Life In The Punchline Sprint Lane

I don’t know what’s more pretentious. Glenn Frey from the Eagles claiming how music about fake news outlaws and coke filled nights could change the world to Rolling Stone. Or Dr. Fauci thinking he could score higher ratings than Dr. Drew on Love Line, giving relationship advice to sexually confused, center leaning hipster spawn reared on Lou Reed Records.

Zevon Zappa Kornbluth from Park Slope, Brooklyn calls into Love Line with Dr. Gnocchi and says, “Hi, Dr. Fauci. I’m scared about taking the plunge into full blown homosexuality with leftist Jews who act upset over killed Hamas commanders on Twitter. Dr. Fauci replies, “Why are you scared Zevon?” Zevon says, “Because I hate condoms, anal sex is dirty and Jewish leftists who attack Israel’s right to defend itself are so full of shit already.” Holla, thank you very much.

Next caller is Lavender Love from Hate Speech Free Lane. Lavender Love says, “Dr. Fauci, we all can’t make HIV disappear like Magic Johnson. So don’t you think it’s better if I stick to being a fish box muncher till my last dying breath? Dr. Fauci says, “Condoms prevent infectious diseases the way masks prevent you from contracting COVID 19.” Lavender Love says, “But I’m only 22 and COVID 19 has killed less black girls than vape pens did in South Central this past year doc. Plus, comparing masks to condoms is a stretch Dr. Fauci, because my daddy can’t come inside mommy wearing a mask either. My dad hosts a relationship podcast on Spotify called Do It All Dad Does Sexual Healing. Plus, my dad has pushed me down the silky smooth road of lesbianism for some time now, claiming, “Lavender, just stick to Lesbianism dear. 1 out 2 guys in America has HPV, which leads to cervical cancer if left undetected. 2nd, enormous love guns burst through condoms like a nuclear warhead blasting through the Hoover Dam in Superman 1. Most importantly, when you’re lesbian, you never have to worry about dying from Aids, because you can take a licking and keep on ticking.”

Michael Kornbluth