New line to use whenever a candidate or hiring authority leaves you a borderline huffy, almost immediate I am not interested or no need response via LinkedIn.
“I hope that was as liberating as it was for me.”
Michael Kornbluth
Tag: relationships
Do It All Dad Year Podcast Lives
Born To Woo
Hi Joe,
Joshua Kornbluth here, Recruitment Parter for the Human Edge, consider me a risk-free hedge.
Why are you experiencing hiring pains?
Is it the time sucking practice of sorting through resumes on weekends away from your friends and kids beyond lame?
Why can’t you find enough qualified candidates?
Is your job description blah that produces nothing but shruggish nah’s?
Why do you keep missing out on the best candidates for the job?
Is it overreliance on coding tests, or having a gun-shy recruiting partner who’s sloppy second best?
Why is your talent pool so shallow?
Does your recruiter watch reality TV shows at night in a permanently flatlined state of fixated wallow.
Is your recruiter not good at wooing?
Do they act immune to booing?
Have you considered removing interview steps?
Interview overkill is the kiss of death.
Only 30 percent of companies can fill roles in 30 days.
I’ll fill your role in 2 weeks.
Aggression pays.
The remaining companies take anywhere from 1-3 months to hire.
How are these hiring partners not getting fired?
Janis Joplin died a rock legend at 27.
I’ll fill your roles faster than it takes Janis to finish a bottle Southern Comfort in rock star heaven.
What special ingredient is missing from your team?
You haven’t worked with Headhunter Writer yet.
Your one-man pitch machine.
What’s preventing you from getting better company into your life?
You just haven’t worked with a recruiter with enough personality yet to woo Mr. Right.
Headhunter Writer excels at flirting with She Pronouns too.
Unlike your middle of the road meh recruiter.
I was born to woo.
Your Favorite Headhunter Writer,
Joshua Kornbluth
Headhunter Writer
A Content Director who makes beachwear out of recycled bottle asks.
“What does a Headhunter Writer do?”
Where do I begin?
For starters, I sell the merits of why working with me is a win, win.
I’ll change your life in the blink of an eye.
With me in your life, you’ll never want to die.
What’s my added value you ask LinkedIn?
I save deals from imploding and bring them back to life.
With me in the driver’s seat, you only see green lights.
What does a Headhunter Writer do?
I’ll call you more than your own mother.
But respect your boundaries enough to never smother.
What does a Headhunter Writer do?
I hound new talent with exalted emotion.
They can’t help but reply with, “What’s with all the commotion?”
Headhunter Writer keeps new connections afloat with a simple note.
Let’s stay in touch regardless because I’ll sell you the hardest.
Headhunter Writer thinks like a monk.
And breathes renewed life into tired job descriptions that quite frankly stunk.
Nothing about Headhunter Writer is so, so.
He giftwraps candidates without the bow.
Headhunter Writer is a one-man pitch machine.
Do you want an injury prone softy or an old war horse like Nolan Ryan pitching for your team?
Headhunter Writer makes you feel less alone.
With Headhunter Writer in your life.
You’ll no longer feel like a lifeless drone.
Headhunter Writer sells with pop culture references galore, which never bore.
He’ll pitch, “Repping a 3rd generation programmer who works for Google.
He’s IT’s answer to the Rock family. And he loves to program with Golang too.
What’s your family legacy? Outside of sending rejected scripts about sexual harassment to Miramax pre-me too.
Headhunter Writer makes you feel singularly special.
You taught JavaScript to kids in the West Bank.
You really are a mensch and a half.
Hiring you is a no brainer mitzvah move for any staff.
You want out of New York?
Give a Headhunter Writer a ring.
He’s also known as the Relo King.
Headhunter Writer sells the need for better company in your life.
Because newer is better than played out, lost cause littered strife.
Headhunter Writer wants to take your company to the top while pitching your in-house gourmand chef who’s got an allergic reaction to slop.
Headhunter Writer is a family man poet killer seller wrapped into one.
How can you say no to this marriage of art and commerce devoid of Ken the Barista rocking the man bun?
Headhunter Writer is a one-man rock and roll band.
Who can go off script, and improvise with the best like Steely Dan.
Work with Headhunter Writer and you’ll get your own wall of sound.
Whatever your message is, it will get heard, even in an Australian bush with nobody else around.
Headhunter Writer doesn’t waste his time recycling the same tired drivel.
Aren’t you tired of working with the mediocre middle?
What does Headhunter Writer do?
He’ll sell your story, vision or cause with unmatched glee, as long as you pay his staffing fee.
Headhunter Writer never tires.
He always has a new success story to craft that inspires.
You need a Headhunter Writer on your side.
With him you can’t lose, because he’s got Do It All Dad Year pride on his side.
Your Favorite Headhunter Writer,
Joshua Kornbluth
Busty Beauties
My wife works during the weekend as a Lactation consultant, which is why I call her the Boob Doctor.
During the week she works as a nurse in the NICU.
Checking blue faced babies for vital signs.
Which makes me feel like a full-time narcissist because all I check for is for retweets.
So, I’m out in public with my 3 kids during the weekend without her constantly.
Normally, grown men approach me and say, “You’ve got your hands full.”
My standard reply is, “If I get to perform Do It All Dad Does China as a headlining comedian at Radio City one day. Resulting in my wife agreeing to open marriage with Katy Perry. Then, my hands will be full.”
Only once did I hear, “Why Katie Perry?” while getting my wife a strap on with heart size balls for Valentines Day at the local art studio called, Pansexual Hearts Are US.
Why, Katie Perry?
Because you wouldn’t get my Susan Sarandon reference, Millennial Mousketeer.
Why Katie Perry?
Because I’d break Taylor’s Swift’s cervix in 2.
Why Katie Perry?
Because an open relationship with Raquel Welch is more up Tarantino’s ally.
Why Katie Perry?
Because Katie Perry is highly mountable in a pink wig. Which I can wear later, while she mounts me with my regifted Valentine’s Day gift from behind.
Why Katie Perry?
Because my wife is turned on by Orlando Bloom.
And I always wanted a 3 way with a pop star and a pansexual elf who ruined Cameron’s Crowe’s career.
Why Katie Perry?
Because Chelsea Handler is a full-time social justice warrior to downplay her tits sagging popularity.
Why Katie Perry?
Because nobody knows the name of the actress who plays Joan in Mad Men, busty beauties are us.
Why Katie Perry?
Because that chick from 2 broke girls would break my cock from assuming the mere plopping position.
Why Katie Perry?
Because my dick would get lost in porn star Gina Michaels and have to fill out a missing link report.
Why Katie Perry?
Because my wife wears earbuds to bed each night, which exudes less sex appeal than Lobot talking dirty to the central computer in Cloud City during the director’s cut version of Empire Strikes Back.
“I want to break your motherboard in 2. Send me a signal, telling me you want me too. We built cloud city on rock and roll. I’ll show you my central processing unit if you don’t tell Lando about it. Lando can’t light up your circuits like this. You want a nuclear leak that puts Chernobyl to shame, you got it.”
What, Cyborg’s get horny too.
Sex life matters, Challah. Thank you very much.
Michael Kornbluth
Shabbat Shalom Ramble 10
Do It All Dad can’t service boring. #ShabbatShalomRamble10
Shabbat Shalom Ramble 10
#Fuckservicingboring
Hounding Down Happiness
You ever watch a Truvada commercial on Hulu. And say out loud, “Holy fuck, I’m older than Aids kids. When I grew up, Aids was a death sentence like Kurt Cobain’s shotgun marriage to Courntney Love. And Kurt Cobain didn’t kill Hair Metal, Aids did. Before Magic made HIV disappear.”
New plan to make money from home. Perform thick, meaty jokes on Only Fans topless, while sporting fancy pink Hermes ties like a gender fluid Rodney Dangerfield. Instead of I get no respect being my catchphrase as a stay-at-home shemale comedian. My modernized catchphrase is, “I get no ball tickle Emoji love.” What, it beats waiving my dick around on Only Fans like I’ve got so much free time on my hands 3 unplanned kids later because I never mastered the art of the pump fake. The Trans community could support my new Reisling drinking bills alone for my Shabbat Shalom Friday night specials. What’s gayer? Buying a Kirby Pucket jersey when you’re 12 because Minnesota was Jason Priestely’s fictious hometown before moving to Beverly Hills with Heather to Beverly Hills, in Beverly Hills 90210. Or developing a surging stiffy at the thought of pleasuring myself in front of the mirror after each set? Because my rapidly devolving core exercises on the Pelton app have gotten me horn dog horny after basking in my reflection from my half naked Only Fans performance. After delivering more mouthful streams of hardcore hilarity for my rapidly expanding Only Fans base, long time, all the time, Challah. Thank you very much.
I love the idea of hounding happiness from home. I can afford to buy myself a new Polo hoodie from my new fan base on Only Fans. Because you know the Pedo label doesn’t stick, when you can’t wear your favorite Polo hoodie after your daughter wears it in an unintentionally provocative way. Daughter exposes her shoulder, wearing only a skimpy tube top underneath, with short shorts on no less at 11 years old. Understand, my daughter has legs that go for miles and miles already at 11. Plus, her hips already hit the ceiling. In other words, my fancy Fagala, deep blue Polo hoodie is officially ruined now. If Pricsila Pressly was wearing my long sleeves button down polo like she does in the Naked Gun, it would be different. Come to think, Elvis romanced Priscilla a day after her Baptism. I think the King’s pickup line was, “Mama tried, but Hound Dogs hound baby. My lip only furls for pubescent, dent free trim baby. And making me regular peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for breakfast, aren’t going to cut it bitch. Are you ready for my banana in your tail pipe because I love you too much baby, to deny you so much houndog love on tap. Hounding down happiness, Challah. Thank you very much.
Michael Kornbluth
Hatching Happenings
Fire sets urgency apart.
From non-essential, pussy footing, gun shy lonely hearts.
Urgency earns.
Ask perpetually bitchy Christopher in the Sopranos after he gets his button and becomes his turn.
Fires fade when urgency doesn’t get laid.
Fire and urgency go hand in hand.
Like our band of brothers on D-Day.
Who refused to bury their heads in the sand.
Urgency gets you up at 5am.
Fired up to get a head start on your competition.
Fuck Zen.
Urgency is value creation.
Or else you’re begging for more disinvitations.
Anything less than urgent, is below blah.
Think, the opposite of Poison, on their album, Open Up and Say Ah.
Urgency creates action.
There’s plenty of time for relaxin.
What’s urgent is hot new.
What’s not is leftover stew.
Lack of urgency is an emergency.
Winner killers like MJ show no mercy.
Urgency is taking matters into your own hands.
The opposite is waiting to die way up high in the stands.
Urgency is rage against dying of the light.
It’s only the remedy against lifelong stage freight.
Urgency provides us with real time highs.
Say goodbye to time release Adderall and bags under your eyes.
Urgency gets emails read.
When others have checked out prematurely and gone to bed.
Urgency alerts us to changes needed.
When everything in your life feels empty and depleted.
Urgency motivates you to change your ways.
So, you don’t end up, so mentally crippled and hazed.
Urgency makes reality very clear.
Drinking is only fun when you’re skinny in front of a mirror.
Urgency throws caution into the sea.
Who else would you rather be besides a sex beam blaster she he?
By she, he, I mean hot and bright.
Who knows only to chill after giving their best fight.
What’s attractive about settling anyway?
When you know you’re medium happy on a good day.
Urgency is passing concealed & carry laws in Texas.
Because our Founding Fathers knew anarchy would reign by disabling the defenseless.
Texas Rep. Kevin Brady says, “Urgency creates action.”
Which is fine and dandy.
If you’re a funny man actor from Canada who refuses his booster shot in the name of John Candy.
Urgency is God listening to chirpy birds hatching happenings.
Michael Kornbluth
Aggression Pays
Aggression sways.
Aggression beats counting hay.
Aggression screams yippy ka yay.
Aggression leaves frozen in time fear at bay.
Aggression plants seeds of profit to bloom in May.
Aggression puts you in scoring position today.
Aggression is spinning gold out of thought formed clay.
Aggression improves lives with you leading the way.
Aggression leads to bigger paydays.
Aggression is different.
Aggression is unique.
Aggression is what made Apple the top tech company to beat.
Aggression gets attention.
Aggression is the American way.
How else would MLK, after being arrested 30 times get in his final say?
Joshua Kornbluth
Do It All Dad Year Podcast Blog 