Run Greta Run

Imagine a pay per view debate between Trump and Greta?

Fracking reduces our carbon emissions Greta.

Greta replies. Neil Young is full of shit now?

Trump responds.

He doesn’t take showers to reduce his carbon footprint. That’s something you share in common babe

We must teach our children the reality of climate change? Alright, protect your kids sanity by never exposing them to the NY Times, CNN and BuzzFeed. And they won’t act like snowflakes in permanent meltdown mode after Trump wins by a patriot made landslide in 2020.

Greta should protest the banning of Gummy Bears in Sweden because they’re not Halal. I think that’s a scarier development than Denmark allowing refugees to cover up the little Mermaid’s statue in a Burka because it offends their super intolerant conservative tastes.

People are suffering, mass extinction is here. Your Swedish ancestors chose to be the TD Bank for Nazi Germany. The world’s most convenient bank to freeze Jewish bank accounts, hide stolen art work and purchase stolen gold tooth fillings from the money grubbing Jew.

I don’t care about Greta Thunberg being indoctrinated. I care about fake news still trying to take down a duly elected President, trying to crush the will of the people because their hero Obama turned out to be a gun running, power crazed, Iran empowering bust.

Rolling Stone insists anyone who makes fun of Obama’s other biracial half, dream child from Sweden, believes in nothing. If that’s your best take away after all the Russia, Kavanaugh, MAGA country bullshit. Then you’re the real dumb shit deplorable nut job dude.

Greta Thunberg out did Trump at what again? Instilling the UN with more unearned, toxic smugness than the NY Times on election night before Huma Licker Breath got beat despite getting the debate questions in advance because she never sounded rehearsed enough.

What is Greta Thunberg protesting again? Oh, yeah, alleged inaction against climate change. Just because Trump pulled out of the Paris Climate Agreement and has no plan to ditch his Gulfstream for a Yak to reduce his carbon footprint only to impress AOC and the Dalai Lama.

The most annoying thing about Greta Thunberg is Hollywood’s embrace of her over the top theatrical, fear mongering . Only to justify their pathetic, pushing of non-stop lies, used to frame Trump supporters as morally deficient for the past 2 and half years.

Greta Thunberg scolds world leaders on their inaction to fight climate change? How about scolding Hollywood eco-warrior hypocrisy ? Every time a movie star settles for doing blow through a cut off, non-recyclable straw, knowing actors never carry their paper on them because they’re used to always getting all their party favors for free.

Rolling Stone compares Greta’s protest to fight climate change with DEFCON 5, panic attack ready intensity to black kids who marched in Alabama to protest segregation. Yeah, being called hack nicknames by Laura Ingraham is just like being torn to pieces by attack dogs.

Where does Rolling Stone get the balls to compare Greta Thunberg’s protest against scientists too school reaction to climate change panic to kids who fought in the Ghetto Warsaw Uprising? Protest your great grandparents inaction against Nazi banking profiteering babe.

Imagine a pay per view debate between Trump and Greta for round 2?

Greenhouse gases are avoided by the use of Nuclear Power Greta.

Greta replies.

Is that your turnaround plan for North Korea Donald?

Trump replies.

Ivanka’s daughter is much smarter than you. Do you freak out in Mandarin also babe? Stay away from Crystal Meth, it made the Nazi’s think they could take over all of Europe. Do you mind recycling my Diet Coke for me? Knowing you’re in such a rush to save Obama’s hot air legacy of being a zero free scandal emitting President. Iran has been on their best behavior lately. Blowing through the 150 billion Obama gifted them in exchange for a promised time out from their nuclear stress tests must have done the trick, after my White House ordered imposed financial sanctions on Iran. Don’t you think, Run Greta Run?

Michael Kornbluth

Unplanned Parenthood

I don’t like hearing our plan is to have 2 kids and we’re done because parenthood was never on your checklist before.

Do It All Dad
Bourdain said Medellin in Columbia has gotten its act together after being the murder capital of the world.
Can I vacation there with Shannon now? Her mom is from Medellin.
Do It All Dad
Bourdain also worked for CNN.

INT. Hipster Motel BAR-Vermont
Do It All Dad
Do you think Bourdain killed himself?
Mixologist No comment.
Do It All Dad
It’s like believing David Chang would sell off Momofuku to curse less and study Improv under Bobby Lee.
Easiest Halloween outfit ever. Tape a piece of smooshed ham over my nose, add grey highlights and buy a hoodie at the Salvation Army. Who are you for Halloween? Artie Lang on the prowl for Fun Dip. Beer League will always be a comedic masterpiece.

INT. Grocery Store
Do It All Dad
2 for 5.
Those raspberries aren’t organic.
Do It All Dad
I’ve developed a high tolerance. I’m a Pesticides Sales Rep for Crop Dusters in fly over country.
Worker laughs long time.

Bill Hader and Alex Bornstein have worked their assess off at being hilarious great forever. Their amassed comedic acting and writing muscle is incredible. Mazel Tov to 2 comedy legend pros already. So much more time left to shine.

Jenny McCarthy in her prime was way hotter and funnier and more spunktastic and charismatic than Paltrow or Applegate were ever combined, sorry. So, her face is wrinkle free. I’m only gooping in Jenny’s general direction in a fantasy face off, sorry.

If Angela Merkel is trending on Twitter today. You know it’s a slow impeach Trump train news cycle today. Let me guess, Merkel posted a blog on Medium titled, “Shouldering Climate Change Without Trump?” or “What About Gas Chamber Tax Reparations?”
Great quote by Mark Twain, “Travel is lethal to prejudice.” I’ll still take Michael Savage’s word about what a shit hole San Francisco has become. What does he gain by dumping on the ex-Jewel city of the west before Kamala Harris developed an ego?

You play too rough with the children. That’s why Arthur cried 3 times today.
Do It All Dad
Arthur whimpered out the sound of minor discomfort only once, from me compressing his ribs during a loving bear hug from behind babe.

My dad cut off my sister’s speech for making fun of the cops attending.
Do It All Dad
My father interrupted after my joke about Jim Carrey painting my brother’s old Canadian bud from boarding school as an alt-right goon for hire.

My brother says kids don’t remember anything before 5. That’s why he never feels guilty for never seeing my son.
Do It All Dad
My mother in law’s excuse for never splurging on gifts for my kids is they’ll outgrow it eventually.

My brother’s excuse for not seeing my 2 kids much, is kids don’t remember anything before 5.
Do It All Dad
If your kid has something awful to block out or didn’t have hugging, squeezing and out of the house bonding time.

Scene: Phone call with mom. There’s so much to explore in the Hudson Valley. Growing up, your Dad and I worked. I thought we never went on weekend getaways because Dad always cried, “Who will look after the kids? Sleepaway Camp hasn’t started yet.”

Scene: Phone call with mom. There’s so much to explore in the Hudson Valley. Growing up, your Dad and I were always working. And Broadway plays on the weekend weren’t doable because paying for parking wasn’t worth the cultural enrichment.

How did the name Hudson become so popular? Did Ken Burns ever make the final cut? West Side Highway possesses more personable pop than Hudson. At 5, Hudson tells his dad, “I identify more with whiny yentas on the Upper East Side.”

Michael Kornbluth

Fake News Happy For Me

Fake news is an expression now. Actually, it’s a fact based, truth enshrouded reality.

Ban ICE. Because caring about Homeland Security was so weapons of mass destruction years.

Friendly reminder, Baby Face Omar described 911 as “something happened.” Like it was a forgettable Edward Albee play off Broadway.

I hear they’re doing a remake of Three’s Company based on the bomb squad Freshman congressman called, Allah’s Avenging Angels. Because they’re are all virgins I’m assuming, except for AOC cranked up on high grade coke in college.

I’m happy for you means I’m all out of manufactured pleasantness in your honor.

I’m happy for you means your dad’s shoulders collapse in shame when you hug your dad for a reason.

I’m happy for you means you lucky, unworthy, spoiled piece of shit.

I’m happy for you means mom and dad are making your younger brother feel like the unintended, unwanted defect again.

I’m happy for you means your dad is fake news Bob Dylan deep.

I’m happy for you means you’re an idiot for thinking our relationship is a shining example of love supreme.

I’m happy for you means you fail the friendship litmus test.

I’m happy for you means they don’t think you deserve anything that’s jealous inducing for them.

I’m happy for you means not really.

I’m happy for you means your mom is rudderless without Snoopy giving you less generic lip service.

David Crosby, you know Garfield in the yard, having to follow Neil Young used to be so hard. Thinks Trump has no restraint. But Trump’s never drank, smoke or did coke when it was free liver spots. Baby Boomer arrogance never dies because of you.

What does USA captain Megan Rapino tell a lesbian Trump supporter at the Cubby Hole bar in the West Village?

I wouldn’t lick Ivanka clean with toilet water from detention camps if Michelle Obama was guaranteed victory in 2020.

Trump stokes white nationalism.
Was the Klan under their sheets depressed for 8 years when Obama was president? Do Popes normalize pedophilia decade after decade? Still, make Nazi Germany great again wasn’t his campaign slogan Judd Apatow.

All the media has done for 3 years is divide. How is this division problem Trump’s fault exactly? Did he write a golden shower fantasy tale to give Obama loyalists the right to spy on his campaign for opposition, German porn research?

Hillary on Megan Rapinoe as Secretary of State.

What difference does it make? I’m getting booed at Billy Joel shows at the Garden. At least backstage Stevie Nicks flirts with me and says “Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies.”

It’s hard to feel like a distinguished self-published author on Amazon knowing that Jeff Bezos profits from books such as The Jew as World Parasite. But I’m sure you’re new main squeeze loves you for your unbiased dirt rag Jeff.

Trump haters love to anoint themselves as the more respectful party yet they’re the ones who’ve ruined the old world charm of the NBA, NFL, Hollywood, rock & roll and all forms of gatherings with friends and family for 3 years straight.

Do I think everyone should be created equal? No, I don’t, especially anyone who thinks ANTIFA is on the side of right. Because you want white boys on crystal meth cracking Trump supporters heads on your behalf, you dumb ass crackers.

My parents are fake news hippies because they’ve lived in Arizona for 8 years as self-satisfied, smug east coast retirees, Bob Dylan evangelists and not once been to the Grand Canyon. Drinking warm chard before it cools is strike 2 against you mom, no offense. Instructing the DJ to stop playing the Star Spangled Banner by Jimi Hendrix at my wedding to close out the night during my wedding party in a beautiful sculpture garden outside of Woodstock is strike three against you Dad.

INT. Car
When you were in Vegas I got the kids in bed early every night.
Do It All Dad
But your parents were here for 2 out of those 3 nights. And your mom’s boring by English banker on holiday standards.

At weddings you’re supposed to sit on the side of immediate family.
Do It All Dad
So my mom and dad seating themselves on the bride’s side means they only care about family separation for illegal aliens.

Michael Kornbluth

Busting British Balls

The U.S is just OK New York Times?

Actually, it’s horrific knowing scumbag propagandist dirt rags like the NY Times receive a Pulitzer for reporting on Harvey Hair Clumps Weinstein 2 decades after the fact. You’re less than shit, not America baby, USA, USA.

Kal Penn’s Sunnyside may be NBC’s best hope for the fall in 2019. Will Delbasio make affordable housing in Sunnyside available for ANTIFA? Does he provide immunity from aggravated assault by issuing a stand down, restraining order against the NYPD?

Facebook is reconsidering nudity. I thought James L Brooks was in desperate need of attention.

What did woman attending Gwyenth Paltrow’s wellness summit, think they’d get out of it? Vaginal health tips, such as refraining from bare backing with Ben Affleck, free samples of Guava Goop Mist for funky snatches in need of a rejuvenated expungement. What’s the advertising slogan for Guava Goop Mist? Your air of superiority awaits you.

My new move now whenever I score a laugh from my children in front of my stuck up English mother in law, is to impersonate me drinking imaginary tea. My father in law wore a Man City shirt to our house for the 4th last year, so he can fuck his hurt feelings to.

Memo to Piers Morgan:
Alex Morgan’s celebration was distasteful?
Did she act out tea bagging an albino stiff? Who made Larry King come off as a mesmerizing pair of suspenders with good posture for a change.


Google doesn’t manipulate search results? I google my name and a lawyer humorist receives top billing over me. I’ve written 2 books, for TV twice, done 220 blogs 114 podcasts, 17 articles on GMP. 5000 plus contacts on LinkedIN. But he’s more popular. Got it.

I named my son Arthur Morrison Kornbluth just so my dad can say. Morrison isn’t Jewish. Yeah, but it creates a flow to Kornbluth. Plus, Brooks as a middle name would’ve given my son the permission to be a Jewish pussy.

Wife shows me a hiking pic.
Told you my new work hippie nurse friend was hot.
Do It All Dad
Her arms are jacked from either hiking or giving plenty hand jobs to her husband to take the edge off bad coke. Pretty sure, Hunter’s expenditures on hookers and strippers proves he can afford the good stuff.

Michael Kornbluth

Carter & The Dali Lama Enter A Bar

Trump is an illegitimate president Carter? Did Drago appear in 64 million voting booths, demanding, “Vote Trump or I’ll break you?” Stick to sanding your Farsi Alphabet blocks for your grandchildren.

Why should I give a shit about Jimmy Carter’s opinion again? The Islamic Revolution happened on your watch just like Hillary creating ISIS. North Korea used to conduct nuclear stress tests because of you.

Dali Lama insists Trump lacks “moral principle.” Pope says wall will make America a “prisoner of isolation.”
No advice for Obama’s social justice docs on Netflix? Or are they just jealous of Trump’s bigger following on Twitter?

Dali Lama on BBC.

My female successor would have to be attractive like Sharon Stone with no makeup on.

BBC Journalist replies.

But Sharon Stone is the white devil.

It looks like you’re in a real Kun-nun-drum, your holiness.

Dali Lama with Richard Gere.

Stick with prayer beads if you must.

But try showing some backbone next time and resist the temptation of animal anal stuffage for moral principle’s sake.

William Barr’s investigation has to be wrapping up. If Jimmy Carter and the Dali Lama are throwing in their horseshit sense before shit really hits the fan. Has Charlie Rose chimed in yet lately? No, I don’t date MILFS. Do you want a dic pic or not Rachel?

You shouldn’t let your kids play unattended.
Do It All Dad
Like I could catch up with Speedy, you know who, if I tried. Or count on a sanctuary state like New York to release Speedy into his home country the following day, next day delivery.

You shouldn’t let your kids play unattended.
Do It All Dad
Stop acting like I left my kids unsupervised at a pool party at John Podesta’s house. With enough pedo art installations to make Marilyn Manson blush.

You shouldn’t let your kids play unattended.
Do It All Dad
Why is North Salem, home of the X Man mansion a no go zone now? Don’t you follow Q officer?
Whose Q?
Do It All Dad
The storm is coming alright.

Memo to Palmer Report:
Your deep state heroes are going to prison for sedition.
The Dalai Lama was reincarnated as a paid talking puppet for George Soros and company.
Ivanka wins by a landslide in 2024.
Your sanctuary city party is screwed.

Michael Kornbluth

Hillary Knows Cybersecurity

Picking Hillary Clinton as the keynote speaker for a Cybersecurity Summit is like Shawn Kemp teaching a seminar on pulling out in a parody of Tom Cruise from Magnolia by the Duplass Brothers.

But seriously, why is Hillary Clinton getting paid to give a speech at the Cybersecurity Summit via Skype next door to her comprised, yet quaint server farm in her Chappaqua home? Was the CEO of Sony too consumed with assuring Kevin Hart they wouldn’t shortchange him and pay him to plug his movies to his Twitter followers.

Hillary Clinton speaking at a Cybersecurity summit is like R Kelly getting paid to babysit the latest Kardashian out of the womb.

Will Hillary be giving a seminar on how to throw off FBI investigators looking into emailing Top Secret intel to dummy non-work email addresses like

Hilary giving a speech on Cybersecurity is like hiring Kevin Durant as the keynote speaker on how drain out the noise of Cyberbullying.

Who decides to pay Hillary Clinton to give a speech on Cybersecurity exactly? Did the CEO of Norton Anti-Virus feel he owed her for failing to block out Anthony Weiner’s personal dick pick posing stash from the feds?

What was the Cybersecurity roundtable thinking, allowing Hillary Hammer Time Cankles to be a featured speaker their summit? Only Charlie Sheen whiffed more at the AVN Adult Entertainment expo because only Magic made HIV disappear.

Paying good money to hear Queen Hillary give you a dissertation on password protection is like peeing money away on a golden shower based Russian dossier with less legs than Lieutenant Dan.

How is Hillary a respected authority on Cybersecurity again? I thought only Lorne Michaels gave paid host spots to Seth Myers in the form of participation trophies for coming across as a forgettable, humorless, blood draining boring stiff on SNL.

Michael Kornbluth

Jokes Not Getting Me On Kimmel

Married couples are divorcing in droves over Trump. I wouldn’t mind making my sex life above average again. Put it in Indiana MILF, I’m ready to play, play.

Mention his name again and you’re sleeping outside. Then, six more years of purgatory starts right now.
Queens is so hot, no it’s not. Queens, compared to Manhattan and Brooklyn is the sloppy third Kardashian sister. You know the extra greasy one, that’s easy to pound at three in the morning like a Lamb Gyro in Astoria.

My prayer for Montreal. When President Trump became president, I prayed for them to build a wall around the strip clubs in Montreal, so Lena Dunham wouldn’t scare away all the clientele.

My News Years Eve wish this past year. Ball drops. I say, “How about you go down on me now? Wife says. “But I blew you this last week.” I reply. “Just pretend Obama ordered you to leak it.”

Trump has ties to Russia. Duh, most mail order bride owners do.
Has the Rocky Statue been taken down yet? Because it promotes white supremacy. Knowing Rocky whips Clubber Lang’s ass in Rocky 3?
Michelle Obama isn’t running for President for 2020. What would be her campaign slogan anyway, Obama’s 5 O Clock shadow part two?
This is an impersonation of my new Trump voiced GPS system. Exit left for Mohegan Sun, Elizbeth Warren’s home away from home.
If you want to talk about accomplishments, Obama did rebrand ISIS to ISIL, so they’d sound more startup friendly in the NY Times.
It took Hillary six times to get her Metro Subway card to work. By the sixth swipe, Hillary blurts under her breath, “Super predators, I mean black people are watching, you can do it.”
Can’t believe my mom asked me if my six year old daughter at the time, watched the Woman’s March on Washington. I reply, “Yeah mom in a burka, to see she’s got nothing to bitch about. Also, mom my daughter is learning how to read now. So the last I need in my life is her trying to make out of those signs at the Woman’s March on TV.” Daughter squints her eyes, trying to make out of those signs on TV and says, “Dada, what’s pa, pa, pussy power. Is that a new show on Amazon Prime?”

A cheerleader from the Baltimore Ravens got arrested for raping a fifteen-year-old boy. My tenth-grade teacher forced me to read the Raven poem by Edgar Allen Poe against my free will. And all she got for it was tenure and more poetry rejection letters from the New Yorker.

A new study reveals female dragon flies play dead to prevent sexual assault. Bill Cosby victims call this wishful thinking.

I love Trump’s over the top salesmanship and relentless optimism. If he was diagnosed with HIV today, he’d tweet the next morning. “Do I have HIV, yes? But my T-Cell count numbers have never been stronger.”

Michael Kornbluth

Resist This

Unknown touching fact about President Trump. When his friend Bob Kraft’s wife of 35 years died. He called him once every day for an entire year to see how he was doing. My wife refuses to get me off long time by even bookmarking my blog.
When Lebron didn’t make the Playoffs this year. Did his boy Obama shake off the talking shit about Trump curse sting, by tearing into his secret stash of Almond Joy’s in his man cave hidden inside a box of duct tape from Costco?
Whenever my baby acts fussy around mama, she claims he’s getting bored of her already. I always knew he was a quick learner unlike his learning-disabled daddy. By the time I was done with the SAT, my friends had declared their majors Sophomore year in college.
Did you know Muslims don’t believe in paying interest? Not even for a small business loan for a Sleepy’s Under the Stars, or else the Palestinians lose their UN sanction victimized status.
In England, they’re considering banning the teaching of the Holocaust because it offends the Muslim population who claimed it never happened. Ok, so Amir won’t be on the short list for internships at Amblin entertainment with any plan to be groomed as Stephen Spielberg’s next JJ Abrams in the making, despite the Quran being in dire need of a futuristic refresh.
An Illegal Alien got convicted of raping a dog to death, only to be released without notifying ICE agents in Sanctuary State, Oregon. Beavers are biters. I’d wouldn’t push your luck homes.

Courtney Love did acid at 4, was shipped off to Boarding School at 9 and blew Ted Nugent at 14. Thank God, I can’t afford boarding school for my daughter at 8. Don’t get me wrong, I think Courtney could’ve done worse than blowing Ted Nugent at 14. It’s not like she was going down on Woody Allen to get back at her adopted actress mother. Hole Live Through This is a rock masterpiece. She’s worth 150 million now. Courtney Love is Mia Farrow with better husband selection.

This is Roger Daltry yelling at fans for puffing weed at the last Who show at MSG.

We’re not Pink Floyd. Weed kills your ambition, remember, don’t get fooled again? That’s what Pete Townsend said when he clicked on the website Soap Suds We got it Pete. You we’re doing opposition research for a song about pedophile chat rooms, registered under, got it mate.
The End
Michael Kornbluth