Go Fuck Yourself To

New TV pilot concept to develop into a fully developed, plotted out, punched up pilot episode for Scriptapalooza by October 11th.

Maternal Waves: A single dad and father of 3 auditions various tranny nannies as a form of research for his new book Maternal Waves. A modern day novel that examines the driving force behind maternal waves among all sexes, ages and creeds while trying to isolate the type who never experiences that wave of emotion at all.

Every debut rap album is, you might not live till tomorrow. There’s envy at the top. I spit bullet rhymes like a sniper MC. Better vest up cop. And don’t be lazing. I ain’t some fat, washed up ho like Lauryn Hill who you can easily arrest for tax evasion. Everyone knows Lauryn Hill was the weakest link in the Fugees like low grade kine. Today, only Wyclef is the pimping baller MC Hef left from the Fugees on everyone’s mind. Can I get a holla for killing loudly, long time, all the time, challah? Thank you very much.

It’s hard not to think Female hairdressers flirt with me through my sons all the time. Whenever I hear lines like, “I didn’t know you had 3 kids. Your seed stock just went sky high in my eyes. And your other son is gorgeous to. Is your tile on LinkedIn Stud Farm Feeder or what? I say, “Let’s not ignore my daughter Matilda over here to, my funnier, far prettier twin, whose DNA is all over her face.”



Best home team ever advice: Daughter says, “Daddy, next time mama pisses you off, pretend your Ned Flanders from the Simpsons. At home wife says, “Why would you use the broom when you can use the vacuum? I say to myself, “Bite your lip if you ever want to cum on your wife and give her another urinary track infection again. Jesus forgives fake news feminists to.”



Signs Double IPA’s from Vermont and balling don’t mix. I never missed this badly ever, let alone 3 times in a row. It was a worse look than Lebron sneaking his own line of tequila into the Suns, Bucks game, with a mask dangling down from his chin. So he could look smart like a fake news plastic surgeon in attendance.

I hate all guitar instructors already after only one lesson. First, my holding technique is derided as weird. I thought guitar instructors took up the guitar because they could never get laid on the strength of their personality alone. But I’m the weirdo for trying to wrap by ET size fingers around a guitar neck while doing my best not to cup the guitar with my left hand which is like trying to jerk off with my left hand for a slower, sack emptying pace.

To make matters worse, my guitar instructor attempts to tune my guitar on my beautiful, blue sky Fender fly Stratocaster that was playing like a Siamese Dream prior, conjuring images of my son’s endlessly beautiful oceanic eyes, before popping not one but 2 of my guitar strings in the process. He was performing a vasectomy on my guitar without my permission, which made my balls feel like Edward Scissorhands face. I go back to the Guitar store and demand, “First, I want you to restring my guitar. Now it sounds like hollowed out version of Michael Lohan after Lindsey Lohan cut off her dad from her joint Amex card account. Second, I want to be comped for the string cheese incident bust my 1st guitar lesson was. Third, I want a new instructor whose not going to spend half the time of my 30 minute guitar lesson ripping the hymen out of my heart by desecrating my ax with his terrorizing, trigger happy fingers again, kapeesh?



Son asks, “Why don’t you want to see the new Space Jam movie daddy?” I say, “Because Lebron’s too much of a poser showoff chicken shit to ever compete in a dunk contest during all star weekend, which makes him a fake news jam hero in my book.





This is my daughter knowing me better than my wife. She says, “Daddy, do you like this Barbie better? She’s the mommy.



Last night, I thought I was snuggling with my wife for 2 minutes max, but it turned out to be my 9 year old daughter. It’s good thing I was wearing shorts and wasn’t getting aroused by my wife’s dressed down nightie prior.

Drop the wife off at work this morning. She says, “60 days free of alcohol feels great.” I said, “You don’t have to look after our 3 kids for a whole Sunday with sporadic thunderstorm forecasts throughout for a 12 hour stretch. I’d walk with an extra spring to my step to like Jennifer Aniston on the rebound to.

Bill Burr wants both sides to stop yelling at each other. We didn’t start the fire Bill. Wannabe punisher vigilantes in hoodies for ANTIFA and Thugs Lives Matter Most did, genius.

After we leave the kids salon, my son asks, “Daddy, why do we tip”” I say, “To let someone know you appreciate a job well done, resulting in spewing glee like at end of a lap dance from any busty vixen in a Russ Meyer movie.” Faster Pussycat Kills lives. Can I get a holla for some noshtastic Challah? Thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth

Killing Loudly

New TV pilot concept to develop into a fully developed, plotted out, punched up pilot episode for Scriptapalooza by October 11th.

Maternal Waves: A single dad and father of 3 auditions various tranny nannies as a form of research for his new book Maternal Waves. A modern day novel that examines the driving force behind maternal waves among all sexes, ages and creeds while trying to isolate the type who never experiences that wave of emotion at all.

Every debut rap album is, you might not live till tomorrow. There’s envy at the top. I spit bullet rhymes like a sniper MC. Better vest up cop. And don’t be lazing. I ain’t some fat, washed up ho like Lauryn Hill who you can easily arrest for tax evasion. Everyone knows Lauryn Hill was the weakest link in the Fugees like low grade kine. Today, only Wyclef is the pimping baller MC Hef left from the Fugees on everyone’s mind.

It’s hard not to think Female hairdressers flirt with me through my sons all the time. Whenever I hear lines like, “I didn’t know you had 3 kids. Your seed stock just went sky high in my eyes. And your other son is gorgeous to. Is your tile on LinkedIn Stud Farm Feeder or what? I say, “Let’s not ignore my daughter Matilda over here to, my funnier, far prettier twin, whose DNA is all over her face.”

Best home team ever advice: Daughter says, “Daddy, next time mama pisses you off, pretend your Ned Flanders from the Simpsons. At home wife says, “Why would you use the broom when you can use the vacuum? I say to myself, “Bite your lip if you ever want to cum on your wife and give her another urinary track infection again. Jesus forgives fake news feminists to.”

Signs Double IPA’s from Vermont and balling don’t mix. I never missed this badly ever, let alone 3 times in a row. It was a worse look than Lebron sneaking his own line of tequila into the Suns, Bucks game, with a mask dangling down from his chin. So he could look smart like a fake news plastic surgeon in attendance.

I hate all guitar instructors already after only one lesson. First, my holding technique is derided as weird. I thought guitar instructors took up the guitar because they could never get laid on the strength of their personality alone. But I’m the weirdo for trying to wrap by ET size fingers around a guitar neck while doing my best not to cup the guitar with my left hand which is like trying to jerk off with my left hand for a slower, sack emptying pace.

To make matters worse, my guitar instructor attempts to tune my guitar on my beautiful, blue sky Fender fly Stratocaster that was playing like a Siamese Dream prior, conjuring images of my son’s endlessly beautiful oceanic eyes, before popping not one but 2 of my guitar strings in the process. He was performing a vasectomy on my guitar without my permission, which made my balls feel like Edward Scissorhands face. I go back to the Guitar store and demand, “First, I want you to restring my guitar. Now it sounds like hollowed out version of Michael Lohan after Lindsey Lohan cut off her dad from her joint Amex card account. Second, I want to be comped for the string cheese incident bust my 1st guitar lesson was. Third, I want a new instructor whose not going to spend half the time of my 30 minute guitar lesson ripping the hymen out of my heart by desecrating my ax with his terrorizing, trigger happy fingers again, kapeesh?

Son asks, “Why don’t you want to see the new Space Jam movie daddy?” I say, “Because Lebron’s too much of a poser showoff chicken shit to ever compete in a dunk contest during all star weekend, which makes him a fake news jam hero in my book.

This is my daughter knowing me better than my wife. She says, “Daddy, do you like this Barbie better? She’s the mommy.

Last night, I thought I was snuggling with my wife for 2 minutes max, but it turned out to be my 9 year old daughter. It’s good thing I was wearing shorts and wasn’t getting aroused by my wife’s dressed down nightie prior.

Drop the wife off at work this morning. She says, “60 days free of alcohol feels great.” I said, “You don’t have to look after our 3 kids for a whole Sunday with sporadic thunderstorm forecasts throughout for a 12 hour stretch. I’d walk with an extra spring to my step to like Jennifer Aniston on the rebound to.

Bill Burr wants both sides to stop yelling at each other. We didn’t start the fire Bill. Wannabe punisher vigilantes in hoodies for ANTIFA and Thugs Lives Matter Most did, genius.

After we leave the kids salon, my son asks, “Daddy, why do we tip”” I say, “To let someone know you appreciate a job well done, resulting in spewing glee like at end of a lap dance from any busty vixen in a Russ Meyer movie.” Faster Pussycat Kills lives. Can I get a holla for some noshtastic Challah? Thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth

Condoms Coming Early

When in person learning in Chicago resumes in the fall, kids as young as 10 years old will be given mandatory condoms. Will Cardi B be brought in as a guest speaker to demonstrate how to put it on a replica of Lexington Steele pussy’s wrecker rearranger by the skin of her teeth? If the kids are lucky, Mayor Lightfoot will pardon R. Kelly, so he can ask for willing volunteers for an in person demonstration after a restraining order by Kim Kardashian prevents Mr. Groomer from babysitting the latest Kardashian out of the womb. Criminal justice lawyers are so hot right now, holla. Thank you very much.

Kids are being given mandatory condoms at 10, that’s the 4th grade, my daughter’s age. You’d think the boys in her class have enough masks lying around the house to wipe up with already. But masks are the new condoms, not. I can’t cum in my wife wearing one either, even if I’m pretending to be a metrosexual Lone Ranger whose known as the quickest shot West of the Hudson River.

How can you not blame porno on demand for creating sexually active kids as early as 10 years old today? I didn’t even know Vasoline was used as a lubricant for hell hole sex until a camper made a comment about the jar my mom packed for me at camp at 14. My mom was grooming me to become pool time entertainment at the latest and greatest DNC fundraiser at John Podesta’s house after all. He has enough pedo friendly installation art work on the walls to make Marilyn Manson blush.

Kids getting handed out mandatory condoms at 10 is scary. Will 10 year old boys be required to role play with Jussie Smollett to develop an immunity to casting couch distress years later, in Rape Wood, as Obama High’s new Community Outreach Play Officer, according to his new profile headline on LinkedIn.

Thanksgiving at the Obama’s should get weird woke fast this year. Obama says, “Malia, you barely touched your Tofurky. So I let you intern for Miramax before the me to movement began. Michelle was still your chaperone on the set and that Fat Jew couldn’t pin down Michelle if he tried.”

Really tempting text to send mom: How close have you come to ratting out your domestic terrorist son to the Department of Homeland Security for supporting Trumpy Poo again mom? You do know the Klan was founded by Democratic leadership to scare black Americans into voting Democrat over the party of Lincoln after the 15th Amendment passed ma? Or was that historical footnote brushed over in your 4th grade history class in Kentucky, where finger food is considered anything that tastes like your cousin’s panties? Truly tasteless jokes live, holla, thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth









More American Made Gold

This is Jeff Ross roasting Jay Z in the VIP Room after the Super Bowl. Don’t you think child separation is overrated Jigga? I mean, look how you turned out. And if Coco was never separated from his parents, he never would’ve become a mini Los Lobos in the making. Why did Beyonce sit on the National Anthem Jay? Let me guess. Devin Lovato singing the national anthem sounded too much like the white privileged version of Alabama Shakes. Remember when your boy Lebron got the idea to wear cast after Michelle threatened to jam her arm up Obama’s ass if he ever offered Beyonce a glass of Paul Newman’s Lemonade over her homemade Kombucha again? Did you try Snoop’s wine yet? Wine Advocate said it tastes like mouthwash used in Porn Hood Hell. This is my impersonation of Dr. Dre and Eminem discussing the merger between Microsoft and LinkedIn. Hey, Slim. Microsoft paid 4 billion for LinkedIn. Worrddddddddddddd! LinkedIn is lamer than ever yoh. Trump has ties to Russia. No shit, what mail order bride owner, doesn’t it?

Michael Kornbluth