Beyond Personal

More hardcore edge is funnier.

Governor Cuomo getting paid to write about leadership is like R Kelly getting early release to babysit the latest Kardashian out of the womb, Woody Allen writing a book on hands off parenting or Kevin Durant, Mr. Millennial Mouseketeer himself, getting picked to do a Ted Talk on how to defend yourself against Cyberbullying.

Celebrity couples who can’t keep their hands off each other are stuck in a perpetual sweaty sex period. That’s the secret sauce ingredient that makes any sexually charged relationship stick.

Russell Simmons addressing rape allegations with Gayle King. Gayle, read my lisp. I didn’t rape any of those vengeful, over the hill ho’s.

New marketing idea for my book Do It All Dad Does Jokes. Donate them to the Bedford Hills Correctional Facility where Martha Stewart stayed. Sample some Snoop Dog jokes on the Corrections Officer in charge of accepting donations for the Prison Library. “Have you tried Snoop Dog’s new red wine yet? Wine Spectator says it tastes like mouthwash used in Porn Hood Hell. Can I donate some Dr. Seuss books or are they not woke enough for the Warden’s tastes? Did you hear? Dr. Seuss is racist for drawing a pic of an African wearing a grass skirt. I didn’t know Fubu was in fashion yet.” Correction Officer laughs long time.

Dad giving you parenting advice 3 grandchildren later over the phone again from Arizona is annoying. Oh, you don’t like the idea of your granddaughter attending Cornell University eventually because of sudden mental health concerns post COVID pops? I think all the outsourced, invisible suicide nets used in factories for Nike and Apple in China got the 13 Reasons Why class covered pops. I bet Cornell made a Suicide Prevention App that has the Skulls and Bones logo on the button to make their snowflake prone students feel extra protected inside. Like Cornell alum Bill Maher for getting away with naming his production company Kid Love Productions, with no media inquiry into its pedo friendly name whatsoever.  If W’s kids weren’t such airheads, they’d download that app at Yale, knowing the Skulls and Bones logo makes you immune to fucking up again consequences like W after 9/11 for doing dick to prevent the inside job on his watch. Plus, whenever you press the Suicide Prevention App button, Bang Your Head by Quiet Riot plays pops, which gets you out of your head after you try to headbutt Joe Rogan through your laptop for promoting how much his brand of CBD oil matters man, despite it giving you no mental lift worth giving a shit about whatsoever like any heady rush takeaways from the Dax Sheppard podcast. That’s right, another interchangeable boorish, CBD disciple comic on The Joe Rogan Podcast sprinkles his killer sets with jokes about how Deadheads only attend Dead Shows for the drugs. Yeah, Dicks Picks Volume 1 through 9000 documents nothing but scattered tracers dude. But seriously pops, once you press that Suicide Prevention App and hear Bang Your Head by Quiet Riot, your anxiety level drops lower than Al Gore’s balls at the sight of finding one more Klondike bar left in his sub-zero freezer on the 4th of July.  

Imagine a kid trying to jump off a bridge at Cornell only to bump into the invisible net. Kid says, “I can’t even ace a perfect landing to end my endless shit show of a life.”

This is my impression of a Tour Guide at Cornell downplaying mental health concerns for the incoming class of 2021. “Freshman don’t even have time to squeeze in a 20-minute Peloton ride between classes. White Pelton Privilege doesn’t exist behind these Ivy draped walls. So, what makes you think, Cornell freshman can afford to spend their down time attending pill parties, listening to 13 Reason Why on Vinyl backwards? While looking for secret hidden messages like, “Sell your soul to Apple Music like Trent Reznor did. And you’ll look less tormented menacing in 700-dollar leather jackets in no time.” Also kids today post COVID can’t enough of social distancing, especially after their ears get raped to death from all the yenta breath sorority sisters during rush week in the school cafeteria, chanting, “Gama Roe, were so hot. We rock the Keto diet. So, we don’t become fat feminist Karen bots.”

Don’t go there question on Thanksgiving. So, dad, what brings you more shame, your son getting addicted to opioids or your eldest trying to wean himself off the comment section of the Gateway Pundit? You never heard of it? Its’ another alt right, dirt rag like the rest, according to Uni Brow Maddow at MSNBC. Hey dad, tell me if you think this impression is funny. This is Chris Matthews sexually harassing a new chesty, yenta breath intern from Long Island on MSNBC. Eating out Maddow, counts as your lunch break babe.”

Waiting for my car appointment to get a new key and some old guy starts asking questions about login codes for the internet. I said, “What are you really missing out on, besides the Do It All Dad Year Podcast and Do It All Dad Year Blog? Personally, I want to kick it old school and get a flip phone again if I’m honest about only wanting to hear my own opinions most of the time.  Describe the Internet in 3 words Twitter, “I’m smart stupid.”  Also, I want to start using my imagination for jerking off again, so I don’t feel like a slacker jerkoff at the same time in real time. Are you feeling me yet old timer? Old timer says, “I like using the Internet to read articles from the New York Times and Washington Post. I say, “Nobody’s perfect. Billy Wilder lives. I don’t do unnamed sources like you know who.” Holla, thank you very much.

At the library trying to donate some books and getting endless laughs by pitching all the book titles of my books to donate to a local prison in Bedford after receiving the suggestion from the Librarian like Controlling My Kids With Comedy, A Love Story, Do It All Dad Does Jokes, etc. Then, the librarian says, “You remind me of my nephew. He’s a comedian.” I say, “Your warm-hearted embrace of my funny man identity doesn’t remind me of my mother one bit.”

Why should I care about the Swiss beating the French in soccer? The Swiss are guilty of cultural appropriation by storing Mark Chagal designer lamps for their Nazi rulers to sell at Sotheby’s whenever they needed to stock up on more Malbec and crystal meth during their golden years, living it up in the Andes mountains, while writing more glowing reviews of Mein Kampf on Amazon under Nazi Scientist Protection Programs Rule.

New agent seduction plan. Only purse female lit agents, that give me sustained stiffage, which is extended arousal derived from their money shot loaded manuscript sales list. Playing with the idea of making mama jealous with a new potential Jewish Godmother fill in lover embracer regarding the totality of me wouldn’t hurt my increased motivation factor to woo them with more than my pulsating prose either.

Getting a new key at the Toyota dealership and start flirting with the slightly chesty, pretty faced enough, raven black haired, Latino gal who helped reorder the key for me prior in painless, super-fast fashion. I made her laugh long time prior the day before, when I said, “I don’t mind waiting. My unhuggable C Word of a mother-in-law is being forced to play fake news involved grandma for the week, so I’m whistling dixie regardless. Today, I say, the name Vilma is growing more on me every day. It’s more cinematic sounding than Penelope Cruz. In fact, I think Pedro Almodovar should make you his new muse and kick that uppity lisp to the curb.  Everyone working there laughs long time. I add,” I’m glad that my Philosophy and Film Class that my parents paid 50 thousand dollars for just materialized there.” The entire Toyota worker crew laughs long time again. United we laugh, oh, what a feeling.

Michael Kornbluth

Reimagining Old Testament God

The UN just passed a resolution to deny all Jewish ancestry connection to Temple Mount by calling it Haram esh-Sharif, which in Arabic means, “King Solomon didn’t build shit”, despite remnants of the Western Wall still standing. And there being archeological evidence of lamb skin condoms buried deep under the 1st Temple used by King Solomon with the Queen of Sheeba, so he could last longer, the next time she flashed her bushy legs under the influence of some primo Ethiopian weed, which was never confused with dirt sprayed week from the Boogie down Bronx that tastes like Windex.

Antisemitism and Florida are so hot right now.

What would you consider more suicidal behavior? Accusing the founding father of Islam of cultural appropriation on the BBC for hijacking the great Mosque of Mecca, despite Abraham and Ishmael building it. Or becoming known as a Dome of Rock Truther Blogger Comedian on Real Time with Bill Maher to take heat off Salman Rushdie by comparing the UN’s attempt to rebrand the Temple Mount as a Muslim only holy site to Mr. Roger’s Land of Neighborhood Make Believe. Dome of Rock Truther Blogger Comedian reveals his last words on Real Time with Ball Maher, ” A 2-state solution is impossible if Hamas keeps fucking Bill. The Dome of Rock is also a 3-minute walk from the Western Wall. So, claiming ancestral connection to the original resting place that housed the 1st great Temple of Solomon is a stretch Bill, like Hillary claiming all of her destroyed emails under subpoena were yoga related while the rest detailed funeral arrangements in the woods if Chelsea’s finance decided to increase his asking price at the last sec. I also don’t recall Drago popping out of my voting booth, only to threaten me with real life hate speech such as, “Vote Trump or I’ll break you. Russian Collusion isn’t why Hillary Hammer Time Cankles lost to Trump. Hillary lost, because she’s an unhuggable cunt, who failed to sell 70 million branded racists on why Baby Boomer Mom knows best. Baby Boomer Arrogance never dies. I’m still waiting for that bumper sticker Bill. But Trump has ties to Russia, no shit, what mail order bride owner doesn’t it? Cut me off any time before the Muslim Brotherhood does Bill.”

Bill Maher says, “You’re growing on me like Dexter on Showtime although I don’t see you getting renewed for 7 more seasons. I wouldn’t want to be your neighbor in Vencie, California, late at night, knowing how many hired loons are available to cancel you prematurely from breathing since my cherished southern California of yesterday became a giant Tent City sponsored by REI.”

Suicidal Comedian throws in some final last words, “But Bill, I forgot to promote my new comedy record, “Not Kosher Baby.” The original record cover picture concept was my 4-Year-Old-Son going in to lick Finn’s butt from the new woke Star Wars franchise. My son does share my DNA, so he’s bound to take a dip into the dark side eventually. My son being pictured licking Finn’s butt was my son’s idea actually. I don’t want you to think I’m grooming future fluffers for the Rebellion. Son even said, “Finn being a black guy makes it funnier.” I said, “I agree. Licking the Asian girl’s butt who plays the Rebel Mechanic wouldn’t work because I don’t see her being popular enough of a character to warrant a giant doll size action figure on her behalf either. Although the last image we settled on for the record cover was my son blocking his face with an old school Playboy magazine while holding up a Playmate centerfold from the 2nd do over Suzanne Somers issue that I got myself for Hanukkah for a Do It All Dad treat. Next to my son in this pic is his new Teddy Bear, who’s sporting an orange foam roller between his legs. In the end, my son and I decided to use the Teddy Bear foam roller hardon pic instead of the one catching my son in the middle of licking Finn’s butt. Between pictures, my son knocks over the orange foam roller with the Playboy magazine and I make him laugh longtime when I said, “You knocked over his penis.” But yeah, so we went with the orange foam roller boner pic, because we didn’t want the butt licking one to give the Podesta brother’s any funny ideas. And don’t act coy Bill. Google Tony Podesta artwork. There’s enough pedo installation artwork on those fundraising walls for the DNC to make Marilyn Manson blush. At the same time Bill, going with the record cover of my gorgeous son licking Finn’s butt for my 45th Comedy Record this year alone, Not Kosher Baby is innocuous behavior, compared to sicko states like California forcing kids to take COVID vaccine shots to attend Kindergarten like they’re grown-up Billy Madison’s who are wastes of life to begin with. The only long-term side-effects these vaccines offer is a false sense of security or a fake news return to normalcy because they work less than Hunter does on his Blow Painting since he gave up doing blow in townie bars in Wilmington, Delaware the night before Thanksgiving, only hearing last call from the bathroom stall. And China loves open borders Joe, because Chinese made fentanyl smuggled across our southern border has killed more crackers in this country than Taylor Swift kicking with Lena Dunham on Instagram. Pregnant moms getting stabbed are causing an increase in stillbirth babies. Vaccinated mothers are giving birth to kids with cardiac problems out of the womb. Grown healthy dads at 42 have been reported to drop dead of heart attacks on the vaccination room floors seconds later. But I’m supposed to trust Dr. Fauci who’s suppressed effective early-stage treatments like hydroxychloroquine to treat an itchy esophagus for anyone under 70, who never condemned Cuomo for forcing elderly homes to house infected COVID patients after Trump shipped in hospital beds for needed spacing, that got less touches than a Bible at Barry’s favorite bathhouse colony in Provincetown. But my mom wants me to get stabbed with the vax before visiting her and my dad in Arizona for Christmas before threatening to issue the take-away invite. Mom tries to pre-close me on the phone with, “I don’t ask much of you.” And I’m thinking, “Experimenting with the most dangerous vaccine of all time, which a preponderance of PHD’s have resisted taking, so you can steal my free mind and warrior soul away is a pretty big ask mom. Your side already stole an election and got away with it. All of this drawn out COVID theater way past its expiration date, where all the evolved ones pretend to care about the health of their neighbor when most diehard leftists want all Trump voters dead already is a serially unfunny comedy, that’s offering no comedic relief in sight. Unless Mike Dikta becomes the new president of the CDC and calls masks a worst prevent defense than pissing off Walter Payton by calling him a pretty boy in headbands. I know you don’t have kids Bill. But I wouldn’t want my worst enemy to see their kids masked up off the bus looking like Michael Jackson’s kids on holiday in Bahrain. But the masks work. Woke bloke please. Masks work less than Melo running the Triangle Offense. Why hasn’t Melo become the spokesperson for Tampax Tampons yet? Name another NBA lifer responsible for stopping so much flowage. And doctors who refuse to treat unvaccinated patients aren’t doctors anymore. They’re wannabe George Clooney’s in stethoscopes who belong in Straight Jackets for acting like COVID depresses your immune system more than backend entry into the Dallas Buyer’s Club. Last, I don’t like interfaith families Bill. Not that my wife gives me a choice in the matter. The only thing I hate more than my kids being used as extras like the kids from Pink Floyd the Wall to feed the media manipulated narrative behind vaccinated lives mattering the most, are fucking Gnomes Bill. Gnomes look like Santa’s stoner slacker offspring in Succession. I had to give up taking edibles before I thought my daughter was asleep already because I’d feel like a mongoloid moron trying to answer her super deep questions on the stuff. She’d ask, “So daddy, if God created the universe. Then, who created God. I said, “God went back in time in a Time Machine, made my Elon Musk.” Daughter says, “That’s a real convincing explanation Daddy. Thanks for making me an atheist at 4.”

Michael Kornbluth

Female Maccabe Power

Amazon sucks. You can’t find the Hebrew Hammer on Amazon Prime, but Mein Kamph is available on your Kindle, which is 725 pages of hate speech in a row.

Practicing kindness at Banana Republic.

Do you know where that sweater was made?

It says on the tag.

You’re making it hard for me to practice kindness babe.

Do you sell ball gags made in China to?

I want my daughter to run for class president under the new Burning Mask Party.

Name a kinder act to usher in more smile rich tomorrows besides the FCC pulling the broadcast license for The View?

As your next class president, I will host our school’s 1st ever Burning Mask Party.

Pinko baby boomers burned bras, we burn masks.

You support masks mandates at school baby boomer grandma.

Too bad they don’t provide immunity from Mr. Groper sniffing your granddaughter like ground up Ritalin.

Boomer grandparents think the CDC, the WHO and Dr. Gnocchi know best.

What’s new? Baby Boomer Arrogance never dies.

Meanwhile, more kids died in South Central this year from Vape Pens than those who who called out sick from an itchy esophagus.

You want to talk child safety? Then, why are drug cartels allowed to push fentanyl through our southern border freely? Which has killed more crackers in this country than Taylor Swift kicking with Lena Dunham on Instagram.

And the FBI can’t accuse us of being domestic terrorists.

Because we don’t pledge our allegiance to ANTIFA.

Ok, bad example.

I forgot.

ANTIFA are burn victims, who never outgrew their pyro phase in elementary school.

Plastic masks will take 450 years to decompose and completely disappear from our environment? Nancy Denture Breath Pelosi continues to defy the odds unfortunately.

We shouldn’t be forced to wear these masks anymore like Michael’s Jackson’s kids on holiday in Baharain.

Kindness is believing someone gives a shit about putting an end to this never-ending shit show.

And that person is me.

No more masks.

They’ll budge.

Our teacher’s cushy pensions are riding on it.

Joan of Arc wouldn’t put up this shit.

And neither should you.

I’m your Maccabee.

Matilda Rose Kornbluth.

The mask burning party revolution starts today.

Happy Hanukkah Challah Day!

Thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth

Triple Crown Winners

Nothing Rotten

Giving up Adderall is a return to energy independence.

Calling Zelensky a Jew is like calling Annie Leibowitz a mensch.

Also, why is Annie Leibowitz taking pictures of Zelensky and his wife for Vouge magazine?

Was the Vanity Fair Hollywood issue too vain for Zelensky’s tastes?

Posing in the same magazine with Wes Anderson’s pocket watch collection from Louis Vuitton is where I draw the line Annie, no offense. Tell your sister Judy Gold, she’s a no talent hack for me, thanks.

Zelensky takes orders from Azov Nazi’s. He’s like George Soros with a better barber.

Trump’s the Anti-Christ, not your dad, Liz Cheney?

But you unlike your deathly dickish American Dad, you aim to please?

Also, doesn’t Jesus’ return from heaven to defeat the Anti-Christ in the Bible part 2?

So have some faith in the Jesus comeback story, won’t you, people.

Imagine Jesus returning and his only request is that we give up social media for a whole year.

Trump tweets on Truth Social.

Don’t worship false idols.

Sorry, I didn’t realize that former Trump supporters were tweeting that about Trump on Truth Social before giving up social media for Lent. In other words, fuck off already Trump, you left us for dead and push operation death speed with the same verve as Trump Vodka laced with killer doses of Fentanyl. Condemn the kill shot and post our bail already motherfucker or you’re rotten to the core like the rest. What’s the point in passing prison reform if you can’t even bail out your supporters who didn’t kill anything but the veneer of Q being your alter ego in the form of JFK Junior who you were destined to team up with to take out the Deep state which took his father out, who wanted to share our alien DNA stool staples of Gore Vidal with the Russians. Let Blow Hard One Mark Levin let you off nice and easy. And if Ronan Farrow is really Frank Sinatra’s kid, then why hasn’t Woody Allen woken up next to the head of Secretariat yet? The Great American Songbook lives, now eat my butt carrots Amy Barrett. You’re Mia Farrow with better husband selection, Challah. Thank you very much.

Supply Chain Solved

You want to solve our supply chain crisis? Require every dreamer crossing our border to work as a delivery driver for UPS for one year. It’s good paying union job, you get to wear shorts all day and in New York state they’re already given a license to vote anyway. Plus, UPS drivers similar to illegals are exempt from getting the clot shot, so they’ll be healthy enough to do more ballot stuffing for UPS during the mid-term election season. Plus, did you know that in New York State, you can be fined 250,000 dollars for using hate speech on illegal aliens? Such as, No Speak English? Whose translating these insults for Juan exactly? Now illegal immigrants flown into the New York on Jet Blue courtesy of the Democratic party, get a License to vote and a hate speech translator to bankrupt Apu at a bodega in Flushing. What a country, Yakov Smirnov lives, Challah. Thank you very much.  

Recess Passes Matter

Instead of giving criminals an endless supply of get out of jail free cards, which is what no bail laws are. We should institute a recess pass system that our teachers used to punish our bad behavior in elementary school growing up. Speak out in class, Recess Pass gets taken away. Place dog food on Beth’s desk. Take a Recess Pass away. Choke a cop on the subway because you feel like it. Take away a Recess Pass away. You get 5 per week from the state, which can be scanned from your phone. So, every time you can get a Recess Pass taken away it means, you get a point on your license. 5 points results in your medicinal weed card being permanently revoked in New York state. You want to talk buzz kill fellas. New Yorkers have been waiting for weed dispensaries since the dawn of time. But now you can’t access it because Latrel Sprewell’s kid choked out a cop’s white privilege despite him deserving it according to Thugs Lives Matter Most. Thugs start having panic attacks on the Subway, I can’t breathe motherfucker. I can’t go back to smoking that shit skunk weed on the street. Gummy Edibles don’t stink up my breath. I don’t want to share no blunt with your ass just out of the slammer, you monkey pox packing motherfucker.” Recess Passes Matter, Challah. Thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth

Castration Nation

I think the Pentagon invented the Monkeypox, so they’d scare the rest of our military into chopping their dicks off. They already forced out those who refused to get the clot shot. So, what difference does it make? Our general in charge is a glamorized HR manager with sloppier tits. His only tour of duty is playing Russian Roulette with his dick at the nearest glory hole in Biloxi, Mississippi for basic training. So, what difference does it make? We already abandoned our own military and citizens in Afghanistan along with 85 billion dollars’ worth of military equipment for Al-Qaeda with our dick between our legs. So as Hillary Hammer Time Cankles would say, “What difference does it make?”

Drag Queen reading hour under fluorescent library lights is a scary enough image burned into our troop’s craniums for those responsible for teaching gender fluid reader fluency to kids tiring of Chekov plays in the Ukraine, when nobody is liberal enough to go ass to mouth even if you ate caviar out of the Count’s anus hole first. So, what difference does it make? At least, now, rapes in the military will dip dramatically. The only thing getting rapped will be free will, but that was happening already over the clot shots. So, what difference does it make? We don’t intend on winning another war again. So, what difference does it make? The Capital Police are free to murder American vets in broad day light like Ashly Babbit. So, what difference does it make? Michelle Obama will still find a way to be pissed despite Joan Rivers being the one who got dicked over permanently by Tina Turner, 2.0, What’s Talent Got To Do With It? So, what difference does it make?

Britney Spears can’t even get her memoir published because we’re running out of paper because the Sunday New York Times hogs up the paper market, by publishing enough shit about taking cannibalism and eating cockroaches back for the privilege of saving mother earth like it’s worth saving at this point. So, what difference does it make? If they steal another election, the military will shoot to kill us like a bunch of crazed Jihadists against any patriotic citizens left. So, what difference does it make? At least now, charges of the Supreme Court being soft on pedophiles in the military, won’t hold as much water in court. So, what difference does it make? Critical Race Theory doesn’t include do shit mayors who’ve let the criminals run wild because they don’t want to be called racist pieces of shit. So, what difference does it make?

Sudden Adult Death Syndrome from the clot shot isn’t going away, neither is Aids and the common flu rebranded as an itchy esophagus through COVID. So, what difference does it make? My kids aren’t joining the military to study military strategy, which has always been bend over and take it or get court marshalled you maggot eating piece of shit. So, what difference does it make? Tibetan Monks aren’t supporting themselves on nude meditation videos on Great Minds On Fire.Com. So, what difference does it make?

Castration Nation has no balls left to prosecute and punish those who push the clot shot at nauseum. So, what difference does it make? Castration Nation oms on and is threatened with loss of liberty, their job and pursuit of happiness if they dare to protest out in public against our stolen election outside the Capital Building while ANTIFA, and BLM get to burn down our cities at will while Corporate America pushes clot shots to placate the rape enablement Democrat party in our land of Democrat Deterioration not that Republicans who rubber stamped this sham presidency are any better. So, what difference does it make?

Uncle Sam wasn’t getting much action in the 1st place and is past his prime money shot blasting years. So since, the day Democracy died, and all forms of humanity left our medical profession after Cuomo found a way to kill Italian grandma without throwing her off the train. So, what difference does it make? Bruce Springsteen will stall call all his fans racist anyway. Even the ones who got jealous of Bruce Springsteen inviting Obama be Good to dance with him on stage to Dancing in the Dark on the Broadway. So, what difference does it make? Getting in last licks good. Last licks live, Challah. Thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth

Big Stinger Day

When mommy says, “I miss you guys”, you can tell if its half-hearted bullshit or not. Did you really miss Samuel asking you to finish wiping his bum while you’re cleaning up for your date with Sarah? Did you really miss badgering the kids about whether Daddy reapplied sunscreen on them or not after their picnic after I picked them up from camp? Did you really miss rushing out of the house in 98-degree weather to get some snacks for a picnic that turned out to be one for just Matilda and her friends? One of them being the kid who lives next door to Bill Gate’s daughter. Who for a wedding gift was bequeathed a 22-acre farm under the condition that she turn it into a placenta smoothie retreat for Hollywood Actresses to practice equestrian therapy with. You haven’t lived until you threw back a placenta Smoothie with January Jones on the set of Mad Men. It provides nutrients for an anorexic baby in the making. So, let’s kick this spirit cooking party into full gear and invite Hillary Hammer Time Cankles to feast off magnums of Baby Jane from 62. But no “unusual” placentas Planned Parenthood or else they can’t demand top dollar by Bill Gates and friends. I know Marina what’s her name isn’t satanic, she’s a “performance artist”, because her interview with James Franco got published in the Wall Street Journal under the money and investing section for Spirit Cooking Schools for the rich and famous not advertised on LinkedIn. Recipes for liquid dinners are painted on the wall in blood. The first one is a mix fresh breast milk and fresh semen, none of this frozen shit from Walt Diseny and friends. Added directions include to only drink on earthquake nights although attending a live podcast by Megan Mccain, otherwise known as the Plop of Nothing gets the job done. You don’t think the DNC is controlled by demonic beasts in relation to Hillary Hammer Time Cankles, Snopes Salon? Have you seen Tony Podesta’s kiddie porn art collection draped on his fundraising walls? There’s enough pedo bondage pics on those walls to make Marilyn Manson blush. You don’t think the Wiki Leaks emails from the Podesta’s about pool time entertainment, with ages specified along with talk of kids being sent Ubers on top of various mentions of various pizza topping such as yum, yum sauce are enough reasons to give you hypertension for giving babysitting with the Podesta brothers a chance?

So were about to leave the “Picnic”, and the girl who lives next door to Bill Gate’s kid’s Placenta Smoothie Farm Retreat says, “Richard Gere is my neighbor to.” And in front of 2 parents there I say, “Those beads didn’t come in red Gere.”

Big Stinger Day, Challah. Thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth

Puking Up Nuke Talk

Who does Putin respect less, Nuclear Weapons Experts on Yahoo News or Aids Specialists in Africia? The only difference is that Aids specialists get a blank check from George Soro’s open borders society. So, Gates and Fuck Face Fauci get to experiment Aids drugs on more black babies in the name of fake news love/planetary resource preservation. But shit on DeSantis more Yahoo News after Mother Earth washed away any veneer of good guy aiding facade that Mr. Gropers administration ever pretended to offer real life Americans since the day Democracy died.

Michael Kornbluth

Q

Roasting Royals

There’s no way Prince Harry tried to kill himself. Scruffy Archie hasn’t shaved in years.

Did Oprah give Harry and Markle the idea they could be a power couple like Linda Hamilton and James Cameron minus the major box office muscle?

Did Oprah recommend they read Hillary’s latest and greatest memoir, Eat, Drink, Wheeze?

But seriously, what was the power couple pitch that Oprah made? “William is a dud like Russell Brand after undergoing an ego lobotomy during the remake of Arthur. You’ve served in Afghanistan and have bad boy cred. Your hot right now like E from Entourage after he started banging Sloan in season 3. You 2 want to break free from your Royal Family ties. Now, is the time to do it. Just promise you won’t kiss and tell after you get your freckles mushed off into the Royal carpet after Michelle Obama pegs your royal bum into middle earth China for shits and giggles after a game of Operation Gender Reassignment edition gets out of hand.”

Has Oprah condemned Harvey Weinstein’s wife for finally divorcing that fat pig after 14 years of marriage? So, she could focus more on her lifetime battle with Amnesia.

Imagine Thanksgiving at the Obama’s this year. Malia, you barely touched your Tofurky. So, I let you intern at Miramax one summer. At the time, Miramax looked good on your resume. Besides, Michelle was your chaperone, and that fat Jew couldn’t pin down Michelle if he tried. Just like there’s no way Kristaps Porzingis tried to rape a girl in his apartment building, the day he tore his ACL. As a whole, going strong to hole was never KP’s forte. Plus, would Harvey Weinstein, try to rape Gal Gadot in her half naked Wonder Woman outfit on only one good leg?

At what point, did Markle say to Oprah? “Fuck the Queen, we bring in major tourist’s dollars to Wimbledon. Nobody’s buying tickets to take in Pier’s Morgan’s bloated blotchy mug.”

At any point, does Oprah keep it real and tell the royal pain in the ass to know her role and go woke herself for pretending she’s anything more than Lisa Bonet without the rock star DNA implanted up her lowly rated IMBD ass?

“Look, Meghan, you have a nice rack, but you still look like a wannabe mulatto mean girl in Heathers. Just because you didn’t get blinded by Scruffy Archie’s pubes, you think your entitled to capitalize off the royal name and use your own line of high-end stationary called, Royel Sussex Royal? Why, not come out with your line of handmade cars and call them, Royal Sussex Royce? You unhuggable classless cunt, Princess Diana, you’re not. Elton John isn’t dedicating shit in your honor, despite you being broad shouldered enough to pass for a B -Tranny judge on set of Rupal’s Drag Race to Nottingham Non-Entity Land. Joan Rivers would’ve called you “Princess Cruises for Hitler Youth Gingers on Halloween” on Fashion Police before Kelly Osbourne teamed up with Trans Chucky and ruined the franchise Joan built forever. Sound familiar, freckle cunt? Joan lives, Challah. Thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth