Mr. Period Prone Personality

I hear Lebron is struggling to fill roles for Space Jam 2.  An Amy Schumer comedy credit on his IMDB page doesn’t matter anymore?  I don’t know what’s funnier, Chelsea Handler becoming a full time social justice warrior to downplay her tit’s sagging popularity or Lebron’s , repellent, period prone personality.

Michael Kornbluth

Smiling In Seattle

Even in Ken Griffey Junior’s doc on ESPN, Lebron James, King of the Persecution Complex manages to act more petulant persecuted than ever. He says, “When you grow up where I did, the only sports you can play are Basketball and Football.” In other words, fuck Ken Griffey Junior’s comfy, black upbringing, chilling in the dug out watching George Foster crank out 52 dingers while I had to grow up in a fatherless home, only for my mama to shit where I ball and bang Delonte West because there’s nothing else better to do on a Tuesday in Cleveland anyway. Why do you think JR Smith was finally able to remain focused on the court and not have Rihanna suck him dry to the bone. Last, what the hell is Lebron James doing in a doc about Ken Griffey Junior? Lebron’s ugly ass jumper heave ho, will never be in the same class as Ken Griffey’s picture perfect, swing blasts for the ages. Plus, Ken Griffey Junior understood his personality limitations and stuck to smiling on Wheaties boxes and Upper Deck Rookie cards. Last, Ken Griffey Junior would never wear a Yankee hat if he grew up in Akron, Ohio, in attempt to project their dynastic aura, regardless if the NY Post called Ken Griffey Senior a less approachable Joe Morgan, until he started ripping fart bombs in the dugout because Junior was only 19 years old when he signed with Seattle and was more into Fresh Prince than Soundgarden.

Michael Kornbluth

In Unicorns From Latvia We Trust

There’s no way KP raped his neighbor the day he tore his ACL. First, going strong to the hole was never KP’s forte. Last, do you see Harvey Weinstein trying to rape Gal Gadot in her Wonder Woman costume only one good leg? But at least Harvey Weinstein’s wife of 15 years finally divorced him, so she could focus more on her lifetime battle with, amnesia.

Michael Kornbluth

 

The NBA Store Loves Hate Speech

The NBA Store allowed the sale of these social justice righting messages on NBA jersey’s such as, “Burn Jews”, “Cancel Israel and “Kill Cops”. But they finally allowed the inclusion of “Free Hong Kong” on a throwback Bill Walton Trailblazer, which still won’t make overrated trolls like Patton Oswalt love this game more than his Punisher comic book collection but pretentious over the hill, hipster hobbits isn’t the target demographic for the NBA today anyway.

Michael Kornbluth

 

Joan Lives

A Lebron James rookie card just fetched a record 1.7 million. But you  can buy Michael Jordan’s rookie card for a mere 100 grand on Ebay.  I bet Obama bought the card to keep Lebron’s inflated sense of self-worth afloat, knowing whenever he loses in the NBA Finals, he always tears into his secret stash of Almond Joy’s behind a giant box of duct tape from Costco in his man cave in Martha’s Vineyard. Joan lives.

Michael Kornbluth

ANTIFA Lives Matter, Not

The NBA Store allowed the sale of these social justice righting messages on NBA jersey’s such as, “Burn Jews”, “Cancel Israel and “Kill Cops”, but finally allowing the inclusion of “Free Hong Kong” on a throwback Bill Walton Trailblazer still won’t make overrated trolls like Patton Oswalt love this game more than his Punisher comic book collection. The Punisher, you know the precursor to ANTIFA vigilantes in hoodies.

Michael Kornbluth

All Lives Matter Is The New N Word

All lives matter is in the new n word.  Imagine J.J Redick wearing an  All Lives Matter on his NBA jersey this year? His wife screams, “You might as well  cancel your Dollar Shave Club subscription and slit your wrists with what you got, before they enact your premature retirement from breathing.”

Michael Kornbluth

The Deadhead Walton’s

Ex Lakers coach Luke Walton on the phone with his hall of fame father Bill.


Luke Walton says, “You keep on trucking dad. You can’t relate to players today unless you can cite 10 songs on your fake news Nipsey Hussle playlist.” 

 

Bill Walton says, “Siding with China doesn’t achieve higher consciousness either. Nobody respects authority anymore. And who made Chaz in charge of Seattle? I miss Jerry’s Portlandia. Now every day is burnout day.”  

 

Michael Kornbluth

 

A Boston Ref Calls Traveling on Lebron

Lebron James never get’s called for traveling because the NBA is a safe space for Lebron’s ego.

Also, the NBA never calls traveling on Lebron because no ref wants to be accused of racial profiling.

Imagine Lebron finally getting called for traveling in the NBA Finals against the Celtics. After Lebron freaks out, the Ref from southie snaps back at the King Of The Persecution Complex, “Go woke yourself. Larry Bird played with a broken back and still beat Magic’s Lakers in the NBA Finals, Drama Queen Diaries.” 

Michael Kornbluth