Old roommate in LA says, “I think you smoke too much weed because you have no friends out here.” Dan did have a point. The psychoactive green did keep my pangs of deep rooted loneliness at bay over TV showings of the Howard Stern Show on E before he became weird, weak, woke, Howard and started his non-stop apology tour for being the egotistical prick he always was to ensure he still got invited to Jimmy Kimmel’s house for more 2 bite Chicken Parm dinners.
My ex-girlfriend and TV spec script writing partner who became my roommate soon after encouraged me to take an overdue break from the weed to unleash my full expressive potential, so I could get paid as a funny man freak on a leash writer who would become a proud member of the WGA one day. We wrote TV spec scripts together for shows such as Curb Your Enthusiasm, my favorite spec being the one I wrote without her called Passion Of Schmendel, during one my purifications off the weed, because according to my psychic in West Hollywood, my Chakras were more clogged than my freshman one hitter. I wrote the TV spec script before I learned the national weed holiday 4/20 is actually Hitler’s birthday to, which at the time, made me feel more betrayed than when I learned Sylvester Stallone snuck Mel Gibson into Expendables 3.
My former life of being an abusive, live to binge pothead, caused me more friendship bud troubles, than I’d like to admit, until I became a semi-functioning IT Headhunter when I was 22 years old in LA, paying rent on my own finally, so I didn’t feel too much like a sheltered bum anymore. Developing a love for comedic storytelling and joke writing along the way, has given me a sturdier sense of self for almost 2 decades now, as I keep chipping away at the stone, to unearth more sheets of comedy gold to take an eventual victory lap in a comedy gold mobile of my own.
I finally made more than a stoner bud, when I met Jay from LA at an IT staffing firm in Century City where I did new business development and recruitment, cold calling decision makers twice my age 10 hours a day like a poor man’s Vin Diesel in Boiler Room. We started to become more than buds after Jay from LA urged me to leave my writing partner girlfriend who I was living with at the time, because he could tell from my sigh heavy veneer, whenever she’d call me at work, that she was sucking my life force dry man. Plus, Jay encouraged me to leave our current company and go work with him at his old IT staffing firm, which he regretted leaving already, located in the more idyllic, Beach Boys music magic making area of Manhattan Beach in Southern California and we’ve been more than stoner buds ever since. We eventually became roommates in Sherman Oaks in the valley, during my 1st year of zero laugh generation open mike stand up, when I’d open with jokes such as, “I’m so broke, my Hebrew name is under judicial review.” I can’t even stare at an actress on Melrose without being fined for insufficient funds.” During our roommate stint together, I got on the show Blind Date, yet all I got out of the show was a free meal and Herpes.
After I self-published my 1st 2 books, Controlling My Kids With Comedy, A Love Story, and Do It All Dad Does Jokes, I called Jay and told him I wanted to celebrate in style by seeing Aerosmith belt out Chip Away At The Stone together in Vegas, because that’s what I wanted to do, which he got us primo tickets for, making it top priority of the summer.
So, what’s my message for the youth today, to help preserve their special spark? First, don’t smoke weed in high school because your brains aren’t fully developed yet. Plus, we’re not all productive stoners on the sacramental herb that grew on King Solomon’s grave, the way rude boy Bob Marely was on it. Now, when you’re done with college and been at a job for more than year without getting fired, feel free to reward yourself with a one hitter of the herb, which is easier to enjoy paranoid free, once your identity is more fully formed on top of you having a more fleshed out idea about what you’d like to dedicate your life towards, besides recreating the stony induced giggles from the watching the Dark Crystal on sprayed weed from the Bronx that tastes like Windex. Also, it’s much more rewarding in life to be a creator innovator of some kind than being another stale sounding, consumer critic on the rag like the rest. Last, don’t let your scrumptious green inhalation become an all-consuming life suck, which prevents you from getting out into the real world to develop longer lasting, life enriching friendships compared to stoner buds from high school or in college, which easily fade away.
I love my friend Jay from LA for deriving endless joy from my rising comedic mojo and for never urging me to tone down my highly inappropriate edge, where I act like the entire world outside the house is an open mike to sample material on and kill loudly with. The same friend who reviewed my pre-election audio book comedy special, Resist This on Kobo without me ever asking him to do, after walking in on me rehearsing awful attempts at jokes in front of the mirror 15 years prior back in our old bachelor pad in Sherman Oaks, California during my 1st year of zero laugh generation open mike stand up, which makes Jay from LA much more than a stoner bud to me.
Did you know America is in the midst of a coin shortage right now? In a post COVID world, we can’t stomach the idea of looking at the significant others we live with one second longer, so we’ve taken up coin collecting to maximize face time with Dead presidents while taking up the most boring hobby again instead. Wife yells from downstairs, “What are you doing honey bun?” Husband yells back, “I’m working on my coin collection babe. It’s our country’s new favorite hobby after prayer shaming, spitting on Vets graves and trivializing the Holocaust through banning the Pledge of Allegiance because we live under Big Tech’s rule, especially since Good Will Hoodie at Facebook sold his soul to the Chinese Ministry Of Truth. Who cares if Chinese made fentanyl has killed more crackers in this country than Taylor Swift kicking with Lena Dunham on Instagram? Who cares if Facebook has anointed China as the ultimate judge of good versus evil, despite the Corona virus made in China being responsible for your dad having to give his mother in England only a virtual kiss goodbye on her death bed? But at the least the New Yorker will know better to start every Zoom call now moving forward with, “Hands up high Toobin, where I can see them. You’re having a hard time getting a grip over the fact that Hunter Biden is starting to make Charlie Sheen look like slacker underachiever, I get it. But take a load off on your own time and don’t come around our Zoom calls no more.”
So, if you’re a parent in America today, who’s not enthralled with the prospect of enabling a future generation of ungrateful, hate filled Punisher vigilantes for ANTIFA or intent on blowing a mini fortune on an Ivy league education for your only kid to become a glaringly unoriginal, uppity, knee-jerk reactionary, blah breath hack reporter like Jefferey Toobin for the New Yorker, then I’d start selling your kids early on why patriotism matters because our schools won’t anymore. My kid’s elementary school just canceled the Pledge Of Allegiance. Will my kids school cancel Apple Pie next because it’s too aggressively cheery for kids raised on 13 Reasons Why? I never received an email from my kids school about why they canceled the Pledge of Allegiance although I suspect the expression “under God” was no longer deemed inclusive enough for the parental sect of east coast atheists who send their kids there, intent on sucking off their Gods like Bill Maher till their last dying breath. Plus, if working parents today want to keep their jobs, they must show a commitment to improve their social justice righting credit score at work by only retweeting AOC tweets comparing our border detention facilities with centralized AC, designed to stop rampant sex trafficking of minors to Nazi death camps. Plus, parents today need to be equipped with endless President Trump insults at the tips of their tongues to remain uncanceled by their far younger, mope maligned Millennial Mouseketeer coworkers over shared Taco Tuesdays, since eating lunch within their walled in office of yesteryear is now branded too alt right white collar xenophobic for their ad tech startup tastes.
It’s beyond time for American parents today to assume the responsibility of selling our kids on the importance of patriotism because respect for our elders today is lower than Hunter Biden’s Yelp rating for the Mac Shop he forgot existed until the NY Post reported on it, in Wilmington, Delaware. But parents today can still entrust Netflix, EPSN, CNN, the NY Times and especially Twitter, to teach their kids the importance of standing up for the National Anthem and putting their hands over their hearts for it at ballgames instead of futzing with their smart phones to watch Tommy Lee videos on Instagram, shouting at fake news Devils. Yeah, and Judd Apatow is the Chief Happiness Officer for Breitbart.
When I push my kids on the swing, I assume the persona of Sly Stone from the original Woodstock and sing with real deal fly guy feeling, “I’m going to take you higher.” How does this playful sing-along push routine teach my kids patriotism matters? Because I tell my kids Sly Stone was a star voice behind a prideful, black nationalist musical movement in the sixties, which was a source of empowerment, not divisive derision, which didn’t command whitey to never eat in peace in a restaurant patio again.
I teach my kids patriotism, which is love of country, by teaching them about the great melting pot New York City is, which boasts more than 200 dialects, so insisting only black lives matter insults a boatload of other immigrant sects. I teach patriotism to my kids by emoting about the greatest Moderate Muslim of all time Muhammad Ali, who floated like a butterfly and stung like a bee, inspiring other mouthy kids from Louisville, Kentucky to boast to Dad, “One day, that’s going to be me.” My 3-year old son requests Jimi Hendrix Blues on vinyl, what about yours? So, stop acting like teaching your kids about patriotism is such a white nationalist laden snore.
My 9-year-old daughter knows Joan Jett is a lesbian punk rocker who sang Love Is Pain but made it big in the face of discrimination for refusing to be the same.
At night before story time, I mix it up and tell my kids about how Walt Clyde Frazier beats Dr. Seuss as the coolest cat of rhyme who lead the Knicks past the Lakers in 73 at the Garden by dishing 19 dimes. My kids hug American flags in the street, because I’ve shown them pictures of President Trump doing the same, which is pretty sweet, proving infectious love of old glory is hard to beat.
I teach my kids that taking a knee is the equivalent to kicking Nazi destroyers in the nuts and spitting on Vets graves, housing those unfortunate drafted sons who Jesus could never save. I teach my 3-year old son love of country for pointing out how America the Beautiful gave birth to thrash metal guitar great Dave Mustaine, by showing him a clip on YouTube of him playing the Star Spangled Banner at a Little League game, which inspired my head banging son to say, “I’m going to play that one day.” Patriotism sells, so put your Uncle Sam sales hat on and soon enough, your kids will be hugging flags down on main street to.
Thank you WordPress peeps for your steady doses of emotive encouragement and sustained interest in my development of new material as I chip away at the stone to bang out more sheets of comedy gold.
Eddie Van Halen dies and David Crosby in his most understated, Garfield ballooning in the yard, yawningly boring way, while still pining for the days when Hendrix used to blow his mind so hard, tweets, “Meh.” Because baby boomer arrogance never dies, and David Crosby is the lamest, least rocking, most overrated fake news hippie of the pack.
The most annoyingly gnawing problem with balding, pony tailed, fake news hippies like David Crosby and George Carlin who viewed tsunamis on CNN as must see entertainment towards the end of his illustrious stand-up comedy career against his dying of the light, is their perpetually bitchy, dissing disposition as if they were the Vietnam vets who got spit on main street back home or the starving no name, burnout casualties of the acid rock era in the sixties, who were reduced to eating stray cats to stay alive throughout the acid crazed streets of San Francisco.
Plus, how can any member of Gen X not be enraged by the glaring non-stop, crosstown traffic hypocrisy exhibited by fake news hippies at nauseum, by whole heartedly endorsing the endlessly divisive, on air drivel out of NPR, whenever another zero gravitas exuding political pundit questions the mental health of President Trump compared to the non-stop jilted hysteria of Nancy Denture Beath Pelosi, who thinks she’s the one glowing with a divine blessed spark, as she tears up the President’s State Of The Union speech on live TV, looking like the tweaked out grannie from Requiem for Dream in Armani.
My parents are guilty of being fake news hippies to, for living in Scottsdale, Arizona for the past 9 years and not once visiting the Grand Canyon, which doesn’t require a hit of Acid to invoke the haunting presence of an older than Earth God, man. You also know you’re a fake news hippie, when you call the President an idiot like David Crosby did, when you’re the one who became a white privileged freebase junkie alcoholic wacko who makes Hunter Biden look like a serial underachiever in comparison. President Trump is smart enough to not suck off Obama Be Meh till his last dying breath, knowing his predecessor’s major foreign policy accomplishment was rebranding ISIS, ISIL, so they’d sound more startup friendly in the NY Times.
This is my impression of President Trump debating Greta Thunberg on the threat of climate change being a more imminent disaster in the making than Obama Be Meh gifting Iran 150 billion dollars to finance more worldwide terror on par with the making of the second Death Star in The Empire Strikes Back. President Trump says, “Greta, fracking reduces our Co2 emissions.” Greta freaks out immediately and says, “So Neil Young is full of shit now?” President Trump says, “Neil Young doesn’t believe in taking showers to reduce his carbon footprint. So that much you share in common babe.” Also, you’re a fake news hippie if you grew up in the age of free love before Magic made HIV disappear and have the gaul to judge your former bandmate Neil Young for leaving his wife of 35 years to date Daryl Hannah because he’s going through a post mid-life never banged a Mermaid crisis.
In the new Cameron Crowe doc about David Crosby, Remember My Name, you learn that not one of his former bandmates from CSNY have anything to do with him now because of his tendency to belittle his former brothers in arms who helped bless him with the most high end hippiedom lifestyle possible before going to jail and almost squandering it all to freebase more coke. And I thought Hunter Biden was a spoiled, ungrateful degenerate, who got paid 50 grand a month by an energy company in the Ukraine he thought was selling Borscht as the new Kombucha.
President Trump is the most anti-war President of all time, who hasn’t gotten us involved in any military entanglements or wars under his watch, unlike Nixon or W, so drop some more CBD, overrated, fake news hippie boomers.
President Trump has authorized his Orthodox Jewish son-in-law Jared Kushner, I know total Nazi, to normalize relations between Israel and various Arab neighbors like The United Arab of Emirates and Bahrain in less time it takes Jared to burst with joy with Ivanka talking dirty to him in Mandarin again. So President Trump actually deserves the Nobel Peace Prize compared to fake news hippies like Obama Be Good who just nuke gifted Iran, let ISIS run wild and weaponized our intelligence agencies by getting them to spy on the Trump campaign through the ridiculous granting of FISA warrants to do so, based on a paid for, planted story from the DNC about Russian collusion with less legs than Lieutenant Dan.
Plus, you’re also a fake news hippie, if you condemn the Kent State shootings in a song, but not the shooting of a peaceful, Trump supporter by a member of ANTIFA in Portlandia during this past summer of love. Last, President Trump has never done a bump of coke or had a drink of alcohol in his life, so let’s stop acting like overrated fake news new hippies like David Crosby are such alleged stable geniuses in comparison for acting like his life is flush was one smart decision after another. And if Obama Be Meh was blessed with such a beautiful, all knowing mind, then why did he let his daughter, Malia intern for Miramax exactly? Imagine that conversation during Thanksgiving this year. Obama says, “Malia, what’s wrong? You barely touched your Tofurky.” Malia says, “All my woke friend’s at Harvard don’t know why you let me intern for Harvey Weinstein at Miramax dad.” Obama says, “Quit bugging Malia. Michelle was your chaperone on the set of Girls and that fat Jew couldn’t pin down Michelle if he tried. But I still don’t know what Hillary was thinking hiring Lena Dunham as her Social Media Community Manager. Only Lena Dunham could make Hillary less likeable and relatable in one blubbery swoop.”
I don’t need to see Chelsea Handler topless to expose her disdain for an administration who champions the reopening of all houses of worship in another desperate attempt to downplay her tits sagging popularity again and again. And you can talk about the incessant, mandatory need for social distancing all you want, but it’s not as if the more wokeified reformed Jewish Rabbis in the US pre-Corona were playing to packed houses either.
But overt hostility directed at the Trump administration, his freedom loving supporters or toward Torah obeying Hasidic Jews isn’t New Testament new either. This morning, I tell my wife, “I identify with Chabad Hasidism because their members aren’t Holocaust trivializing, Nazi name calling supremacists, who love all Jews as much as NPR’s inflated sense of self-importance.” She says, “Well someone whose been in contact with plenty of Hasidic woman as a nurse in labor and delivery, I can tell you, Hasidic woman have less freedom than Orthodox Jewish woman do, who only exist to bang out more babies really.” I snap back with, “Just because you watched Unorthodox on Netflix, you’re a Social Worker now to? Plus, Hasidic woman can also use the Instant Pot today to, which reduces Brisket cooking cutting time in half. So, slaving away in the kitchen is no longer such a time sucking existence anymore either. But I’m supposed to demonize the entire Hasidic sect of Judaism because the NY Times post fake news claims working moms today spend more time today with their kids than stay at home moms did in the 1970’s? So, stay at home mom’s in the 1970’s slept on the job on too many Quaaludes, haunted by memories of Bill Cosby’s family friendly dentist drilling material of yesteryear? I don’t get it.
Last, what’s so wrong about Hasidic woman raising future generations of doctors and rabbi’s turned comedians like Jackie Mason, who help perfect the word through medicinal healing or comedic song?”
Giving lockdown orders on Synagogues throughout neighborhoods such as Borough Park and Midwood in New York because Mayor DeBlasio and Governor Cuomo are worried about fending off this new wave of Corona infections less than a month before election day, during the most festive, infectiously joyous weeklong holiday of Sukkot, felt forced magnanimous to me. Especially after our so called morally exalted leaders of New York allowed rioters and looters to shatter Macy’s windows on 34 Street unimpeded. The same feckless leaders who defunded the NYPD in the face of nonstop lawlessness in the form of looting, shooting and sucker punching of beloved actor Rick Moranis since this Thug Lives Matter Most horror began, whether your black or white cloaked in black hoodies representing Pacific Northwest ANTIFA. Killing off the once endlessly vibrant life force of my beloved concrete jungle of yesteryear, one boarded up storefront at a time as the once unthinkable exodus from New York City began. Because looting Gucci ain’t a thing but a reparations thing knowing Beyonce didn’t stand for the National Anthem during the Super Bowl because Demi Lovato sounds like the white privileged version of Alabama Shakes.
But at least liquor stores are still considered houses of worship in New York State in addition to 3rd trimester pushing abortion clinics. Because Planned Parenthood is an essential place of business to abort a fully formed fetus on demand, which is kosher in Cuomo’s eyes and in Bill Maher’s book. President Trump should nickname Governor Cuomo The Italian Reptilian inside, especially after he caused the death of 6000 plus elderly patients, by forcing elderly homes throughout NY to accept new COVID patients to fill out all the extra body bags they were ordered to take in with them to. Still, this thug in Armani who looks like the Thing and Mama Fratelli from the Goonies had a baby, has the chutzpah to write a book on leadership lessons based on his alleged stellar handling the of the Coronavirus pandemic, despite him blaming all those unnecessary nursing home deaths on Trump, the GOP and Fox News. Because the Italian Reptilian Inside Cuomo was just following the Department of Health’s marching orders like a good Soros, one world order licking solider, despite him writing the order in March demanding all elderly homes in NY accept COVID patients while the revamped Javits Center remained empty in addition to President Trump’s shipped in Hospital Ship, which got less touches than a Bible on board a Booze Cruise on its way to Provincetown.
Cuomo and DeBlasio aren’t concerned about minimizing the spread of Covid. All they care about is preserving their power through the very fear mongering they accuse President Trump of, through constantly pinning the entirety of this Chinese made virus aftermath on his administration despite POTUS canceling all incoming travel from China in March while DeBlasio fumbled with chopsticks during a photo op in Chinatown at the same time, urging naturally neurotic New Yorkers to get a grip.
I also don’t recall mosques in NYC being on the receiving end of such prayer distancing restrictions, despite Muslims praying more frequently in their houses of worship compared to Jews and Christians, which the loudspeaker call to prayer in Astoria, NY will remind you of, 5 times a day if you ever forgot prior because you used to have an office in Manhattan, that wasn’t at home, before the boss distancing remote work world began. Yesterday, I asked my voice activated assistant Alexa speaker, “How many more days till Hannukah?” Alexa says, “I don’t know.” I reply with, “I bet you know the countdown till Ramadan because you wouldn’t want to be branded Islamophobic like President Trump if you dare question the staying power of Obama’s timeout nuke building deal with Iran, knowing Iran is only the biggest sponsor of worldwide terror since the construction of the last Death Star.”
Cuomo and DeBlasio derive sick, soulless pleasure from keeping true believing Christians out of Churches like Amy Barrett and strict rule following Jewish men of faith out of Synagogues because they also represent a significant size of Trump supporters who defend his stance against late term abortion especially in addition to his foreign policy stance responsible for creating peace through strength in the Middle East by normalizing relations between Israel and it’s Arab neighbors, who recognize Iran as being the true face of evil, which no amount of Shadowbanning by Big Tech can conceal.
America was founded on the basis of granting religious liberty without the fear of prosecution like being fined for breaking social distancing rules during Easter or the most recent Jewish holiday of Sukkot. All houses of worship in the US, mosques to, offer the most holy God loving bind around us that unites us all. And anyone who thinks Democrats in charge of NY care about pleasing God through polite prayer or punishing the real face of evil, responsible for rampant, enabled acts of widespread violence throughout the streets of NY, 8 million New Yorkers call home, my native home also, can go woke themselves to.
My most spine tingly memories of Synagogue revolve around my childhood congregation standing up in unison to sing the always rousing, unifying prayer, “She-ma yisrael, adonai, eloheinu, adonai, echad. Hear O Israel, the Lord is our God, The Lord is one.” Hear that DeBlasio, the Lord is our God, not you or the Italian Reptilian Cuomo inside. All the fines, religious school shutdowns and mask shaming imposed hysteria, won’t keep God’s cosmic perfectionists from performing mitzvot such as teaching our children Torah at home and through prayer which doesn’t require walls to suppress the glorification of the almighty, while praising all that’s good in our hearts and souls forevermore. Even Kid Rock would gave that soul sermon serenade an Amen. I say Amen.
And anyone who calls me a racist fringe conspiracist for hating how my 3 kids are forced to dress in masks now every day now like its Sharia Law Appreciation Day, can go woke themselves to. While DeBlasio and Cuomo use our kids as pawns to wreck our economy, ruin their age of innocence and demolish patriots means to provide the American dream for our children because we have nobody to look after our kids from home for remote learning since Facebook has made baby boomers the laziest, most hands off grandparent generation of all time. Lifting a finger is liking a new picture on Facebook, assuming my kids aren’t posing in a fighter plane during a Blue Angels air show at Stewart Airport in a pro patriot Trumpian lead America, God forbid.
“Hate warps the mind, ravages the heart, and devours the soul.”
I had it all planned out, especially after my speech bombed at my younger brother’s wedding resulting in my father instructing me to wrap it up after committing the unforgivable sin of blatantly mocking the Nazi this, Nazi that name calling east coast elitist crowd in attendance. I say, “Cam from Canada, make yourself at home and hit somebody. So, Jim Carrey can paint you as an alt-right goon for hire, looking more like an enraged, rejected extra from the Sears catalog in 86.” Knowing my father told me to wrap it up after that, I only wish I added, “Rock bad ass Courtney Love called Linda Sarsour a fake feminist because of her defense of clitoral removal under Sharia Law. Plus, she hates Israel more than Bernie Sanders hates his mother. So, if supporting Courtney Love over Linda Sarsour makes me alt-right, then I’m alright with it. For my son’s Hebrew naming ceremony, I decided to tell the congregation I chose the name Jeremiah because he’s a respected prophet in the Koran, which makes my son immune from any future charges of Islamophobia, assuming he decides to post a Tik Tok video of the Adam Sandler Hannukah song with the added verse, “Linda Sarsour, not a fan.”
I just had a piece published, Back To Hebrew School, in The Times Of Israel about assuming ownership of my kid’s Hebrew School education post Corona by relearning how to read Hebrew from home with them, while using comedy to engage their interest more. From creating mini short stories such as Gimmel Be Good about the Jewish boy who invented the Dreidel game to distract the Romans from their forbidden Torah studies, because at the time Romans wouldn’t consider another Jewish kid with a head for numbers and a developing gambling problem to be a radical departure from reality. A couple of days later, I get my father on the phone after needing sometime to process his lackluster voicemail acknowledging my Back To Hebrew School piece prior, which was low energy compared to Jeb Bush. On the phone with my Dad the following day, I say, “For the record, The Times of Israel isn’t considered an al-right dirt rag Dad.” Dad laughs because the joke propped up his alleged intellectual superiority over 64 million branded racists and growing. I add, “And can you believe The Times of Israel hasn’t told me to wrap it up it up yet?” But they did.
I got canceled by The Times Of Israel, meaning they terminated my guest blog column because they found my tone too unpleasing after I wrote piece about Hassidic Jews in Brooklyn resisting synagogue distancing while blaming the DeBlasio administration for blatant anti-Semitic bias, knowing his participation in much larger BLM protests and proven aversion for MAGA hat supporters of President Trump in general, regardless if they’re wearing Hasidic black hats or not.
But then the conversation with my dad took a depressingly annoying turn after he refused to condemn my younger brother for calling me a Nazi after I started criticizing the BLM movement and ANTIFA to his favorite son via text recently, saying, “All lives matter is the new n word. Guaranteed money in the NBA is oppressive. Nike should change their social righting justice slogan to Just Don’t Resist Arrest. All the wannabe Punisher vigilantes in black ANTIFA hoodies, who never outgrew their pyro phase in elementary school are the renegade activist arm of the media, who are fake news fascist fighting moralists like Unibrow Maddow. And if you believe the Proud Boys are a bigger threat to freedom of speech than ANTIFA or the hate speech police moderators at Facebook, Google and Twitter, then you can go woke yourself to.”
Snoop Dog shoots a Trump clown character in a rap video because his brain hovers below porn hood hell. Eminem calls President Trump Hitler. Take a chill pill Slim, sequels never live up to the original. Also, when The Donald bought Mar-A- Lago, he immediately removed the ban on Jewish membership, Slim On Facts Shady. Never forget the Nazi smears and who the real self-serving, scruple free, hate speech spewing, violence endorsing, terrorist siding, jealous ridden leading figures littered throughout our precious media, music biz, Hollywood, Big Tech and in post woke Corporate America actually are.
I wish they had a vaccine to cure my father’s sore loser’s disease for thinking Hilary Hammer Time Cankles was going to win because baby boomer arrogance never dies. Plus, Baby Boomer Mom doesn’t know best. Hillary must have deleted that memo to. And believing Obama is the most divisive, colluding ex-President of all time who let ISIS run wild while ushering in 2.9 GDP growth, doesn’t mean you a racist. Thinking you’re intellectually and morally superior to all Trump supporters like Keith Olbermann, who wants all of us expunged from the universe does.
Well two can play at the Nazi name calling highlighting game. Obama is the one who loves Hitler. Obama wishes he we was that organized. Exterminating all his pestering, hook nosed critics, who criticized his timeout nuke building deal with the number one sponsor of terror in the Middle East would be a gas. That’s right, Obama gave Iran 150 billion dollars in unmarked bills for an overseas manufacturing facility for Build A Bear, to make their economy less reliant on the sale of face hair removal cream for the Kardashians. Joan lives.
I still can’t believe my dad refused to condemn my younger brother for branding me a Nazi after I just wrote The Great American Jew Novel, which just scored a four-star review on Amazon no less. I haven’t felt this betrayed sine Sylvester Stallone snuck Mel Gibson into Expendables 3
Jeremiah 2:13 “My people have committed two sins: They have forsaken me, the spring of living water and have dug their cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water.”
Before I light the Shabbat Candles, my 9-year old daughter asks me, “Daddy, what’s the difference between Reformed and Conservative. I say, “In America, Conservative Jews don’t slovenly worship false idols like Bruce Springsteen, Larry David or NBA ruining divas such as Lebron James, otherwise known as King Of The Persecution Complex. Nor do Conservative Jews in America insist on idolizing false Gods like Obama. Despite Obama Be Meh sounding like a bumbling, fake news deep, poor man’s Bob Marely off the teleprompter without the aid of his former speechwriter Ben Rhodes helping him sell the world on why we must trust Iran to honor their nuke building timeout commitment, regardless of Iran’s well-earned killer reputation as the biggest, financier of worldwide terror until the new budget year kicked in for the Empire, to rebuild the Death Star again.”
I support the Conservative Jewish branch of Judaism’s compromised concessions to make their houses of worship more inclusive over the years in America. For example, I’m all for the Conservative branch of Judaism in America finally accepting non-Jews into their congregation, which only started in 2017. Plus, I don’t think Conservative Rabbis officiating intermarriages is the worst thing in the world, if the Jewish man like myself got married to a gentile, even if she refused to convert on the behalf of my putz embedded DNA, if it was still kosher for us to raise our eventual kids under the Jewish faith.
But I certainly don’t see the need for the Conservative Jewish movement in the US to exert any more effort to placate the so-called tolerant sensibilities among the doxing, post woke, editorial board of the NY Times these days either. The same NY Times who bends over backwards to provide real hate speech op-ed forums for Minnesota congressional rep Omar, who claims Uncle Sam’s support of Israel is purely about the Benjamins. Because Jews control the Federal Reserve and all the banks in the North Pole to. How did Baby Face Omar acknowledge the anniversary of Amy Winehouse’s death on Twitter this year? Did she tweet, “Something happened, to a horn hiding Jazz singer who exploited the great Palestinian Songbook for all it was worth?”
How can a God-fearing Jew be giddy at the prospect of enrolling their kids in a Reform Hebrew Schools today, knowing their identity politics obsessed Rabbis openly support the practice of sanctuary cities? Whose policy is to rerelease convicted murders and rapists back into our streets as soon as we catch them? The same reform Rabbis who aren’t calling out ANTIFA for being new age Nazi Stormtroopers in black hoodies on the loose, codded by progressive District Attorney’s and progressive city mayors, who instruct their police squads to stand down as their fellow cops are being blinded by lasers as their cop precincts are being burnt to the ground in the name of peaceful, social righting justice, allegedly.
At the same time, how you can stomach one more Zoom service with a Reform Synagogue knowing the same Reformed Jewish Rabbi there has perpetually sold the easily debunked lie of white nationalists being responsible for causing all the massive unrest during this past summer of love? Which resulted in David Dorn, a retired police officer in St. Louis getting murdered while trying to defend his friend’s store, only for his horrific death to be live streamed on Facebook for his entire family to see in real time, which is as terrifyingly real as it gets.
How many of these woke Reformed Jewish Rabbis in America today ever denounced Jussie Smollett? After he almost inciting a nationwide race war in one not so smooth swoop? How can you be a patriotic Jewish, family man today, and be enthralled with the idea of attending more Zoom synagogue services with a Reform Rabbi, whose never disavowed Kamala Harris for encouraging other celebs to post bail for violent rioters arsonists at large? How can a Jewish father in America today in good conscience send his kids to a Reformed Synagogue today, who doesn’t condemn AOC for her grotesque trivialization of the Holocaust by comparing our border detention facilities with centralized AC to real life concentration camps like Auschwitz?
For the past 3 plus years, Hollywood, Academia, Big Tech, post woke Corporate America and the NY Times have done everything in their power to smear shame Trump supporters into cowering silence through branding all of their Obama smack talk as “hate speech”. They’ve been more than complicit in absolving any blame on the instigation of the Coronavirus from China, scrubbed any medical professional videos on YouTube which encourage the reopening the schools, promote the effectiveness of hydroxychloroquine or cite medical journals which prove masks don’t provide guaranteed immunity from the Kung Fu fighting virus either.
Kayne West sports a MAGA hat in the White House and he’s branded by the media mob online and off as “crazy”, because it exposes the idiotic fallacy behind the fake news assertion of a MAGA hat being the equivalent of a Klan hoodie today, knowing real life skinheads have nothing to hide. I’m supposed to believe the same 64 million plus Americans who voted for Obama twice, are in the midst of born again, white supremacist crisis? It doesn’t mater, we all know anyone for the past 3 plus years whose dared to wear a MAGA in public is inviting non stop verbal harassment or the highly likely possibility of being physically assaulted even if you’re one of the real life Golden Girls, who Cuomo hasn’t killed off yet to make POTUS look bad. The same attack dog, compassionate culture at the Huffington Post, which has never been condemned the act of doxing the personal information of ICE agents because the preservation of homeland security was so weapons of mass destruction years. Did Vox or Buzzfeed ever condemn the doxing of Tucker Carlson’s house in D.C, which lead to a group of ANTIFA thugs, trying to knock down the door to his house, with his wife home alone as she cowered in the closet among of sea of stinky gym socks from Vineyard Vines, as she called 911 in abject horror to come save her? But the NY Times maintains the moral high ground and special glint of divinity by doxing the home addresses of Ecuadorian immigrants who were supposed to be quoted off the record when asked about MS-13.
POTUS passing prison reform, getting Nobel Peace Prize nominations for normalizing relations between Arab nations and Israel or taking Dennis Rodman’s calls to congratulate him on getting Kim Jong to cut out his nuke carrying, ballistic missile stress tests is promoting hate crimes against Muslims and Jews? Sure, and the Catholic Church has bent over backwards to punish pedophilia within its ranks through peacefully transferring them to another parish in an endless, innocuous game of musical chairs. Don’t you get it Trump supporters , if you don’t submit your right to freedom of speech in the service of sucking off Obama’s fake news good hued legacy till your last dying breath, you’ll be doxed, fired from your job and be branded as an eternally unredeemable racists deplorable piece of shit for ever daring to question the all knowing authority of Big Tech nerds and partisan media hacks as they purport to be with all their blustery, bitchy might to be the ultimate arbitrator of good versus evil, even more so than the all mighty Lord himself.
Last, trying to prop up Obama’s so called stellar leadership in the Middle East, especially after he rebranded ISIS, ISIL, so they’d sound more startup friendly in the NY Times doesn’t bend the moral arc of goodness in your favor CNN, sorry. And siding with the Holocaust trivializing squad ad nauseam NY Times, doesn’t fulfill God’s idea of us perfecting the world he gave us to perfect, in a false God worshiping, post woke world gone wild.