Do It All Dad Year Podcast lives, this one is for Jamie.
Tag: travel
Punisher Light
Diversity is our strength. That’s why ANTIA is so weak. Those pasty, Punisher wannabes in hoodies need Tommy John Surgery every time they throw a Concrete Milkshake at a gay Vietnamese journalist who has a byline in the National Review.
Michael Kornbluth
No Mr. Sly Guy Revised
It must be tough being married to Sylvester Stallone. According to his model wife, he’s always pointing out what’s wrong with her super model body when he wasn’t throwing gummy bears at her head while sampling new dialogue on her from his latest and greatest Rocky script.
“Jennifer, it’s not about how hard you hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward without wanting to trade places with Padma Lakshmi.”
No More Mr. Sly Guy, Challah. Thank you very much.
Michael Kornbluth
Legends of the Small
Nolan Ryan, the most consistently dominant pitcher in MLB history, otherwise known as The Ryan Express or Big Tex, depending on whether he was barebacking a barely broken-in Dallas Cowboys cheerleader, pitched seven no-hitters, which is three more than his idol Sandy Kofax did. Unlike Sandy Kofax, I don’t think Big Tex skipped any prime rib dinners throughout his 27-year playing career, even when George W. Bush tried to talk him into taking media pitching lessons from Dick Cheney, which is a yucky conversation for anybody to stomach. An overly anxious young W tries to break the ice with Big Tex in the locker room after the reporters for the Texas Bugle have left. “When the Rangers don’t make it to the World Series this year, just blame it on Tanner from the Bad News Bears, who planted choking anthrax in the old Astrodome for shits and giggles.”
What else did I learn about Big Tex in the documentary Facing Ryan?
Nolan Ryan’s wife is prettier than the Texas sprawl sky.
Nolan’s Ryan wife of 56 years, Ruth Ryan, is too pretty to cheat on ever.
Ruth Ryan is a prettier, tanner version of Debbie Harry in her prime.
Plus, Ruth Ryan raised three good-looking, rock-solid kids in Texas, where third-term abortions are considered too late, unlike in New York state.
George W. Bush is still a twitchy bitch in an armchair.
George W. Bush, former Managing Director of the Texas Rangers, still sounds like Dick Cheney is nudging him to play the constipated version of Dirty Harry while grunting in the distance, “More twang, Mr. President, more twang.”
Big Tex and Little W Bush don’t mix.
It’s like Beto interviewing MMA fighters over Joe Rogan.
But seriously, Big Tex and Little Bush don’t belong in the same documentary together.
One is in the Headlock Hall of Fame.
The other is in the President Hall of Shame, for giving us 9/11, the surveillance state, and Obama Be Meh, which sent race relations back farther than banning the dunk or bringing back no sneaker policies to the China Club during the summer of 89 when Air Jordan’s flew off the shelves in a NY minute.
Peaceful protestors from January 6th, have gag orders on them while still in jail with no transparent trial ahead. Yet I’m supposed to be pleased with W getting to provide color commentary on a documentary about Nolan Ryan while getting to feed off his sterling integrity as a competitor and Texan legend who has nothing in common with this stumpy piece of shit? And you’re straining for star power voltage, when you’re calling W’s people for an appearance on the doc about Nolan Ryan for Amazon Prime. George W. Bush attended Greenwich Country Day in Greenwich, CT and went to an elite boarding school in Mass soon after before going to Yale. The only thing less Texan than W’s upbringing is Southern Republicans getting their panties in a bunch over the Dixie Chicks. Papa Bush worked for the CIA under Hoover when Kennedy got killed because of his plans to dismantle the Deep State and “Scatter them to the wind.” But I’m supposed to trust the morally bankrupt leadership of the Washington elite after letting four sketchy Arabs take flight lessons in Florida before 9/11 without batting an eye? And Ellen isn’t a sell-out new world order hack breath for hire, who’s only friends with W because she’s pro-bush all the way.
If the Hit King, AKA Charlie Hustle, can’t get voted in Cooperstown because of his gambling problem. Then, I want W banned from documentaries about the creation of great family men like Big Tex. Who didn’t authorize the murdering of our troops and own citizens while pressuring Collin Powell to push the weapons of mass destruction lie with less legs than Lieutenant Dan. Or else the 23 Emmy awards the Daily Show won were for nothing. Legends of the Small live; Challah, thank you very much.
Michael Kornbluth
Remembering Freedom
https://www.buzzsprout.com/2192233/12939223
Set List: Nothing Shitty, Lake on Fire, Chosen Clutch Ones, Hell’s Gate Lives, What’s Eating Gibert and Remembering Freedom.
What’s Eating Gilbert
NBA sharpshooter Gilbert Arenas claims nobody will care if Jokic wins an NBA championship.
Isn’t our country plagued with a white supremacy problem?
I thought all Christian conservatives who prefer pristine southern belle puss over stank hole anus holes were deemed worse than Nazi Kraut breaths tweaked on Crystal Meth.
If America does have a white supremacy problem, then shouldn’t the white Serbian nationalist winning an NBA ring be a cause for widespread jubilee?
Jokic’s new celebrity line of Raspberry Vodka from Serbia puts Puff Daddy’s Ciroc out of business.
Proud boys in Denver are sweating proposed rule changes like an extended three-point line less than BLM does getting audited.
Serbian Big Lives Matter gets painted in giant, bold print along Fifth Avenue outside Trump Tower.
Elon Musk blows more government grant money to patent a brain chip based on Jokic’s DNA that’s embedded with a basketball IQ boost guarantee.
Phones at Alt-right dirt rags like Daily Caller ring off the hook with requests for full-page ad spreads by anonymous eugenics enthusiasts to congratulate Jokic for breaking Wilt the Stilt’s triple-double streak with headlines like “Big Dipper Rating Dropping,” “White Men Dominate Again,” “Serbian Legends Live,” “Safe Space For Lebron’s James Ego Is Dead.’
Seattle Supersonics fans from Gen X still into Pearl Jam after they pimped for Hair Plugs Sniffer on the campaign trail throw their decrepit, older than Aids flannel shirts in the air in a deflated state of resignation to acknowledge the new big dog in town while bemoaning, “I know it, King of the Persecution Complex knows it, Eddie Vedder knows it too, in a post-Jordan rules universe, the NBA can’t find a better man.”
Interesting NBA fact, 4-time All-Star Tom Chambers, who scored 20,000 career points, is not in the Basketball Hall of Fame: white privilege my ass.
Caring about whitey again, Challah, thank you very much.
Michael Kornbluth
Lake On Fire
Kari Lake should be picked as the speaker for Howard University’s graduation ceremony if she becomes Vice President in 2024.
Kamala Harris wanted to be here.
But she pooped out after playing kick the can with her clit in St. Barts.
Eminem called Trump the new Hitler.
But when Trump bought Mar-A- Lago, he lifted the ban on Jewish membership, Slim on Facts Shady.
Remember when Kevin Hart backed out of hosting the Academy Awards over a homophobic tweet?
Did the Hip Hop Gay Mafia get under his skin too?
Did Kevin Hart wake up next to Little Nas holding the dirty Aids needle that the Deep State used to take out Easy E?
What I love about President Trump is his relentless optimism and over the top salesmanship.
If President Trump got pricked with the same dirty needle used to take out Easy E.
The President would tweet on Truth Social the following morning.
“Do I have full blown Aids? Yes, but my T-Cell Count numbers have never been stronger?”
But Robert Kennedy as our new Secretary of State nudged me to allow Dr. Gnocchi to be eaten alive by Michael Vicks prized fight dogs, so it’s all good. MAGA glory lives, Challah, thank you very much.
But back to Kevin Hart. I’m not a Kevin Hart hater, just a short-on-laughs audience member at the BET Awards.
Nicki Minaj and I are tight, alright.
Nicki agrees.
The COVID vaccination shot works less than Russell Westbrook running the Triangle offense.
Now, Melo is officially retired.
I want him to get hired as the news spokesperson for Tampax Tampons.
Name another player besides Westbrook, whose been responsible for stopping so much flowage.
We overcame election fraud this time because Hair Plugs Sniffer caused World War 3 with Russia.
500 zillion later, you’d think Zelensky could afford a new shirt.
Now, I know why they call them army fatigues.
If White Supremacy is the biggest terrorist threat in America, then Whoopie Goldberg is the new Chief Happiness Officer for Breitbart.
All the deep state sleaze that overthrew the will of our people, are white. But they were no match for Hershel Walker after Trump elected him as Attorney General.
The Georgian Bulldog knocks off their heads one by one in the 1st ever-televised MMA match outside the White House.
How many crunches do you think Joy Behar can do? Before she pukes out an unhuggable cunt alien in The Day Democracy Died.
Dana White wanted to call the event “Rumble In The Rose Garden.” But at this point, President Trump was done beating around the bush. That’s Louie’s job. So, President Trump named the one-night-only event “Hershel Walker vs. the Swamp Thing State.”
The pay-per-view event paid off our national debut and got our economy roaring again, ushering in a new era of energy independence because fracking is good, Lisa Simpson. Fracking reduces our C2 emissions. So, yes, Neil Young is full of shit too. Besides, our country’s addiction to Mountain Dew and Crystal Meth offsets our country’s low birth rates after the COVID vax did.
God bless Howard University and Puffy Daddy for making Biggie blow up bigger than Hillary after stress-eating herself to death in Gitmo like Pizza The Hut.
The USA has got its mojo back, Jimi Hendrix lives, Challah; thank you very much.
A hologram of Jimi Hendrix appears in front of a purple, red, white and blue because Jimi would want it that way, as the Star-Spangled Banner plays from Woodstock as we fade out, USA, USA, USA!
Michael Kornbluth
Hell’s Gate Lives
According to the Koran, Buraq is the winged horse that flew the honorable prophet Muhammad into Heaven after ascending past the steps of Mount Sinai. Did the ghost of Moses give the winged horse a lift on his magic carpet, signed by the Steve Miller Band?
In Farsi, Buraq also means “blessed”, with conquering the curse of white man’s disease, which is why Obama is a fake news blessed one, because I’ve never seen him slam anything, except alt-right dirt rags like Breitbart, that dared to point out how his social security card is from Connecticut, which is whiter than White Man’s Disease.
When Obama talks about race, everything changes. Then, why hasn’t Obama Be Good talked Netflix into making a black remake of Caddyshack yet? Biden plays the Van Wilder of Lifeguards. Hunter plays the burnout Groundskeeper who has found Zen in blow painting. Obama snorts up Chevy’s stash of white privilege and writes it off as a master’s estate tax. The My Pillow guy plays Rodney because Jackie Mason is too overtly annoying Jewy for Obama’s tastes. The My Pillow guy dies after Obama orders John Fetterman to smother him out with an oversized hoodie in exchange for a free Slurpee card from 711 for life. The movie ends with Obama running a go-cart over John Kerry’s bare feet on the back nine, playing golf with Matthew McConaughey. Obama yells, “I know; watch the pedicure, man. John is playing footsie with Saudi royals since his wife cut his weekly allowance in half for losing a kite surfing match to Fetterman; the only thing that moves slower than Fetterman is John Durham. So, I was born in Hell’s Gate in Keyna; what will you do about it America? MAGA country is dumb for thinking Bruce Springsteen will ever stop kissing my ass. But in Kenya, they know better than my kiss ass team at MSNBC. Gates tried putting me on a 500-dollar bill in Kenya, but the government declined. I’m so not money, and my fellow Kenyans know it.”
Hell’s Gate lives with a swingers twist, challah, thank you very much.
What’s the least politically incorrect reply to learning that someone you knew was friends with a pedophile?
Don’t act so surprised. Isn’t he a registered Democrat?
Who supports illegal entry no matter the cost.
And supporting open borders is supporting getaway rape speed, andele, andele, arriba, arriba.
Hair Plugs Sniffer in the White House is the demented, perverted umpire waiving all of MS-13 to steal home.
Only Frank Drummond from Police Squad would call them safe in an attempt to save the Queen.
But the Old G Queen is deader than claims of Prince Harry trying to kill himself over mental health issues.
Scruffy Archie hasn’t shaved in years.
Hell’s Gates lives, Challah, thank you very much.
Michael Kornbluth
Jewish Jesus Lives Episode
Do It All Dad Year Season 6 debut, Jewish Jesus Lives.
When America Winces
At a parent-teacher conference for my son’s Kindergarten class, his Spanish Teacher implores us to bring Spanish to our home. I raise my hand and ask, “Isn’t one home invasion enough?”
When America winces, Challah, thank you very much.
Self-Defense is deader than Kyle Rittenhouse’s prospects during pledge week at the University of Arizona.
When America winces, Challah, thank you very much.
I wish toothpaste tasted more like Bud Light. So, I wouldn’t taste anything afterward except Kid’s Rocks spurned tears.
When America winces, Challah, thank you very much.
Now Kid Rock can’t play beer pong with groupies on Spring Break in Daytona Beach without his gag reflex kicking in to the image of a Dylan Hepburn finger popping American Badass from behind to Devil Without Cause?
When American winces, Challah, thank you very much.
10.8 million Tik Tock followers are ten times platinum. So, I’d lose my zest for pounding Bud Light on the front leg of my F Hair Plugs Sniffer Tour, Born free, my balls.
When America winces, Challah, thank you very much.
I’m guilty of wincing after asking Alexa how many followers Dylan Hepburn Mulvaney has on Tik Tok before finishing that joke.
I didn’t wince because Dylan Mulvaney is trans. I winced because she’s hackier than John Mullaney’s act in Jerry Seinfeld’s Bar Mitzvah suit.
When America winces, Challah, thank you very much.
I also winced at the thought of how Dylan is the best American-made Trans talent Tik Tok offers these days. Our Chinese Overlords wouldn’t consider Dyland Hepurn Lady Boy gold material of any kind, especially since the price of the US dollar is more depressed than Trumpy Poo’s tits knowing that Operation Death Speed continues to cause more cases of cardiac arrest than torn condoms on Bill Maher’s party bus tour of Rio De Janeiro during Marti Gras, sponsored by Third Legged Beauties.com.
When America winces, Challah, thank you very much.
I bet Dylan Mulvaney isn’t even real, just a CIA-made, augmented reality version of what a trans influencer spokesperson for Bud Light would look like based on John Mulaney’s stool sample alone.
How Dylan’s sex appeal alone is generate 10 million followers on Tik Tok? It sounds more prosperous than John Mulaney selling out Madison Garden because he had the balls to after Seinfeld for a change. Cosby was rapist for 4 decades in a row. What happened to your powers of observation then Jerry?
When America winces, Challah, thank you very much.
Click Farms in India wince at padding Dylan’s numbers more than they did for the creep Swede in Succession.
When America winces, Challah, thank you very much.
Michael Kornbluth
Do It All Dad Year Podcast Blog 