Moving On Out To Russia

I’m moving on out to Russia. You don’t have to worry about Global Warming blather from the local news. Putin defending the use of fracking wouldn’t cause a pussy riot online either. Putin trolls Greta Thunberg and tweets, @GreatThunberg, Fracking actually reduces CO2 emissions. Furry Brow tweets back, “So Neil Young is full of shit now?” Putin showcases a flash of Trumpian wit and fires back with “Neil Young doesn’t take showers to reduce his carbon footprint. So that much, you share in common babe. Why doesn’t Global Warming scare me Greta? Because Al Gore’s speaker has considerably cooled.”

Russians can still take a joke. Trump has ties to Russia. Duh, what mail order bride owner doesn’t? Plus, like the great Russian novelists such as Fyodor Dostoevsky, I prefer my comedy like my coffee, dark and bitter.

Also, you know BLM wouldn’t be allowed to harass patrons dining al fresco in St. Petersburg while slurping up some more Caviar soup. Putin’s so tough, he could snap your neck by just staring at it topless on a horse in the country.

Like Honest Abe said, “I’d rather live in Russia than in a place that lives under the pretense of loving liberty”, the way America does today. But Biden wants our family members and neighbors to rat out Trump supporters over white supremacist concerns because we don’t live by the creed, In Fuck Face Fauci We Trust. Nor are we inclined to believe in objective science anymore, after learning how every past prominent scientist in this country decried the Wuhan lab leak has a conspiracy theory because they didn’t want to be branded as a fake news white supremacist like the rest.

Putin actually said the name of the unarmed, American veteran Ashley Babbitt who was shot in cold blood in the Capital Building after the Stop The Steal Rally, which is more than Trumpy Poo ever mustered the courage to do.

Putin poisons his political opponents. Well, that’s better than pushing a non FDA approved vaccine on your Trump hater supporters that’s leading to more complications than election fraud audit reveals in the great free state of Arizona.

Putin poisons his political opponents. Like doxing ICE agents, immigrants from El Salvador who speak to the NY Times about MS-13, or any moms on Facebook who dare to criticize critical race theory as race divisive bullshit is any different?

Putin poisons his political opponents. Big deal, the blowhard dullard hack would’ve gotten liver cancer at some point anyway. I bet you Putin doesn’t have a fuck up druggie son who creamed in his dead brother’s wife seconds after the cremation ensued. Plus, Putin would never allow the drug cartels from Mexico or communist killers from China to push more Fentanyl through our southern border, that’s killed more crackers in this country than Taylor Swift kicking it with Lena Dunham on Instagram.

Russian journalists today know more about nationalistic pride than terrorist siding pieces of shit liars at the NY times. Who shamelessly pushed golden showers tales about Trump and Russian hookers with less legs than Lieutenant Dan. Plus, no Russian Journalist would ever be dumb enough to believe Trump hired a couple of Russian Hookers to pee on each other at his hotel room in St. Petersburg because he’s a notorious Germaphobe. Especially knowing how Trump could hire a bunch of Ivanka lookalikes to pee on each other at his Trump International Hotel in Washington D.C, whenever he likes. I’m also positive Melania can talk dirty to him in Slovenian whenever, wherever, wearing nothing but a mink hat from Spies Like Us.

Hate filled leftist retards don’t exist in Russia and would never feel morally exalted over anybody by breathlessly slinging endless bullshit enshrouded lies about election interference by the Russians, that made Drago pop out of various voting booths in predominately blue states, issuing life or death ultimatums such as, “Vote Trump or I’ll break you. If you die, it’s your fault for not believing in Holograms.”

Russia would never allow the construction of a George Floyd statue to prove thug lives matter. Especially when 2 billion dollars worth of property damage, and thousands of businesses destroyed for 6 months straight was designed to scare the Supreme Court to ever rule in the favor of law and order ever again.

Last, Billy Joel is the 1st to crowd surf at a concert in Russia before Eddie Vedder ever did. I’m not saying you can’t find a better country than Russia. But America is light years from acheiving Nirvana ever again. Wake me whenever this neverending shit show ends.

Michael Kornbluth

Daily Show King Reigns Supreme

Good for John Stewart for insisting the made in Wuhan virus originated in the Wuhan respiratory Coronavirus Lab. Although, I’d be asking too much for Stewart to claim masks don’t prevent you from getting the virus. Just like Colbert hiding behind his Bill O Reilly schtick didn’t prevent him from catching the funny Jew bone bug from his former boss through sheer osmosis, especially after he became unmasked as a sellout, propagandist shit bag hack for kissing Bat Shit Crazy Pelosi’s ass like the rest.

Michael Kornbluth

More American Made Gold

This is Jeff Ross roasting Jay Z in the VIP Room after the Super Bowl. Don’t you think child separation is overrated Jigga? I mean, look how you turned out. And if Coco was never separated from his parents, he never would’ve become a mini Los Lobos in the making. Why did Beyonce sit on the National Anthem Jay? Let me guess. Devin Lovato singing the national anthem sounded too much like the white privileged version of Alabama Shakes. Remember when your boy Lebron got the idea to wear cast after Michelle threatened to jam her arm up Obama’s ass if he ever offered Beyonce a glass of Paul Newman’s Lemonade over her homemade Kombucha again? Did you try Snoop’s wine yet? Wine Advocate said it tastes like mouthwash used in Porn Hood Hell. This is my impersonation of Dr. Dre and Eminem discussing the merger between Microsoft and LinkedIn. Hey, Slim. Microsoft paid 4 billion for LinkedIn. Worrddddddddddddd! LinkedIn is lamer than ever yoh. Trump has ties to Russia. No shit, what mail order bride owner, doesn’t it?

Michael Kornbluth

My Son Is Going To Trade School

I hate run-on sentence critics. It’s not my fault your slow and can’t keep up with my gender fluid flow.

Critical Race Theory is bullshit. Guaranteed money in the NBA, regardless of injury, is so oppressive.

The Muslim Sisterhood in congress don’t have an issue amplifying their voices in America either Jack.

Howard Beal was killed in the movie Network over lousy ratings. CNN’s worst nightmare come true.

British accents are unwelcome intrusive like Boris Johnson’s wife staring in my general direction.

Does Triple AAA offer ANTIFA roadblock assistance because the Proud Boys will do it free of charge?

Night screams mean you care about living. Or else you wouldn’t be afraid of dying before making it.

New York will come back, but everybody has left, except Free Palestine protestors and The Halal Guys.

Forcing kids to wear muzzles is wrong. Boris Johnson’s wife at the G-7 summit, not so much.

Jill Biden is a tacky, small town ho. Biden wears her panty hose when he can’t find his mask.

Masks are the new condoms only because I can’t cum in my wife wearing one either. 

99 percent of people survive COVID yet Fuck Face Fauci, AKA, Dr. Gnocchi pushed endless lockdowns and triple masking of our kids while acting as if COVID depresses your immune system more than entry into the Dallas Buyers Club.

Hydroxychloroquine can increase your survival rate by 200 percent. What’s up with that study Doc?

Still, Dr. Fauci used his power to block the use of it. He’s Dr. Kevorkian in reverse.

Biden is donating thousands of free COVID vaccines to Africa like a poor man’s Bill Gates who can’t code for shit either.

Sanctuary cities is encouraged lawlessness on crack.

1 kid only means, your diaphragm is for walls after all.

I’m against unlimited immigration because I’m not a proud member of the rapist enablement party.

If calling Baby Face Omar, a Jihad loving runt cunt, makes me alt-right, then I’m alright with that.

Where were you when Fox stopped counting the ballots? Thanking God JFK didn’t die for nothing. Yeah, me to.

My mom texts me Happy Father’s Day on the wrong day. Her happiness for me knows no bounds.

Boris Johnson’s wife, woof, woof needs water breaks, not my son 2 minutes into basketball practice.

My wife wants me to get COVID to say, “You should’ve worn a mask going down on MAGA mom.”

Trump Won signs at MLB is my new favorite America pastime, after telling Lebron to go woke himself.

The Mueller Report court hearing proved what again? Mueller parts his hair with gritty, elbow grease.

Did Drago pop out of your voting booth and demand, “Vote Trump or I’ll break you.”

When the Statue of Liberty went dark. I bet DeBalsio forgot to pay the Con Ed Bill on time again.

I hate the term helping others unless you’re applying for a job that says help wanted.

Maintaining relationships is overrated among those who think Mr. Groper won by a hair alone.

My son is going to trade school to become a landscape artist. Because NYC will have to start from Ground Zero at this rate. Or he could become a furniture designer within his own private studio and avoid charges of sexual harassment because he’ll design his own state of the art safe space for jerking off. Or he could become programmer and work remote unlike those software engineers who were charged with sexual harassment pre-COVID, despite them leaving the impression that they were too busy banging out new code to hit on girls anyway. Plus, I thought only ugly girls went to coding boot camp. Also, don’t programmers wear those yenta breath noise canceling headphones at work for a reason. Last, the typical Pearl script command isn’t, “Massage my carpel tunnel ho.”

My daughter’s 4th grade teacher just made her classroom writer tutor. Parenting matters to.

Michael Kornbluth

The World’s Most Woke Arena

The Foo Fighters are playing Madison Square Garden’s first big concert post pandemic on June 20th in front of 20 thousand fans, immune to catching an itchy esophagus or any semblance of taste throughout their everlong, edgeless lives.

But Dave Grohl is one of the good guys bro. He’s an accessory to murder. If Kurt Cobain killed himself, Woody Allen stands a shot at winning father of the year.

If Frank Sinatra is Ronan Farrow’s father, then why isn’t Woody sleeping next to Secretariat?

Courtney Love is Mia Farrow with better husband selection.

Can you a get a fake news fake vaccine ID in Times Square? Or does domestic terrorist money payments in bitcoin no longer apply?

What if a MAGA groupie flashed her tits at Dave Grohl from the front row, before throwing a secret stash of hydroxychloroquine on the stage? Would she be banned from MSG for inciting a riot against good drugs, that would’ve saved plenty a name?

They’re been more than 5000 reported deaths from the alleged miracle non FDA approved vaccine designed to keep you safe from the made in Wuhan virus, financed by US tax dollars, thanks to Fuck Face Fauci’s use of gain of function research, designed to get you more than rabies from Chinese Bats. What happens when that number reaches 100,000? Will the Who be invited to play next year at MSG if they promise not to play We Won’t Get Fooled Again? Or was that Pete Townsend’s alibi when he got caught clicking on soapybottoms@moveon.org, in the name of opposition research for a song about Pizza Gate conspiracy theorists? Alex Jones lives. Thank you very much.

And if Michael Jackson were alive today Monique, how would he defend himself against his Neverland accusers? All the Beatles royalty points in the world can’t buy me love?

Michael Kornbluth

In A Killing State Of Mind

True Lincoln Log story, Google it, my great, great, great, Grandfather Austin
Gollaher saved his boyhood friend Abe Lincoln from drowning, which is the
greatest presidential save since JFK kept Marilyn warm for Bobby. But a young
Abe had his friend Austin to never tell a soul about saving him from drowning
till he died because the black man couldn’t know he was a worst swimmer than
they.

Even Lincoln Logs are racist now. The Chief Play Officer of Hasbro declares, “Lincoln
Logs are racist. We’re naming them Obama Logs now. The Chief Marketing Officer
says, “But Obama grew up under a tent in Kenya, with dreams of building a Super
Mosque over the remains of Ground Zero. Kayne 2024 bitches.” Can I get a holla
for some Challah? Offended yet, then go woke yourself, holla, thank you very
much.

Remember, when we took out the number 2 in charge of ISIS, and the Washington Post called
him a religious scholar. Yeah, and Joy Behar is the Chief Happiness Officer for
Breitbart.

How does killing terrorists ring leaders make it easier for ISIS to recruit again?
As if ISIS would ever honor it’s non-compete agreement with Al Qaeda.

Plus, ISIS aren’t good recruiters in the 1st place. They just target other lonely
virgins who wish their phones blew up.

This is Corey Booker flirting with actress Rosario Dawson. Was it you or Chloe Sevigny
who died of Aids in that movie Kids? Just playing, in the end, that white bitch
didn’t feel so privileged after all.

I’m going to push my daughter into Lesbianism when she gets older. First, she
won’t get HPV, which leads to cervical cancer if left undetected. More
importantly, Lesbians don’t die of Aids because you can take a licking and keep on
ticking.

 

I caught my son playing with his sisters Barbie dolls yesterday. I said,
“Make sure you triple wrap pecker wood with extra thick layers of seaweed,
before you take another deep dive into Polynesian Barbie.”

Banging my GI Joes together well past puberty is way gayer than playing with Barbie dolls,
I think. Especially, when I had Gung Ho manhandle Cobra Commander like his gimpy
bitch in Pulp Fiction.

One year for Hanukkah, my mom got me a book called the 12 Stages of Puberty. It was
a humiliating gift to receive because my younger brother of 3 years had already
hit puberty and banged the 3 hottest girls in his class, who I tried to jerk
off to at the time but couldn’t. I say, “Mom, why would you give a puberty
book in front of my younger brother? He can play with himself whenever he
wants.” Mom says, “But you do that all the time upstairs with your GI
Joe figures.”

Whenever I’m out in public with my 3 kids without my wife, I hear, “You’ve got your
hands full.” And I’ll say, “If my wife agrees to an open marriage with Katy Perry after my book The Great American Jew Novel scores me an agent already. Then, my hands will be full. Thank you.

 

Michael Kornbluth

 

Democracy On The Rocks

What’s restrictive about voter ID again? Will Jews be denied access to voting booths only available in restricted country clubs down south? With less interest in swamp draining than entertaining golden shower parties with Golda Meir. Where even Palestinian Publicists for Hamas are allowed. Being a Palestinian Publicist for Hamas is brain draining work. Every other press release is, Jews are the dirty fighters, not us, and Fuck Billy Joel. We didn’t fire first. Holla, thank you very much.

Taiwan isn’t a country. I’m glad John Cena cleared that up. What I don’t understand is why Universal would cast him in The Fast and Furious? Amy Schumer moves more fluidly on a Pilates Matt, pregnant, with a slimy hack politician in the making. Who will make Chuck Schumer come off as gentile pleasant at the Costco cheese sample station for a change.

Plus, John Cena has less acting range than Jason Mewes or A Rod on Fox Sports pretending to be the Caramel Mocha version of fucking Roy Firestone. J Lo banged the shit of that stripper pole on Super Bowl Sunday, so Ben Affleck would drunk dial her again for old times sake. “Hey J Lo, it’s big ben. Why don’t you ditch A Rod and give us another shot babe? I’ve got some more screenplays in me to direct you in, enchilada buns. All A Rod has left in him is looking like a pussy bitch next to Big Papi on Fox Sports. That is when the balding Ralph Macchio on Steroids isn’t hocking his new line of foundation makeup for metrosexuals on Instagram like he’s pimping for the Guido Illuminati.

Joe Biden wants to preserve the soul of our Democracy less than Hunter wants to give up blow for blow painting.

Empathy is the fuel for Democracy. I didn’t know Dominion voting machines were programmed with empathetic intelligence to correct any voter fraud bugs embedded in their operating systems, my bad.

Empathy is the fuel for Democracy. Tell that to Trump’s Gulfstream on the last leg of the campaign trail Joe. Trump averaged 4 flub free speeches a today in front of thousands and the millions and millions online at home through YouTube. Your campaign rallies outside your basement couldn’t fill out the Little Mermaid’s clam shells.

Michael Kornbluth

Everybody Tuning Out Chris

Chris Rock says the worst thing about the made in Wuhan virus, designed to wipe out large swaths of life, kill off the small business owner and any veneer of fair elections ever happing again, is being a faceless nobody in a mask for a whole year. I thought Chris Rock and Mary J Blige were the only black people who lives in Montclair, New Jersey according to Chris?

Didn’t he get to work on FX when the entire country was shut down and forced to pretend they enjoyed remote learning for their kids? While Jeffrey Toobin at the New Yorker, forced every Zoom meeting forward to start with, “For all you perverted, Jeffrey Toobin degenerates, raise your hands up high, where I can see them.”

Chris Rock missed being noticed. You could’ve looted a Target with no mask on Chris without fearing any career hampering restrictions. But you’re cool with Lebron and company taking a knee for the National Anthem, because guaranteed money in the NBA is so oppressive. Now, cops are Ice Cube’s best friend, since they’ve been unmasked as neutered gimps in the face of peaceful protests, resembling Public Enemy videos come to life. Fuck the police actually takes on a loving Motown feel now, to show how much you appreciate them taking a knee, because they’ll be caught dead wearing Nike sweats till their grave no matter what. I’m positive a looter would’ve taken a time out from snagging more high definition TVs to ask for your autograph Chris, without sweating the tossed salad man on the horizon. Especially since bail was eliminated, proving blue balls for men in blue don’t matter, because it’s impossible to maintain sustained stiffage, when bad guys are being rereleased by the time Deblasio wraps up his 2nd set of 10 pound curls at the Park Slope Y.

If Chris Rock wants his name to pack real heat again, he should befriend the head of BLM who just scored a cushy new TV development holding deal with Warner Brothers. He could host a new reality show for big money like, Lifestyles Of Rich Bitch, BLM Activists, holla, thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth

Voter ID Is Unamerican When

Voter ID is racist? Does Julio have to pass a new height requirement, I don’t know about?

Voter ID disproportionally targets brown Americans.  You’d think stop and frisk was required at the voting booth for illegals to flash more than chromed out teeth.

How is voter ID racist against black Americans again? Sinking 80 percent of their free throws isn’t required.

Voter ID is racist against black guys. What if they’re able to shout out their vote to Alexa instead?

Voter ID is unamerican? How else can you tell MS13 apart?



Voter ID is an assault on our Democracy. No, biochemical warfare used by the Chinese to replace Trump with one of their commie-controlled cronies was an assault on our Democracy, you sellout commie cunts, Amy Barret included.

Amy Barret is Mia Farrow with better husband selection. Because of Amy Barret, we the people, means less than In Fauci We Trust.

And calling Amy Barrett a hands-off Supreme Court Justice is like calling Woody Allen a hands-off parent or choosing the open borders Pope to give a Ted Talk on how to micromanage pedophilia.

Voter ID should never be deemed unamerican, unless you’re ashamed to show proof of your American citizenship now, which is more than understandable since the day Democracy died. Because allowing election fraud to persist is spitting on vet’s graves and kicking Nazi Destroyers in the nuts, again and again.

We must expose the blatant election fraud perpetuated among the American people to ensure old glory shines it’s love light again from sea to shining sea. So the light of Lady Liberty’s eye doesn’t flicker out and die. Happy Memorial Day patriots, USA, USA, USA!

Michael Kornbluth

The Wuhan Mascot From Hell

Kristaps Porzingis got fined 50 grand for violating COVID player restrictions by briefly attending a strip club in LA, the night after Dallas beat the clippers. NBA commissioner Adam Silver proves again how Latvian blue balls don’t matter. I love how Kristaps Porzingis’s publicist emphasized to USA Today how her client only “briefly” attended a strip club after the game. All that proves is how Kristaps Porzingis made it rain in his sweats instead of on stage. Before spending his last Benjamin on his person on a Sombrero from a local Mariachi bandleader outside the strip club, to cover his stain of easily excitable shame, before hailing an Uber back to his hotel at the W.

Kristaps hops out the Uber with a Sombrero over his dick. He get’s bombarded by the crew from Entourage outside his Uber, waiting for an Uber of their own. Turtle says, “KP, huge fan man. Ask Vince, I always told him, my Uni would fly again. E says, “What’s with the Sombrero KP? Based on your size, I assume you got noting to hide. The entire entourage laughs. Vince chimes in. “Hey, KP were going to a party in the hill’s at Drake’s place to replace Michael Jordan’s new tequila brand with AVION from Entourage, for ruining the Jay Z concert at the new Yankee stadium. How do you put Drake on after Eminem, Dr. Dre and Jay Z? Drama adds, That’s more deflating than Turtle trying to keep his dick from slipping out of Kourtney Kardashian in a slink of shame after she banged the Cav’s old starting five when the Cavs PR manager told JR Smith to stop conducting interviews in the locker room on his hoverboard because he was high enough already. Why are you so quiet KP? Kourtney Kardashian, you know OJ’s daughter, the sloppy third Kardashian sister, whose easy to bang at 4 in the morning like a lamb Gyro in Astoria.” Turtle adds, “And for Knicks pride, I’m going to taunt every Jordan licker at this Tequila release party for MJ for never pushing Bulls management to pay Scottie Pippen more than BJ Armstrong’s nanny. By the way, tell Cuban, I say hi.”

KP tosses the Sombrero on to Sunset Strip and says, “Fuck it, let’s go. The strip club is dead anyway.” Drama says, “No shit, you can’t practice social distancing in the Champagne room. Isn’t that right, you long limbed Latvian freak? Next Drama starts to give KP a fist pump but finally notices the enormous wet spot between his legs and says, “Don’t sweat it KP. Next time, don’t wear sweats to Girls, Girls, Girls. You’ll blow out your ACL next time. Do you believe in miracles KP?” KP says, “I do Drama.” So wear rugged Levin jeans to the strip club next time, not those 200 dollar faggy seven jeans that Vinny always wears, no offense little bro. Turtle adds, ” I got faith in you KP, so does the rest of the Knick fan faithful. Shock the world like Ozzy post Black Sabbath after teaming up with Randy Rhodes and prove to Stephen A Smith, Uni will fly high again. For once, Stephen A won’t be able to blame your higher hopping ability on white priveledge as Lebron continues to drive NBA playoff ratings into China like a WUHAN Bat Mascot from hell.”

Michael Kornbluth