Crazy Stones

I always resented the alleged compliment in relation to me doing more stand-up comedy which was, “I’ll admit. You got balls man.” In other words, “You’ve got crazy stones. Because I’m not seeing the funny talented part necessary to get strangers off for a living either. But God bless your crazy great stones for deluding yourself into thinking you can. I can’t even imagine the balls it takes to interpret non-stop bombing as the audience just not understanding your rapid-fire delivery yet. They don’t possess your processing power. I’ve heard, yada, yada, yada.”

Or today I’ll hear from an old high school bud, “Oliver Stone, brilliant, but always off his rocker.” Well, like Oliver Stone says, “You’re either born crazy or boring.” I think we all know where your deadweight conversationalist sidings lean. But you loved JFK, and the 1st half of Born on the 4th. Hey asshole, Oliver Stone has weightier thoughts on a tank of Nitrous while puking his brains out than you do mainlining Adderall before giving a speech at Southwest by Southwest on targeted banner ads for Cool Whip whenever Katy Perry drops her latest and greatest video on Vevo titled, “Gummy Drop Nips Are Us.”, no offense. I’m reading his book Chasing the Light and learned how Oliver Stone is half Heeb, which is an exciting discovery like learning Danny McBride is half Heeb but more kvetchy whiny than the Yankee prep from New York really, that being Oliver Crazy Great Stones. Growing up, Oliver Stone’s father would pay him money to write stories, which veered toward the violent, including massive massacres, similar to my daughter, who I’m now calling a female Oliver Stone in the making. Because she’s already writing violent, intense, World War 2 dramas involving Nazi’s and I’m constantly bombarding her with material about the stolen election, Pizza Gate, Joan River’s murder, Seth Rich, W and 9/11, our corrupt intelligence agencies, the fake news insurrection, the clot shot fatality numbers on the VAERS database website and how Biden used to skinny dip in front of his female secret service agents while garbling, “Told you, I was bigger than the boogie boarder from Kenya.” So, when my old school high school bud, calls Oliver Stone crazy, I’m going to get a tad defensive on my daughter’s behalf, because she’s the female Oliver Stone in the making. Plus, they say you’re crazy till you made it, and Oliver Stone made it big time 3 decades ago, after volunteering to join the war in Vietnam and serving 2 tours of duty already. Alright, fine, maybe Oliver Stone is a little Cuckoo, but like Jack Kerouac said, “The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue center light pop and everybody goes “Awww!”

When my year without beer is over, I’m grabbing a beer with Stone, over an edible or 2. He helped my generation break on through to the other side of empty eighty’s filler. Nobody gets out of here alive, that’s right Jimbo, thanks for inspiring Oliver. Name another American made director that’s had the balls to take on the Deep State for taking out Kennedy, who wanted to dismantle the CIA personally, Deep State, you know Swamp Thing. Spike Lee tries to frame Charlottesville as a new wave of White Supremacist uprising in faded Polo Shirts and Tiki-Torches. But Skinheads sport MAGA hats come rain or shine. All of a sudden, Skinheads got something to hide. I also don’t recall Trump’s campaign slogan being Make Nazi Germany Great Again. Although Groping Biden insisting ANTIFA is an “idea” or the Department of Justice giving BLM a pass as Obama’s civilian army that doesn’t understand the intricacies of Turbo Tax because it’s culturally biased software. Or an administration in charge against the will of the people, pushing millions of Americans to boost their immunity into smitheries because they didn’t drink enough placenta smoothies like Alicia Silverstone, which makes it easier to stomach those food kissing videos with her kid without throwing up your Kale Chip Sprouts. You get the impression, that we’re under a fascist favoring country that has no need for truth bomb hurlers like Oliver Stone anymore, especially since the day Democracy died. After Supreme Court Justice Amy Barrett revealed herself to be nothing more than Mia Farrow with better husband selection. Although if Oliver Stone actually thinks The Icky Shuffle won the election, then he’s batshit crazy on par with Nancy Denture Breath Pelosi. But nobody’s perfect at the plate, not even Ted Williams or Charlie Sheen whiffing at the AVN award parties these days. Crazy Stones swings on, Challah. Thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth

Crazy Stones

I always resented the alleged compliment in relation to me doing more stand-up comedy which was, “I’ll admit. You got balls man.” In other words, “You’ve got crazy stones. Because I’m not seeing the funny talented part necessary to get strangers off for a living either. But God bless your crazy great stones for deluding yourself into thinking you can. I can’t even imagine the balls it takes to interpret non-stop bombing as the audience just not understanding your rapid-fire delivery yet. They don’t possess your processing power. I’ve heard, yada, yada, yada.”

Or today I’ll hear from an old high school bud, “Oliver Stone, brilliant, but always off his rocker.” Well, like Oliver Stone says, “You’re either born crazy or boring.” I think we all know where your deadweight conversationalist sidings lean. But you loved JFK, and the 1st half of Born on the 4th. Hey asshole, Oliver Stone has weightier thoughts on a tank of Nitrous while puking his brains out than you do mainlining Adderall before giving a speech at Southwest by Southwest on targeted banner ads for Cool Whip whenever Katy Perry drops her latest and greatest video on Vevo titled, “Gummy Drop Nips Are Us”, no offense. I’m reading his book Chasing the Light and learned how Oliver Stone is half Heeb, which is an exciting discovery like learning Danny McBride is half Heeb but more kvetchy whiny than the Yankee prep from New York really, that being Oliver Crazy Great Stones. Growing up, Oliver Stone’s father would pay him money to write stories, which veered toward the violent, including massive massacres, similar to my daughter, who I’m now calling a female Oliver Stone in the making. Because she’s already writing violent, intense, World War 2 dramas involving Nazi’s and I’m constantly bombarding her with material about the stolen election, Pizza Gate, Joan River’s murder, Seth Rich, W and 9/11, our corrupt intelligence agencies, the fake news insurrection, the clot shot fatality numbers on the VAERS database website and how Biden used to skinny dip in front of his female secret service agents while garbling, “Told you, I was bigger than the boogie boarder from Kenya.” So, when my old school high school bud calls Oliver Stone crazy, I’m going to get a tad defensive on my daughter’s behalf, because she’s the female Oliver Stone in the making. Plus, they say you’re crazy till you made it, and Oliver Stone made it big time 3 decades ago, after volunteering to join the war in Vietnam and serving 2 tours of duty already. Alright, fine, maybe Oliver Stone is a little Cuckoo, but like Jack Kerouac said, “The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue center light pop and everybody goes “Awww!”

When my year without beer is over, I’m grabbing a beer with Stone, over an edible or 2. He helped my generation break on through to the other side of empty eighty’s filler. Nobody gets out of here alive, that’s right Jimbo, thanks for inspiring Oliver. Name another American made director that’s had the balls to take on the Deep State for taking out Kennedy, who wanted to dismantle the CIA personally, Deep State, you know Swamp Thing. Spike Lee tries to frame Charlottesville as a new wave of White Supremacist uprising in faded Polo Shirts and Tiki-Torches. But Skinheads sport MAGA hats come rain or shine. All of a sudden, Skinheads got something to hide. I also don’t recall Trump’s campaign slogan being Make Nazi Germany Great Again. Although Groping Biden insisting ANTIFA is an “idea” or the Department of Justice giving BLM a pass as Obama’s civilian army that doesn’t understand the intricacies of Turbo Tax because it’s culturally biased software. Or an administration in charge against the will of the people, pushing millions of Americans to boost their immunity into smitheries because they didn’t drink enough placenta smoothies like Alicia Silverstone, which makes it easier to stomach those food kissing videos with her kid without throwing up your Kale Chip Sprouts. You get the impression, that we’re under a fascist favoring country that has no need for truth bomb hurlers like Oliver Stone anymore, especially since the day Democracy died. After Supreme Court Justice Amy Barrett revealed herself to be nothing more than Mia Farrow with better husband selection. Although if Oliver Stone actually thinks The Icky Shuffle won the election, then he’s batshit crazy on par with Nancy Denture Breath Pelosi. But nobody’s perfect at the plate, not even Ted Williams or Charlie Sheen whiffing at the AVN award parties these days. Crazy Stones swings on, Challah. Thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth

Deep State Dads

When you’ve lived in Arizona for 10 years and still haven’t visited the Grand Canyon.

You’re a fake news hippie.

Sorry Dad.

I don’t care if your Bob Dylan station on Pandora suggests otherwise.

I don’t care that you attended Woodstock.

You ordered the DJ at my wedding to stop playing the Star-Spangled Banner by Jimi Hendrix at a sculpture garden 10 minutes outside of Woodstock for Christ’s sake.

That’s like asking Joni Mitchell to hang herself with one of her hippie haggard shawls next time she gets triggered by the Joe Rogan Podcast.

When your granddaughter was 2 Dad, she stepped on her pink, Disney Ukelele guitar.

I said, “Matilda, never step on your guitar. And she says, “But Jimi played with his teeth.

So let it go Dad. You’re 2-year-old granddaughter is more into Jimi licks than you are.

But if you really want to learn whether your dad is a deep state dad sympathizer, AKA, Fake News Hippie, bring up the CIA’s role in the Kennedy assassination.

I say, “Dad, how you can pretend to be a hardcore hippie of any kind in possession of any form of credibility when you don’t think the CIA took out Kennedy for wanting to share UFO info with the Russians?”

Dad says, “Moron son, you think the CIA conspired to murder Kennedy because he wanted to share our UFO intel with the Russians? Are we talking about some secret acid stash used for Psych Ops missions that made you see more than UFOs, that even Dr. Timothy Leary didn’t have access to during the height of Haight Ashbury freaks outs back in the day? Since when is Kennedy sharing a stool sample from Gore Vidal after getting anally probed off the coast of Hyannis Port considered a national security risk of any kind?”

I add, “Dad, didn’t you see the movie Nixon with Anthony Hopkins or listen to any of Kennedy speech’s when he openly criticizes the unchecked power of the Deep State and war machine it powers? Or is doing for your country, doing Jack shit for your 1st Born’s ego enlargement therapy since you decided to deride me as an overrated softie, so you could draft higher quality 1st picks in the rec draft before I bloomed under my Fruit of the Looms throughout the 3rd Grade and beyond?”

Kennedy said, “Mankind must put an end to war before war puts an end to mankind.”

I don’t think that stated sentiment gave the Pentagon elongated love or sustained stiffage against their dying of the light.

“We must never forget that art is not a form of propaganda; it is a form of truth.”

Suck my Executive Big dick Hoover. You want some lock jaw love Peeping Tom Pasty? You got it.

“In serving his vision of the truth, the artist best serves his nation.”

Robert Frost, I fucked him, I can’t take no more. Dice lives, Challah. Thank you very much.

“Dante once said that the hottest places in hell are reserved for those who in periods of moral crisis maintain their neutrality.”

You know like those who write off non-stop clot shot deaths as accidental overdoses on fentanyl that’s killed more crackers in this country than Taylor Swift kicking it with Lena Dunham on Instagram?

“We must know all the facts and hear all the alternatives and listen to all the criticisms. Let us welcome controversial books and controversial authors. For the Bill of Rights is the guardian of our security as well as our liberty.”

In other words, call out Islam for being a so called “religion of peace.” And Booger Face Behar on the View is the new Chief Happiness Officer for Breitbart. And the Catholic Church doesn’t play musical chairs with salvation granting pedophiles. And Woody Allen just got a book advance from Random House on hands off parenting. And Jeff Bezos gives a shit about reigning in white supremacist rage when he has no problem selling Mein Kampf on to your kid’s Kindle at a heavily discounted price on Amazon Prime Day, which clocks in as only 724 pages of hate speech in a row.

“When power leads man toward arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations. When power narrows the area of man’s concern, poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of existence. When power corrupts, poetry cleanses.”

Who knew, all Joe Biden needs is Kayne West rapping his soul to sleep?

“Fuck Snoop Dog’s spell. His new wine sucks. It tastes like mouth wash used in Porn Hood Hell.”

Kenndy also fired his CIA chief and made Bobby the CIA’s next level sketchy hall monitor after they mislead him about the Bay of Pigs Dad.

Remember, the CIA stated plan for regime change in Cuba without the need for US air support, which was another bullshit planted lie by the Deep State that boasted less legs than Lieutenant Dan.

And what did we learn from Mueller Report again Dad after his big reveal in front of on Congress? Oh yeah, Mr. Get A Haircut and Get A Real Job only parts his hair with good old fashioned elbow grease.

A communist Cuba was a greater threat to Meyer Lansky’s bottom line than Iran becoming the number sponsor of terror after the CIA forced regime change and put the Shah in charge during the Iranian revolution, that gave us the rise of Kylie Jenner, the wealthiest member of the Kardashian clan among the porcupine puss food chain. Our society is fucked anyway because when I told my daughter this morning that Kylie Jenner liked one of my jokes on Twitter before I got banned from the site for insisting the Chinese have resisted Wuhan lab leaks more than Aquafresh. She acted as if, “I just told her about my 4-way with Raquel Welch, Jayne Mansfield and Marilyn Monroe on a slow Thursday.”

Kennedy said, “I will splinter the CIA into a thousand pieces and scatter it into the wind.” After they wanted to start a nuclear war with Russia without Russia bombing the Russian Tea room 1st Dad. Yeah, I don’t see any CIA brass being invited to Frank’s late-night fuck pad at the Sands hotel, knowing JFK could use those compromising shots of underage muff on their lap against them for a change. Lolita Island lives, Challah. Thank you very much.

The Military Industrial Complex wanted to escalate the war in Vietnam and expand their defense budget, which JFK was against. But the CIA had no vested interest in taking out cash cow cock blowing Kennedy one iota Dad.

J Edgar Hoover hated Kennedy because he would’ve dismantled the FBI eventually. Because he didn’t see the value in spying on Dr. King orgies, just so Edgar didn’t have to rely on stag magazines or his raw imagination to get off in a bathroom donut shop instead.

Kennedy spoke out against government secrecy and how scrutiny leads to understanding, which is why tolerant, forward thinking, Liberals of yesteryear concerned about our common welfare, don’t exist in media anymore, because not even Mark Twain winner John Stewart dared to deliver any barbed wit in Obama Be Good’s honor when inquiring on his show about why he nuke gifted Iran 150 billion in unmarked bills on his way out the door for the creation overseas manufacturing jobs for Build a Bear to make the Iranian economy less dependent on the sale of hair removal cream for the Kardashians.

Kennedy wanted to abolish the Federal Reserve because it was controlled by the Rothchilds. And Kennedy knew how much backlash the Jewish community would receive if it was revealed how those blood sucking Hebrews own all the safe numbers to Fort Knox and all keys to safety deposit boxes in the North Pole to.

When JFK fired the CIA director, he muttered “traitor.” The Bay of Pigs Invasion was worse than me lying about keeping Marilyn warm for Bobby.” And it just so happens that the CIA’s director brother was the mayor of Dallas, who knew about the last-minute change in the parade route to make the assassination easier to pull off than stealing an election through using COVID as an excuse for mail-in-voting knowing how Mr. Groper’s campaign rallies would barely fill out Ariel’s clam shell bra.

Deep State Dad says, “What is this, Deplorable Daddy Day? Now, I bet you’re going to tell me that 9/11 was an inside job or that Ellen DeGeneres is a CIA agent like Jackie O.”

And I say, “Ellen did come out on her show to claim she was besties with W after being caught palling around with him at a Cowboys game because she’s pro Bush all the way.”

Resist this Prescott Bush, you Nazi war profiteering piece of shit. At least Jospeh Kennedy didn’t birth Deep state-controlled losers from start to finish. Plus, the Nazi symbol is dumb, it looks like 2 sticks figures doing a 69 on a Seesaw.

Never forget, Kennedy was the top White Hat Gangsta, who topped them all. And Deep State siding dads are fake news hippies who blow off their grandchildren for MSNBC and Uni Brow Maddow. And this is Chris Matthews sexually harassing a new intern for MSNBC. “Eating out Maddow, counts as your lunch break babe.”

And this is JFK and Dr. King going to a gangbang at Frank Sintra’s House in Palm Springs.

Frank says, “Too toothy, nice and easy baby.”

JFK says, “If I had it my way, I would’ve called 1st dibs on Marilyn before Dr. King gave her a dreamboat lay. I’m lucky to feel a stiff wind in her sail ripped snatch now. ”

Resist this, Deep State siding Dads, Challah.

JFK lives. Brightest star in the universe, shines again, Challah.

Thank you, Mr. President, very, very much.

Michael Kornbluth