My Son Is Going To Trade School

I hate run-on sentence critics. It’s not my fault your slow and can’t keep up with my gender fluid flow.

Critical Race Theory is bullshit. Guaranteed money in the NBA, regardless of injury, is so oppressive.

The Muslim Sisterhood in congress don’t have an issue amplifying their voices in America either Jack.

Howard Beal was killed in the movie Network over lousy ratings. CNN’s worst nightmare come true.

British accents are unwelcome intrusive like Boris Johnson’s wife staring in my general direction.

Does Triple AAA offer ANTIFA roadblock assistance because the Proud Boys will do it free of charge?

Night screams mean you care about living. Or else you wouldn’t be afraid of dying before making it.

New York will come back, but everybody has left, except Free Palestine protestors and The Halal Guys.

Forcing kids to wear muzzles is wrong. Boris Johnson’s wife at the G-7 summit, not so much.

Jill Biden is a tacky, small town ho. Biden wears her panty hose when he can’t find his mask.

Masks are the new condoms only because I can’t cum in my wife wearing one either. 

99 percent of people survive COVID yet Fuck Face Fauci, AKA, Dr. Gnocchi pushed endless lockdowns and triple masking of our kids while acting as if COVID depresses your immune system more than entry into the Dallas Buyers Club.

Hydroxychloroquine can increase your survival rate by 200 percent. What’s up with that study Doc?

Still, Dr. Fauci used his power to block the use of it. He’s Dr. Kevorkian in reverse.

Biden is donating thousands of free COVID vaccines to Africa like a poor man’s Bill Gates who can’t code for shit either.

Sanctuary cities is encouraged lawlessness on crack.

1 kid only means, your diaphragm is for walls after all.

I’m against unlimited immigration because I’m not a proud member of the rapist enablement party.

If calling Baby Face Omar, a Jihad loving runt cunt, makes me alt-right, then I’m alright with that.

Where were you when Fox stopped counting the ballots? Thanking God JFK didn’t die for nothing. Yeah, me to.

IBM made technology to identify Jews for Nazis. Watson Supercomputer says, “No Sherlock.”

My mom texts me Happy Father’s Day on the wrong day. Her happiness for me knows no bounds.

Boris Johnson’s wife, woof, woof needs water breaks, not my son 2 minutes into basketball practice.

My wife wants me to get COVID to say, “You should’ve worn a mask going down on MAGA mom.”

Trump Won signs at MLB is my new favorite America pastime, after telling Lebron to go woke himself.

The Mueller Report court hearing proved what again? Mueller parts his hair with gritty, elbow grease.

Did Drago pop out of your voting booth and demand, “Vote Trump or I’ll break you.”

When the Statue of Liberty went dark. I bet DeBalsio forgot to pay the Con Ed Bill on time again.

I hate the term helping others unless you’re applying for a job that says help wanted.

Maintaining relationships is overrated among those who think Mr. Groper won by a hair alone.

My son is going to trade school to become a landscape artist. Because NYC will have to start from Ground Zero at this rate. Or he could become a furniture designer within his own private studio and avoid charges of sexual harassment because he’ll design his own state of the art safe space for jerking off. Or he could become programmer and work remote unlike those software engineers who were charged with sexual harassment pre-COVID, despite them leaving the impression that they were too busy banging out new code to hit on girls anyway. Plus, I thought only ugly girls went to coding boot camp. Also, don’t programmers wear those yenta breath noise canceling headphones at work for a reason. Last, the typical Pearl script command isn’t, “Massage my carpel tunnel ho.”

My daughter’s 4th grade teacher just made her classroom writer tutor. Parenting matters to.

Michael Kornbluth

All Assholes

After Lebron James lost in the 1st round against the Suns, do you think Obama scurried down into his man cave in Martha’s Vineyard to tear through his private stash of Almond Joys, hid under a giant box of Duct Tape from Costco? Joan Rivers lives. Can I get a Challah, for not giving a shit if I offended you already, and if I did, then go woke yourself, holla; thank you very much.

Why isn’t Marv Albert lionized as a hero of the LGBT community? He had an affair with a retired Broadway Transgender dancer for a solid 15 years. Doesn’t that give him a leg up on the competition? Eddie Murphy getting caught picking up a Transgender prostitute on a lonely West Hollywood night is child’s play in comparison. Oscar De La Hoya got caught wearing woman’s lingerie, whoopty freaking-do.  Del La Hoya was never canceled and had his career taken away during his prime because he liked to nosh on his sexual partners backside with extra relish on it. And there’s no way Marv Albert is capable of sexual assault on anything. He comes up to Spike Lee’s knee. If anyone is guilty of forced sodomy, it’s Spike Lee’s forced fed, media pushed narrative behind critical race theory and all lives matter being the new n word, burning up race relations faster than any Public Enemy video could, thank you very much.

Imagine Marv Albert doing play by play for Drag Queen Reading Hour. Drag Queen says, “Who wants to be a Drag Queen when they grow up?” And Marv Albert says, “We’ve entered serious garbage time folks.” Dr. Seuss, she’s not. Is that an Amber Alert I hear? Another reason, not to encourage your kids to go way downtown. I live in Soho and know what danger lurks behind those dumpster alleys late at night, which isn’t the most spectacular move to make with no protection on your person, which is why even hotels in West Virginia have room service for a reason.” Holla, thank you very much.”

Did you know Ellen DeGeneres and George W. Bush are friends? I knew she was pro bush, but what do they do together exactly? Besides play Operation with Michelle Obama, gender reassignment edition? Watch Portia De Rossi squirm as W paints a portrait of her clit being hacked off in front of Michelle for Sharia Law Appreciation Month?

Portia De Rossi is from Australia like my wife. We wanted to get married there yet my mom shot it down. She calls, “Son, Australia, is a long flight from New York and your father doesn’t love you that much.” I console my wife later and say, “Assuming we have a boy one day, instead of hiring a Rabbi for the circumcision, we hire Crocodile Dundee. Just so we can hear a roomful of Jews say, “Now that’s a knife. You can chop it all off with that thing.”

Daughter asks, “Daddy, was Shakespeare transgender, because he’d dress up like a girl in all his plays? I said, “Back then, male actors played all the female parts because Kate Blanchet’s, great, great, great, grandmother was a but-her-face with no make up on to. So, I don’t know if Shakespeare was Transgender because the Bard of Avon also wrote, “Hanging perverts saved many a bad marriage”, because decoupling hadn’t gone viral yet. Plus, masturbation post #meto wasn’t declared man’s last safety rail left yet. Nor was sexting, Internet porn or dick picks devised back then either, which proved to be the death knell of small talk in this country and beyond, before tatted up white chicks on crystal meth ruined the golden age of muff diving forever. But I do know for a fact that Kevin Spacy bought the Old Vic playhouse in London because backstage the Academy Award winner is gay about lunging at Othello in tights.

If my son played with dolls, I’d tell him to triple wrap his life blaster in the making in seaweed, before taking the deep dive into Polynesian Barbie.

Why is the transgender community so offended by the song Dude Looks Like a Lady? In the song, Steven Tyler takes more than a peek, proclaiming with surging lust, “Oh, what a funky lady, and I like, like it, yeah.” So did Richard Pryor, get over it already. He called it the best piece of pussy Bill Maher never had. Holla, thank you very much.

I’m breaking my Chic-fil-A strike if I see Transgender Father’s Day trend on Twitter again. Either you’re an involved father or you’re not, nipple tits. And stop acting like getting shafted is a new experience you’re closed to pursuing either.

I’m in favor of sexual expression but Drag Queen Reading Hour is a tad scary for our kids, don’t you think? Fluorescent lights don’t look flattering on anybody, let alone on a poor man’s Marilyn Manson impersonator. Also, if we’re going to be exposing our kids to Drag Queen Reading Hour and believe it’s not intended to groom our kids into pool time entertainment at John Podesta’s house, who showcases enough pedo installation art to make Marilyn Manson blush. Why not have a Drag Queen read a fable about buyer’s remorse after playing operation, gender reassignment edition called, The Missing Link? It’s a fable about a sexual awakening on the dance floor at the China Club. Where a horny, sexually repressed, 17-year-old kid from Westchester County reared on Lou Reed Records, desperately tries to his exert his presence behind stuck up Jenny From The Block but fails to flex his manhood up into her round of mound, because his missing link to old school, banging hip hop is gone baby gone. 

At least our kids won’t be required to wear masks at the pool this summer, looking like Michael Jackson’s kids on holiday in Bahrain, who are being forced to identify with the Moderate Muslim Housewives of Manhattan.

This past morning, my wife asks me, “Can I go to sleep now, after working all night at the NICU?” I say, “Do we live under Sharia Law in this house? Of course, you can go to bed now, but not until I titty blast you with this bomb strapped to your chest 1st.” Andy Kaufman lives. Thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth

All American Gold

This is Russell Simmons addressing rape allegations with Gayle King. Read my lisp Gayle. I didn’t rape any of those vengeful, over the hill hoes. I was going to do that joke at the Apollo. 2 hours later, my number hasn’t been called to audition for Showtime At The Apollo. Then, I got triggered after reading article about Nipsey Hussle like he’s the second coming of Tupac and I bolted faster than Usain Bolt with a Chinese Bat on his tail. I already felt less welcome than a resurgent herpes sore on the spot. So, I bolted, thinking, “Fuck the Apollo. It lost its soul when it let Bjork perform after Amy Schumer did, which is a double whammy of shame. Moms Mabley wouldn’t have fucked Amy Schumer with a replica of Sam Cooke’s strapping dick. Who opened for Bjork at the Apollo anyway, The Shrieking Seals? I have 2 books to edit before Father’s Day, Do It Dad Does Jokes and Controlling My Kids With Comedy, A Love Story. I’m out of here. It’s bad enough my wife is already texting me with a request to call her and keep her company in the car with our 3 kids while I have the entire house to myself for change. I’m audi 5000 like Vanilla Ice if Suge Knight busts out of Folsom State Prison with a bigger chip on his shoulder than Michelle Obama’s shoulder pads after Melania was rumored to have fumigated the Lincoln bedroom once they moved in. Apparently, Michelle peed on ceiling fan before Trump’s inauguration. Seconds later, Trump comments to Melania, “Is this what She-Hulk meant when She-He said, “When they go low, we aim high.” Joan lives, holla, thank you very much.”

I leave the bowling alley with my son and this cool Latino biker taking a smoke break outside with his woman says, “Leaving so soon.” I say, “I’ve got 2 kids to pick up now. I never mastered the art of the pump fake.” Latino biker laughs long time. He adds, “You’ve got a great looking kid, God bless.” I say, “I call him chosen curls was bound to woo. I always call him that name in front of my gentile mother-in-law to make her extra tense, whenever were graced with her presence again. But that’s what the bitch deserves for giving my kids eucharist behind my back. And my people the Jews are supposed to have monopoly on backstabbing behavior. Your laugher proves I’m not being a paranoid Jew about it. Thank you very much. But I better tone it down out here in the parking lot or I’ll be charged with hate speech against Unhuggable Cunts, who blamed the broken AC in her car for not visiting her grandchildren one whole summer. Like my father-in-law wouldn’t mind his wife sweating off some tons in the process. I didn’t give her atrophy of the knees, The View did, pushing more lies about Russian collusion with less legs than Lieutenant Dan. Those same chicken heads and fake news comedians never dared to ask Jill Biden if Hunter is the smartest guy she knows. Hunter thought a Ukranian energy company was paying him 52 grand a month to sell borscht as the new Kombucha. Who needs a microphone? I’m sounding louder than Busta Rhymes at a Midnight Showing of Higher learning.” The Latino Biker and his woman laugh long time throughout. Thank you very much.

Knicks fans won’t be allowed to attend Knicks games without showing proof of vaccination if they advance to the second round of the playoffs, And I thought the Biden supporters were guilty of wishful thinking.  



It was just matter of time before the world’s most famous arena, tried to become the most woke to. The Garden of Eden has morphed into Capital Building overnight. Why not erect a fence around the Garden with dangling Knicks masks hanging on it instead? Don’t masks keep the virus at bay like triple wrapping your dick, before rolling around with Madonna’s blown-up camel snatch in the hay?

Madison Square Garden demands Knicks fans show proof of vaccination if they advance to the second round of playoffs, which hasn’t happened since 1999 during the days of Sprewell. This was before Urban Dictionary wasn’t even created to birth new words like Spree (verb) To flee from an impending choke hold. Holla, thank you very much. Again, I thought getting the vaccine prevents you from catching COVID or does it only make you immune from charges of being an anti-vaxxer conspiracy theorist, who refuses to suck off Dr. Gnocchi’s exalted wisdom concerning infectious disease prevention till your last dying breath?

Everybody knows Fuck Face Fauci helped finance the Wuhan research, which birthed the world economy wrecking Wuhan virus from hell. But keep on thinking the media and government really care about your personal wellbeing New York. Shutting down the economy for an itchy esophagus, defunding the police, embracing sanctuary city policies, which is encouraged lawlessness on crack, banning bail and posting Cuomo’s meatball recipes on Pinterest will keep New Yorkers pinned to their seats at the Garden in record numbers in no time. Because Andrew Dice Clay playing the Garden in this post woke, COVID controlled universe gone wild will make it the world’s most famous arena again, despite Durant choosing to play for Brooklyn to become the mumble core voice for the mope maligned millennial mousketeer generation. Because I’m positive MSG would welcome Dice back to perform for his 3-night special engagement only titled The Day Democracy Died, after night one, when he opens with. Fuck China. Chinese made Fentanyl has killed more crackers in this country than Taylor Swift kicking with Lena Dunham on Instagram. Trump’s the anti-Christ. But in the bible part 2, doesn’t the original super Jew before me, Jesus Christ kill the Anti-Christ. So have some faith in the Jesus comeback story, won’t you people? I actually had to Google Anti-Christ to find out what it meant. At the time, I thought that’s what Pig Vomit called Howard in Private Parts before he came out as weird, weak woke Howard. So how bad could the Anti-Christ be? That is until Perm Head Howard divorced his wife Alison for Beth, who’s a 6.2 by ghoulish tranny standards at best. But weird woke Howard dumps on Trump supporters, so Jimmy Kimmel keeps on inviting him over for more 2-bite chicken parm dinners. Was just at Target and saw Michelle Obama’s book Reach Higher and I thought. Bill Maher just got a stiffy. Joan Rivers, I fucked her oh. I can’t take no more.

Michael Kornbluth

Everybody Tuning Out Chris

Chris Rock says the worst thing about the made in Wuhan virus, designed to wipe out large swaths of life, kill off the small business owner and any veneer of fair elections ever happing again, is being a faceless nobody in a mask for a whole year. I thought Chris Rock and Mary J Blige were the only black people who lives in Montclair, New Jersey according to Chris?

Didn’t he get to work on FX when the entire country was shut down and forced to pretend they enjoyed remote learning for their kids? While Jeffrey Toobin at the New Yorker, forced every Zoom meeting forward to start with, “For all you perverted, Jeffrey Toobin degenerates, raise your hands up high, where I can see them.”

Chris Rock missed being noticed. You could’ve looted a Target with no mask on Chris without fearing any career hampering restrictions. But you’re cool with Lebron and company taking a knee for the National Anthem, because guaranteed money in the NBA is so oppressive. Now, cops are Ice Cube’s best friend, since they’ve been unmasked as neutered gimps in the face of peaceful protests, resembling Public Enemy videos come to life. Fuck the police actually takes on a loving Motown feel now, to show how much you appreciate them taking a knee, because they’ll be caught dead wearing Nike sweats till their grave no matter what. I’m positive a looter would’ve taken a time out from snagging more high definition TVs to ask for your autograph Chris, without sweating the tossed salad man on the horizon. Especially since bail was eliminated, proving blue balls for men in blue don’t matter, because it’s impossible to maintain sustained stiffage, when bad guys are being rereleased by the time Deblasio wraps up his 2nd set of 10 pound curls at the Park Slope Y.

If Chris Rock wants his name to pack real heat again, he should befriend the head of BLM who just scored a cushy new TV development holding deal with Warner Brothers. He could host a new reality show for big money like, Lifestyles Of Rich Bitch, BLM Activists, holla, thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth

The Wuhan Mascot From Hell

Kristaps Porzingis got fined 50 grand for violating COVID player restrictions by briefly attending a strip club in LA, the night after Dallas beat the clippers. NBA commissioner Adam Silver proves again how Latvian blue balls don’t matter. I love how Kristaps Porzingis’s publicist emphasized to USA Today how her client only “briefly” attended a strip club after the game. All that proves is how Kristaps Porzingis made it rain in his sweats instead of on stage. Before spending his last Benjamin on his person on a Sombrero from a local Mariachi bandleader outside the strip club, to cover his stain of easily excitable shame, before hailing an Uber back to his hotel at the W.

Kristaps hops out the Uber with a Sombrero over his dick. He get’s bombarded by the crew from Entourage outside his Uber, waiting for an Uber of their own. Turtle says, “KP, huge fan man. Ask Vince, I always told him, my Uni would fly again. E says, “What’s with the Sombrero KP? Based on your size, I assume you got noting to hide. The entire entourage laughs. Vince chimes in. “Hey, KP were going to a party in the hill’s at Drake’s place to replace Michael Jordan’s new tequila brand with AVION from Entourage, for ruining the Jay Z concert at the new Yankee stadium. How do you put Drake on after Eminem, Dr. Dre and Jay Z? Drama adds, That’s more deflating than Turtle trying to keep his dick from slipping out of Kourtney Kardashian in a slink of shame after she banged the Cav’s old starting five when the Cavs PR manager told JR Smith to stop conducting interviews in the locker room on his hoverboard because he was high enough already. Why are you so quiet KP? Kourtney Kardashian, you know OJ’s daughter, the sloppy third Kardashian sister, whose easy to bang at 4 in the morning like a lamb Gyro in Astoria.” Turtle adds, “And for Knicks pride, I’m going to taunt every Jordan licker at this Tequila release party for MJ for never pushing Bulls management to pay Scottie Pippen more than BJ Armstrong’s nanny. By the way, tell Cuban, I say hi.”

KP tosses the Sombrero on to Sunset Strip and says, “Fuck it, let’s go. The strip club is dead anyway.” Drama says, “No shit, you can’t practice social distancing in the Champagne room. Isn’t that right, you long limbed Latvian freak? Next Drama starts to give KP a fist pump but finally notices the enormous wet spot between his legs and says, “Don’t sweat it KP. Next time, don’t wear sweats to Girls, Girls, Girls. You’ll blow out your ACL next time. Do you believe in miracles KP?” KP says, “I do Drama.” So wear rugged Levin jeans to the strip club next time, not those 200 dollar faggy seven jeans that Vinny always wears, no offense little bro. Turtle adds, ” I got faith in you KP, so does the rest of the Knick fan faithful. Shock the world like Ozzy post Black Sabbath after teaming up with Randy Rhodes and prove to Stephen A Smith, Uni will fly high again. For once, Stephen A won’t be able to blame your higher hopping ability on white priveledge as Lebron continues to drive NBA playoff ratings into China like a WUHAN Bat Mascot from hell.”

Michael Kornbluth

The Rape Enablement Party

George Floyd’s family demanding police reform in the White House.

“27 million is chump change after taxes Joe. Can I call you Joe? Mr. President sounds too imperialistic for my taste. Why don’t you call the the IRS right now and order them to exempt the Floyd family from having to pay state tax on our court settlement money. I don’t think we should be funding what’s left of the Minnesota police department until its abolished for good. You bet your ass George Floyd was an angel. High as a kite till the end. And were 27 million times richer because of it. Only in Obama’s oppressive rich America baby.” Holla, thank you very much.

If you support open borders, then you’re pro pedophilia in favor of unregulated sex trafficking of minors. So go woke yourself, you Godless, decrepit bitch. Holla, thank you very much.

1 kid only, means your diaphragm is for walls after all.

If you don’t possess the moral backbone to accuse Hamas as being the real perpetuators of genocide against their own people or admit to them being diehard fans of raping infidels in front of their victim’s kids left and right. Then you’re no better than the Muslim Sisterhood holding congresionall fortitude hostage since the day Democracy died.

Remember when Jew loving Linda Sarsour endorsed Chelsea Manning for Senate because she supports pro genital mutilation? Then, Collin Kaepernick thought it was a good look taking a selfie pick with Linda Sarsour to post on Twitter. That’s like wearing a mutilated clit on your fro bro. Last, Collin Kaepernick sports a fake news fro. Have you ever seen a bi-racial afro that large before? Slash grew it out and it was a total flop. Another bi-racial Hebrew Lenny Kravitz, never made it bounce that way. Holla, thank you very much.

How did congressional rep Baby Face Omar acknowledge the anniversary of Amy Winehouse’s death on Twitter? Did she tweet, “Something happened to a horn hiding, bee hiving sporting colonist, who exploited the great Palestinian Song Book for all it was worth?

How does Farrakhan celebrate Holocaust Remembrance Day? Does he spray Benjamin Netanyahu’s twitter feed with termite emojis from dawn till night but include the hashtag #NataliaPortman is alright? Can I holla for some Challah? Thanks to my God blessed, funny Jew bone? Thank you very much.  

If you reduce mothers to nothing more than birthing people, you’re a joyless wench. Whose sex life never felt pregnant with untapped possibility to begin with. Holla, thank you very much.

If you don’t recognize big tech and the mainstream’s media coordinated effort to conceal Biden’s sketchy, morally comprised ties to China or the Ukraine, such as Hunter’s forgotten lap top with emails citing the standard 10 percent cut for the big guy while getting paid 50 grand week from a  sports energy drink company in the Ukraine who hired him  to push borscht as the new Kombucha. Then, you’re a glaringly unoriginal, hypocritical cunt like the rest of your sad sack team, responsible for ruining dinner parties and relationships with Jesus for overemphasizing the importance of loving our neighbors insistence on maintaining the moral high ground despite it being a mirage drowning in rapidly sinking quick sand. How do these people live with themselves knowing how they still treat Dr. Fauci with kiddy gloves after being busted for financing biochemical warfare against all of God’s green earth? But Don Lemon still treats Fuck Face Fauci like the saintly, non-fictitious version of Dr. Huxtable, drowning in Cosby’s family friendly sweaters.

Did you know Female dragonflies play dead to avoid sexual assault? Bill Cosby victims calls this wishful thinking.

How was Seinfeld oblivious to Cosby’s 4 decades of rape again? Where were your powers of observation then Jerry?

Seinfeld just auctioned off one his Porsches for charity. I hope half of those proceeds went to Larry’s kids. 

The NY Times claims working moms today spend more time with their kids than Stay At Home Moms did in the seventies. So Stay At Home Moms in the seventies slept on the job? After they were slipped one too many quaaludes, being forced to relive memories of Bill Cosby’s family friendly dentist drilling material of yesteryear again and again. I don’t get it.

In related news, Harvey Weinstein’s wife of 15 years finally divorced him. So she could focus on her lifetime battle with amnesia. But let’s stop acting like Ashley Judd is a real victim of rape. Ooh, she refused to watch Harvey Hair Clumps Weinstein shower himself down at his 5 star suite at the 4 Seasons. Then again, Ashley Judd is from Kentucky and has plenty experience judging fat pigs at the county fair.

And Kristaps Porzingis didn’t rape the girl in his apartment complex the day he tore his ACL. First, going strong to the hole was never KP’s forte. Also, do you see Harvey Weinstein or that guy from the 70’s show trying to rape Gal Gadot on only one good leg?

This is my impersonation of Russell Simmons on Gail King addressing all the sexual assault allegations against him. Gayle, read my lisp. I didn’t rape any of those vengeful, over the hill hos.

If you laughed at these jokes, it means, you’re not a humorless buzzkill or a crazed, demonically deranged, evil enabling, supporter of the rape enablement party. Mazel Tov. Too bad Morning Joe and Don Lemon will be heading up their defense on Judgement Day.

Michael Kornbluth  

Flipping The Bird To Flopping Seals

The state of our union is like Stephen Colbert’s feel for funny these days, shaky. It’s too bad Bill O’Reilly is no longer important enough to imitate. At least, Bill gave Colbert gravitas.

Now, the Colbert show is requiring it’s live audience to show proof they got vaccinated to ensure they remain the clapping seals that they are, no matter how much Greg Gutfeld beats Colbert in the late night ratings race.

Lebron is like Jussie Smollett. He’s kisses Obama’s butt no matter what. Plus, they both act persecuted whenever you make fun of their acting again. Last, they’re both race war inciting, fake news oppressed, deplorable pieces of shit. Because deplorable is anyone glad Jussie Smollett took a shot. Too bad Jussie can’t take his hoax planning talents to CNN. Don Lemon already squeezed the role of fake news enraged, pseudo black looking Obama guy for all it was worth. Holla, thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth

The Fanatical Circle Jerk Of Despair

A group of Jews got jumped at Sushi Fumi on La Cienega by oppressed Palestinian Nationalists. What did saggy tits Silverman have to say about the incident on Twitter to draw attention away from her tits sagging popularity for the past 20 years already?

Jews in the diaspora need allies. WE ARE NOT ISRAEL. And we sure as fuck aren’t the Israeli government.”

Did her weed brownies kick in before this brain fart or what? Is this the same Sarah Silverman who questioned President Trump’s maturity when she’s the one who still takes bingers in hoodies into her late forties? The same dronish, grating hack who never outgrew her tasteless jokes phase? She says, “We are not Israel”, in all caps. Watch out Lenny Bruce. You bet your cream cheese ass America isn’t Israel. Their citizens actually respect their commander and chief. Unlike Mr. Groper and your lover boy bust Obama who still houses Valerie Jarret, his live in Arabian horse whisperer. The same Valerie Jarret who drafted the time out nuke deal with Iran, including 200 billion to make their economy less reliant on the sale of hair removal products for the Kardashians. You’d jerk off Jihadi John, if it got you 6 million more followers, you blah breathed disgrace to your race. Way to completely wreck whatever good girl Jewish veneer you had left, you Jihadi jerker offer. Holla, thank you very much.

I call to schedule a hair appointment for my son. Kid Salon Owner says, “What’s your number Mr. Kornbluth. I tell her the number and say, “Just don’t give out the number to Hamas because my last name is a dead fucking giveaway. She laughs. I add, “Are you free later tonight to grab some Matzah Ball Soup. Salon Owner laughs long time again. Because I’m a hilarious sexy Heeb, unlike Saggy Tits Sarah, thank you very much.

Joe Biden praises ‘Fighter’ Rashida Tlaib, after she publicly confronts him on Israel. And says, “Drop a couple of pounds, and Talib Kweli fucker wannabe will be all up in your sandy brown snatch in no time.

AOC is preparing a resolution that would block the US sale of bombs to Israel to rearm their Iron Dome missile defense system that only takes out Palestinian Rockets. It has no offensive capabilities besides enraging every frothing Anti-Semite under the sun, especially the horse faced ones who compare immigration holding centers with centralized AC to Nazi death camps. Nazi Death camps at Auschwitz were used for more than lice removal babe. And what makes you think you’d survive Hitler’s wrath? You’d be rounded up with all the other pick pocketing gypsies by the Gestapo for thinking you fulfill the Aryan idea of being another aesthetically pleasing Libra like Pearl Necklace Harris, which throws the entire astrology chart into question. Holla, thank you very much.

MSNBC’s Hayes says, ‘Can we get an Iron Dome for Gaza, so children there ‘don’t have death rain down upon them?’ Ask Natalie Portman to fund it on the down low. She’s moving to Australia to avoid vicious hate speech attacks from afar anyhow. Holla, thank you very much.



Did you know 20 percent of Hamas rockets end up backfiring, landing in their own backyard, killing more of their own citizens to do even more ethnic cleansing on Israel’s behalf? Who knew Hamas was capable of exhibiting such retweet worthy compassion for human life, regardless of peaceful religious doctrine adherence or not? Holla, thank you very much.

But Hamas is willing to accept a ceasefire under 2 conditions. 1st dibs for all kids being taught critical race theory at the Disney satellite office for the Al Jazeera network. 2nd, Hamas gets the Big Guy’s 10 percent cut from cultural appropriation consulting fees paid to the Republic of China. Holla, thank you very much.

Has Kamala Harris visited the boarder yet? Or will she require a translator from Telemundo as all the American ICE agents barrage her with chants of, “Choke on a chocolate babka you stanky ass, punta bitch. Compare ICE to The Klan again, Halle Berry. And stop pretending your black. You didn’t even know if Tupac was dead or not. If you’re black, David Duke is the new racial sensitivity trainer for Disney Kids.



How is Israel an apartheid state again? Hamas is trying to wipe Israel off the map, not the other way around. Here’s a concept Palestine, stop throwing violent temper tantrums that put everyone in danger, and Israel will stop grounding your cry baby Hamas commanders into the ground, six feet under, ok.

How is Israel an apartheid state again? Are Palestians being denied interviews for IT recruiter jobs in Tel Aviv because IT recruiters get les respect than stay at home dads under permanent COVID house arrest already prior?

Are Palestinian woman even allowed to reveal their headshots on LinkedIn yet?  

And killing Hamas terrorists doesn’t make it easier for Hamas to recruit. All of a sudden, you expect Hamas to respect a non-compete with Al Qaeda?  Holla, thank you very much.

Last, Hamas aren’t good recruiters. They just target other lonely virgins on What’s App. Who wish their phones blew up.

While Addressing a graduating class of Coast Guard cadets Mr. Unity quoted mass murder Mao and said, “Women hold up half the world. While the other half walk out the knots on Bob Kraft’s back. My dear friend Al Gore doesn’t promote sex trafficking by frequenting massage parlors behind his wife’s back because he only requests older ones who weren’t yanked off the boat yesterday.” Holla, thank you very much.



Claiming BLM only hold signs is like Biden claiming he only sniffs Strawberry Shortcake.

BLM only holds signs. And Michelle Obama only holds her birthing people hole whenever she runs out of duct tape from Costco again. Joan lives Holla, thank you very much.

If BLM only holds signs, then who caused 2 billion dollars’ worth of damages during their peaceful protests against resisting arrest during this past summer of love? And why is eating al fresco no longer a viable option for a night of relaxation with your cracker ass white bitch wife ever again? Blame the signs for all time low NBA ratings, as they plummet into China sounds like a reason to love the NBA game again. Holla, thank you very much.





Michael Kornbluth

Serbian Big Man Mattering More

The robot at Stop and Shop is scary. I tell my son, “Don’t make fun of Lebron or he’ll report you to China.” Holla, thank you very much.

I don’t think Lebron ever got the Trump voiced GPS system. On your left is Mohegan Sun, Elizabeth Warren’s home away from home.

Shocked Lebron thinks Steph Curry should win the MVP over the Serbian big man averaging 26.4 points per game in addition to 10 plus boards and eight assists per game for Denver, almost pulling off an Oscar Robinson triple double average all season long. It’s a good thing Nikola Jokic never told a reporter during All-Star weekend, All Lives Matters, is the new n word. Or else we’d really have to really hear what terrorist siding black supremacists in the NBA really think, Kyrie Irving included. They don’t have a statue of him in China yet, do they? Holla, thank you very much.



Kyrie Irving’s ball handling skills have no equal. Too bad Kyrie has zero balls when it comes to defending the real victims of unjustified hate like Israeli kids kidnapped and killed in death tunnels by you know who. But it takes real balls to use big words like “dehumanize” to sound like Lebron 2.0, jerkoff. Also, I thought you never talk to journalists unless the questions are received in advance like Obama’s gym socket puppet. But now you care about the welfare of Palestinian terrorists in charge, hellbent on wiping Israel off the planet. I wonder why.

If I can’t get a lit agent for my book The Koshertarian Comedian or The Great American Jew Novel or from Waste Height, Really Short Stories, I’m going skip declaring bankruptcy. I’ll just take up fentanyl like George Floyd and stick up a pregnant woman with a fake news gun to score some counterfeit bills to buy some smokes at 711 before resisting arrest from the cops in hot pursuit, only to die from cardiac arrest, knowing at least then, Kyrie Irving would pay off the mortgage on my family’s house while Lebron could pay for my kids’ college on the down low. Holla, thank you very much.

It’s hard to keep your mouth shut when you spot a middle-aged white woman sporting a tie dye shirt that says Biden and Harris on it, days after the current administration in charge freed up 200 million for Hamas to finance a rocket launch party into Israel’s backyard for old time’s sake. First, I threw off the Karen and say, “Nice shirt”, duping her into thinking, I’m on her Jihadi jerkoff siding side. Next, I add, “Giving 200 million to Hamas to kill more Jews was totally done in the spirit of peace and love babe. I don’t know about you, but I’m sure team Biden calling for a ceasefire behind closed doors is really singing, “All we are saying United Nations, is give more money to Hamas to help wipe Israel off the map. So, they have a fighting chance. Holla, thank you very much.



AP news was slammed for claiming it was unaware of Hamas occupying an office in their building. Weren’t chants of fuck Madonna’s camel toe snatch during casual Friday or playing like Virgin on repeat after introducing office Karaoke on ironic causal Fridays or no female HR managers on site to fend off headhunters trying to recruit talent for Al Qaeda all dead giveaways already?

Never understood the fantasy of bedding 72 virgins. Doesn’t Jihadi John have enough blood on his hands already? Finally, Jihadi John arrives at a Motel 6 in virgin heaven allegedly. Virgin number one reveals herself to be a highly grating annoying Arabic version of Joy Behar. Booger face starts to demask and screeches, “Don’t you have enough blood on your hands already? Forget it, just whip out your skewer stick and get it over with already. But for what it’s worth, I just cleaned the sheets. So, let’s put that towel on your head to good use for a change. Oh, that’s right, your people aren’t into praising Downy fabric softener because it’s advertised as snuggle soft by some soft Jewish copywriter on Madison Avenue. Who prefers dead Palestinian babies over Haitian ones for blood cooking ceremonies if Hillary isn’t around to pressure the push over putz breath otherwise.” Hillary Hammer Time Cankles lives. Holla, thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth



Serbian Big Man Mattering More

The robot at Stop and Shop is scary. I tell my son, “Don’t make fun of Lebron or he’ll report you to China.” Holla, thank you very much.

I don’t think Lebron ever got the Trump voiced GPS system. On your left is Mohegan Sun, Elizabeth Warren’s home away from home.

Shocked Lebron thinks Steph Curry should win the MVP over the Serbian big man averaging 26.4 points per game in addition to 10 plus boards and eight assists per game for Denver, almost pulling off an Oscar Robinson triple double average all season long. It’s a good thing Nikola Jokic never told a reporter during All-Star weekend, All Lives Matters, is the new n word. Or else we’d really have to really hear what terrorist siding black supremacists in the NBA really think, Kyrie Irving included. They don’t have a statue of him in China yet, do they? Holla, thank you very much.



Kyrie Irving’s ball handling skills have no equal. Too bad Kyrie has zero balls when it comes to defending the real victims of unjustified hate like Israeli kids kidnapped and killed in death tunnels by you know who. But it takes real balls to use big words like “dehumanize” to sound like Lebron 2.0, jerkoff. Also, I thought you never talk to journalists unless the questions are received in advance like Obama’s gym socket puppet. But now you care about the welfare of Palestinian terrorists in charge, hellbent on wiping Israel off the planet. I wonder why.

If I can’t get a lit agent for my book The Koshertarian Comedian or The Great American Jew Novel or from Waste Height, Really Short Stories, I’m going skip declaring bankruptcy. I’ll just take up fentanyl like George Floyd and stick up a pregnant woman with a fake news gun to score some counterfeit bills to buy some smokes at 711 before resisting arrest from the cops in hot pursuit, only to die from cardiac arrest, knowing at least then, Kyrie Irving would pay off the mortgage on my family’s house while Lebron could pay for my kids’ college on the down low. Holla, thank you very much.

It’s hard to keep your mouth shut when you spot a middle-aged white woman sporting a tie dye shirt that says Biden and Harris on it, days after the current administration in charge freed up 200 million for Hamas to finance a rocket launch party into Israel’s backyard for old time’s sake. First, I threw off the Karen and say, “Nice shirt”, duping her into thinking, I’m on her Jihadi jerkoff siding side. Next, I add, “Giving 200 million to Hamas to kill more Jews was totally done in the spirit of peace and love babe. I don’t know about you, but I’m sure team Biden calling for a ceasefire behind closed doors is really singing, “All we are saying United Nations, is give more money to Hamas to help wipe Israel off the map. So, they have a fighting chance. Holla, thank you very much.



AP news was slammed for claiming it was unaware of Hamas occupying an office in their building. Weren’t chants of fuck Madonna’s camel toe snatch during casual Friday or playing like Virgin on repeat after introducing office Karaoke on ironic causal Fridays or no female HR managers on site to fend off headhunters trying to recruit talent for Al Qaeda all dead giveaways already?

Never understood the fantasy of bedding 72 virgins. Doesn’t Jihadi John have enough blood on his hands already? Finally, Jihadi John arrives at a Motel 6 in virgin heaven allegedly. Virgin number one reveals herself to be a highly grating annoying Arabic version of Joy Behar. Booger face starts to demask and screeches, “Don’t you have enough blood on your hands already? Forget it, just whip out your skewer stick and get it over with already. But for what it’s worth, I just cleaned the sheets. So, let’s put that towel on your head to good use for a change. Oh, that’s right, your people aren’t into praising Downy fabric softener because it’s advertised as snuggle soft by some soft Jewish copywriter on Madison Avenue. Who prefers dead Palestinian babies over Haitian ones for blood cooking ceremonies if Hillary isn’t around to pressure the push over putz breath otherwise.” Hillary Hammer Time Cankles lives. Holla, thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth