Uptown Balling

Brother says, “I wouldn’t move to Juneau, Alaska, too many Republicans.” I say, “Move to Oregon or Washington then man, ANTIFA apartheid, represent. You’ll find a dose off park community to identify with in no time, which reminds me. I’m tired of seeing kids in Steph Curry jersey’s today back east who never stepped over shit throughout the streets of San Franciso. How do these kids identify with Steph Curry exactly? Unless they’re mom won Mrs. Washington Heights and is hot enough to charge the price of Hamilton tickets per hour for some high-end chlamydia. Can I get holla for chlamydia from Steph Curry’s mom being worth 500 bones per pop? Uptown Balling, resist this Lin-Manuel, Hamilton is worse than Obama rapping, Challah. Thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth

Twice as Soft

I only feel tough around black dudes in masks, which is the craziest phenomenon of my lifetime. I don’t think every black dude had to duke it out in Watts growing up. But if NPR were to take a survey of the least likely demographic to still be sporting masks at Dicks Sporting Goods while fondling size 13 Nikes. Plus, since when are black guys as a whole proactive about playing defense of any kind? A black dude in a mask isn’t looking good or winning over any fly ho’s while having to pull a nappy down between sips of Old E, Snoop Dog’s old school ho sprayer of choice. Ludacris please, you’re just bequeathing more power to Dr. Gnocchi, which is dumb. That’s like taking barebacking advice from Dr. J who passed it down to Magic Johnson. I’m still twice as soft as any black dude, not named Erkel but I also didn’t get triple vaxed out of fear of catching an itchy esophagus. Last, like most black dudes, I don’t discriminate against pussy, although in Meghan Mccain, no matter how much intricate ass play preceded, I’d still be twice as soft compared to Leroy Brown from the block. Challah. Twice as soft, Challah. Thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth

White Hats Matter

Since when is depriving yourself NBA games on TNT racist? Granted, I do blow off the game to spend time online looking for glimmers of hope about White Hats in the military planning a takeover of our government since the day Democracy died. But I wouldn’t call this racist behavior. Unless I placed parental controls on my kid’s Amazon Fires and only allowed them to watch Gonzaga team scrimmages on YouTube or on white web matters sites such as the 4OutOf5StartersAint’Bad.

I’m also not telling my son truly tastes jokes about Rex Chapma’s vaunted 39-inch vertical leap of yesteryear.

Why is Rex Chapman’s vertical so high kids?

Because playing with all black guys for the 1st time after hitting puberty would make any future budding All-American jumpy.

The Klan was founded by Democrats by the way, add Jim Crow and slavery to their resumes to. Resist this.

White Hats should change their name to green beret hats because they’re money in the bank, like backing our US currency on the gold standard again, God forbid.

Then again, China, Gates and Saudia Arabia own all our farmland, debt and collateral in the form of intellectual property stolen at will, including our nuclear launch codes to the highest bidder in China, so what difference does it make? Hillary Hammer Time Cankles strikes again.

If only Bill Clinton’s Lolita express trips mattered or Weiner’s laptop, or Wikileaks exposing pedo friendly lingo in relation to Pizza Gate or framed pics of kids in bondage at John Podesta’s house that’s enough pedo installation artwork to make Marilyn Manson blush.

God’s speed, White Hats, if you actually exist, make good guy white hats matter because the punks in black hoodies pretending to be Punisher vigilantes on the behalf of the FBI, aren’t cutting it.

White Hats Matter. Happy 4th!

Challah, Thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth

Less Garbage Lines

What’s up with black guys sporting masks outside of Whole Foods in Scottsdale, Arizona?

Yolanda yells, “Wear the damn mask.”

Black guy says, “Are black Karens in Arizona even a thing?”

Yolanda yells back, “I used to live in Ridgefield, CT, motherfucker”  

Challah, thank you very much.

Fuck Jerry West for crying about his depiction in Showtime on HBO.

Your life hasn’t been blessed enough Jerry?

Deep down, what he really hates is how it reminds everyone how he made it to the NBA finals 10 times and only won once while having Elgin Baylor and Wilt Chamberlin on his side. That’s a worst losing percentage than Hillary, every time she nominates herself for Woman of The Year despite it being the drunken druid edition or not.

And fuck Kareem for bitching about his sour puss depiction in Showtime on HBO. Airplane Cameo or not, Kareem is less likeable than Hillary Hammer Time Cankles on the rag out of Chardonay again with Whole Foods closed for Easter. At least, Hillary pretends to smile for the cameras despite the umbilical cord smoothie ripping apart her innards during a slow DNC fundraising month.

And fuck Magic for going on talk shows, bragging about not bothering to see the Showtime Lakers show on HBO as if it’s beneath him like wearing condoms since he made HIV disappear. But Magic had no problem taking a smile happy pic with the Governor of California, Gavin Getko at the Rams playoff game. Despite the sunshine scurrying state descending into a sprawling tent city sponsored by REI. But seriously, why does Magic sweat the prospect of watching the show about his showtime Lakers on HBO so much? You’d think the big cliff hanger was finding the cookie jar where Cookie hides Magic’s HIV pill suppressor stash if he’s caught scoring his brown sugar fix outside his Bel Air estate again.

And fuck Will Ferrell for ending his lifetime friendship with Adam McKay because he casted John C. Reily to play Dr. Buss over the dad in the Lego Movie. Dr. Buss was a major pussy hound in real life, which I don’t see Will Ferrell pulling off as well after seeing a pic of his wife once. And I thought Boris Johson’s wife, required a mask on at all times, woof, woof. Shit, Dr. Buss used to share girls with Magic. But Will Ferrell won’t share a bungalow editing suite with Adam McKay anymore because he cut his precious ego in 2, boo-hoo.

And what’s up with black guys tagging buildings with Swastika’s in Manhattan these days? Adolph Eichman could never leap a building in a single bound, like Nate the Great. Assuming, that building was a tall stiff in the post season like Dwight Howard.

But seriously, black guys tagging buildings with Swatika’s in Manhattan makes no sense. Are these brothers still educating themselves on Hitler? Let me drop some knowledge bombs. The founder of Planned Parenthood, a major eugenics enthusiast, was Hitler’s divine inspiration to launch his master extermination party in the 1st place genius. And Five Percenters weren’t escaping Hitler’s final cut from his dream team Aryan squad, regardless of your God blessed killer flow on 36 Chambers, Wu Tang, Wu Tang, Challah. Thank you very much.

Plus, Nick Cannon, hip hop royalty, I think, has singled out Planned Parenthood on 97.1 with Funk Master Flex for killing off more future high risers than white man’s disease and smokable cocaine, otherwise known as crack, most likely developed by a Nazi Scientist for the Deep State, as a part of their own final solution to ensure the poor don’t get on up to jack shit. That 2-state Kill “Em All solution, Metallica lives, being kill off poor blacks with crack and poor whites with meth. And if that doesn’t get the job done. Unleash the MAGA bat from Wuhan to finish off the rest. Challah, thank you very much.

But seriously, black guys tagging buildings in Manhattan with Swastikas is beyond ass backwards. That’s like Cardi B pretending her chicken nugget stuffed snatch is superior tasting to slurping German resiling all up in Hedi Klum’s innards to break your fast for Yom Kippur.

Imagine Guardian Angel Curtis Silwa catching a black dude tag another building with a swastika in Manhattan while trying to drop knowledge about what the swastika really means.

Curtis Silwa says, “Look, Curtis Blow, did you know the swastika was a Hindu symbol originally?”

Fake News Curtis Blow says, “What the fuck is a Hindu symbol?”

Curtis Silwa says, “Just think elephants with more dicks coming out it it’s ears than Cardi B on a slow Tuesday. Personally, I always thought the Swastika looked like 2 stick figures doing a 69 on crystal meth.”

Fake News Curtis Blow says, “You better back the fuck up fast, I ain’t no faggot. And what kind of fruity cap are you wearing anyway?”

Curtis Silva says,” It’s a beret. My father was a Green Beret in World 2, who was a Nazi destroyer in real life unlike those tweaked out wannabe punisher vigilantes in hoodies in ANTIFA. So, when you put a swastika on a building in Jew York, it offends the memory of my pops Curtis Blow.”

Fake News Curtis Blow says, “Why the fuck do you keep on calling me Curtis Blow?”

Curtis Silva says, “Curtis Blow was the 1st rapper to sign with a major record label from the Bronx, the birth of hip hop and condescending Jews, who expect immediate fawned upon service and guaranteed discounts on Mozzarella sticks while trying to impress his grandchildren at another mediocre restaurant in Scottsdale, Arizona, during Happy Hour.”

Fake News Curtis Blow laughs and says, “I don’t know what condescending means. But I can see how were more on the same team than apart.”

Curtis Silva extends his hand out and say, “Don’t keep me hanging, give me some love.”

Fake News Curtis Blow obliges and gives the legendary founding member of the Guardian Angels a semi firm, warm high five in return.

Curtis Silva says, “Look, if you really want to do some next level tagging shit, I’d start making your own logos, which aren’t culturally appropriated from Hindu Swami’s, English punk rockers and tweaked out Nazi’s, who make Hunter Biden come off a serial slack underachiever in comparison, Kapeesh.”

Less garbage lines, Challah.

Thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth