Do It All Dad Does Cuomo

Cuomo on charges of sexual harassment. They’re all made up like all the gangbanger homicides in the Bronx this year being chalked up to COVID.

Cuomo writing a book on leadership is like Hitler writing a book on anger management, Woody Allen writing a book on hands off parenting and Durant writing a book on how to block out cyberbullying.

Democrats who are pushing for new mask mandates and lockdowns again are no better than my 4 year old kid crying during the opening credits of Superman 2 because his big sister dared to breath the theme music out loud with out a mask on to drown out the precious, atmospheric setting soundtrack for him. I yell at my son, “Samuel, stop being a Democratic douchebag, you got the film you wanted to watch. Still, you act like it’s enough. So you try to make everyone else miserable like Democrats who stole the election from Trump intent on muzzling up and persecuting all Trump supporters for bitching about it vocally otherwise.

At the pizzeria and order a last minute white slice for my wife. Pizzeria owner says in a joking straight faced fashion, “Why a white slice?” I say, “Because I identify with Larry Bird because I’m whiter than White Man’s Disease.” Holla, thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth

Semi Hard Inhaling Eyes

My new favorite pastime is grossing out random woman outside the grocery store with a look that screams, “I’d throw you some semi erect interest dick for a bit. Before they recoil at my extreme arrogance for thinking they want any part in banging big headed gay dudes.

Michael Kornbluth

The COVID Joke Truth Serum

Kamala Harris is less popular than pantyhose on casual Zoom calls.

The COVID vaccine is so useless, not even George Steinbrenner would give Steve Howe’s degenerate younger brother back in the day another shot at big leagues pay.

The COVID vaccine is more useless than trying to snuggle your wife back into her good graces again.

The COVID vaccine has less magnetic power than the Elephant Man show room at Michael Jackson’s house.

The COVID vaccine is desperate for love like a stay home dad around his bi-annual visiting parents.

The COVID vaccine has an urgency problem. Unvaccinated people are in a greater rush to fly Spirit Airlines to Cancun.

The COVID vaccine offers zero ROI, besides fleeting self-satisfied smugness before you learn, it’s keeps COVID away less than wearing a mask at Obama’s 60th birthday.

The COVID vaccine is a bigger bust than Lebron on the Lakers without Uni Brow Davis to bail out the King of Taco Tuesdays at the Staples Center again.

The COVID vaccine offers less box office appeal for our Chinese master overlords than Shia Labeouf.

Big Brother is more into COVID control, than keeping you comfy and warm.

The COVID vaccine is like Courtney Love. You can’t trust that bitch’s integrity either, despite the album Live Through This being Billy Corgan’s finest work pre Mellon Collie Sadness.

Michael Kornbluth

Lifeguards Triggering

Biden has ruined lifeguards for me. Add going out to Ice Cream with my kids without thinking of him crapping in his nappy mask again because Jill won’t let him wear her pantyhose around his face instead because she hasn’t owned any since Ann Taylor rung the bell at the NY Stock Exchange in the summer of 89.

Mr. Groper has also ruined reading alt right branded website articles about Americans trusting the media less than the integrity in our Supreme Court since they let Democracy die under their BLM bust and move watch.

Refusing to judge on Election Fraud, the Supreme Court has helped ANTIFA light up the record books for doing nothing to stop them extending the longest pyromania stretch into adulthood ever recorded, post ISIS and the Crusades.

But seriously, Biden has made it impossible for me to even try to warm up to another dopy, smug, yet blank brained lifeguard ever again. Who’s whiter than James Corden after Brian May jams a carrot up his ass for Karaoke Carpool for Bottom Girls love to be pegged by anything sharp and pointy, veggies included or else you can’t have your pudding, you tubby, slovenly sell out establishment bitch.

Michael Kornbluth

Lifeguards Triggering

Biden has ruined lifeguards for me. Add going out to Ice Cream with my kids without thinking of him crapping in his nappy mask again because Jill won’t let him wear her pantyhose around his face instead because she hasn’t owned any since Ann Taylor rung the bell at the NY Stock Exchange in the summer of 89.

Mr. Groper has also ruined reading alt right branded website articles about Americans trusting the media less than the integrity in our Supreme Court since they let Democracy die under their BLM bust and move watch.

Refusing to judge on Election Fraud, the Supreme Court has helped ANTIFA light up the record books for doing nothing to stop them extending the longest pyromania stretch into adulthood ever recorded, post ISIS and the Crusades.

But seriously, Biden has made it impossible for me to even try to warm up to another dopy, smug, yet blank brained lifeguard ever again. Who’s whiter than James Corden after Brian May jams a carrot up his ass for Karaoke Carpool for Bottom Girls love to be pegged by anything sharp and pointy, veggies included or else you can’t have your pudding, you tubby, slovenly sell out establishment bitch.

Michael Kornbluth

Go Fuck Yourself To

New TV pilot concept to develop into a fully developed, plotted out, punched up pilot episode for Scriptapalooza by October 11th.

Maternal Waves: A single dad and father of 3 auditions various tranny nannies as a form of research for his new book Maternal Waves. A modern day novel that examines the driving force behind maternal waves among all sexes, ages and creeds while trying to isolate the type who never experiences that wave of emotion at all.

Every debut rap album is, you might not live till tomorrow. There’s envy at the top. I spit bullet rhymes like a sniper MC. Better vest up cop. And don’t be lazing. I ain’t some fat, washed up ho like Lauryn Hill who you can easily arrest for tax evasion. Everyone knows Lauryn Hill was the weakest link in the Fugees like low grade kine. Today, only Wyclef is the pimping baller MC Hef left from the Fugees on everyone’s mind. Can I get a holla for killing loudly, long time, all the time, challah? Thank you very much.

It’s hard not to think Female hairdressers flirt with me through my sons all the time. Whenever I hear lines like, “I didn’t know you had 3 kids. Your seed stock just went sky high in my eyes. And your other son is gorgeous to. Is your tile on LinkedIn Stud Farm Feeder or what? I say, “Let’s not ignore my daughter Matilda over here to, my funnier, far prettier twin, whose DNA is all over her face.”



Best home team ever advice: Daughter says, “Daddy, next time mama pisses you off, pretend your Ned Flanders from the Simpsons. At home wife says, “Why would you use the broom when you can use the vacuum? I say to myself, “Bite your lip if you ever want to cum on your wife and give her another urinary track infection again. Jesus forgives fake news feminists to.”



Signs Double IPA’s from Vermont and balling don’t mix. I never missed this badly ever, let alone 3 times in a row. It was a worse look than Lebron sneaking his own line of tequila into the Suns, Bucks game, with a mask dangling down from his chin. So he could look smart like a fake news plastic surgeon in attendance.

I hate all guitar instructors already after only one lesson. First, my holding technique is derided as weird. I thought guitar instructors took up the guitar because they could never get laid on the strength of their personality alone. But I’m the weirdo for trying to wrap by ET size fingers around a guitar neck while doing my best not to cup the guitar with my left hand which is like trying to jerk off with my left hand for a slower, sack emptying pace.

To make matters worse, my guitar instructor attempts to tune my guitar on my beautiful, blue sky Fender fly Stratocaster that was playing like a Siamese Dream prior, conjuring images of my son’s endlessly beautiful oceanic eyes, before popping not one but 2 of my guitar strings in the process. He was performing a vasectomy on my guitar without my permission, which made my balls feel like Edward Scissorhands face. I go back to the Guitar store and demand, “First, I want you to restring my guitar. Now it sounds like hollowed out version of Michael Lohan after Lindsey Lohan cut off her dad from her joint Amex card account. Second, I want to be comped for the string cheese incident bust my 1st guitar lesson was. Third, I want a new instructor whose not going to spend half the time of my 30 minute guitar lesson ripping the hymen out of my heart by desecrating my ax with his terrorizing, trigger happy fingers again, kapeesh?



Son asks, “Why don’t you want to see the new Space Jam movie daddy?” I say, “Because Lebron’s too much of a poser showoff chicken shit to ever compete in a dunk contest during all star weekend, which makes him a fake news jam hero in my book.





This is my daughter knowing me better than my wife. She says, “Daddy, do you like this Barbie better? She’s the mommy.



Last night, I thought I was snuggling with my wife for 2 minutes max, but it turned out to be my 9 year old daughter. It’s good thing I was wearing shorts and wasn’t getting aroused by my wife’s dressed down nightie prior.

Drop the wife off at work this morning. She says, “60 days free of alcohol feels great.” I said, “You don’t have to look after our 3 kids for a whole Sunday with sporadic thunderstorm forecasts throughout for a 12 hour stretch. I’d walk with an extra spring to my step to like Jennifer Aniston on the rebound to.

Bill Burr wants both sides to stop yelling at each other. We didn’t start the fire Bill. Wannabe punisher vigilantes in hoodies for ANTIFA and Thugs Lives Matter Most did, genius.

After we leave the kids salon, my son asks, “Daddy, why do we tip”” I say, “To let someone know you appreciate a job well done, resulting in spewing glee like at end of a lap dance from any busty vixen in a Russ Meyer movie.” Faster Pussycat Kills lives. Can I get a holla for some noshtastic Challah? Thank you very much.

Michael Kornbluth