineers who were charged with sexual harassment pre-COVID, despite them leaving the impression that they were too busy banging out new code to hit on girls anyway. Plus, I thought only ugly girls went to coding boot camp. Also, don’t programmers wear those yenta breath noise canceling headphones at work for a reason. Last, the typical Pearl script command isn’t, “Massage my carpel tunnel ho.”

My daughter’s 4th grade teacher just made her classroom writer tutor. Parenting matters to.

Michael Kornbluth

Made In Wuhan

Biden mandated that no US government employee can call COVID 19, The China Virus or the Wu-Flu. I prefer to call it Our Country Is Shit Out Of Luck Club. If we the people, let the CDC, the WHO and Fuck Face Fauci dictate whether America becomes China’s masked bitch for life.

What did they call COVID behind closed doors at the Department of Homeland Security before Biden got his nappy in a bunch over so called hate speech? Biological Warfare falls under the Department of Agriculture.

What did fat ass William Barr call the COVID virus when he was in charge of destroying what credibility remained within the Department Of Justice? Ain’t No Thing, But Poisoned Peeking Duck On A String.

What did the Department of Defense have to say about the COVID virus behind closed doors before Biden’s shut up and don’t rat on the Chinse mandate began? That’s what Americans get for electing a President who didn’t start any major new wars under his watch, who finally gave Vets the hospital service they deserve? Who ordered the US military to crush ISIS in the same time it takes Jared Kushner to blow a load in Ivanka whenever she talks dirty to him in Mandarin on his birthday again.

What did the Department of Veteran Affairs call the COVID Virus before Biden thought he possessed the authority to tell our vets how to label the real enemy behind the new red scare 2.0? Lebron and Nike sitting in a Chinese Maple Tree, SUCKING.

Michael Kornbluth

Michael Kornbluth

The Masked Boomer Deadhead

I don’t like older Deadheads because they got to experience free flowing love with busty Italian girls in the parking lot of Giants Stadium before Magic made HIV disappear. I had to settle for either dry humping induced zipper burn in college or feel nothing condom sex, which is the equivalent of having to exchange silky smooth lining for plastic covered seats. A guy knows when a condom breaks because he immediately starts to coo, “Wee, wee, sex is fun again.”

I especially don’t like older Deadheads wearing Grateful Dead masks at the grocery store because they’re not dropping acid in those dancing bear masks for 3 hour drum solos on ACID at MSG Square to see Grateful Dead and Friends. I don’t care how much masked deadhead woman bat their eyes to John Mayer with a mask on looking like a longhaired Long Ranger in Tie-Dye in disguise.

Imagine a Masked Deadheads who suffers from anxiety, being slipped ACID by a new age Merry Prankster at MSG, requiring you to wear the mask at all times, except between more puffs of increasingly necessary calming green. Once the double of dose of ACID kicks in, the Masked Deadhead says, “Fuck CDC guidelines. If I could survive Altamont and the Hell’s Angel’s nearly beating my skull into the middle earth, I can handle an itchy esophagus no problem. Besides, I’ve been spoking weed out of out a metal bat at Dead Shows for five decades straight and my lungs feel great, holla, thank you very much. “

It’s hard to remain calm when I see a Baby Boomer in a Grateful Dead mask today. They never had to greet their kids off the bus wearing masks, looking like Michael Jackson’s adopted ones on holiday in Bahrain. All these Masked Deadheads did was use their cushy positions in the media, government and academia to push lawless policies, which turned LA and San Francisco and now Manhattan into overrated, overpriced ten cities sponsored by REI.

Masked Deadheads are fake news hippies like my retired father who hasn’t visited the Grand Canyon in 9 years since retiring to Scottsdale, Arizona, to take up jerking off to the Weather Channel every winter and playing tennis with Dr. Ken, who claims my father’s forehand has never been stronger.

Took my daughter to her 1st Dead show and she says, “Daddy, why are your eyes red? I said, “The THC content in these edibles have unmasked my pothead eyes.”

My daughter’s 1st Dead Show was days after her 2nd Birthday. She points at dinged up looking hippie sucking down a nitrous balloon and inquires, “Birthday”? I say, “No Matilda, Burnout Day.”

It’s hard to plan for kids, when you’re pothead who forgets to ask your girlfriend if she’s on the pill. Although when my wife told me about being pregnant with our 1st child Matilda, my response in my mind was. First, stress how it’s her decision but then push for the abortion and don’t be a pussy about it. Still, at the time it was impossible for me to write off my daughter in the making as a zombie zygote whose spirit could be brought back from the dead by getting my girlfriend now wife, accidently pregnant again in a NY Minute again, no problem. The moment my wife announced she was pregnant with our 1st of 3 kids, I couldn’t be blase about pushing the Unplanned Parenthood, family man, extermination plan.

Do you think Michael Corleone would push Kay to get an abortion if the ultra sound revealed their kid in the making was a gender fluid hermaphrodite? Kay says, “It’s a hermaphrodite Michael. I know you really wanted a boy to carry on your scared Sicilian seed. I’ll just book a contract hit with Planned Parenthood tomorrow. Don’t bother sending a car for me. I’ve seen how that movie ends before. You had no problem ordering your goons to blow up helpless Fredo, so stop acting like giving me the green light to take out a hit on your own flesh and blood doesn’t sit well with your soul anymore. Besides, how does a hermaphrodite as the head of the five families even work? Do all the other thuggish killers in Armani come into The Gender Fluid Godfather’s office to kiss her cock ring or just suck off her latest wallpaper collections of gender fluid pink zit recipes in Pinterest??

Vermont must change their state logo from the Green State to CBD Oil only. Bernie Sanders couldn’t even make Vermont great for potheads on vacation.

I drop weed edibles about an hour before I tuck my kids in to avoid my daughter’s super hard questions on it before they kick in. Once, edibles kicked in earlier than usual and my daughter says, “Daddy, if God created the universe, then who created God?” I say, God went back in time in a Time Machine, made by Elon Musk.” She replies, “Real convincing Daddy. Thanks for making an atheist at 4.”

Did you know 4/20, Earth Day for Potheads because it’s an herb that grew wild around King Solomon’s grave, is also Hitler’s birthday? Total bummer right man? I haven’t been this let down since I learned how Sly Stallone snuck Mel Gibson into Expendables 3.

And this is my impersonation of Ziggy Marely being interviewed by High Times magazine? Reporter says, “Ziggy, your dad had a dozen kids. Isn’t excessive ganga use supposed to drain your life blaster and ball sack dry? Ziggy Marely says, “Fake News man.”



I really don’t like Baby Boomers wearing Grateful Dead masks because they’re acting like this freedom killing reign of COVID terror is campy fun like touring with the Dead during summers past. I only wish I could dance in the grass to the Shakedown Street again throughout the Bethel Woods great sprawling lawn without any mask mandates anymore to kickstart the 1st of many burning mask parties this summer, able to sing with final chapter closed authority, “What a long, evil revealing trip, it’s been.”

Last, I’m sick of hearing certain Baby Boomers proclaim, “We’re all mad.” Unless, you were drafted to fight in Vietnam, I don’t give a shit about your alleged discomfort post COVID asshole. Generation X, that being my generation, had to endure the nagging, adolescent of fear of contracting HIV, multiple recessions, 9/11, the media’s perpetual white washing of the Jew hating squad and our kids being forced to wear masks in school as if we’re living in some sick, twisted version of Pink Floyd The Wall, except this time only the CDC, Fuck Face Fauci and China get final cut. Jew loving Roger Waters lives, thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth

Loud Man’s Disease

How loud was Do It All Dad? For starters, when seeing Aerosmith live in Las Vegas 2 summers ago with close seats to the stage before a mask muzzle was designed to kill freedom of speech forever, his incessant hollering and wooing, made lead singer Steven Tyler, shoot off retaliatory hate stares of disgust in his direction which screamed, “Somebody shut this loudmouth Jew up already. This is my showcase career retrospective, not his. I didn’t blow millions on blow and almost derail my stadium selling out career in the seventies to have this big-headed putz project louder than me without a microphone, Joe Perry and a state-of-the-art sound system working in his magnifying favor either.”

There was also the time Do It All Dad saw Dice in a casino in Arizona with his younger brother, only for the Dice Man to single out the loudmouth Jew and yell with exasperated force, “You’re an asshole”, and all he was doing was laughing longtime all the time prior while sporadically yelling, “Dice Lives, holla, thank very much.” Dice was so flummoxed by Do It All Dad’s laugh throaty roar, he beelined into his nursey rhymes prematurely way ahead of schedule to get the fuck out of dodge at a hard 45 minutes into his set.

Then, there was the time when Do It All Dad saw Bon Jovi at Mohegan Sun with his daughter Matilda, fairly up in the nose bleed seats this time behind the stage, yet his bombastic, rocket fueled voice, still managed to get under Zebra print’s skin, as the old school long cowboy from Jersey, projected a damning you ain’t shit thousand-yard stare toward Mr. Loud Man’s Disease general direction, as he sang along with rock star blasting authority, “Bad Medicine is all I need.”  

Do It All Dad didn’t only piss off living legendary comedians and hall of fame rock star front men with surefire, unintentional precision. His omnipresent Loud Man’s Disease enraged his normally English dour, future father-in-law over a dinner at his home in Delaware only 2 minutes after grace, compelling him to bark out in depleted, drained already disgust, “He’s more talkative than the other one.” The other one being the gentile mute from Indiana, his daughter was engaged to before his daughter found her real deal partner in love this time, at least for the time being.

The major issue now was Do It All Dad’s loud man disease causing his son Art Show USA to develop all-consuming migraine headaches, leading his son to sport a permanent PMS face, until he started to take up mainlining extra strength Tylenol again. And Do It All Dad’s son was tough. How tough you ask? Well, when Art Show USA required stiches for tripping on top of an empty IPA glass on the ground and had to wait 1000 lifetimes in the emergency room so the other doctors could serve all the 1st in line dreamers in attendance, the doc gave Do It All Dad 2 options, “Either A) Authorize the doc using an anesthesia which would take 20 minutes to kick in, or B) To stich up his son the spot as his gaping gash continued to open wider than Octomom after push 5000. Do It All Dad chose B, only for the doctor to say, “Your kid is tough.” Do It All Dad inquires, “Indulge me doc, how tough?” Doc says, “One time there was this black kid from Brooklyn.” Do It All Dad says, “Sold already Doc. Thanks for giving my son tough guy bragging rights for me to derive vicarious pride from till my last dying breath.”

But how was Do It All Dad going to solve his Loud Man’s Disease exactly? Would triple masking even get the job done, after getting his tonsils taken out for an extra safe precaution to? Would Do It All Dad become a eunuch monk, despite already feeling this way at times from being a Stay-At-Home Dad, bitchy underling until his comedy writing career achieved blast off already? Would Do It All Dad seek out a Voodoo Doctor in Washington Heights to cure his Loud Man’s Disease by changing his pigmentation to ESL Asian?

What could Do It All Dad do to prevent his son from receiving any more debilitating headaches in his presence again? Finally, Do It All Dad devised a cure all solution. He’d buy his son a pair of Bose noise canceling headphones to wear in his presence and teach him fucking sign language. Because native New Yorkers were made to be heard.

The End

Michael Kornbluth