Hunter Biden is teaching a class at Tulane on fake news like your Freshman roommate trying to pass off crystal meth as high-octane cocaine. Hunter says, “Crushed up coke looks just like crushed up crystal meth, except after taking one bump of Crystal Meth, your high from Mardi Gras through Jazz Fest like a super speedy Tony The Tiger, boasting, “This shit is great.”
Will Hunter Biden allow any young Republicans at Tulane without their COVID vaccine stamp to ask more daring questions compared to whatever the Big Guy receives on the job as our fake news leader of our new COVID controlled crazed universe? A young republican wears a Rolling Stones shirt in class to disguise his Republican rooting side and asks, “Why do you looked more tweaked than usual Hunter? Were you out light on Bourbon Street again, doing more primo blow, only hearing last call from the bathroom stall? How did you celebrate your last birthday? When your father said blow Hunter, did you snort the cake? Also, if a man is judged by fruit he enables then why is your father such an evolved, admirable, nice guy again? Don’t you think it was in your family’s best interest for your dad to sit you down for a birds and the bees talk in your mid forties about cutting out knocking up strippers and creaming in your dead brother’s wife after the cremation ensued? Did your father force you to give up blow for blow painting as a painfully ironic form of cruel and unusual punishment for being dumb enough to leave your laptop at a Delaware Repair Shop, indefinitely? Dropping off your Mac at a local Apple Store never occurred to you Genius? Alex Jones got deplatformed from the Apple store for spreading wild conspiracy theories about you getting paid 50 grand a week from a Ukrainian gas company for pushing Borsht as the new Kombucha. So you knew Apple would scrub those pics of you posing like a scuzzy Hugh Hefner on crack cocaine minus the adjoining snow bunnies at the hip and that takes talent kid.”
Biden claims the raiding of the Capital Building was the worst attack on our Democracy’s history. Dominion employees scrubbing their LinkedIn profile pages after charges of flipping votes to Biden for the steal is nothing to flip about it in comparison, since the day Democracy died. I agree. And Judd Apatow is the new Chief Happiness Officer for Breitbart.
How can a cop get suspended for a Tik Tock video he made, making fun of Lebron’ America’s Most Hunted tweets? When did mocking the King of the Persecution Complex become a career cramping liability for cops? Body Cameras revealing another criminal resisting arrest or reaching for the cop’s own gun or taser is considered alternative news by any grand jury, radicalized district attorney or soul sellout Judge in America today. So what difference does a cop mocking Lebron’s misguided attempts to act like he cares about black lives matter, while the fake news chosen one does nothing to preach the importance of school choice including charter schools, assuming these kids aren’t privileged enough with God given physical talent to score a free ride to a private Catholic high school education like Lebron and have those high school games televised on ESPN to advertise his surging talents for NBA scouts at large, largely responsible for turning the league into a safe space for Lebron’s ego these days. Keep on kneeling for the national anthem Lebron. Let’s see if you can crater NBA ratings into China by next spring for the NBA finals champ. Guaranteed money, regardless of injury or lack of a strong finishing move to with with your left or ever being held accountable for traveling in a nationally televised game on ABC is really oppressive Princess Diaries. But seriously, what personal injury did a cop’s Tik Tok video cause exactly? Did a black gangbanger on the South Side of Chicago catch the video and go on a stabbing spree along Michigan Avenue during Mother’s Day, cutting up a bunch of white bitches to see how long those racist cops would take their sweet ass time finishing another premature retirement party birthday cake before being bothered to care about stopping street justice in the name of carving out systematic racism, one Stepford soccer mom at a time?
What kind of love did Lebron expect to enact among Americans when he chose to stand for the Chinese National Anthem for an NBA game there versus yelling at his teammates to walk off the court and not acknowledge our own national anthem at the Staples Center soon after? Did he think us deplorable hicks just needed to educate ourselves on how freedom of speech really works in America now. Just don’t criticize radical Islam, ANTIFA, Obama, delusional Democratic celebrities, The Squad and Nancy Denture Breath Pelosi for sending a Chinese spy bat into my home to take me out for the crime of being a Wuhan Lab truther about the Chinese resisting biological warfare investigations more than Aquafresh, holla, thank you very much.
The CDC says masks are still required for outdoor concerts, and stadiums until we hit widespread vaccination numbers. Amazon is selling for 3 Thousand Five Hundred dollars a share and we’d like to keep cloud enabled home entertainment streaming services immune from any alternative form of competition, ok.
What are the short-term affects of the Coronavirus vaccine? Besides, increased self-worth in the form of 2 new followers who liked your selfie shot pic on Instagram.
One the BLM founders just spent 25,000 a day on luxury resort meetings with other BLM players in Malibu. What were they planning next? More Peaceful protests outside of the Vatican Gates if the open borders Pope doesn’t grant George Floyd sainthood status on the George Floyd verdict fan page on Facebook already.
Dads are stronger cheerleaders than moms. My wife says, “Kids want to impress their dads more because we live in a patriarchal society.” I thought our kids respected my opinions more because they stemmed from Do It All Dad’s tree trunk, who continue to grow by leaps and bounds due to my life coaching tutelage on top, my bad. For example, I’ve already told my sons, don’t start junior high, unless your back-pack is flush with pre-poundage consent forms. Because kids in college today are being charged with excessive, dry humping although I think these kids should have to reveal their fleshy head wounds to reveal who the real victim of persecution is in this case.
They’re calling kids birthed from the Millennial Mouseketeer generation, Generation Alpha because they’re the least sexist parental generation of all time. Then why are they being called Generation Alpha? Shouldn’t they be called Generation Gimpy Bitch, out of fear of upsetting their fake feminist owner task masters. I’m a member of Generation X myself. Members of Generation X like our comedy like our coffee, dark and bitter. Kids today who play basketball in NY wearing Steph Curry and Lebron jersey’s are the Bandwagon Generation, my chest.
This is my impersonation of Joe Rogan saying healthy young people don’t need to get the Coronavirus vaccine.
“Just eat bowls of turkey meatballs for breakfast, lunch and dinner with a weed gummy edible for desert and you’re all set in the health department dude.”
This is Fuck Face Fauci trying to convince the world how our kids need to mask up outside forever till their last dying breaths.
“Kids need to wear masks outside because kids are getting infected the most. Bill Maher never accepts a double dare to bareback through a train of She-Males in Mardi Gras. Fuck Joe Rogan. It’s, In Fauci We Trust, motherfucker.”
If I’m an Anti-Waxer then why am I insisting my daughter get the HPV vaccine the moment she begins to sprout on top? Although I’m not sweating a complete surge of interest on her behalf if she takes after mommy on top. Unlike breast reduction surgery, my daughter getting an HPV vaccination will be a huge load off her shoulders and will make her feel more loved than the girl from the Fallen Angel video and that’s good enough for me.
Typical mask argument, “Wear the damn mask.” MAGA guy replies, “Only if you blow me with my MAGA hat on first. Now suck the hate speech out of my deplorable dick, bitch.”
I believe in science. I also believe God only made Neil degrasse Tyson interesting for 2 minute spurts at a time. His narration at the Hayden Planetarium put me out 2 minutes in max. 2 minutes later, my daughter gives me a sharp elbow to get up. She says, “Daddy get up.” I say, “God only made Neil degrasse Tyson interesting for 2 minute spurts a time, sorry. I’m positive you’ll wake me again, when you gets scared about his commentary about the giant Black Hole of death sucking up our planet earth, if ANTIFA and BLM doesn’t get around to schooling science on the superiority of man made imposed disasters 1st, with rampant, omnipresent crime in America becoming ordained Kosher, assuming you commit acts of arson, theft and cold blooded murder in the name of uprooting systematic racism for good.”
Half our country hasn’t gotten the vaccine yet. We know better to trust anything pushed by Trump since he let Democracy die on his watch without ruffling his pretty patch of hair in the process.
Students at Columbia are being forced to get the COVID vaccination yet are still being required to wear masks and perform social distancing immediately after. So, the incoming freshman class will never get laid ever again. Does Columbia’s new core curriculum include, “Black Supremacists 101.” Will Chris Rock be hired as a guest lecturer to tout the standup performing prowess of Dave Chappelle and Chris Rock compared to other fat, hacky white comedians getting paid a pittance for their comedy specials on Netflix instead in comparison? Chris Rock adds, “Netflix spends more money on talent than what they bring in. Unfortunately, for whitey, you can’t buy me off with just one rib,” anymore.