Tag: VaccineMandates

Last Licks Lasting

by doitalldadyear, posted in humor, poetry, writing

How do you fuck with your Atheist wife? Be serious about expressing your desire to adopt a kid with Down Syndrome. But they can die at 40 from cancer. Athletes are dying from the clot shot in their twenties now. So, 40 is the new 90 really babe. Plus, your username on the Peloton is Flowers and Babies. Shouldn’t all kids enveloped in our circle of love in our comedy estate home come up roses in your eyes? You work in the NICU checking for vital signs. All I check for is for retweets. You want me to prove I’m not an A Plus Narcissist and break the curse of my family tradition. Then this is it. Huey Lewis and the News live, Challah. Thank you very much. Although leave it to Uncle John, AKA Sir Snort A Lot to contaminate our air of holiness at home, the one time he offers our adopted son with Down Syndrome some blow and says, “You don’t always have to be down kid.” But who’s going to look after him? You still don’t have a job. He’ll help me sell my new gum invention Hop-O-Rama Chew. Who’s going to say no to a kid with Down Syndrome? What, I want to disrupt the job market for young adults with Down Syndrome. Most kids with Down Syndrome are highly creative. Plus, they possess highly developed senses of humor like Phil Rosenthal’s cousin in Somebody Feed Phil or the guy in Something About Mary. And who could resist our adopted kid with Down Syndrome going to door to door in Brooklyn selling Hop flavored gum to overweight Stay At Home hipster dads who identify more with Lena Dunham since she morphed into the Hunchback of Bushwick during Restaurant Week? We can call him Zevon Zappa Kornbluth, which gives him immediate hipster cred after he introduces himself and some immediate breathing room to pitch. I want to out Hipster the shit out of these guys. Door to door sales would do wonders for this kid’s self-esteem. At the same time, nobody is slamming a door on a kid’s face with Down Syndrome, especially if he’s blowing the biggest bubble, you’ve ever seen while holding up tape recorder that plays our pre-recorded radio jingle for Hop-O-Roma Chew. Blow your blues with away some Hop-O-Rama Chew. Our bubbles are easy to blow. Even kids with Down Syndrome can blow big bubbles while chewing on a daily nugget of wisdom wrapped inside each burst of bright-eyed flavor inside.  Hop-O-Rama Swami says, “Beer Bellies give self-love a bad name. And Sarah Palin is better than you. So, add some extra bounce to your step with some Hop-O-Rama Chew.”

“Also, your best friend Sara will feel like a more self-involved narcissist for only having one kid versus our 3 plus one adopted one with Down Syndrome. And our 4th kid being an adopted one with Down Syndrome would really piss my parents off. Just think of what a big deal they made about putting up a pool fence. But I don’t view a kid with Down Syndrome as an eye sore but as angel light and their laughs are the purest. Plus, when a kid with Down Syndrome smiles it could light up a youth hostel in a no-go zone area in Germany with no-WI Fi during the Chinese planted plague made in Wuhan delivered through remote controlled drone bats, next day delivery. Supply Chain problem solved because everyone will be dead. So, what difference does it make? Except that our best of 4 worlds family, that being all 4 kids, because were not family without them, will be able to bask in some angel light before the never-ending shit show goes up in flames. As we sing in a beautiful, truthfully tuneful harmony, “It’s the end of the world, and we know it, and I feel fine. Because Samuel needs a younger brother to look after. And denying him the opportunity to be the biggest hearted big brother ever would really blow more than being denied the chance to see if your mother would terminate her Nazi dog Heidi over a more playtime consideration with her grandchild with Down Syndrome. Will see how God blessed she’ll act in the face of our new kid with Down Syndrome who will do abortion jokes in my honor over Christmas. One kid only means your diaphragm is for walls after all Baba. Plus, how could I ever be sad in the presence of Dad? Funnier dad, happier baby. Thanks Dad. For giving me the confidence to do more than dig ditches for non-biodegradable masks at McDonald’s before the never-ending shit show goes up in flames. Burning Mask Party return, 121 comedy records later, Challah. Thanks for the laughs, Dad, very, very much.

Michael Kornbluth

American Made Prayer

by doitalldadyear, posted in beauty, faith, poetry

Aaron Rodgers, Kyrie Irving and the gluten tennis guy enter the hotel bar at the Pierre just to make Michelle Obama uncomfortable while in town for the U.S Open.

Bartender says, “We don’t serve your kind.”

Gluten Tennis guy says, “I piss Beetroot brighter than you.”

Kyrie Irving says, “Still educating yourself on Hydroxychloroquine for Dummies, merchant of liquid death?”

Aaron Rodgers says, “Even my bud Joe Rogan thinks you smirk too much.”

Bartender says, “Deplorable douchebags, what will you do when Michelle Obama becomes our next President?”

After they’re all done laughing and coughing out lungs without any blood clots in them.

Kyrie Irving says, “Just what America needs, Obama’s, Five O’ Clock Shadow Part 2.”

Never forget the new terrorists that pushed Operation Death Speed on us, that’s ripped the heart out of our American Dream that’s barely hanging on to life support in front of our children’s undimmed eyes, if you’re lucky.

Bury these demonic shitbags and force Hunter to snort up their dusty remains and have LA famed street artist Babo spray paint the pic all over the Smithsonian in D.C. to hang for all eternity. God’s speed, Lord, God’s speed.

Michael Kornbluth

Spirit Of Internet Radio

by doitalldadyear, posted in books, fiction, poetry

What’s racist about Voter ID? Does Julio have to pass a height requirement, I don’t know about yet?

Aren’t white boy’s plagued with white man’s disease, more marginalized in the NBA than their fellow brother man? Who knew that guaranteed money despite zero moves to the left was so oppressive?

And what’s racist about not wanting to wear a mask? Unless John Kerry’s wife demanded the mask mandate be lifted at their Illuminati gang bang retreat in Sun Valley because she considers banging faceless Jew nerds like Good Will Hoodie at Facebook beneath her.

Who wears masks past Halloween, besides serial killers like Leather Face in the Texas Chainsaw Massacre, or Jason past the NHL playoffs? Rob Zombie isn’t wearing one unless he’s attending an open house at Marilyn Manson’s house after making a killing off the Halloween film’s he directed while slicing Wes Craven’s ego into pieces.

And what’s racist about refusing to get vaccinated with an experimental, potentially deadly vaccine, fake news hippie in the tie dye hoodie? I don’t think doctors in the Nazi party who pushed deadly, experimental vaccines on Jewish kids, gays, and cripples with no regrets are no better than physicians today who don’t condemn the FDA wanting authority to give clot shots on little girls, so their wombs become more polluted than Michelle Pfeiffer in Scarface. How can I be racist if I’m against vaccine mandates, especially on kids, if I think doctors of all creeds, who push an experimental, deadly vaccine on kids to avoid catching an itchy esophagus instead, deserve to be hung at the exact same time Fauci is after’s he’s kicked off his booster seat for Fauci Fright Feast Ends directed by Rob Zombie on Pay-Per-View. Plus, you’re the one that said, “Don’t N lip the Philly blunt like you never got your crack pipe addition under control since the Regan years either. Democrats pushed for Jim Crow, founded the Klan and gave us Obama, the most divisive, Jew hating president of all time, so why don’t you shine your war of the hoodies spiel, and jam it up your Rock loving ass, who endorsed Mr. Groper who called Obama “clean” for an African American by the way. The same Rock who’s also guilty of cultural appropriation for exploiting the Rocky brand name 6 movies later, 8 if you’re counting the Creed’s, for all the HGH it’s worth. You’re the racist one for acting above highbrow, historical fiction humor. Or else you’d retweet this a plus gem joke blast to the Rock on Twitter immediately, “Why wasn’t DMX ever accused of cultural appropriation for thuggin up Teddy Rosevelt’s brand of Rough Riders for all it was worth?” But Biden got more votes than Obama Be Good ever did. Yeah, and DMX gave up weed for catnip for Lent, Challah. Yonker’s finest lives, Yonker’s is getting black as shit up here, Challah, thank you very much.”

Spirt of The Internet Radio: Take down anyone who thinks deplorable is anybody who’s glad Jussie Smollett took a shot.

How is masking up our kids in school the right thing to do like my wife on her birthday? Masks are the new condoms, not. I can’t cream in my wife wearing one either, screaming, “Woo, sex is fun again.”

Masks on little girls, don’t scream Woman’s Lib. They cry, “I’m afraid to die. And my parents haven’t even exposed me to Ingmar Bergman films with subtitles about the random, inevitability of heaven free death yet.”

New York City’s only shot of rescinding all vaccine mandates is if Woody Allen comes out as an anti-vaxer on the View. Can you imagine, the most famous neurotic New Yorker of all time, comes out on the View and says, “I’m not an anti-vaxer. I’m just against turning into you Joy.” Whoopie says, “What does that mean Woody?” Woody says, “It means I’ve got a Soon-Yi and won’t die alone after annoying my partner to death like a bat shit crazy cat lady on the Upper West Side like booger face Joy Whoopie? Plus, I’ve been exposed to more deadly threats than COVID? Like waking up next to the head of Seabiscuit after Mia accused me of molesting all the kids on the UNICEF box after her family. Sure, and Joy Behar is going to picked as the new chief happiness officer for Breitbart.”

I interview for an internal recruiter position with Westchester Jewish Community Service in White Plains, NY. Later, a funny thought emerged. It’s hard to recruit candidates in this climate because Florida and Anti-Semitism are so hot right now.

I’m the only Jew I know who takes Adderall before attending synagogue because organized religion makes me feel so disorganized. Normally, I’d lose my place easily during the never-ending prayer service and peak at other congregation member’s prayer books to see what page we’re on like a direction challenged peeping tom.  Now, I just speed reed at my own pace on Adderall in Synagogue to feel like a more focused Billie Madison in Back to Hebrew School. Who’s more at one with pleasing God by making an effort to focus on his holy presence within his transcribed book to Moses more so than being in tune with the ebbs and flows of hyper organized Jews who can sing these, intended sung, sung prayers without the aid of congregational sing along assistance or use of Karaoke machines to drive greater engagement during Shul singles mixers for Neil Diamond appreciation night.

Nowadays, The Guitar Center should be right of center instead of left. Instead, all their guitar technicians and sales personal wear masks like Buckethead without the career gimmick excuse to hide from in the process. How does the Store Manager for The Guitar Store in Danbury, CT consider himself a rock and roll deviant of any kind by forcing his employees to wear masks at work? What’s his justification exactly? Joni Mitchell got my back, so I don’t have to strangle myself with her haggard hippie shawls from the Capital Records Building while screaming, “Free Falling Mom.” The wildflower crooner from Gainesville lives, Traveling Wilburys forevermore, 2 out of 5 left ain’t bad, Meatloaf shines on to, Challah, thank you very much.

Not everyone at The Guitar Center sucks. The guitar tech on staff laughed when I said, “Becoming in tune with what clear tonalities sound like throughout the neck of my guitar is still a work in motion like trying to get a grip on jerking off with my left for vigorous 15-minute stretches at time, which feels less natural than Neil Young singing about opening the Keystone Pipeline again during Farm Aid because he’s another cheap rocker who prefers cheap gas over demonizing fracking on Twitter, knowing all the Mountain Dew consumption down south will offset all those deplorable low birth rates in no time. At the same time, fuck Spotify and Lisa Simpson. Imagine Trump debating Lisa Simpson through Zoom on the Joe Rogan podcast before it gets killed off permanently. Trump says, “Fracking actually reduces our Co2 emissions Lisa. Lisa Simpson shrieks like Daryl Hannah after Neil Young bruises an avocado from throwing it at the TV after Fox News shows a protest sign from the vaccine mandate trucker protest in Ottawa that says, “COVID Damage Done”, before replying to The Donald in dejected disgust, “”So, Neil Young is full of shit now to?” Trump says, “Neil Young doesn’t take showers to reduce his carbon footprint, so that much you share in common babe.” But say hello to Greta Thunberg for me Lisa. Feel free to tell her I don’t sweat global warming because Al Gore’s film career has cooled considerably. Plus, this winter in Palm Beach is colder than Harvey Weinstein’s casting couch at the Four Seasons. Last, I don’t see your messiah Obama Be Good sweating rising water levels at his beachfront estate in Hawaii or in Martha’s Vineyard unless Jimmy Kimmel filled up his bong with extra Smart Water, which add extra bounce to your step, making you feel like Jennifer Aniston on the rebound, but hey, that’s what friends are for. Especially for Obama Be Good Joe, because if Obama is such baller, then why would he ride the bench at an all-Asian private school in Hawaii? In case you’re wondering Lisa, the debate is over like whether Obama run Netflix would ever do a remake of the Bush Dynasty to make Nazi war profiteering great again.   The librarian wife isn’t a fan of me Joe. At least, Hillary took a risk to get rich or die trying bitch. And who saw Ellen coming out as friend of W? Joe says, “Ellen is friends with W?” Trump says, “Joe, I know you smoke a ton of dope, but how do you blank on the image of Ellen palling around in the VIP seats with W at a Cowboys game? You live in Texas now for Christ’s sake. Let me make your standup comedy act a thing of beauty for a change. Ellen’s friends with W, she even admitted it on her show to prove what a non-divisive comedian she is because Ellen is pro Bush all the way.  But what do they do together for fun Joe? Invite Michelle Obama to play a game of Operation, Gender Reassignment edition, if W isn’t too busy inspiring his art apprentice Hunter Biden, the Queen calls him Sir Snort A Lot, with painting more water colors of maimed vets bleeding red and white and blue that he gave PTSD to, since Collin Powell shilled for the war machine, like Kareem Abdul Jabbar does for Big Pharma by pushing vaccine mandates on NBA players like his Pharma mutual fund at Prudential was riding on it. Joe interrupts, “But aren’t you being a fence sitting cunt Donald, by espousing individual choice while pushing booster shots on stage with Bill Oreilly, despite your Operation Warp speed approved vaccine working less than Donald Westbrook running the Triangle Offense? Plus, Dr. Malone, an infectious disease expert, claims kids don’t have to sweat COVID like a pool party invite to Tony Podesta’s house, which has enough pedo installation artwork on the walls to make Marilyn Manson blush. More importantly, if you follow the science or read independent research done by our own military doctors, it’s been proven how these COVID vaccines are responsible for causing enlarged hearts, higher fertility rates, even increased cancer rates, that’s causing young athletes in their prime to collapse and die of heart attacks on the field. If ESPN wasn’t just a safe space for Lebron James’s ego, they’d be reporting on these soccer players being dropped faster than Obama on Broadway after Bruce invites him on stage to Dancing In The Dark. Granted, American’s don’t watch soccer, and Fox News cares less about dead Europeans than OJ’s golf handicap, so how else would Americans know? Have you even contemplated condemning all the doctors pushing these dangerous clot shots on kids Donald, or in some cases, mandating them to attend school like they do in California, when the survival rate for COVID is 99.8 percent? Or are you afraid to be associated with vaccines you put a spit shine on ad nauseum because you prefer to have Dr. Gnocchi be associated with playing fake news God by forcing us to sacrifice our children’s lives to prove our undying love of tyrant Nazis doctors in bed with the FDA and the CCP, Sucking?” Alex Jones lives, Challah. Thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth