Killerset for 1/20/21
Ahead Of The Curve Annoying
The Hateful 2
CBD Oily Only
True Lincoln Log Story, Google It
Dr. Seuss Is Tony Robbins For Kids
Unmasking Ronan Farrow
The Funniest Hitman From Queens
Cling on Cheesy
Sticking With Nerf Football In The Yard
Carlin Wouldn’t Have Aged Well Today
The Brainwashing Projectors
Explaining Aids Through Trump
Killing Dream Stompers Loudly
Overly planned dates never compare to spontaneous ones because they rarely lead to a triangle of love with some mysterious gal at the Sirens Music Festival in Staten Island, NY who makes the 1st move on your man without this being his plan in the 1st place. Of course, there are exceptions, because planning to see Elaine Stretch perform a bunch of Stephen Sondheim tunes at the famed Carlyle Hotel on the Upper East Side, JFK old’s school hump around stomping ground, for your 1st year wedding anniversary, while noshing on the most succulent slivers of primo smoked salmon and crackers imaginable prior in the piano bar, when your wife notices Paul McCartney checking her out with an interested, oh darling gaze, you’re not complaining about the results of a planned out date night either. Also, when Elaine Stretch, who played Jack’s mom in 30 Rock as a bad ass, domineering, woman of class, barbed wit and sophistication who can reduce any titan of industry son into a nerve plagued, mumbling man while thrust into her all-knowing aura again, and quotes in front a of live adoring audience, “The world always looks pregnant with magical delight from your hotel Carlyle window as flurries of snow start to blanket the city like the ultimate Macy’s day window display treat for mother nature to play a leading role in decorating”, isn’t making you question the importance of planning a magical date night wedding anniversary to celebrate the day, you became official life time partners in love, for better or worse either.
Still, deciding to visit the local pizzeria Frank’s in our nearby, adorably quaint hamlet town of Croton Falls, enveloped by ponds flush with trout, windy, hilly roads and high end, open aired horse stables for the finest equestrian horses the world has to offer with your pitch perfect 9 year old daughter who just schooled you on why the captain of the Titanic’s ego, was the main reason why James Cameron got his king of the universe Oscar, after getting divorced from Linda Hamilton, when he chose to dick around with some CGI some more instead of her ripping off his man skin in the sack, is what dream dates are made of.
All of a sudden, mama was out of the house with baby Samuel. Arthur was actually in school for a change in a post woke Covid crazed universe gone wild and I found myself at our kitchen table with my Bashert daughter, my new and improved female twin of the most special glowed order at noon and I proposed, “Why don’t we have a lunch date together and pick it up from Franks in town, Matilda.” Matilda says, “Great idea daddy, let’s leave now though, because my next Google classroom call is at 1240 and I know how you can do more talking than eating once you get your yak pipes warmed up.” So, we take an idyllic stroll to our local village in Croton Falls, which is a 2 minute walk max, where the old school post office in town, is where they actually shot It’s a Wonderful Life and I was so at one with my daughter during this bonding, talky stroll to even get angry over the crashing realization, we’d never gone on a daddy daughter day date to town since the era of using children as politicized pawns since terms such as remote learning went viral after the Covid virus made in China began.
Again, we didn’t have a planned lunch order at all. My daughter spotted a fresh, bright red, wrinkle free Grandma slice, begging to be devoured. Now normally, we’d order a dozen garlic nots, if her 2 brothers were partaking but it was just us 2 so the standard order of 6 bomb, roasted garlic, never burnt, always crispy on the outside and fresh within, was another no-brainer order add on especially knowing Franks’ side of marinara is always well flavored and chunky, herb flavored enough to take this standard adolescent side pizza delivery item so much higher. Do It All Dad over here couldn’t resist not ordering their consistently delicious, never too greasy, amazing hero bread shrouded, just the right amount of what tastes like homemade mozzarella on top, eggplant parm hero, to make you love embracing the Kosheterarian Diet come rain or shine. I still miss my cherished cheesesteaks of yesteryear, since embracing the Koshertarian Diet but sharing super fresh, scrumptious, never too heavy eggplant parm heroes with my daughter over daddy daughter date day, makes those cheese wiz laced, sautéed onions specked cheese steaks from Philly transplants in NY such as Tony Luke’s become a far flung distant, wasn’t as great as I remember longing for it memory, especially when you’re daughter assumes the lead and doesn’t hesitate to ask daddy for another bite of his egg parm hero. Especially after Daddy adds some salty fresh specs of pecorino from the fridge on top to make this eggplant parm hero worshiped in Queens, the original location of Frank’s Pizzeria, sing with such big deal specialness, you better recognize possibility.
I never planned on having my 1st born, Matilda Singing Rose Kornbluth either, because I never mastered the pump fake, yet every day, she proves to me why the best things in life are never planned but given through the most high for never giving up on doing you all the way.
Why are fat vegetarians so pathetic? Is it their dumpy physique, droopy eyes or inflated sense of self-worth, because they’re still pastier than a formula baby under house arrest during Covid? Does a meat free diet, make your complexion look a tad less oily? Yes, but fat vegetarians not so much, knowing, their added layers of blubber weigh down any glow filled, glint to their step.
But how do fat vegetarians get so fat exactly? It isn’t from Turkey meatballs served on toothpicks from Mark Wahlberg’s personal chef. So, what’s preventing good intentioned vegetarians from feeling better about their humane promoting diets, despite it making their pale icky, round faces look like murky, greyish, shaved Elephant balls? From personal experience, double IPA’s inhaled in rapid succession doesn’t help, nor does frying up Beyond Meat burgers in butter whenever you want, because you’re taking a break from drinking double IPA’s during the work week again. Also, the overreliance of cheese in your average fat vegetarian’s diet stems from the lack of eating options at the bar, which is limited to Jalapeno Poppers, French Fries and French Onion Soup. So chances are, you’ll be inhaling an eggplant roll and a Grandma slice from your local pizzeria far after 10pm, which is a big no, no, in Ryan Reynold’s book, according to Men’s Journal favorite pinup to paste inside your gym locker year after year. An eggplant roll alone is 456 calories, which eaten after 10, slows your metabolism to a screeching halt, wiping out your combined calorie loss from your past 2 days on the Peloton, which isn’t getting your body into tip top, Woody Harrelson shape on the set of Natural Born Killers either. Did you know Cheddar Cheese possess 7 times more fat content than a bite of chicken breast? Ryan Seacrest’s daily diet of egg whites, chicken breast wraps isn’t so easy to disparage with such rock solid, self-righteous, all knowing glee so much anymore, is it? That’s a humungous reason why fat vegetarians should consider giving The Koshertarian Diet a chance.
Understand, most vegetarians are vegetarians for humanity purposes, even more so than the healthier heart aspect, because those same vegetarians have zero problem taking more hits from their old school glass bong, singing, “Got to have Kaya now, because tripping on acid in a Covid masks outside will make me feel like I’m trapped the middle of a Biological war for my soul man. So, The Koshertarian Diet should appeal to the fat vegetarian within us all, because all Kosher meat is sliced with a Chalaf knife, designed to kill Ben and Jerry’s cows on spot with one seamless motion, by cutting through their jugular veins, which eliminates any painful, drawn out death. Just think the opposite of Saw 1 through 7. Also, the Kosheterain Diet forces vegetarians to get creative without the use of the cheese, involving Kosher chicken breast meals, which forbid the mixing of dairy and meat such as the time I made a cheese-less Quesadilla with diced up chicken breast cooked on the grill, later sautéed in high grade, cold pressed, extra virgin olive oil, always the best, on top of caramelized, sweet red peppers and red onion, in addition to peeled slices of garlic, and generous sprinklings of Kosher salt, and fresh ground peppercorns for extra peppy pop. After one bite of this reimagined Chicken Quesadilla, the urge to drop your customary, shredded mounds of spicy pepper jack cheese on the top of the diced up chicken breast between the fried-up flour tortillas dissipates faster than Dominion employee profile pages on LinkedIn after Sidney Powell released the Kraken after election night. Another night, I used the same batch of leftover chicken breast chicken, diced up some more, and made a pesto out of basil, pecans, garlic, Kosher salt and olive oil, mixed with a scrumptious pappardelle pasta while topping it with some thinly sliced, cherry tomatoes on top, for some needed color and cooler texture contrast to transform this dish into some big time summer loving, having a blast, with the entire house to myself, with my wife and 3 kids in Delaware for Baba Camp for a pleasant change of pace. Who needs meat lasagna, when you can follow Martha Stewart’s lead and perfect your version of Mexican Lasagna without having to get too carried with the cheese distribution plopage in the process? Especially, when you use baked corn tortillas as the base while stacking a couple of layers of sautéed black beans, red onions and Jalapeno peppers, with your homemade cherry tomato based salsa, encasing the entire dish with a wall of impenetrable, impossible to resist, Cilantro specked flavor, making it hard for you to separate from your plate if La Bamba is on HBO without the use of on demand cloud technology for old time’s sake. Plus, child separation is overrated, because if Coco never got separated from his parents, he never would’ve became a miniature Los Lobos in the making. I know, making fun of a cartoon character storyline is worse than Carlos Santana claiming President Trump has “dark energy”, despite Hillary being the best-selling voodoo doll in Hatti year after year. Plus, President Trump doesn’t need to take Acid to see who’s full of shit Carlos.
So, what’s my overriding take away message, fat vegetarians, besides turning off every lit agent imaginable who believe Hiding Biden won fair and square? Simple, eat more Kosher chicken breast-based meals and give The Koshertarian Diet a chance. Nothing is worse than being a fat vegetarian, besides being a fat cokehead, who lacks total self-awareness or shame, by blaming their constant stomach pains on Landa Lakes.
Masks Are The New Condoms
Not Wear The Mask Iron Lungs
The Italian Reptilian Inside
Our Post Plagued Universe
It’s A Failed Photo-Op In Chinatown
The Worst Beard Mayor Of All Time
No 9/11 Light Memorial For You
Pro Near Abortion Tales