Debunking Dunking

George Bush calls Zelensky the Winston Churchill of his day.

Stand up to the Azov Nazi’s in your own country and will talk.

New world order piece of shit, whatever happened to ex-presidents not getting involved in current politics ever? Especially, the only one who allowed 9/11 to happen on his watch while ducking a rip off Berkenstock soon after.

Construction on Obama Be Good’s library was halted because of a noose was found there.

They really want to start a race war, after the Jussie Smollett bust.

It’s bad enough that jail spillage is the motto of do-good Democrats these days.

I have to get hate stares at the Nordstrom Rack for buying some discounted Hot Wheels racetracks with my 3 white privileged cloaked kids. Hate on the FBI for planting the noose in Bubba Wallace’s garage after all lives matter became the new N word. For the past 6 years, I couldn’t buy a job interview if my rich pure blood depended on it. Finally, that changes starting the day after my wife’s birthday next Sunday. So, fuck anybody, who claims systematic racism still exists. Because guaranteed money in the NBA, regardless of injury or a reliable left hook, is so oppressive.

I feel bad for Kyrie Irving. NBA commissioner is forcing him to attend sensitivity training. So, don’t retweet anything Alex Jones ever posted. I don’t recall Alex Jones ever sucking off the alter of Paul Mooney by insisting how everything great originated from Africa only or push conspiracy theories like how Moses, God’s favorite prophet on Ranker, concocted the plan of getting future homies hooked on blunts and forties, so they’d space on how black Israelites were the original chosen people. Who were presented the Torah in full, from Moses on Mount Sani. As if Moses or God for that matter, would’ve gotten a word in. Black Israelites, being the original chosen people just got debunked dunked on yoh. Debunking Dunking, Challah. Thank you very much.

But seriously I feel bad for Kyrie. He’s also being forced to meet with heads of the ADL.

I’d rather play for China and come off the bench for Stephon Marbury.

All the ADL is going to obsess about is Kyrie associating himself with Alex Jones.

ADL fumes.

Alex Jones is Stalin.

Kyrie says.

Has the FBI ever prevented a school shooting from happening?

You’d think their dereliction of duty is what they shoot for in target practice.

Debunking Dunking, Challah.

Thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth

Chipmunk Hucksters

I love telling Hair Sniffer supporters left how Democracy is dead.

You’d think I barged into a crowded theater and yelled, “He took showers with his daughter.

And forced her to talk like Buckwheat in the pursuit of hair follicle raising paradise.”

Rock Journalism is dead when Steph Curry graces the cover of Rolling Stone.

That’s like putting a young Cameron Crowe on the cover of Rolling Stone and just as lame.

Why not put Stephen A. Smith on the cover Rolling Stone?

He can complain about not getting paid more than Skip Bayless.

Because of his inferior character after getting Max Kellerman kicked off 1st Take for refusing to kiss Lebron’s ass as if his clot shot hush money from the CCP was riding on it.

About to resume my IT staffing career again.

Dad says.

Mom told me that there’s plenty of money on the table.

Now, will see if you can get it.

Tony Robbins can retire his headset now.

A new life coach motivator is in town.

My dad might as well say, “If you only had Hunter’s contacts. I’m only calling because mom guilted me into it. I still don’t know how were related. My tennis buds still know you as a sheltered bum.

Dad adds.

My old sales boss Norb says, “If you make a mistake, just fess up to it and explain your logic behind your dumb fuck decision.”

I reply.

So be a thoughtful salesperson and don’t be a defensive asshole whenever you fuck up in the process.

Got it pops, I don’t think Poopy Pants in the fake news White House got the memo, Trumpy Poo Tits included.

Lebron’s kids are on the cover of Sports Illustrated.

Headline reads Chosen Kids, chosen to what? Hock Lebron’s Tequilla when they turn 21 on Instagram as brand evangelists.

What does Lebron know about Tequilla again?

I thought his body was a temple and only flopped down into the faceplant position for mere show.

At least Mark Wahlberg was the inspiration behind Vincent Chase on Entourage.

Lebron just culturally appropriating MJ’s out of this world clutchness in Space Jam 2.

If John Fetterman is presidential material, Democracy is capable of being revived in our county through a Narcan only.

A cool dad buys his son a drum set at the Guitar Store. His wife says, “Hope you can handle the noise.”

Husband says, “Whatever it takes to drown you out bitch.”

Brother says to my mom, “Football is Brady’s life mom. You can’t expect him to leave it behind for Giselle’s uppity lisp. Besides, at this point, she’s 80 in model years.”

I say, “That’s my material. Do you identify with Carlos Mencia now? If my book United, We Laugh wins some contests and goes on to become an international best seller, I can afford to buy my wife her Range Rover or just make a move on Giselle because I can afford to for a change. What, I’m same age as Tom Brady. Plus, he didn’t win Grooviest in High School. Last, I can make Giselle my latest and greatest, Impossible To Top Cheesesteak that’s made from Impossible Burger Meat which will guarantee immediate lock jaw love in return long time, all the time. I also don’t recall Brady being blessed with the funny Jew bone. And mine is more endowed than the rest. I could mount her standing up versus my German speaking trainer on the Peloton and scream, “Do you feel it in your belly button yet? I’d drink Pineapple Chili hard Kombucha out of your slippery sly snatch during my next fast for carb free week. You can use your Super Angel wings on my daughter for Christmas. I won’t give a shit about her looking like an overdose at the Limelight waiting to happen. I’ll suck on your toes like they were Empanadas stuffed with Duck Confit. I’m down for a three-way Giselle. I’m better at multi-tasking now, off Adderall, I promise. Although if you really want to piss off Tom, you’d be better off banging Pete Davidson. My name Michael Kornbluth is too long for your lisp to wrap around it, it’s a total mouthful. Kim Kardashian can’t wrap her mouth around it. Who would pay money to see that sex tape? I’d rather watch Jared Leto pleasure himself with one working arm in Requiem for a Dream. What’s their idea of pillow talk? So, Kim, what do you think of Steph Curry being on the cover of Rolling Stone? Does Kayne blame the Jews for killing rock journalism too? Kim says, “I’m sure you were on Jan Wenner’s short list Pete.” Chipmunk Hucksters rule everything around us, Challah, thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth

Made In Wuhan


Biden mandated that no US government employee can call COVID 19, The China Virus or the Wu-Flu. I prefer to call it, Our Country Is Shit Out Of Luck Club.

If we the people, let the CDC, the WHO and Fuck Face Fauci dictate whether America becomes China’s masked bitch for life.

What did they call COVID behind closed doors at the Department of Homeland Security before Biden got his nappy in a bunch over so called hate speech? Biological Warfare falls under the Department of Agriculture.

What did fat ass William Barr call the COVID virus when he was in charge of destroying what credibility remained within the Department Of Justice? Ain’t No Thing, But Poisoned Peeking Duck On A String.

What did the Department of Defense say about the COVID 19 behind closed doors before Biden’s shut up and don’t rat on the Chinse mandate began? That’s what Americans get for electing a President who didn’t start any major new wars under his watch, who finally gave Vets the hospital service they deserve? Who ordered the US military to crush ISIS in the same time it takes Jared Kushner to blow a load in Ivanka whenever she talks dirty to him in Mandarin on his birthday again.

What did the Department of Veteran Affairs call the COVID Virus before Biden thought he possessed the authority to tell our vets how to label the real enemy behind the new red scare 2.0? Lebron and Nike sitting in a Chinese Maple Tree, SUCKING.

Grinding Out Greatness

In the Woody Allen movie celebrity Anthony Mason grinds Charlize Theron on the dance floor at some swanky club in Manhattan. Woody decided to make the pic a black and white one after the test screenings to subdue Anthony’s Mason’s penetrating blackness. Because just waxed socialites from the Upper East Side would soak their stadium size seating whole, clutch their pearls off and scream rape me already, before fnger popping themselves with their Cartier plated rape whistles as the most obscenely wealthy non-essential socialite yells, “Fuck Spike Lee. Mason can stop and frisk my billionaire row box for Hermes silk lining anytime.”

Michael Kornbluth

Uptown Balling

Brother says, “I wouldn’t move to Juneau, Alaska, too many Republicans.” I say, “Move to Oregon or Washington then man, ANTIFA apartheid, represent. You’ll find a dose off park community to identify with in no time, which reminds me. I’m tired of seeing kids in Steph Curry jersey’s today back east who never stepped over shit throughout the streets of San Franciso. How do these kids identify with Steph Curry exactly? Unless they’re mom won Mrs. Washington Heights and is hot enough to charge the price of Hamilton tickets per hour for some high-end chlamydia. Can I get holla for chlamydia from Steph Curry’s mom being worth 500 bones per pop? Uptown Balling, resist this Lin-Manuel, Hamilton is worse than Obama rapping, Challah. Thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth

The Livewire One

The UN just passed a resolution to deny all Jewish ancestry connection to Temple Mount by calling it Haram esh-Sharif, which in Arabic means, “King Solomon didn’t build shit”, despite remnants of the Western Wall still standing. And there being archeological evidence of lamb skin condoms buried deep under the 1st Temple used by King Solomon with the Queen of Sheeba, so he could last longer, the next time she flashed her bushy legs under the influence of some primo Ethiopian weed, which was never confused with the dirt sprayed kind from the Bronx that tastes like Windex.

What would you consider more suicidal behavior? Accusing the founding father of Islam of cultural appropriation on the BBC for hijacking the great Mosque of Mecca despite Abraham and Ishmael building it. Or becoming known as a Dome of Rock Truther Blogger Comedian on Real Time with Bill Maher to take heat off Salmon Rushdie by comparing the UN’s attempt to rebrand the Temple Mount as a Muslim only holy site to Mr. Roger’s Land of Neighborhood Make Believe. Dome of Rock Truther Blogger Comedian reveals his last words on Real Time with Ball Maher, ” A 2-state solution is impossible if Hamas keeps fucking Bill. The Dome of Rock is also a 3-minute walk from the Western Wall. So, claiming ancestral connection to the original resting place that housed the 1st great Temple of Solomon is a stretch Bill, like Hillary claiming all her destroyed emails under subpoena were yoga related while the rest detailed funeral arrangements in the woods in case Chelsea’s finance decided to increase his asking price at the last sec. I also don’t recall Drago popping out of my voting booth to command, “Vote for Trump or I’ll break you.” Russian Collusion isn’t why Hillary Hammer Time Cankles lost to Trump. Hillary lost, because she’s an unhuggable cunt Bill. The same Huma Licker Breath who failed to sell 70 million branded racists on why Baby Boomer Mom knows best. I’m still waiting for that bumper sticker Bill, Baby Boomer Arrogance Never Dies. But Trump has ties to Russia, duh, what mail order bride owner doesn’t? Cut me off before the Muslim Brotherhood does Bill, hook up another 50 percent heeb when you can.

Bill Maher says, “You’re growing on me Michael like Dexter on Showtime although I don’t see you getting renewed for 7 more seasons.”

Suicidal Comedian throws in some final last words, “But Bill, I forgot to promote my new comedy record, “Not Kosher Baby.” The original record cover concept was a picture of my 5-Year-Old-Son licking Finn’s butt from the new woke Star Wars. My son does share my DNA, so he’s bound to take a dip into the dark side eventually. My son licking Finn’s butt was my son’s idea actually. I don’t want to you think I’m grooming future fluffers for the Rebellion. Son even said, “Finn being a black guy makes it funnier Daddy.” I said, “I agree, Samuel. Licking the Asian girl’s butt who plays the Rebel Mechanic wouldn’t work because I don’t see her being popular enough of a character to warrant a giant doll size action figure on her behalf either. Although the last image we settled on for the record cover was my son blocking his face with a Playboy magazine while holding up a playmate centerfold from a Suzanne Sommer issue that I got myself for Hanukkah. Next to my son in the pic is his Teddy Bear, who’s sporting an orange foam roller between his legs. In the end, my son and I decided to use the Teddy Bear foam roller hardon pic instead of the one catching my son in the middle of licking Finn’s butt. Between pictures, my son knocks over the orange foam roller with the Playboy. Later, I make him laugh when I said, “You knocked over his penis.” But yeah, so we went with the orange foam roller boner pic, because we didn’t want the butt licking one to do give the Podesta brother’s any funny ideas. And don’t act coy Bill. Google Tony Podesta artwork. There’s enough pedo installation artwork on those fundraising walls to make Marilyn Manson blush. At the same time Bill, going with the record cover of my son licking Finn’s butt for my 45th Comedy Record, Not Kosher Baby, would be innocuous compared to sicko states like California forcing kids to take COVID vaccine shots to attend Kindergarten like they’re grown-up Billy Madison’s who are wastes of life to begin with. The only long-term side-effects that we know off for kids are a false sense of security or a fake news return to normalcy because they work less than Hunter does on his Blow Painting since he gave up blow in townie bars in Wilmington, Delaware on the night before Thanksgiving, only hearing last call from the bathroom stall. And China loves open borders Joe, because Chinese made fentanyl smuggled across our southern border has killed more crackers in this country than Taylor Swift kicking with Lena Dunham on Instagram. Pregnant moms getting the COVID vax stab are causing an increase in stillbirth babies Bill. Vaccinated mothers are giving birth to kids with cardiac problems out of the womb. Grown healthy dads at 42 have been reported to drop dead of heart attacks on the vaccination room floors seconds later. But I’m supposed to trust Dr. Fauci who’s suppressed effective early-stage treatments like hydroxychloroquine to treat an itchy esophagus for anyone under 70, who never condemned Cuomo for forcing elderly homes to house infected COVID patients after Trumpy Poo shipped in hospital beds for needed spacing, that got less touches than a Bible at Barry’s favorite bathhouse colony in Provincetown. But my mom wants me to get stabbed with the vax before visiting her and my dad in Arizona. Mom tries to pre-close me on the phone with, “I don’t ask much of you.” And I’m thinking, “Experimenting with the most dangerous vaccine of all time, which a preponderance of PHD’s have resisted taking, so you can steal my free mind and warrior soul away is a pretty big ask mom. Your side already stole an election and got away with it since the day Democracy died. All of this drawn out COVID theater way past its expiration date, where all the evolved ones pretend to care about the health of their neighbor when most diehard leftists want all Trump voters dead already is a serially unfunny comedy, that’s offering no comedic relief in sight. Unless Mike Dikta becomes the new president of the CDC and calls masks a worst prevent defense than pissing off Walter Payton by calling him a pretty boy faggot in headbands. I know you don’t have kids Bill. But I wouldn’t want my worst enemy to see their kids masked up off the bus looking like Michael Jackson’s kids on holiday in Bahrain. But the masks work. Woke bloke please. Masks work less than Melo running the Triangle Offense. Why hasn’t Melo become the spokesperson for Tampax Tampons yet? Name another NBA lifer responsible for stopping so much flowage. And doctors who refuse to treat unvaccinated patients aren’t doctors anymore. They’re wannabe George Clooney’s in stethoscopes who belong in Straight Jackets for acting like COVID depresses your immune system more than backend entry into the Dallas Buyer’s Club. Last, I don’t like interfaith families Bill. Not that my wife gives me a choice in the matter. The only thing I hate more than my kids being used as extras like the kids from Pink Floyd the Wall to feed the media manipulated narrative behind vaccinated lives mattering the most, are fucking Gnomes Bill. Gnomes look like Santa’s stoner slacker offspring in Succession. I had to give up taking edibles before I thought my daughter was asleep already because I’d feel like a mongoloid moron trying to answer her super deep questions on the stuff. She’d ask, “So daddy, if God created the universe. Then, who created God. I said, “God went back in time in a Time Machine, made my Elon Musk.” Daughter says, “That’s a real convincing explanation Daddy. Thanks for making me an atheist at 4.” The Livewire One lives, Challah. Thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth

Big Man Blundering

I feel like less of a femboy whenever another’s man’s dog checks me out at the park. I’m normally topless playing basketball by myself. Dog darts in my direction whenever I launch another hook shot. Owner thinks, “That’s not even a real hook shot. Plus, she he doesn’t even go hard to the rack. He looks like the disowned gay palsy Walton if you ask me.”

Big Man Blundering, Challah. Thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth

Fabulous Gang Bangs

Magic calling a time out on more hang out time with Lakers owner bus Dr. Buss.

“Dr. Buss, remember when Coop said how running the fast break was better than sex?” Well, that was some old G Nostradamus shit. HIV don’t want me playing around no more. Cookie said, “That’s how the cookie crumbles.” Dr. Bus says, “Don’t worry Magic. I’ll call in a favor to Jack. We can pump his body double for some fresh blood. How do you think Jack stayed alive after all these years? His dick should’ve caught gang green from gang banging fountain spewing hookers in Chinatown ages ago. How else could he bang more fabulous tight-coochie girls while standing up while smoking a joint to cheer you on in the playoffs during away games. Fabulous gang bangs live, Challah. Thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth

Speed Angel

Dad says, “I don’t eat steaks anymore.” I reply, “I’ve been burnt out on your burnt steaks before I bloomed under my Fruit of the Looms Dad. And I’m the one who was diagnosed as a learning-disabled learner in High School. Granted, by the time I completed my un-timed SAT, my friends had already declared their majors at Washington University. At the same time, you did nothing to speed the development of my non-existent self-esteem as my basketball coach Dad like LaVar Ball could. He’d throw me house parties at our crib in the 9th grade to help ensure I got to 1st base before my younger brother did. My star substitute coach dad would only invite Stuck Up Jenny from The Block. Two seconds into the party, super sub coach dad barks into her hoop heavy, dangling ear, “The Grape Crush soda bottle, doesn’t spin itself bitch.”

But we can’t be defined by our self-esteem strangled, fight adverse past selves forever. Which is why none of those pinko buds of yesteryear who attended Washington University 23 years ago, will ever come close to producing 111 comedy records in 11 months flat like a Speed Angel out of hell. John Lennon wished he was this productive during his Stay-At-Home Dad Years. And Quicker Dick Wins, comedy record 113, is coming up right up your juice box hole, Challah. Quicker dick wins, Thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth

Hate Speech Offense

Why did the audio have to cut out when Denzel and Tyler Perry were caught comforting Will Smith? Did Denzel say, “You try that shit with Spike at the Vanity Fair Oscars bash and I’ll jam your black privilege up your ass son, you dig. Just keep the black Medusa away from me. She’d scare P Diddy stiff with cucumbers on his eyes during a post Beverly Hills Hotel facial like Mila Kunis would with no makeup on.” How did Tyler Perry comfort Will Smith without having enough time for a Madea costume change backstage? To promote his latest and greatest film, “Bitch Slap Happy White”, starring Juan Howard.

And then Bradley Cooper trying to comfort Will Smith after Denzel and Tyler Perry failed isn’t too hilarious. “Will, if I could act like I achieved sustained stiffage from sucking face with Lady Gaga. You can pretend you’re not a black supremacist entertainer like the rest during the Oscars when you knew ahead of time you were going to win no matter what. Like the great Johnny Mac would say, “You cannot be serious.” Minnesota Congressional Rep Baby Face Omar Gonna Work It Out, can knock out Chris Rock with a Hijab headbutt to his Solar Plexus for Christ’s sake.”

Assuming the Will Smith slap was a staged one, it wasn’t a very convincing one. Jerry The King Lawler slapping Andy Kaufman over his chair on the Late Show With David Letterman it wasn’t. Apparently, all the brains in Hollywood died with Andy, Challah, Andy Kaufman lives, because he staged his death in the 1st place, you gullible pieces of shit, Challah. Thank you very much.

If the slap wasn’t staged, then why did Chris Rock look less fazed than when Sandler showed up to his wedding in his finest pair of Jam shorts?

The worst part about Will Smith cashing in on his black entertainer privilege while doing his best to distance and downplay his ties to the hip-hop gay mafia, is having to read in the NY Post about weird, weak, woke Howard Stern accusé others of mental health issues compared to fake news deep perm head, who treats catching COVID as a death sentence worse than back-end entry into the Dallas Buyer’s Club. The same weird, weak, woke Howard who never dared criticize the Thug Lives Matter Most protests, 2 billion dollars worth of damage later, or say anything remotely critical about the Russian collusion tales with less legs than Lieutenant Dan, out of fear of being disinvited from anymore 2 bite chicken parm dinners at Jimmy Kimmel’s house.

But hey, it’s all good, according to P Diddy after Chris Rock and Will Smith reconciled at the Vanity Fair Oscars bash, because “It’s all love”, like Will Ferrell ending his hundred-dollar million friendship with director producer writer star Adam Mckay because he casted John C. Reilly over him as Dr. Buss in Winning Time. Brilliant decision on Adam McKay’s behalf. Plus, he directed the Big Short, so Will Ferrell can go woke himself to. Out of character during interviews, Will Ferrell exudes the personality of a blah breathed Amy Schumer. Will Ferrell is somebody who deserves a bitch slap over forsaking his friendship with Adam McKay for a part on HBO, not the great Chris Rock, who Netflix can no longer afford to pay with just one rib. Regardless of Chris Rock losing anti-establishment cred after he shilled for Governor Cuomo as a clot shot pusher shamer like the rest, but nobody’s perfect. Or why else would any woman willingly bang Andrew, No I Won’t Jump Off My Own Bridge, Cuomo. He looks like The Thing and Mama Fratelli from the Goonies had a baby. Now, that’ an Oscar punchline worthy of the great Chris Rock, because Amy Schumer ain’t no moral compass of civility either. She thinks the group who voted for Hillary Hammer Time Cankles are the smart ones despite Huma Licker Breath failing to sell 64 million branded racists on why Baby Boomer Mom Knows best. But Amy Schumer still thinks Hillary lost to Trumpy Poo because of Russian collusion. That’s funny, I thought Hillary lost because she’s an unhuggable cunt, my bad. But it takes one to know one, right Amy? I guess Hillary deleted that memo to, Challah. Tony Clifton shits on, Challah, thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth