Year Without Beer

Year without beer is off to a strong start. Contemplated drinking cider during Passover, but then I resisted the urge knowing I’m still allowed by Jewish law to drink semi-affordable Pinot from the Central Coast in California without giving in to the need of being a fruitier lush about it.

My son made me a paper airplane that looked like a Boeing 757, which included a flying banner on the back, attached with Scotch tape that said, “Happy Birthday”, on it. Lesson learned here is never underestimate the power of Jewish guilt, after I insisted, he’d make me a more creatively jacked birthday card than what he gave my father in Arizona over Spring Break, which was in the shape of Tennis Racket, which wasn’t chopped liver light either.

Daughter made me a birthday card with a Bevery Goldberg inspired bedazzled chain on it, only for the card to open like a fancy fanned out envelope with a hand drawn pic of a scrumptious, ultra-pink cupcake inside with a message inside that read, “Your sweeter than this.” So, I can’t be too bitter about my younger brother refusing to acknowledge my birthday again, knowing my own mother over Spring Break prior, insisted, I don’t make a “big deal” out of my birthday.” Because I’m the sloppy second son for a reason, Challah. Thank you very much.

The most annoying thing before my birthday outside of my mom essentially saying, don’t expect your dad to sing you happy birthday over the phone with me with any semblance of big deal love is here to stay feeling, regardless of you making it as a writer comedian or not. Was an old college bud texting me a Happy Easter shout out followed by an Easter bunny emoji/Happy Passover Michael and family. Did he confuse me for an atheist cunt Jew, who has less use for upholding Jewish tradition than decorating his home with Gnomes for Christmas, who look like Santa’s cut off trust fund babies living off Social Security? I don’t get it. Oh yeah, even Atheist cunts who still watch CNN have less respect for Jewish pride than election integrity laws requiring photo ID.

Year without beer so far has been far merrier than you’d think, cheers! But Atheist cunts who act insincere peppy about the resurrection of Jesus Christ can go woke themselves long time. Challah, thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth