Springsteen Blues

New comedy career launching plan of attack: Get Jon Stewart a recording of my upcoming comedy record Burning Mask Party or more elongated book version United We Laugh. And stockpile all my primo antisemitism is so hot right now material up front. The Jewish, far funnier Carson will lick it up like Dave Attell’s take on Scottie Pippen’s new brand of bourbon called Digits. What was Scottie Pippen thinking calling his line of bourbon Digits? R Kelly doesn’t do digits. Everybody knows there’s no digit grabbing in Grooming Club. David Fincher lives, holla. Thank you very much.

I’ve finally reached peace with it. Springsteen get’s a pass for being a fake news do gooder for campaigning for you know who. She should be in shankles and Trump’s nickname for her on the down low is Hillary Hammer Time Cankles. Which reminds me to tell you about how my new Trump voiced GPS system always takes me to a happier place. On your far left, is Talking Stick Casino, Elizabeth Warren’s home away from home.

But seriously, Bruce wrote the Rising after 9/11. No other band showed up bigger than the E Street Band after hell on earth ripped apart the most beautiful patch of sky in my universe. Song standouts on the record are endless such as Into the Fire, Waiting On A Sunny Day, Empty Sky, My City In Ruins, and the eternally revitalizing Rising. Bruce didn’t fuck around when he was constructing this divine touched masterpiece with his E Street Band brethren who are New York as much as Jersey, if you know what I’m saying bro. I did extra work on Orange County when I used to live off Hermosa Beach and got introduced to The Wild, The Innocent & E Street Shuffle album which is a legendary record in my book considering how young they were when they made such sublime, original, deeply felt rock and roll magic together from start to finish. The actor who introduced me to the album commended me using my down time between takes, writing consistently unfunny jokes at the time. Good looking dude, looked very tan and healthy, no night scream attacks in sight on his this dude’s horizon. He mentioned how before his neurosurgeon girlfriend and the other brain doctors got to playing Brain God for a living, they’d pop on the ultra atmospheric song New York Serenade from The Wild, and The Innocent E Street Shuffle on their I-Pods to achieve higher cerebral cortex functionality I guess. The Born To Run album is legendary for Jungle Land alone, which is Springsteen’s Layla’s rock opera of his own, that takes place in a fake news Washington Heights. Even Bruce’s work post E Street Band on Tunnel Of Love is packed with emotionally loaded lift on songs such as Tougher Than Rest. Bruce has never sounded more grown up cooler dapper than Dylan than he does on this soul sticking sear.

I sang Born In The USA for a Karaoke one night, post 9/11 while never performing it prior. I knew it was an anti-Vietnam song. Still, I connected to the distraught feelings in the song more than ever, especially after the 2 towers went down in “my city” as Walt Whitman described his cherished concreate jungle back in the day. I’m glad Broadway is back. Bruce can draw a crowd in the middle of a real life plague. God bless Bruce and The E Street Band. I’m just down about the possibility of “my city” losing it’s lead spark dream power that drives our God blessed land of hopes and dreams. At least for me it does, because I’m a native New Yorker and think the world should revolve around our opinions, especially mine. New York humor, got to love it. For example, as a token of my appreciation I made my producer boss at Vh1 Classic responsible for hooking me up with my 1st TV writing gig, which was 12 years in the making a Bruce Springsteen mix, because he’s from New Jersey to. Although, when I gave him the mix in person, I made it clear, “This doesn’t mean, I have a crush on you boss.”

Michael Kornbluth



Voter ID Is Unamerican When

Voter ID is racist? Does Julio have to pass a new height requirement, I don’t know about?

Voter ID disproportionally targets brown Americans.  You’d think stop and frisk was required at the voting booth for illegals to flash more than chromed out teeth.

How is voter ID racist against black Americans again? Sinking 80 percent of their free throws isn’t required.

Voter ID is racist against black guys. What if they’re able to shout out their vote to Alexa instead?

Voter ID is unamerican? How else can you tell MS13 apart?



Voter ID is an assault on our Democracy. No, biochemical warfare used by the Chinese to replace Trump with one of their commie-controlled cronies was an assault on our Democracy, you sellout commie cunts, Amy Barret included.

Amy Barret is Mia Farrow with better husband selection. Because of Amy Barret, we the people, means less than In Fauci We Trust.

And calling Amy Barrett a hands-off Supreme Court Justice is like calling Woody Allen a hands-off parent or choosing the open borders Pope to give a Ted Talk on how to micromanage pedophilia.

Voter ID should never be deemed unamerican, unless you’re ashamed to show proof of your American citizenship now, which is more than understandable since the day Democracy died. Because allowing election fraud to persist is spitting on vet’s graves and kicking Nazi Destroyers in the nuts, again and again.

We must expose the blatant election fraud perpetuated among the American people to ensure old glory shines it’s love light again from sea to shining sea. So the light of Lady Liberty’s eye doesn’t flicker out and die. Happy Memorial Day patriots, USA, USA, USA!

Michael Kornbluth

Going For Comedy Gold

If you name your son Hudson or Bowie it means you’re less original than your BLM flag planter neighbors within the snuggle soft confines of Westchester County. How many black friends do you have again? How many black girls did you bang before you become a defeated, slut in a straight jacket like the rest? Oh yeah, you only watch CNN for finance news since Trump got fired from the CIA. Yeah, and my mom only watches Real Time With Bill Maher for her bible study group after she converted to Judaism.

I’ve given up on trying to bond with an alumni from Ithaca College if I see them wearing a school sweater because they never lost that freshman 20 after all. The main reason why I avoid the encounters with Ithaca Alumni is because I’ve lost all tolerance for these people treating me like a resurgent herpes sore on the spot. Without fail, the random Ithaca alumni will give me this stupefied stare which screams, “Tell me why I should give a shit about our imaginary alumni connection already? If you went to Cornell, I’d care about who you can introduce me to on LinkedIn. I don’t care that you were in the Roy. H. Park School of Communications. Ithaca’s still Cornell’s retarded next door neighbor. But you were a communication major who can suck down a bong hit and not stutter every other 2 seconds, whoopty, freaking do.”

This is my impression of Dr. Dre discussing the merger between Microsoft and LinkedIn with Eminem. Hey Slim, Microsoft paid 4.5 billion for LinkedIN. Worddddddddd! LinkedIn is lamer than ever yoh.

My wife had a Hillary spotting during lunch with our baby boy. She claims Hillary was nice, adding “She even waived to Samuel. I said, “Of course she did. Hillary was getting warmed up for desert.”

I live in horse country close to nearby North Salem, so my mother signed my daughter up for some horse ridding lessons. Daughter says, “Everyone is friendly here.” I said, “Everyone here shits gold. They should be perpetually giddy come rain or shine.” I think this fairly young rider there flirts with me through riding her steed like she wants to break my joy stick in 2. Or maybe I’m just a sexually repressed stay at home comedian who needs to get out of the house more often.

Why do Jews still vote Democrat? Baby Boomers can’t admit when they’re wrong. Baby Boomer arrogance never dies. Because of Kent State, they want to abolish the National Guard forever. They thought the Black Panthers were on their side to.

4 out of 10 Democrats blame Israel for claiming ancestral connections to so many Nobel Prize winners like Jonas Salk. Who discovered the Vaccine for Polio, only to give it away for free like so many of those other Apartheid ruling Hitler wannabes.

Free Palestine. You’d think it was a breeding ground for future Nelson Mandela’s to clean up at Model UN.

Israelis are baby killers. So blow up a Planned Parenthood you’ll most likely Uber to, if you’re so concerned. Holla, thank you very much.

Israel is the problem. How many Palestinians are being hunted and assaulted with knifes, rocks, firebombs and UN financed missiles by Israelis who only serve in the military because they fucking have to, morons?

Fascist or racist, how is that even up for debate anymore, all the above Democrats? A white cop just got fired in Idaho for making fun of Lebron on Tik Tok. I don’t call him King of the Persecution Complex for nothing. And reverse racism against whites, Jews and Asians in this country is in full force more than ever before. Oh no he didn’t, yes I did. Holla, thank you very much.

Prince Harry thinks freedom of speech should be curtailed to curb enthusiasm over bashing balding Archie on Twitter. God forbid, you make fun of his uppity, zero gravitas exuding, spoiled rotten wife. Oh yeah, she contemplated suicide when she was pregnant with her lifetime fucking meal ticket on the line. Yeah, and Prince Harry dressed up as Hitler for Halloween like a poor man’s Charlie Chaplin to perfect the human race with a willing Heidi Klum by his bedside.

Bill Gates dismissing Melinda Gates at work. Program the pearl script command, massage my carpel tunnel, ho, you busted ass bitch. Fetch me a pea protein burger if you’re not busy stockpiling more stock.

Chris Rock says people are afraid to talk these days and comedy is sucking because of it. BLM is really shaking in their boots at the latest Toastmaster International meeting through Zoom Chris. Plus, did you ever consider comedy sucking today because all the established biggies like yourself, have become nothing more than establishment sell out propagandists for the rape enablement party like the rest?

Joe Biden’s hate crime engagement director recommends Jews stop showing off their Jewishness to avoid more hate crimes. Fine, I’ll whip out my smart phone to calculate the tip on a 20 dollar Pastrami sandwich at Katz to throw off Jewish headhunters on the prowl from Palestinian Terrorists Are Us. Holla, thank you very much.

I leave a grocery store with my mask off. A guy passes me and asks, “Are masks mandatory in there? I say, “I always take mine off immediately. Only dumb fucking alumni from Ithaca wear masks outside. It’s Cornell’s retarded next door neighbor for a reason.” Holla, thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth

Atheist Grave Robber

Whenever anyone defends Hamas launching more rockets at civilians in Israel, just call them atheist grave robbers. Yeah, you, you’re an atheist grave robber. You suck off dwarfs like Fuck Face Fauci who play God, so you don’t believe in the Book of Revelation or give 2 shits about sparking the wrath of Hashem for worshipping fake news idols. So go woke yourself, atheist grave robber. Holla, thank you very much.

Daughter always asks, “Daddy, what do you do after tucking me in.” I’ll sound incredibly cagy and reply, “I squeeze in some me time alright.”

A Karen approaches me at Costco and says, “Wear the mask.” And I say, “Not until you suck the white privilege out of my chosen schlong 1st. I’ll make it easier for you Karen. Just pretend Obama ordered you to leak it. Ricky Schroder lives. Holla, thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth

Loud Man’s Disease

How loud was Do It All Dad? For starters, when seeing Aerosmith live in Las Vegas 2 summers ago with close seats to the stage before a mask muzzle was designed to kill freedom of speech forever, his incessant hollering and wooing, made lead singer Steven Tyler, shoot off retaliatory hate stares of disgust in his direction which screamed, “Somebody shut this loudmouth Jew up already. This is my showcase career retrospective, not his. I didn’t blow millions on blow and almost derail my stadium selling out career in the seventies to have this big-headed putz project louder than me without a microphone, Joe Perry and a state-of-the-art sound system working in his magnifying favor either.”

There was also the time Do It All Dad saw Dice in a casino in Arizona with his younger brother, only for the Dice Man to single out the loudmouth Jew and yell with exasperated force, “You’re an asshole”, and all he was doing was laughing longtime all the time prior while sporadically yelling, “Dice Lives, holla, thank very much.” Dice was so flummoxed by Do It All Dad’s laugh throaty roar, he beelined into his nursey rhymes prematurely way ahead of schedule to get the fuck out of dodge at a hard 45 minutes into his set.

Then, there was the time when Do It All Dad saw Bon Jovi at Mohegan Sun with his daughter Matilda, fairly up in the nose bleed seats this time behind the stage, yet his bombastic, rocket fueled voice, still managed to get under Zebra print’s skin, as the old school long cowboy from Jersey, projected a damning you ain’t shit thousand-yard stare toward Mr. Loud Man’s Disease general direction, as he sang along with rock star blasting authority, “Bad Medicine is all I need.”  

Do It All Dad didn’t only piss off living legendary comedians and hall of fame rock star front men with surefire, unintentional precision. His omnipresent Loud Man’s Disease enraged his normally English dour, future father-in-law over a dinner at his home in Delaware only 2 minutes after grace, compelling him to bark out in depleted, drained already disgust, “He’s more talkative than the other one.” The other one being the gentile mute from Indiana, his daughter was engaged to before his daughter found her real deal partner in love this time, at least for the time being.

The major issue now was Do It All Dad’s loud man disease causing his son Art Show USA to develop all-consuming migraine headaches, leading his son to sport a permanent PMS face, until he started to take up mainlining extra strength Tylenol again. And Do It All Dad’s son was tough. How tough you ask? Well, when Art Show USA required stiches for tripping on top of an empty IPA glass on the ground and had to wait 1000 lifetimes in the emergency room so the other doctors could serve all the 1st in line dreamers in attendance, the doc gave Do It All Dad 2 options, “Either A) Authorize the doc using an anesthesia which would take 20 minutes to kick in, or B) To stich up his son the spot as his gaping gash continued to open wider than Octomom after push 5000. Do It All Dad chose B, only for the doctor to say, “Your kid is tough.” Do It All Dad inquires, “Indulge me doc, how tough?” Doc says, “One time there was this black kid from Brooklyn.” Do It All Dad says, “Sold already Doc. Thanks for giving my son tough guy bragging rights for me to derive vicarious pride from till my last dying breath.”

But how was Do It All Dad going to solve his Loud Man’s Disease exactly? Would triple masking even get the job done, after getting his tonsils taken out for an extra safe precaution to? Would Do It All Dad become a eunuch monk, despite already feeling this way at times from being a Stay-At-Home Dad, bitchy underling until his comedy writing career achieved blast off already? Would Do It All Dad seek out a Voodoo Doctor in Washington Heights to cure his Loud Man’s Disease by changing his pigmentation to ESL Asian?

What could Do It All Dad do to prevent his son from receiving any more debilitating headaches in his presence again? Finally, Do It All Dad devised a cure all solution. He’d buy his son a pair of Bose noise canceling headphones to wear in his presence and teach him fucking sign language. Because native New Yorkers were made to be heard.

The End

Michael Kornbluth