http://doitalldadyearpodcast.libsyn.com/feminism-killed-pick-up-ball
Tag: poetry
Straight Shooter With Purpose
My new Trump voiced GPS system. Happy Columbus Day! Turn left for Mohegan Sun, Elizabeth Warren’s home away from home.
INT. Kids U
Random Kid
You can’t get me.
Do It All Dad
Who sounds like Bugs Bunny and Hillary Time Cankles had a baby? More ungrateful than Chelsea with concealer on at MSNBC.
Kathy Griffin, I mean Trans Chucky, killed Fashion Police with her half ass, think she could wing the job without writing jokes. Prior, she pushed for Joan Rivers job on Fashion Police as Joan was in a coma from her surgery complications, allegedly. Joan lives.
INT. KIDS U
Worker
I don’t know where you come up with this stuff.
Do It All Dad
Similar to Neil Young, imagination is my best friend.
Neil Young just left his wife of 30 years for Daryl Hannah. He’s going through a post-midlife never banged a Mermaid crisis.
INT. Kids U
Worker
You should frame the letter you got from Trump.
Do It All Dad
My mother in law just wants Trump framed for being a straight shooter with purpose and for stripping the View of any vestige of saintly sanity left.
INT. Italian Deli
Deli Worker
Do you have a job?
Do It All Dad
Selling my books.
Deli Worker
Do you want to work here on weekends?
Do It All Dad
Sure, if I was 17 and still ate pork, you dumb mook.
69% of college students today support abolishing Columbus Day. Do these students know 420 is Hitler’s Birthday? Now, hits from the bong never felt so wrong. Regardless if the music playing is Bob Marley’s earlier Doo-Wop work on his label Tuff Gong.
What crime is Trump guilty of again? Besides murdering any remaining integrity the Obama administration has once the new and improved IG report comes out. Only reinforcing how Obama was the real dictator empowering, spy game lover really into a Michael lady.
Trump used his office to pressure the Ukraine? Since when is it a crime to ask why a Vice President’s son got 50 grand a month for getting kicked out of the Navy for proposing the ghost of Allen Ginsburg blow him for more late night blow during Fleet Week?
Resistors don’t care about the rule of law. All they care about is getting Trump out of office, so they can return to their smug superior selves because east coast elitism and baby boomer arrogance never dies Jack.
Trump’s some coward, for taking on Hollywood, the media, Big Tech, CIA, FBI, Iran, China, ISIS, the Hillary crime machine, Denture Breath Pelosi, grooming gangs and various pedo power players who make Bryan Singer blush with predatory anticipation.
How is Trump a coward Popovich? If you don’t like an interview question, you sulk like a tenured college professor forced to admit Russian Collusion tales don’t exist. Knowing a hologram of Drago never appeared in voting booths, demanding, “Vote Trump or I’ll break you.”
ABC interviewing Hunter Biden.
Did you ever tell your father that a Vice President swimming nude in his Delaware home with Secret Service around was a bad look? Regardless, if he boasted about being bigger than Boogie Boarder Obama or not?
Are you into sniffing little girl’s hair like daddy? Or is that too pedestrian for a spoiled coke head degenerate like yourself?
Would you feel like less of a scumbag if your brother’s dead wife made a move on you 1st? You’re like the pussy jealous brother from Rudy with an American Express Black Card to match your soul Hunter.
Where have you been Hunter? Hunter replies, “Doing more bumps, hearing last call from the bathroom stall. For my birthday, when my coke dealer said blow, I snorted the cake.”
Michael Kornbluth
Endless Blankets Of Love
4.5 IPA’s taste like circumcised happiness.
Daddy, what’s the biggest bra size imaginable? All I know is Jamey Farber lost everything scrumptious up top after dropping a solid thirty from her waist down during my 2nd year of sleep away camp. I know boobs are empty filler but she left me hanging.
INT. Home
Daughter
Daddy, do you want to how Shannon and I got so good at drawing horses?
Do It All Dad
You’re mesmerized by their well hung anatomy, prematurely at 8?
EXT. Stud Farm
Do It All Dad
Did you ever play a Polo Horse in a movie Hollywood Royalty?
Talking Horse
I could never keep a straight face, knowing Ralph Lauren is a scrappy Jew from the boogie down Bronx.
Do It All Dad
I used to buy weed there in High School, the sprayed kind, that tastes like Windex.
The NBA canceled the media availability for the remainder of the China Trip. Claiming it’s unfair to ask Lebron James questions about China because he never went to college, insisting those questions are culturally biased. But ask away about Trump.
Curt Shilling on CNN with Jake Tapper. Seriously, Jake, how can self-respecting Jew still vote Democrat. They treat baby face Omar with kiddie gloves like she’s some naive, brainwashed groupie just trying to win free concert tickets from Roger Waters.
INT. HOME
Do It All Dad
Shudras are servants in India. Chances are, I was a stay at home dad bitch in the past lifetime until I made the decision to earn my freedom.
Daughter
By doing stand up comedy for free at towny bars in Westchester County?
INT. HOME
Do It All Dad
The Bible says seeking out the counsel of medium’s, even it’s a talking Palomino Horse is forbidden.
Daughter
What if we just write off the counsel as you being a crazed schizophrenic? Who hears me crying even if I’m not anyway.
INT. HOME
Daughter
What are castes Dada?
Do It All Dad From upper middle, to lower deplorable is a chapter in my book, which explains what happens when you come out as pro Trumpian in Hillary Hammer Time Cankles country.
INT. HOME
Do It All Dad
The Hindus say our fates our determined by Karma.
Daughter
Well God, gave you endless blankets of love in the form of me, Arthur and Samuel. Who adore you more every day. Does that mean you’re straight shooter with purpose?
Michael Kornbluth
Good Luck Guru
INT. HOME
Do It All Dad
The Bible says seeking out the counsel of medium’s, even it’s a talking Palomino Horse is forbidden.
Daughter
What if we just write off the counsel as you being a crazed schizophrenic? Who hears me crying even if I’m not anyway.
INT. HOME
Do It All Dad
The Hindus say our fates our determined by Karma.
Daughter
Well God, gave you an endless blanket of love in the form of me, Arthur and Samuel. Who adore you more every day. Does that mean you’re straight shooter with purpose?
INT. HOME
Do It All Dad
Shudras are servants in India. Chances are, I was a stay at home dad bitch in the past lifetime until I made the decision to earn my freedom.
Daughter
By doing stand up comedy for free at towny bars in Westchester County?
INT. HOME
Daughter
What are castes Dada?
Do It All Dad
From upper middle, to lower deplorable is a chapter in my book, which explains what happens when you come out as pro Trumpian in Hillary Hammer Time Cankles country.
INT. HOME
Do It All Dad
Vaishyas are merchants in India.
Daughter
So you’ve got bad karma to root out, if you’re stuck working as an IT recruiter into your forties, exploiting indentured H1-B workers for all their worth?
INT. HOME
Do It All Dad
Brahmans in India are teachers and priests. They’re less touchy feely Church types. They also don’t insist on possessing absolute sin absolution power either.
Daughter
Who does these priests think they are? They’re not God.
INT. HOME
Do It All Dad
The Hindu God Vishnu embodies righteousness.
Daughter
Let me guess, ANTIFA calls him a fascist racist because he follows President Trump on Twitter.
INT. HOME
Do It All Dad
The Hindu God Shiva embodies power.
Daughter
Do you think he does box jumps also? Or is he just genetically jacked that way?
Do It All Dad
I think yoga out of the womb made his core super strong long time.
INT. HOME
Do It All Dad
Hindus believe in a universal God who takes on many forms.
Daughter
Like in a Palomino Horse. They’re so pretty. Would you ever divorce mama for talking Palomino horse if it was pretty enough? Would mama let you out on dates?
Do It All Dad
I shouldn’t have made out with your stuffed animal Pineapple Pretty to show off my playful, young at heart depraved side after all.
Michael Kornbluth
Pro Bush Ellen
My kids getting jealous of Captain America. Captain America got moves. He’s like Collin Kaepernick 2 seasons in before he started sporting pig socks depicting cops thinking he was the 2nd coming of B Reel. Daughter, stop acting like he’s real.
INT. HOME
Daughter
Did you know the Mayans invented Chocolate?
Do It All Dad
Dada’s Double Imperial Stout, which I pounded in 5 minutes flat last night, was made with bits of coco was called Mexican Cake. It was a far cry from STD catching Mexicali Blues.
Morning Prayer: God, don’t let me get mad at my wife for wasting almost the entire fresh squeezed OJ on our 3 kids for lunch, the one day a year, I fast to atone for being a right minded, judgmental prick, for the comedic betterment of all mankind, Amen.
INT. HOME
Daughter
Look at this Palomino Dada, she’s so pretty.
Do It All Dad Are all Palomino’s blondies?
Daughter
Daddy’s attracted to Palomino’s.
Do It All Dad
Do you think they’re lady like enough to pluck their face hair when men aren’t present?
Dinero harassing his VP of Production in a bathrobe. You had no problem with me flicking ashes off my bathrobe in Casino. Rodney could get away with it but I can’t. Have I told you how much Viagra I take to stay hard around girls I can’t shit on?
I feel like less all over the place Jew, whenever my son cries about mama cutting his fingernails to deep. Especially, knowing, how much pride she derives from her exacting, Nurse persona, responsible for keeping premature babies alive status.
Teenage girls who declare themselves as boys are allowed breast removal without their parents permission today. If my daughter takes after mama. It won’t be too much of load off her shoulders.
They have sex week in college now. It’s like spin the bottle with dicks during bum rush week.
Humanity is doomed if Global Warming isn’t reversed. Let’s start with CNN calling ANTIFA out, for the fascist, anarchists paid, pawns of treacherous, shadow government insurgencies for starters.
The MAGA hat is a covert symbol of white supremacy, San Diego City College? I’d care about your adopted, non critical piggy backed opinion, if the Full House chick thought enough of your school to bribe her daughter into it.
INT. HOME
Wife
My nurse friends work complain about their husbands expecting blow jobs more than once a year on their birthday.
Do It All Dad
Your vagina has fifty million more sensitive synapses. And greater drillage, dentage, toys to play with babe.
INT. HOME
Do It All Dad
Matilda, how does a boy at 8 identify as Transgender?
Daughter
Doesn’t Transgender, just mean gay in girl’s clothing? Does that mean Shakespeare was Transgender because he dressed like a girl in all his plays.
INT. HOME
Do It All Dad
Matilda, how does a boy at 8 identify as Transgender?
Daughter
Arthur shrieks like a girl when Baby clobbers him in the face. Arthur also fights dirty and pulls my hair. Maybe, he identifies as a fake news tough diva on Glow.
INT. HOME
Do It All Dad
Matilda, how does a boy at 8 identify as Transgender?
Daughter
Transgender is a boy who never outgrows playing dress up with his sister? Or a girl with short hair, who insists on wearing pants on a TV variety comedy show.
Michael Kornbluth
Limitations Of Love
INT. Record Shop
Do It All Dad
The 2 things I love, good Hair Metal and stand up comedy records are in less supply than non pretentious record buyers who just came back from Europe breaking their luggage for loading up on records overseas.
INT. Jewelry Store
Owner
You’re a riot.
Customer
Are you a comedian?
Do It All Dad
You think I’m plucking A plus gems like this from the sky?
Situation: Call Pandora Do you sell Mezuzah’s?
What’s a Mezuzah?
A decorative case with Hebrew lettering on it, testing my wife’s comfort level with advertising our family’s Jewishness on our door posts next time her gentile parents visit.
INT. Deli
Do It All Dad
A quarter pound of yellow american cheese because my wife felt compelled to say, she hates it when it get’s all clumped together. Despite her having nothing to do with breaking my fast. This is my f your collusion purchase.
INT. HOME
Daughter
I think I might have outgrown my Barbies.
Do It All Dad
You’re just burnt on playing with them.
Daughter
Is that why you avoid mom as much as you can? I mean, nobody writes writing alone that much.
INT. HOME
Do It All Dad
The Mezuzah’s were very reasonable.
Wife
They better be.
Do It All Dad
Or else what, you’ll divorce me for being a pushy Jew about insisting my children learn the Shema prayer inside the Mezuzah because God commanded it?
INT. PIZZERIA
Do It All Dad
I got choked up inside when James Gandolfini died. Truth is I called my father that day to see how he was doing and we’re not on regular speaking terms either.
Pizza guy laughs long time.
INT. HOME
Wife
You’ve done enough celebrating.
Do It All Dad
President Trump wrote me back after getting my letter and book. But he didn’t tweet a buy recommendation on the book to his 59 million followers. So I’ll just break the fast and mope instead.
INT. HOME
Wife
You’ve done enough celebrating.
Do It All Dad
President Trump wrote me back after getting my letter and book, which read to our 3 kids. So I’ll just break the fast and mope about marrying a gentile from Australia who doesn’t give a shit.
Situation: Press Conference in Japan.
Reporter: Love the glasses Wes. Has your owner’s forced deleted tweet in support of THE pro democracy movement in Hong Kong, changed the way you weigh in on social issues? Any thoughts on being the American Marbury?
Situation: Press Conference in Japan.
Reporter: Love the glasses Wes. Has your owner’s forced deleted tweet changed the way you weigh in on social issues?
Westbrook: Basketball questions only. Since when do I get confused for Steve Kerr?
Situation: Press Conference in Japan.
Reporter: Has your owner’s forced deleted tweet changed the way you weigh in on social issues?
Westbrook: The Chinese show us the most important love. Endless adulation no matter how much we shit on Trump for ESPN.
Barkley showing the limitations of his intellect.
Critics of the NBA are idiots. Billions are at stake. It’s a business decision. I thought it was a business ethics damnation to keep Shaq uncomfortable in 3 piece suits, my bad.
Barkley trying to act enlightened.
Critics of the NBA are idiots. Billions are at stake. It’s a business decision.
Billions at stake for Time Warner, CNN, TNT and Disney , ESPN, ABC, all anti-American sell out scumbags. Stick to making fun of Lebron.
All Houston Rockets gear has been taken down in China.
The Beard could sign Chinese Red Flags instead.
Hide chop sticks in his beard from Mr. Chow’s to sign.
Or wipe ass his with Melo’s old jersey left at his crash pad for fun on. Instagram.
INT. Record Shop
Do It All Dad
Refusing to buy my wife your only Bjork record proves the limitations of my love. At least now, my daughter can’t complain on my behalf. The shrieking Eels are eating my brain away Dada, show mercy on my soul mama.
Michael Kornbluth
Ball Gags Made In China
What do Ellen and W bond over exactly? Besides being pro Bush. Do they invite Michelle Obama over for games of Operation, gender reassignment edition?
How does the withdrawal of 100 US troops help ISIS exactly? Will Jihadi John’s family come out of hiding under the ISIS witness protection program? Thinking, let’s start filming our comeback despite Turkey having less rules of war to follow.
The UN accuses Netherlands of Islamophobia over their Burka ban. But prostitutes in Amsterdam are on a widow display in the red light district of all colors, sizes and vary level of attractiveness. Plus, the sexual transactions aren’t against a woman’s will.
Henry Kissinger says the war against ISIS was never won. I recall Drone breath, do nothing to stop the draft or Vietnam, claiming 58,000 American lives. Our last war lost. Failing to overthrow Trump over a golden shower fantasy tale doesn’t count.
Better voters are the key to defeating Trump, Aaron Sorkin? Do more coke and write a play about a mad scientist who clones better voters in the mold of woke Mitty Romney’s, moron. Or just wing it on magic mushrooms and let Jeff Daniels help you.
Mattel released a doll with no gender. Does the doll identify as an Indifferent Asexualist? It must be a middle aged Ken Doll, whose wife threatens to dye his hair once he starts turning grey. Bemoaning his wife not having any hot friends to jerk off to.
It still disgusts me knowing Lebron get’s to play with Uni Brow. Knowing Ewing never bitched about Starks being his lone potential bail out number 2. At least when the Clippers beat them, Lebron can’t say he didn’t have enough good will hype in his favor.
Steve Kerr doesn’t protest against the hate speech police working at Facebook and Twitter for racially profiling all Trump supporters as dumb white trash. So I don’t see Kerr protesting red ball gags on NBA owners in Ted Cruz country, made in China, either.
Michael Kornbluth
You Ain’t Alright Hillary Supporter Left
Pitchfork named Alright by Kendrick Lamar, song of the decade. His song Damn wins the Pulitzer for music because Obama got the Nobel for relegating ISIS to ISIL. So they’d sound more start up friendly in Wired magazine.
Who told Samuel L Jackson it was cool to dress like Spike Lee’s grandmother? Who identifies as a jazz critic descendent of Sonny Rollins in Tyler Perry’s new film, The Uppity Cunt.
Hillary might run for President again in 2020?
What’s going to be her campaign slogan?
Vampires Don’t Need Stents
I Eat Fake News Indians for Breakfast
Chelsea Isn’t Ugly Anymore
Seth Rich Knows Whose Boss
Deplorable Boomer Mom Knows Best
Ukraine gave more money to the Clinton foundation than any other country on earth. All of a sudden Hillary’s got Kielbasa fever? Under her asexual druid robes from the remake of Dune, Attack Of The Sand Worms In My Drawer.
Trump ordered the take down of ISIS. Obama urged Putin to tell ISIS to cut it out. Now, Turkey doesn’t fuck around, so what’s wrong with them dealing with ISIS in Syria? Oh yeah, Ben Shapiro is a Kurdish loyalist now and Lindsey Graham’s on the rag.
Ellen Barkin thinks Trump supporters are dumb? You relied on writer’s words and Ron Perelman’s shampoo fortune for your paid off town house in the West Village babe. You got knocked up in a Barry Levinson film and smoked a cigar like a dude in Switch, yay.
Turkey is what you eat to look better in Calvin Klein briefs. Not because you crave to become a protéin pez inhaler like Ryan Reynolds. Dreaming ahead of inhaling more sumptuous slivers of Blake Lively in your Bedford stud farm between films again.
INT. House
Wife
Baby, you have my flat feet.
Do It All Dad
Thank God my DNA helped smooth out Baba’s bumpy bunion side. His perfect, inhaleable feet show no Ukrainian Troll traceage in sight. But Trump’s a wicked troll for exposing Lyin Biden.
The Good Men Project could get sued if they printed this made up dialogue exchange bound for glory.
Thank God she lost.
America will be alright after all.
Michael Kornbluth
Gay About My Abnormality
Eddie Murphy won’t let cancel culture restrict his return to stand-up. Cosby rape jokes should be a safe space for Eddie to mine. Did you know Female Dragon Flies play dead to avoid sexual assault? Bill Cosby victims call this wishful thinking.
Bernie joining the October debate after his health scare.
My stents in my heart were made in Switzerland, so is my pacemaker. Crowd laughs. The Swiss got a firm grasp on making sterling, exacting time pieces any German at BMW would wear.
Hillary Clinton stressing Trump Admin officials to tell the truth is like the NY Times telling Larry David how to craft logical, funny story lines under a semi-believable suspension of disbelief.
Conservatives are like ISIS, Daily Beast? That’s 1st year open mike bad. Does Tina Brown still run the Daily Beast? Is she still pissed Trump shamed her friend Arianna for being dumped by a gay husband far prettier than she’ll ever be?
Trump’s chat with the Head of Ukraine, “undermined national security”? Did Trump offer Putin’s personal email address in exchange for the name and location of Hunter Biden’s crack dealer in downtown Wilmington, Delaware? Email is yourmamaobama@gmail.com.
Trump assaulted the Constitution? Did he white out We The People and fill in Fox and Friends?
Trump assaulted the Constitution? With what, a machete signed by Michael Douglas from Romancing The Stone?
Trump assaulted the Constitution? Did he deface the Bill of Rights section, using it to wipe up the trail of Russian call girls in his golden shower suite at the Four Season in downtown St. Petersburg?
Trump assaulted the Constitution? Did Trump overnight 150 billion in unmarked bills to Iran on the eve of Ramadan? What do you call this assault on checks and balances, Allah powered intervention? So it’s a wash, no questions asked?
#Trumpmeltdown, as usual resistor, Twitter twats, have it the other way around. He’s a stable genius remember? You’re just no name hacks with no black friends whatsoever. Does Jim Brown support your not my president racist rhetoric bullshit?
The worse part about applying for jobs is being reminded you’re looking for one. We wish you all the best in your job search and thank you again.
Sincerely,
The Blue Balls Recruitment Team
INT. Home
Wife
Matilda has a dentist appointment tomorrow morning. Enough with the sighing. I schedule all the kids appointments.
Do It All Dad
You want to trade places and be the kid’s permanent schlepper instead, Fabulous Mrs. Maisel?
Perverse also means cranky opposition, especially under forced upon censorship of so called suitable, normal behavior. So in essence, working comedians are paid to be gay about their abnormality for pointed laughs while getting their freak on for a living.
Michael Kornbluth
Dreamboat Nanny Wish List
A new book states Obama doesn’t want to endorse Biden because Oprah doesn’t care for creative non fiction Chinese Spy Novels for her club.
Impeachment is worth losing the House over Denture Breath Pelosi? Like you were keeping the House without your non-dreaded impeachment inquiry. 250 days in and all the House Democrats have done is give Hunter heart palpitations on bad coke.
President Pelosi could happen Washington Post? While we’re lost on fantasy island. Let’s print Mike Pence get’s crucified for calling his wife prettier than Stormy Daniels in his eyes.
AOC meeting Bernie at a Vermont Diner.
Bernie
The Reuben here is supurb.
AOC
18 dollars for a Reuben in Vermont?
Waitress
Bernie hasn’t paid off your off student loans yet in exchange for your endorsement for President AOC? My husband works for ICE, you demonizing bitch.
AOC meeting Bernie at a Vermont Diner.
AOC
Why is the Seth Rich murder the only unsolved murder in DC history Uncle Bernie?
Uncle Bernie
Have you seen my Lake House on Lake Champagne yet?
Trump is obsessed with Hillary Hamertime Cankles because he’s an illegitimate president? No you lost because you’re an unhuggable cunt. 2 time loser baby boomer moms don’t know best.
Director Joss Whedon wants Trump banned from Twitter in the interests of national security. What does his mental sanity have to do with US national security? Write a Buffy the Vampire Slayer movie to screen at Allan Ball’s boy toy pad and shut up.
A ninth woman accused Al Franken of groping her. Franken should’ve stayed on at SNL and stuck to rubbing up against fatties during rush hour on the F Line to 30 Rock.
INT. CAR
Daughter
Only beer?
Do It All Dad
Oktoberfest by Sierra Nevada to be exact. Beer Advocate describes the beer as possessing kisses of dark chocolate if that makes you feeling any better about mom and dad’s desert.
Good Will Hoodie declaring war against Elizabeth Warren.
Facebook is too big, cry me a river Warren. You think Twitter is going to swing votes in your favor? Trump pays the highest per click rate for Indian Casinos to appear every time somebody googles Warren.
We got 30,000 contracted content moderators at Facebook to monitor Diamond and Silk for anymore election interference finger waiving bullshit.
INT. HOME
Do It All Dad
Tell me about your dream nanny.
Daughter
She can teach me how to make brownies.
Do It All Dad
Unlike Baba who blows you off with, “I’ll teach you later dear. I must act busy in the kitchen to justify my absentee existence in your life . ”
Impeachment process was too slow for John Wilkes Boothe SNL? Too bad Pete Davidson can’t train any ANTIFA thugs in a pink hoodie like a Navy Seal. Lorne Michaels hates how much funnier Trump is. Sandler and Norm are the best things on SNL ever.
Impeachment process was too slow for John Wilkes Boothe SNL? Johnny Depp is channeling his inner Hunter S Thompson in the form of freelance joke submissions for SNL now? Nixon accelerated our war in Vietnam, Trump ordered the destruction of ISIS Burton play toy.
In NYC you can be fined 250 K for asking an illegal alien if he can speak English. But Twitter thinks it’s Kosher to pose the question #HowDoMexicansTalk ? Like George Lopez but less Catskills comic Jewy in the process.
Situation: Cashier at the Pizza place making my son uncomfortable.
Pizza Man
You got ants in your pants kid?
Do It All Dad
Maybe, my son identifies with an apprehensive, second guessing Gerbilist.
Biden campaign officials demanding the media censor Giuliani.
Rudy has a casual relationship with the truth at best. Comparing Hunter Biden to Don Junior isn’t fair. Hunter isn’t considered to be threatening enough to be censored on Instagram.
Biden campaign officials demanding the media censor Giuliani again.
Something didn’t happen, alright.
Michael Kornbluth
