Gorgeousness Galore

Why have Jews written so many Christmas songs over Hannukah ones?

Because Adam Sandler wasn’t born yet.

Writing Heroin Hanukkah was a vein of humor not in Lou Reed after all.

Carole King was too busy playing wiggle toes with her cats.

Billy Joel didn’t marry Christie Brinkley because of her grandma’s brisket.

Because Adam Levine’s tatted up corpse can’t be buried in a Jewish cemetery.

Lenny Kravitz was too lit to care.

Ira Gershwin stuck to WASP placation.

Randy Newman was stuck in detached irony land.

Barry Manilow’s nose don’t play that.

Leonard Cohen wouldn’t be caught dead in a skull cap if his Unisex hat collection depended on it.

Beck was lost in thought at Griffth Park on extra strength opium.

Dylan converted to Jews for Super Jew Jesus.

Leonard Bernstein considered Gustav Mahler overblown gorgeousness.

Art Garfunkel would’ve been sued by the Christan Right for sounding too angelic rich for their tastes.

Paul Simon would’ve triggered Woody Allen if Lorne Michaels helped pen a funnier Happy Hannukah song than the golden Jew Adam Sandler.

Michael Kornbluth