We Didn’t Start The Fire Billy

 

Vice President Mike Pence talking shit about Obama’s trade record during a campaign trip at a glass manufacturing company in Pennsylvania. VP Mike Pence says, “Obama presided over the most expansive outsourcing of manufacturing jobs in US history. He made W look like a serial slacker, with his feet hoisted high on the Oval Office Desk, kicking it, sipping more Coconut Water, without sweating your ability to put more God blessed pot roast on the table. Not even Billy Joel cared enough about your lost jobs during the Obama outsourcing era, to mine another gold record out of your easily avoidable misery for Christ sake. Sorry Lord, even Ned Flanders loses his cool from time to time. Billy says he’s not a big fan of President Trump, but Billy Joel’s Greatest Hits was lullaby music for 80’s Republicans. Plus, there weren’t just bused in new age Neo Nazi’s from Central Casting in Charlottesville that day but also peaceful protesters protesting the taking down of a statue of Robert E Lee, in addition to agitators from ANTIFA, who aren’t very fine people, in the mythical made up sense or not. Last, how does a member of ANTIFA respect thy mother on Mother’s Day exactly? Take out the trash and move out of her house for good? I thought New Yorkers like Billy Joel had stronger bull-crap detection abilities than this. Or is Billy from Yenta Breath Country in Long Island? And to quote the wise, God loving, Robert E. Lee, “There are few, I believe, in this enlightened age, who will not acknowledge that slavery as an institution is a moral and political evil.” So why don’t you be good American Billy and shine those lights on Broadway on how Fake News has become the moral and political evil of its day? Call yourself an Uber home, because I’m assuming your license is suspended, despite New York State giving them away for free to Illegal Aliens so the radical left can try to steal another election and make Michelle proud her of her country again, God forbid. Sorry again Lord, the Fakes News Media makes it hard to turn the other cheek. In honor of the great Kid Rock, can I get an Amen? I say, Amen.

Michael Kornbluth

We Didn’t Start The Fire Billy

Vice President Mike Pence talking shit about Obama’s trade record during a campaign trip at a glass manufacturing company in Pennsylvania. VP Mike Pence says, “Obama presided over the most expansive outsourcing of manufacturing jobs in US history. He made W look like a serial slacker, with his feet hoisted high on the Oval Office Desk, kicking it, sipping more Coconut Water, without sweating your ability to put more God blessed pot roast on the table. Not even Billy Joel cared enough about your lost jobs during the Obama outsourcing era, to mine another gold record out of your easily avoidable misery for Christ sake. Sorry Lord, even Ned Flanders loses his cool from time to time. Billy says he’s not a big fan of President Trump, but Billy Joel’s Greatest Hits was lullaby music for 80’s Republicans. Plus, there weren’t just bused in new age Neo Nazi’s from Central Casting in Charlottesville that day but also peaceful protesters protesting the taking down of a statue of Robert E Lee, in addition to agitators from ANTIFA, who aren’t very fine people, in the mythical made up sense or not. Last, how does a member of ANTIFA respect thy mother on Mother’s Day exactly? Take out the trash and move out of her house for good? I thought New Yorkers like Billy Joel had stronger bull-crap detection abilities than this. Or is Billy from Yenta Breath Country in Long Island? And to quote the wise, God loving, Robert E. Lee, “There are few, I believe, in this enlightened age, who will not acknowledge that slavery as an institution is a moral and political evil.” So why don’t you be good American Billy and shine those lights on Broadway on how Fake News has become the moral and political evil of its day? Call yourself an Uber home, because I’m assuming your license is suspended, despite New York State giving them away for free to Illegal Aliens so the radical left can try to steal another election and make Michelle proud her of her country again, God forbid. Sorry again Lord, the Fakes News Media makes it hard to turn the other cheek. In honor of the great Kid Rock, can I get an Amen? I say, Amen.

Michael Kornbluth

Rock and Roll Ain’t Shit Without AC/DC

Rock and Roll ain’t shit without AC/DC and unlike Chuck Berry, legendary howling front man legends Bon Scott and the best picker upper follower up all time and it’s not even close, Brian Johnson, no offense Sammy Hagar, never put a camera in the girl’s room, to spy on new pubescent trim to break in at their restaurant to get a big Kansas City T Bone Special of her own. AC/DC is also Rick Rubin’s favorite band, and he’s the less cagier, earthier, hip hop hipper machine pop culture tectonic shifter shaper equivalent of Phil Spector minus the amazing made for HBO movie about the Ronettes loving, teenager in love soundtrack penning producer legend, gold record shitting Phil Spector, who for some reason decided to chuck it all for a C- bit never was actress, whose big break screen credit was playing the Amazon on The Moon extra 5000. I digress, but Brian Johnson the rip roaring shredding leader singer of AC/DC on Back In Black can no longer perform live because all of his pitch perfect, cannon ball powered shriek blasting for God knows how long has made him borderline deaf. Now all he hears God willing, is Hells Bells.

Michael Kornbluth

 

Dr. Seuss Is Tony Robins For Kids

Dr. Seuss wasn’t racist. He’s guilty of peaking early.  But now Dr. Seuss is considered racist since an uppity, NPR devotee librarian from Boston returned  a bunch of Dr. Seuss books donated by the 1st lady, despite JFK being the one who told Frank to disinvite Sammy Davis to his inauguration ball. Plus, Trump passed prison reform, which affects mostly men of color and breaks bread with Jim Brown, whose spent the majority of his post playing career reforming gang banger browns.

The resistor librarian claims Dr. Seuss’s illustrations are steeped in harmful stereotypes. Well, like the Lorax, I speak for the trees, when I tell her to stick with scanning books for a living  because this bitter cat lady is full of ca ca and smells like peepee.

Dr. Seuss drew a picture a topless African in a grass shirt, whoopty-freakin-do. I didn’t know Fubu was in fashion yet. But Dr. Seuss has to be racist. Only 2 percent of the characters in Dr. Seuss books were people of color. What about red, blue fish, gefilte fish? Why not complain about all the greedy, stubby, hooked nosed, Goblin Bankers in Harry Potter? You’d think Mel Gibson was the set designer on the flick.

Last, Dr. Seuss was the Tony Robins for kids, inspiring millions of kids to believe in their dreams even if they felt like their hopes were falling apart at the seams.  Dr. Seuss was right, there is fun to be done and and games to win, success is for the taking, just stop playing the victim and chuck your tablet into the trash bin.

Michael Kornbluth

 

The Sweaty Sex Period

All of my 3 kids are sweet around each most of the time, because they’re all beneficiaries of attachment parenting, which is turning your bed into a 24/7 open milk bar for the foreseeable future. Which isn’t the biggest deal in the world, knowing my sweaty sex period with my girlfriend now wife, only lasted one month max anyway. When our bang, bang bed actually bounced off the ground, defying all laws of gravity, considering my perpetual poundage of her snugger snatch of yesteryear.

 

Michael Kornbluth