Stay Funny

The founder of the Internet laments the non-stop bitch feast it’s become. Then stop feeding into it and unfollow Lebron James on Twitter already. If you’re such a well-meaning humanitarian.

R. Kelly downplaying underage sexual abuse charges with Gayle King. I like older woman Gayle. Monique is too much woman for my taste. But your bod is tight enough. Ask me, if I’d make love to you with the lights off, pantsuit off to, please.

Raise your hands up high like in a police lineup where you belong is an example of a fan provoked racist insult attack against Russell Westbrook, especially in Utah. But the same fan telling Russ to get on his knees where he belongs just means he prays for the chance to get the inside stuff in the form of a potential back to back double header by Jesse Smollet and Ahmad Rashad. Russ rocks big ass swinging Gucci purses. It’s just a theory.

Has Obama comeback at Baby Face Omar yet for calling him a pretty face, say anything, liar, commander puppet and chief? Or is he waiting for Jay Z to write a comeback retort for him 1st? Assuming this task is outside of Ben Rhodes comfort zone.

Dr. Seuss is guilty of casual racism now. He only depicts Arabs in scenes riding Pink Albino camels. Instead of their child wives after dark.

Off the record, Tucker Carlson sounds like a witless , preppy douchebag. Why else would you name your book, Ship of Fools? It’s a moving Grateful Dead song man. His Patagonia pot head buds at boarding school blanked on giving him a heads up.

Int. Dermatology Office

Stay At Home Comedian

I agree doc. The fingers looks almost bump free. Which is more than I say for Uncle John since he was 15. For his birthday, I said blow. He snorted the cake.

Doc & Nurse laugh long time.

Int. Dermatology Office

Stay At Home Comedian

Doc, this is me on NPR with Ira Glass. My book editor for Stay At Home Comedian edited a book on Oskar Shindler. It makes me impervious to charges of being a Trumpian Nazi supporter NyQuill breath.

Int. Dermatology Office

Nurse

I like your shirt.

Stay At Home Comedian

Psycho Bunny’s got style I agree. Psycho Bunny knows I’m crazy for thinking I can sky high for dunks drinking double IPA hop bombs this summer. He reminds me I can’t.

Int. Office HR for Acast

A popular comedy podcast on our podcasting platform is My Dad Wrote a Porno.

Stay At Home Comedian

I’m assuming the mom said no to it and was a shitty improv partner to write aloud with from the start.
Int. Office

HR for Acast

A popular comedy podcast on our podcasting platform is My Dad Wrote a Porno.

Stay At Home Comedian

Why whack your head against the wall coming up with another derivative Modern Family spec script?

Int. Office

HR for Acast

A popular comedy podcast on our podcasting platform is My Dad Wrote a Porno.

Stay At Home Comedian

Was Anthony Weiner an early seed stage investor in the production?

 

Int. Office

HR for Acast

A popular comedy podcast on our podcasting hosting platform is My Dad Wrote a Porno.

Stay At Home Comedian

A parody of Boogie Nights would be more up my alley but that’s just me.

 

Int. Office

HR for Acast

A popular comedy podcast on our podcasting platform is My Dad Wrote a Porno.

Stay At Home Comedian

North Hollywood Bartending School didn’t materialize into any major money shots my way either.

 

Int. Office

HR for Acast

A popular comedy podcast on our podcasting platform is My Dad Wrote a Porno.

Stay At Home Comedian

So this makes him what, the father of Silverlake Stroller Mom porn according to Bill Maher?

 

Int. Office

HR for Acast

A popular comedy podcast on our podcasting platform is My Dad Wrote a Porno.

Stay At Home Comedian

So the podcast is Dad broadcasting the hashtags he wrote for a Giana Michels titty fuck pic? #moundofround.  I don’t get it.

 

The End 

By,

Micahel Kornbluth

 

Ex-Social Life Jokes/Deplorable Material

If Michael Has 3 I can handle 1 kid easy. If you had dragon blood roaring through your veins. Which you don’t obviously. You share joint custody with your wife for Christ sake. And you’re still in complete meltdown mode 24/7.

Tale of 2 Jakes

Want to catch the Knicks Nets game? I don’t think I can. I have to pick up Jake. So you want to blame your bitchy disposition toward being a father of 1 on me? Either you can hang or you can’t blow off bitch face.

Plus, your precious ex-social life involved videos smoking bombs with your phone at 11PM in the middle of work weeks. I think your 1 kid is better off without you spacing on being a dad again. And sitting on him like Christopher with the cat in the Sopranos.

If Michael Has 3 I can handle 1 kid easy. If you had dragon blood roaring through your veins. Which you don’t obviously. You share joint custody with your wife for Christ sake. And you’re still in complete meltdown mode 24/7.

Your Ex-Social Life Before pumping out 1 kid only was overrated. So you lived in Manhattan instead of New Jersey. Your gift of gab on beer or weed stinks regardless. Why else would you use EMOJI’s in IT recruitment sales on LinkedIn?

Get Over Your Ex-Social Life Going from 1 Phish show to the next in your run down RV. Had to wear on your lack of unique hippie cred after a while. Unless, you were selling Pimento grill cheese sandwiches I didn’t know about.

Only In America Baby
Wife says. You ‘re not allowed to explain what abortion is to my daughter. I’m a nurse who works with babies. This is my field of expertise. So you’re the abortion whisper now?
My sexually repressed text sent to a recruiter bud of mine on the train. The MILF has a soft, moist, plump mouth hot for immediate stuffage. No way she’s snagging a rock her size being a dead weight grazer. LOL indeed.

Int. Best Buy Worker You don’t like Lebron? Stay At Comedian Dad I respect his work ethic, God given ability and above average post season clutchness. And Charles Barkley is way more loveable and he hates on my Knicks 24/7.

Me on the phone with Robison Oil. My report says a “burner coupling broke?” Like when Chris Martin from Coldplay turned cold on Gwyneth Paltrow’s Kama Sutra moves after too many Kimchi taco Tuesdays became a family tradition.
My 7 Year Old Daughter Summing Me Up

You’re not a businessman daddy. What am I then Matilda? An underappreciated Podcast Host whose been Shadow Banned long time. You’re less annoying than Michael Savage.

 

Dad texts. I expected you to call us on Sunday per our conversation. My reply. Natalia was working all weekend. And I was busy with deplorable babysitter detail. It made me laugh.

 

By,

Michael Kornbluth