Fuck Face Fauci Strikes Back

This is Fuck Face Fauci trying to convince the world how our kids need to mask up outside forever till their last dying breaths.

“Kids need to wear masks outside because kids are getting infected the most. Bill Maher never accepts a double dare to bareback through a train of She-Males in Mardi Gras. Fuck Joe Rogan. It’s, In Fauci We Trust, motherfucker.”

Michael Kornbluth

Pause Daddy

     

“Welcome to the Do It All Dad Year Podcast, What Gen X Dads understand, Dad friendly entertainment for you and me. I’m your host Michael Kornbluth. Controlling our kids with comedy, can make our kids great again. My 3 fuss free kids most of the time, are living proof of it. I’ve been a Stay-At-Home Comedian on and off for a decade now, although my dad is more old school and prefers expression Sheltered Bum. Whenever, I’m out with my 3 kids without mommy, I hear, “You’ve got your hands full.” I’ll say, “If any of my books ever become best sellers and my wife agrees to open marriage with Susan Sarandon, then, my hands will be full.” I stopped smoking weed until I thought my daughter was asleep already because I felt like a moron answering her super deep questions on it the sticky icky stuff after I thought she was asleep already. She’d ask, “Daddy, if God created the universe, then who created God? “I said, God went back in time in a Time Machine made by Elon Musk.” Daughter says “Real convincing Dad. Thanks for making me an atheist at 4.”

Michael Kornbluth, host of the Do It All Dad Year Podcast and proud father of the 3 most hilariously, sweet, snuggle shine bundles of sunshine known to mankind adds, “Today, on the Do It All Dad Year Podcast, we have a guest, which is a rare occasion since the launch of my podcast 4 years ago, in my pursuit to become the paid star voice behind remote work revolution, before China could hog up all the credit for forcing Corporate America to adjust to a remote work way of life to please our commie controlled corporate masters till our last dying breath. During my pilot episode, I interviewed a UX Designer who worked for Apple. I know you’re bored out of your mind already, unless he was the guy Steve Job pumped for the casual Grandma jean look for all it was worth. My standup performer instinct constantly interjected, the moment I sensed my guest lose the audience, which happened automatically, whenever I allowed him drone out another colorless, brain reaching a screeching halt reply, so I swore off every doing another interview on the Do It All Dad Year Podcast ever again, especially knowing Do It All Dads who want to work from home based on free will alone, in the impassioned pursuit to make their kids the center of the universe instead of the reverse, don’t grow on freaking Bonsai trees either. But I decided to make an exception for our guest Richard Lankfear from Plano, Texas, who is a retired Drug Counselor and author of a new book, called, Addiction, a mind-expanding warning drug abuse symptoms guide, so parents can see if their kids are a frantic, manifestation of their crazy hick degenerate gene, with zero concept of moderation in real time or not. Raising drug free children is important to me because being a druggy dependent is the opposite of feeling free. Cream lives; holla thank you very much. Plus, how can our kids get excited about the pursuit of happiness at home or at school if getting high off their loved ones or from a job well done isn’t enough at least until their mid-twenties? Richard enacts tremendous good from his lifetime service as a Drug Counselor by making a drug abuse warning guide for parents today unaware of what constitutes drug forming behavior under their alleged, emotionally present watch. The chilling, sobering stats in the book such as fentanyl being 100 times more powerful than morphine, speak for themselves and need to be illuminated with unflinching detail knowing either blissful ignorance, dismissive sugarcoating or mere whitewashing of the opioid epidemic throughout the US as being a mere “white trash ” problem, can become the worst fatal mistake a parent today can make, especially knowing how Chinese made fentanyl snuck in through our Mexican border to NPR, has killed more crackers in this country than Lena Dunham kicking it with Taylor Swift on Instagram. The recurring theme in Richard’s books, The Addicted Child, is parents becoming reactive fire fighters, multiple rehab stints later, versus the ideal of becoming proactive troubleshooters before such residual damage has been done, which some families never truly recover from. This book will help more families spot drug habit forming warning signs by offering actionable insight to prevent their kids from facing such a life crippling fate. More importantly, the vast breakdown of all types of drug abuse included in the book, will give parents the confidence and sense of surging urgency to have the drugs will kill your braincells talk with their kids on their still developing minds, before those rapidly deepening drug forming habits become that much harder to break. Richard on the side of the Skype podcast interview is red and flustered in the face, flabbergasted over how Do It All Dad Year Podcast, has made zero effort to give his guest a smidgen of breathing room to promote his book 7 minutes into the broadcast already. If only had Richard knew of Do It All Dad’s code work trick, his 3 kids used whenever he went on one of his impassioned rants in one seamless endless breath, with zero auditory relief in sight as his kids long forgot what cool interesting idea, or question to express already, which was this, “Pause Daddy”, as they pointed an imaginary remote directly at him and say, “Pause Daddy”, with warm hearted smiled stretchy cheer because it was funny and it actually shut their dad the fuck up for change on Adderall or off.  

Stay At Home Comedian rolls on adding, “Let’s focus on our guest now Richard, who didn’t spend any quality time emoting about the all-star book review I just read for you on Amazon about his book The Addicted Child, which was more than generous considering what a snooze the book was as a whole. So, Richard, I just read another book by Lou Gramm, the former leader signer howler legend from Foreigner, known for co-writing and belting out endless classic rock staple hits such as Juke Box Hero, Double Vision, Long, Long, Long Way From Home, being my personal favorites among the pack. In his highly readable book in comparison to your one, he talks about getting sober and the growing frustration of not even being able to partake in lighting a doobie after killing at freaking Solider Field on the tour party bus soon afterwards, when everybody else from the band now in their early forties still is. Like the roadie guy says in the movie Rockstar with Mark Wahlberg, “Don’t be half ass about it, live out the Rock Star dream for those who can’t or something close to that.  Also, there’s a standup comedian whose no longer with us, the late great, Greg Geraldo, who said drug use should be encouraged when in your forties more so than your twenties especially when you learn during a parent teacher conference, “That your son is a half a tard.” So, my question for Richard, is “What’s an acceptable form of addiction in your book?” “Richard says, I wish I had stage light to shine on you, 1000 run on sentences ago.”  Do It All Dad Year Podcast host fires back with, “So, all the Irish thugs who used to beat up nice Jewish kids in the Bronx, calling them Christ Killers blah, blah.  Are they what you’d call a special kid of drunk prick later in life or do you think the concept of a so called happy drunk, doesn’t apply to any Irish alcoholics, because their rosy noses give off the impression, they’re really just more superficial cheery on the surface than the rest? And if the Irish are the best drunk poets, then whatever happened from the Irish Beastie Boys in the Jump Around Video? Don’t get me wrong, I don’t thinking being a drunk prick is a strictly an Irish disease. For me, I think a fellow member of my tribe, Michel Rappaport, still sounds like he’s auditioning for the role of Wigger Number 3 asshole In the Jump Around Video.  Richard says, “Are you going to ask any of the questions I gave you?” Do It All Dad Year Podcast Host Michael replies, “Why are parents so afraid to have honest conversations about drugs through their record collections with their kids Richard? What makes these parents so apprehensive to point out the dangers of doing shitty Chinese made coke, with Hunter Biden, only hearing last call from the bathroom stall? Do you feel sketchy degenerate behavior is born, enabled, or all the above? In the movie, Requiem, for a Dream, Jared Leto is missing a freaking arm at the end, which is a powerful cautionary message to nail home on par with reading your kids Allen Ginsburg’s Howl next time, they claim to not scary easily, describing all the beautiful angels of light’s mind, ravaged by drugs, reducing to eating stray cats throughout the streets of San Francisco. Why didn’t you share such hardcore scare tactics tips in your book, for parents to use on their kids, so they wouldn’t have to spend a mini fortune, and take out a new home equity loan on the house to afford your overrated counseling services? “

Now, all of Michael’s 3 kids come bursting in the room to give their Dear Dada a hug after coming back from school, anxious to tell him about their day. In unison, they all point an imaginary remote at their Stay-At-Home Comedian Dad and say, “Pause Daddy.” Richard throws up his hands in defeated disgust on the Skype Window screen and yells, “That’s it Pause Daddy, is the magic word to shut this loudmouth, obnoxious Jew up already.” Stay At Home Comedian Dad replies, “When your opinions are deemed worthy enough to interrupt my killer flow, I’ll let you know, jerkoff. Never forget, controlling our kids with comedy, can make our kids great again. My 3 fuss free kids most of the time are living proof of it.”

The End

The Flipper Baby Side

On February 12th, Samuel Chosen Curls Was Bound To Woo was born, compared to his grandmother Mimi who was born on February 13th, which finally offered undeniable, certifiable proof that God wasn’t picking on Do It All Dad’s wife anymore. February 12th is also Abe Lincoln’s birthday, which held special significance within the Kornbluth family, especially on the southern side, where Do It All Dad’s mom hailed from, because their great, great, great, great Grandfather Austin Gallagher saved his boyhood friend Abe Lincoln from drowning, which is the greatest presidential save since JFK kept Marilyn warm for Bobby.  The worst part about this story is how after Abe tripped on a log cabin while crossing Knob Creek in a rush to get home on time for Racoon Soup Night, he pressured his dear friend Austin to never tell anyone about saving him from drowning to death because he a had a vision while gasping for air within the limestone laced waters of Kentucky, how one day, he’d be the man responsible for helping liberate the black man from the chains of slavery and he wouldn’t be looked upon as a serious saver, knowing he was a worst swimmer than they. One time, Do It All Dad held an Astrology Off among his 3 kids after Chosen Curls was born between his older brother and sister, Art Show USA and Matilda Singing Rose Kornbluth, meaning they compared famous men and woman born on their birthdays. Chosen Curls Was Bound To Woo had Abe on his list and Arsenio Hall from Coming To America. Matilda’s other younger brother Art Show USA, otherwise known as Number One Capricorn, born on New Year’s Day, had Mini Me and Paul Revere on his list and all she had was Peter Sarsgaard, prompting her to blurt out in progressively pissed off disgust, “I don’t like this Astrology Off anymore. Nobody I love like Shakira or Mel Brooks was born on my birthday.” Do It All Dad gives her added unwelcome grief, and says, “Pisces are very competitive.”

Now, Chosen Curls Was Bound To Woo was stuck in the wrong way within his mama’s womb, with his feet facing down toward his exit hole. Normally, Breach Babies, who are positioned to be yanked out of their mama’s fun box, feet first, are either flipped by a doctor to be pushed out headfirst or excavated from the womb through a stomach lacerating C section, which most woman would prefer to avoid, because if you’ve seen one Alien movie, you’ve seen enough.

Chosen Curls was chilling in the womb for 9 months in the wrong way with his toes tingling with delight closer to mama’s vagina versus the way around, which he didn’t mind one bit, knowing he had great looking, inhalatory baby feet, which looked better than most gross, bald baby heads to come out crying out of most vaginas, not nearly as snuggly as this. Mama’s womb housing vagina was so snuggly, Chosen Curls could take endless naps in there on Crystal Meth. Also, Chosen Curls liked being a wrong way baby because it would give him bragging rights one day, when he eventually performed his 1st reverse somersault in the womb, knowing his Do It All Dad was a knock-kneed putz, who got penalized in gym class back in the day for toppling over to the side whenever he tried to sit Indian style while sitting out another game of Kickball on the sidelines for getting eliminated almost immediately again. At the same time, Chosen Curls didn’t want his Mama’s stomach ripped apart, because he refused to flip for mama’s love, out of blatantly premature spite for Mama never encouraging his WWE wrestling career soon after, in his pursuit to become the dreamy child offspring of Andre The Giant and Bruce Lee, while being billed as Hardcore Hurting Hunga.  

Now, it was showtime, Mama was ready to burst, and this birth wasn’t a walk in the park compared to his older brother Art Show USA, who popped out easier than a tin of Altoids in 1 hour flat.  The nurse encouraged mama to push, yet Chosen Curls was taking his sweet ass time to transform himself into a real deal, choke free Flipper Baby after all. Then, Chosen Curls heard his Do It All Dad’s booming voice more so than usual, pierce through mama’s cervix as he barked, “You can do it Samuel. If Rodney could do the Triple Lindy in Back To School, then you can flip for mama’s love to, knowing she remained freak out free from giving up wine for 9 months straight again on your behalf. Also, mama’s vagina is fairly broken in at this point, 2 kids later, in addition to my Hebrew Hammer leaving a substantial dent prior. So let’s get moving, before mama flips you the bird and curses your existence forever, for you denying her the beauty of being yanked out into her arms in one semi seamless motion, versus the Alien stomach mauling coming out birth, pretty please, with extra booger sugar for Uncle Jon, AKA, Sir Snort A Lot on top.” As the delivery doctor grabs Samuel’s head from outside mama’s belly, Chosen Curls performs a seamless reverse baby flip to show his Dada he wasn’t born to be a tense baby like a pubescent Albert Brooks in the making, in Defending Your Life, only for him to grow up becoming a perpetually wound up stress ball on 2 legs, with decades of fear plagued tension embedded within his frozen in time neck.  

Do It All Dad spots his son’s head emerge from Mama’s blessed box , flush with endless life enriching charms and cranks up the volume, blaring, “Homestretch, Samuel, one more push, and Made In The Shade, will be made in the shade. Now, slide out of mama’s snuggle snatch hard, Ricky Henderson style.” Doc pulls Samuel out this time, who emerges into this wildly, unpredictable, God graced, awe inspiring beautifying world, with a full set of hair, which puts Do It All Dad at ease, knowing bald babies with indentations on their heads are gross, all looking like Nurse Jackie dropped them on top of an anvil one too many times after getting the shakes because she’s out of methadone again.

The nurse hands Chosen Curls to his dear Dada to hold tightly to his heart and with his back turned toward Mama he starts bonding with his lucky number 3 saying, “Your big sister, Singing Rose, recognized my voice out of the womb to. I’ve been in love with you since you were a blip of an alien baby on mama’s Ultrasound photograph report. Your brother and sister are the coolest. They’re going to love you so good.”

Eventually, mama interjects and says, “You weren’t housing Samuel for the past 9 months, I was. So, stop boxing me out from my baby and turn around, so I can see the face of my beautiful baby already. Do It All Dad turns around and says, “You handled that well babe. I got carried away hearing my own voice again. At least, for now, we know it has a calming influence unlike a 10-year marriage, which is bound to unleash anybody’s flip-out side.”

The End

Michael Kornbluth