Biggest Prick In The East

Who’s the bigger prick? The boss who insists you get a vaccination shot for COVID when you’re working remote? Or the guy in charge who gave Jeffrey Toobin a promotion at the New Yorker, including his own safe space to jerk off at work? So, office security won’t yank him out of the bathroom stall, feet first, singing, “You don’t come around here no more.” Tom Petty lives, Challah, thank you very much.

Bill Gates’s daughter just got married. Say what you want about the depopulation genius, but the four eyed Hitler, who couldn’t grow out the stash if he tried, is a more conservative investor than you’d think. Why else would Warren Buffet’s BFF only have his clone wear the same sweater for interviews on MSNBC that makes vegan mayo stains disintegrate on impact? Why else, would old four eyes insist his daughter just order his daughter to play Coldplay on her voice activated Cortana speakers at her wedding, instead of paying 200 grand for Coldplay to sing the Scientist in person, when his better man Fauci would feel like a shortchanged, non-essential idol in comparison?

Bill Gates avoided a disaster in the making by refusing to pay Chris Martin in rolls of X Box stock. Otherwise, Chris Martin sings, “Fix You”. Dr. Gnocchi crawls on top of 3 booster seats at the wedding, but still can’t reach high enough to hang himself by his mask on top of the ceiling fan. Next, Coldplay plays, Yellow, so Mr. Hydroxychloroquine Fighter Cockblocker has second reservations about killing himself at Bill Gate’s daughter’s wedding in front of a former Lotus Notes sales rep turned freelance caterer. Then, Cold Play plays, “Don’t Panic”, and Fauci pees his pants in front of all the wedding guests after being confronted by the Ghost of Aids Past played by Freddie Mercury who jams a bat up his ass, engineered in Wuhan to give the million dollar elf man, a fatal case of full-blown Aids on the spot immune to Magic’s Johnson’s top secret HIV suppresser stash.

Dr. Gnocchi drops dead on the wedding dance floor, to “Oh What a Night.” And Freddie Mercury as the Ghost of Aids past says, “Another mass murdering scumbag bites the dust. Build back better AZT drugs next time, you Golden girls killing shit. The bat I jammed up your hell hole was crossbred with Rock Hudson’s DNA samples. If anyone deserves to be canceled, it’s this queen killing prick.

You’re my best friend now Freddie. Thanks for your service in my dream revenge sequence. Why should Tarantino have all the fun? He’s not the only fast talking perv, who can craft killer queen attacks of his own.

Michael Kornbluth